NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: Here's my yearly holiday contribution. In this one, Jay (Christian) and my OC Anna are married with a son and two daughters; Dania (11, and BTW, her name is pronounced DON-ya), Jakeob (8) and Martina (5). Adam and Jeff are here with their daughter, Natasha. It's Christmas morning, and the gift exchange is underway.
DISCLAIMERS: Not mine (except for Anna and the kids). The Bundys appear courtesy of Married With Children. Bud and Kelly's kids and Kelly's husband appear courtesy of the late, great George Carlin. Story is inspired by the song of the same name by the Bob Rivers Comedy Troupe.
Didn't I Get This Last Year?
By Debwood-1999
Anna squealed as she opened the little velvet box containing a diamond and white gold journey pendant. "Jay! I love it! It's beautiful! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthan kyou!"
"I knew you'd love it," Jay grinned before his wife threw her arms around him and nearly knocked him over. "Ooof! Careful!"
"Sorry, Babe." Anna blushed. "Help me put this on please?"
"Of course." Jay carefully draped the necklace around his wife's neck and secured it. The diamonds twinkled brightly, earning a few ooh's and aah's from their kids and their houseguests.
It was Christmas morning at the Reso house, and the celebration was in full swing. The place was decked out in bright holiday decorations (LED lights, cute ornaments on the tree, wall to wall Christmas cards and an inflatable Santa in an RV in the front yard). Christmas cookies and snacks were set out in easy to reach locations. A Christmas feast was in the kitchen, ready to be prepared (all Anna needed was an hour—if Rachael Ray could put together Christmas dinner in an hour, well dammit, so could she!). Funny Christmas songs played off of an iPod connected to speakers provided festive background noise. It was the perfect scene of holiday merriment and togetherness.
And to top it off, it was now time for the annual gift exchange. According to tradition, the youngest in the family had the honor of handing out the gifts, so Jakeob, Martina, and Natasha fluttered around like blonde snowflakes in cozy jammies, handing out brightly wrapped packages and handing the bows to the cats, who were having a field day playing with them. Dania, the oldest (who was just as blonde as her younger siblings), was seated next to her Uncle Adam, showing him how to work his new Kindle Fire.
Martina picked up a wrapped package and set it in front of her brother. "That's to you from Aunt Louise."
Jakeob plopped down on the floor next to his parents and peeled the wrapping paper off the package. He could tell right away what it was by the shape of the box. "Didn't I get this last year from Aunt Louise?" he frowned. "Same thing every year. Some socks and some tiny BVDs that I can't get up past my knees. Can I return them please?"
Jay gazed over his son's shoulder. "There's a gift receipt," he pointed out. "Day after tomorrow, we'll take these back and get you something really nice."
Jakeob grinned as his dad affectionately ruffled his hair. The thought of trading this gift in for a DVD or a new set for his Lego City kit made the day a little better. "Cool. Thanks, Dad," he said, happily scooting back to the tree.
"Let's hope she didn't get those on Clearance," Jay muttered, under his breath, as Natasha crawled over with a package labeled, To: Uncle Jay, From: Natasha.
"Open this one first, Uncle Jay!" she squeaked as she dropped the package into her uncle's lap.
Carefully, Jay opened the package, making sure to toss the bow to the passel of cats who looked like they were having a little more fun than their owners. "Oh, thanks, Tasha," he grinned, as the little girl scampered away to play with her new dolls.
Once his niece was out of earshot, Jay turned to his wife. "Didn't I get this last year?"
Anna fixed her husband with a stern look. "Try to act surprised, Babe," she said.
"But I got this last year. A tie that's about as wide as that throw rug on the floor."
"Aww, it's not that big, Jay."
"I know, but look at this pattern, Babe. It's way out of style." Natasha was too busy playing with her Disney Princess doll set (a gift from Santa Claus) and cuddling the soft-bodied Sleeping Beauty doll to notice the complaining.
Sighing, Jay stretched and climbed off the couch. "I'm gonna get more coffee. You guys want anything?" After a few polite replies in the negative, Jay made a graceful retreat to the kitchen.
Martina peered over at her cousin, who looked happy and content as she played with her new dolls. "Can I play with Rapunzel?"
Anna fixed her youngest with a firm gaze. "What's the magic word, Marti?"
"Please?"
Natasha nodded and handed her cousin the Rapunzel doll. "Okay. Just don't lose any parts." Martina grinned and picked up the doll and a comb.
"Jeff," Anna wondered. "Was that really a legitimate gift for Jay. I doubt very seriously that Jay's gonna wear that tie."
"It's just a gag gift," Jeff reassured her.
"Tasha knows Jay would never wear something that hideous," Adam pointed out. He frowned at the screen of his new e-reader. "Dania, how do I know that the book downloaded?"
The eldest Reso kid sighed and gave her mom a beleaguered look before turning back to her technologically inept uncle. Anna nodded in understanding. Dania was a techno-geek like both of her parents; consequently, she was usually the one who was asked to fix anything remotely computerized. Unfortunately, like her parents, she also had little patience and had to work hard to keep her frustration in check.
Natasha glanced up from her new dolls and smirked. "We got a tie that was so ugly, we knew he'd never wear it."
"The three of us got Jay an iPad," Jeff explained.
Dania's eyes lit up at the mention of the gift. "An iPad-"
"SHHHH! You don't wanna spoil the surprise."
"Sorry."
"He's going to flip," Anna smiled. "And no, Dania. You cannot play with it."
"Aww, but Mom-"
"No." Dania's mom was adamant. "Just because we're gonna have an iPad in the house doesn't mean you have permission to play with it. You have to ask your dad first." A pause. "Besides, you have your own Kindle Fire from last year, and it's a perfectly good piece of electronics."
Dania nodded in mild disappointment and turned back to her technologically inept uncle. "See, there's the Device tab. You tap it, and there's your book..."
Jay returned with his coffee, and the adults sat and chatted a while as the younger kids passed around and opened up more gifts. Jakeob's disappointment over the underwear gift was made up for by the Lego City truck kit that Santa Claus brought him. Martina got her own set of Disney Princess dolls, and Dania got a new iPod Nano and a gift card to the iTunes store.
Of course, Jay was over the moon after unwrapping the iPad (luckily, he didn't need any help turning it on, and he was gracious enough to let everyone have a turn with it, even his technology-challenged surrogate brother, with help from his eldest).
After the gifts were unwrapped and the trash swept up (even the bows the cats were playing with), Anna put her hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Dania, can you get that gift bag from the hall closet and our coats. We're gonna visit Peg and Al across the street."
"Sure!" Dania hopped off the couch and headed for the closet where the coats were kept, along with a gift bag containing a soup and bread set (courtesy of Walmart).
Was she imagining things or did Anna see a look of relief in her older daughter's eyes? She wouldn't have been surprised if she did; after spending most of the morning trying to tutor someone so inept on the finer points of using an e-reader, Anna would have been relieved to go anyplace.
After she and her daughter were bundled up and out the door, Adam stretched out on the loveseat next to his husband. "How many carats were in that necklace you gave your wife?"
"Half a carat," Jay said. "I was gonna get her a pendant with blue zircon to match her eyes, but I couldn't find one. I figured diamonds would match her outfits better."
"Practical," Adam nodded, gazing down at Natasha and her cousin, who played quietly with their new dolls, and at his nephew, who was engrossed with his new Lego set.
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Blizzard Blue, right?"
"You remember the pickup line." Jay smirked, as Jeff and Adam chuckled in amusement. It was at a WWE Christmas party that Jay met the woman who would become his wife. Jay had just started out in the company, and Anna was tagging along with the Hardys, who considered her their surrogate kid sister. Jay had been smitten with her the moment he lay eyes on her, and it was at the catering table where he delivered the pickup line that started it all: "Do you remember playing with Crayola Crayons when you were a kid? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...they're Blizzard Blue."
Anna had been flattered, and she and Jay married a year and a half later. Twelve years and three kids later, they were still as much in love as they were when they first got together.
After some more cordial chat (and Jay tinkering with Adam's new Kindle), Anna and Dania returned to the house. "Thanks, Peg!" Anna called out from the front porch. "Merry Christmas, and tell Al hi for us." Mother and daughter hung up their coats, and Dania set a box of cookies and a garish-looking gift bag down on the coffee table. "Look what Mrs. Bundy made us."
"Store bought cookies again?" Jay cocked an eyebrow.
"Not this time." Dania grinned and grabbed a handful to give to the other kids.
"Homemade spumoni cookies," Anna explained, taking her place on the couch next to her husband. "Chocolate chip with dried cranberries and pistachios. They're actually really good."
"Dammit, they are!" Jeff exclaimed, sampling one.
Adam smacked his significant other on the arm. "Language!" He paused. "So what's up with the Bundys?"
"Bud's son, Todd, is in the seventh grade now, and he's in the cheese club."
"Cheese club? Don't you mean chess club?"
"No, cheese club. He and a bunch of other kids visited a nursing home and handed out cheese baskets to the residents. Anyway, Kelly's daughter, Giselle, is five, and already she's had nine periods. She and Dart are taking her to an endocrinologist next week. Johann is eleven now, and he pretty much sits around the house hallucinating all the time when he's not in school. He's getting a full psychiatric evaluation at the beginning of the year."
"Can't believe that."
"Can't believe what? That the kids are needing medical care?"
"No. That Kelly Bundy is actually MARRIED." Adam was genuinely shocked. 'I guess she finally got lucky when she walked into the locker room naked wearing a sign around her neck that read, S-O-P-E."
"Oh, behave!" Jay fired back. "Dart's a successful toy salesman. Kelly actually married up."
"And that name? D'artagnan?" Jeff couldn't help but chuckle. He thought his middle name was odd enough. "What were his parents smoking when they picked out that name?"
Dania pulled something out of the obnoxious gift bag. "Hey, look what they gave us."
Jay frowned. "A plant, in a moldy mayonnaise jar. They must have dug one up from their yard."
Anna smacked her husband on the arm. "Oh, be nice! At least Peg and Al are considerate enough to think of us. Dania, would you be a dear and set that in the kitchen? And there's a red envelope on the counter next to the microwave. Can you bring that out here?"
"Sure." Dania couldn't stop the grin that tweaked across her lips. She knew what was in the envelope, and so did her siblings.
Setting the plant on the windowsill above the sink (she and her mom would put it into a proper pot and take care of it until it was healthy enough to be planted out back to join the rest of Peg and Al's Christmas gifts), she reached for the envelope and almost skipped out of the kitchen.
"Dad?" she announced, as she returned to the living room. "I think this is for you."
The kids on the floor squeaked in joy and rushed to sit by their dad, their new toys momentarily forgotten. "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Jay!" they all squeaked. "Open it! Open it!"
Jay took the envelope from his older daughter's outstretched hand. "Didn't I get this last year, Guys?" he asked, a twinkle in his eye. "You know what, though? If I got this last year, it's okay. Because this is exactly what I want, just as much as last year."
A smile creased Jay's lips as he opened the envelope and pulled out its contents. "Surprise, surprise, a gift card for Five Guys Burgers." He motioned for the kids and his wife to scoot a little closer, and then moved in for a group hug. His voice sounded genuinely happy. "That was really thoughtful, you guys. Thank you."
"Merry Christmas, Daddy."
"Merry Christmas, Uncle Jay."
"Merry Christmas to you guys too."
Adam and Jeff were grinning, and both of them gave Jay an exaggerated Awwwww! Anna threw her house guests a look that could peel paint.
"Sorry," Jeff offered, in way of apology. "We couldn't resist. Merry Christmas, you guys."
"Behave! Or you get no dinner. Speaking of which..." Anna removed herself from the group hug and climbed to her feet. "It's time to get dinner started. And by being obnoxious, you and Adam have volunteered to help me cook. Let's get cracking. I have a beef tenderloin in the fridge that won't cook itself..."
THE END
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I guess the moral of the story is this—if you're going to give someone the same gift each year, make it a gift that means something, and that the recipient can use and appreciate. I give my stepmom Primo perfume (Giorgio knockoff from Parfums De Coeur) each year, and I know she always appreciates it.
The dolls mentioned in the story are from the Disney Princess Special Princess Day set. The Sleeping Beauty one is a cuddly, soft-bodied doll that you can sleep with at night. I like the idea of Adam and Jeff's little girl and Jay and Anna's youngest being all ga-ga over Disney Princess stuff. And Dania's like me at that age, gifted and talented and technically adept.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa...whatever you celebrate this time of year, I hope it's full of plenty of cheer and good memories!
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