Natsume thought Touko-san was worrying even more than normal as he packed for his weekend getaway with Natori Shuuichi.
He didn't understand why she was putting up such a fuss. She and Shigure-san had let him go on overnight trips with friends before. There was the time she had scolded him for not telling her where he was, but he had felt genuinely bad for that. He didn't like to make either her or Shigure-san worry.
"Natori-san is a famous actor, isn't he?" she asked. Evidently, she had just discovered this.
"I think so," he replied.
For some reason, he felt himself blushing. He folded another shirt and stuffed it carefully into his bag, even though he knew Nyanko-sensei would wrinkle it beyond repair later.
"I won't go if you don't want me to," he said.
Immediately, he felt embarrassed. Why am I acting like a spoiled teenager? He was enough of a burden to this family as it was.
"Ah, no," she said uncertainly. "I want you to go. But please call me if anything ... happens."
He nodded.
"Promise me you will call me, Natsume-kun," she persisted.
He sighed and looked up at her. "I promise," he said.
She nodded uncertainly, straightened some imaginary wrinkles from her blouse, then turned to go make him some snacks for the journey. She promised to make some cookies for "Nyankichi-kun," too, who happily followed her into the kitchen so that he could eat them as soon as they exited the oven.
Once he had all his things packed, including the snacks, he was ready to leave. Touko-san made him promise again to call her if "anything happened," then he put on his jacket and shoes and headed out.
"I wonder why she was so clingy," he said.
"Who knows?" replied Nyanko-sensei. "Who can understand humans and their weird ways?" He ran off to pounce on an imaginary bug.
Natori-san met him at the train station.
"All ready to go?" asked the older man, a lazy smile on his face.
The tiny lizard-shaped youkai ran across his cheek before pausing at the spot where his neck met his shoulder. Natsume followed it with his eyes before remembering to answer the man, nodding as their eyes met.
"You're going to love this place." Natori took his bag, stowing it over head next to his own. "It's very secluded and really peaceful. I like to go there in between jobs."
"Are you in between jobs right now?" Natsume asked.
"Not really, no. But I have some time off for the weekend, so what better way to spend it? And who better to spend it with?" He smiled warmly.
Natsume felt his cheeks redden and focused his gaze on the rapidly moving scenery outside the train window.
Nyanko-sensei was a pest for most of the train ride. He chased a pair of rat-shaped youkai for the better part of an hour. This amused Natori to no end, but not the other passengers. Next he stole a child's bagel when his mother wasn't looking. When the child began crying and pointed a sticky finger at the culprit, the mother sent a glare Natsume's direction that he wouldn't soon forget. He sank into his seat and tried to resume his study of the rapidly shifting scenery outside his window.
Natori talked a lot. He told Natsume about the movie he was working on, then about the exorcism job he recently completed.
"It wasn't one of your friendly ayakashi, Nastume," he teased. "You wouldn't have minded me exorcising this one."
Natsume remained silent.
When they arrived at their stop, they collected their bags and headed out. Nastume put Nyanko-sensei in his bag since the cat declared he was tired.
"Where are Hiiragi and the others?" he asked suddenly. It had just occurred to him that he hadn't seen them since meeting Natori at the station.
"Oh, I sent them away for a few days," replied the older man. He cast Nastume a cute smile. Again, Natsume felt his cheeks warm, so he remained silent.
"Disgusting!" muttered Nyanko-sensei.
Natsume gave Natori an apologetic look, but Natori only laughed.
The inn was beautiful. It very much resembled the one they'd stayed at the first time he and Natori had gone on holiday together—even if it turned out to not be a holiday after all. He suspected Natori of once again trying to manipulate him into assisting him with an exorcism job, but to be honest, he didn't really mind. Maybe if he were present, he could somehow convince the spirit to stop being a menace and it wouldn't have to be exorcised.
Natori would probably chastise him then, and tell him he was going to have to choose between humans and youkai. Natsume disliked seeing things in such a black and white fashion. He thought of the tea cup youkai who had sacrificed itself for the sake of Touko-san and Shigure-san's house. What harm had that creature brought to anyone?
As for humans, he had made enough friends at his new school by now to admit that not everyone was as cruel as the people who used to tease him at all his previous schools, or the family members who shuffled him around for so long. And then, of course, there were the Fujikawa's.
"Maybe you could do some investigating," Natsume suggested. "See if there are any unhappy spirits around." He sat down on the wooden floor and began unpacking his now wrinkled, cat hair-ridden things.
Nyanko-sensei rolled around on his back. "Do I look like your servant?" He made an unsuccessful attempt to groom his left hind leg. "Now, what's for dinner? And when will it be served?"
Nastume had hamubagu for dinner. Natori teased him for eating like a teenager and not ordering a more traditional meal. He himself order some delicious-smelling yakitori on rice with steamed vegetables. Natsume shared half his meal with Nyanko-sensei so the cat wouldn't steal from Natori's plate instead.
Afterward, they took a dip in a reserved private hot spring. Natori brought a bottle of sake, which Natsume was reluctant to try, but the older man gently insisted. After just a few sips, his cheeks were already beginning to turn red. He began to notice how close Natori was sitting to him in the water.
"Do you feel buzzed yet?" asked Natori. He sounded amused.
"I don't know," replied Natsume. He was looking up at the moon and blinking because it kept fuzzing in and out.
He felt Natori move closer, the warm water rippling gently. The older man slipped an arm around his shoulders, his fingertips playfully tracing over Natsume's bare shoulder. Natsume looked up at him, startled.
Natori just smiled. "It's a nice night, isn't it?"
He turned his head up as if to star gaze, and Natsume relaxed.
"Yeah," he agreed.
Natori kept stroking his skin though, and for some reason, this was making his breath come just a little bit faster. In fact, it was beginning to have even more serious consequences. And with the water as clear as it was, no simple white cloth was going to hide what he was desperately hoping Natori wouldn't notice.
"How do you feel, Natsume?" asked Natori. His voice was warm and soft.
"I'm fine," said Natsume.
He wished with every fiber of his being that Natori would stop touching him.
"Natsume," murmured Natori. "I'm going to kiss you. Is that okay?"
He must have taken shocked silence for "yes," because before long, Natsume felt the older man's lips brush against his own. That's when he realized he must have closed his eyes. He didn't move at first. But then he felt fingers pressing and stroking lightly at the nape of his neck, and before he knew it, his head was tilting back, and his mouth was even opening a little.
When he felt Natori's tongue brush against his own, he actually moaned.
Natori took this as a sign to deepen the kiss. He pulled him closer, and even though Natsume's heart was pounding and he was utterly embarrassed at the reaction his body was having, he let him. He was horrified when he felt Natori's hand slip underwater and under his white towel.
"Natsume," Natori husked against his lips, "Let's go back to our room."
As Natori helped him out of the water, Natsume felt deep shame over the state of his own body. His cheeks were so flushed he was seriously afraid he was going to faint. Luckily their room opened directly onto the hot spring, so no one else was going to see him like this. Natori took his hand and led him back into their room before sliding the doors shut.
They lay down on one of the futons. Natsume had more than an inkling of what was about to happen, but he felt powerless to stop it. And Natori was being so gentle with him. His mind was buzzing, wondering if this really was the reason why Natori had brought him here. Was he stupid for thinking that there was to have been an exorcism to disrupt? Was that why Nyanko-sensei had refused to search for stray ayakashi?
Natori's body was warm and heavy over his own. The other man's kisses made him moan; his touch made him arch beneath him. Was he drunk? Natori whispered into his ear for him to turn over, so he did.
It was painful, and it felt good. These was really the only words Natsume could think to describe what Natori's body was doing to his own, what they were doing to one another. Afterward, Natori held him loosely in his arms and bathed his face with kisses. Natsume was trying to remember how to breathe.
"Good night, Natsume-kun," Natori whispered, their faces close.
Natsume remained silent.
After awhile, when he felt Natori drop off to sleep, he turned around in the man's arms to face the opposite direction. He stared through the darkness at the far wall for a good hour or so before sleep finally took him.
In the morning, he was alone again.
Still curled up on his side, he sat up a little, resting on his bent elbow while blinking blearily around the room. When he noticed the little hand-written note on the nearby side table, he reached for it and read it.
I've gone to bring us back some breakfast. Be back soon. Love, Natori.
Natsume stared down at the note before crumbling it up.
He sat up all the way. The quick movement sent a dull ache down below. He winced and rubbed his face, blinking afterward.
He stood up and began to dress. He started shoving his things back into his bag. The whole time, his body ached, and his cheeks flared red.
He opened one of the windows and climbed over the sill. His tennis shoes hit the ground on the other side, and he started running, his bag over his shoulder.
He met Nyanko-sensei along the way. He grabbed the protesting cat and scooped him up with his free hand, never breaking his stride.
"Eh? Natsume! What's going on?" The cat struggled in his arms.
He didn't answer though.
He could feel Nyanko-sensei staring up at him as he ran.
"Natsume! Natsume!" he cried. "Why are you crying?"
But he couldn't answer.
He paid for his ticket and took the first train ride home. Nyanko-sensei sat in his lap and purred while he stroked the soft fur on his back.
Within an hour or so, he was home. He made his way through town, Nyanko-sensei perched on his shoulder. The cat remained silent, his short stubby paws clinging gently to Natsume's jacket.
Touko-san met him at the door. She must have seen him walking down the path through the kitchen window.
"Natsume-kun!" she cried. "What happened? You're back so early!"
"I wasn't feeling well," he said. He put Nyanko-sensei down, the cat meowing up at her.
"Nyankichi-kun..." she said.
She shook her head, as if remembering herself.
"You do look pale." She reached up, pressing her palm to his forehead, her small hand sweeping his bangs out of his face. "You don't have a fever. Ah," she seemed to be trying to think, "I'll make you some soup. Go inside, Natsume-kun. Put your sleep things on and wait there; I'll bring you the soup!"
He didn't protest. He followed her inside, pausing to take his shoes off and hang up his jacket before heading back to his room. He pushed the door open and shed his clothes, still wincing slightly as he pulled on some sleep pants and an old t-shirt. Then he crawled into bed.
He thought he wasn't hungry, but his stomach gurgled when Touko-san brought the soup.
She felt his forehead again while he ate.
"I suppose I don't need to call the doctor," she mused. "Just get some rest, okay, Natsume-kun?"
He nodded, not lifting his eyes from the soup bowl.
He felt her watching him. He knew she wanted to say something more, but for some reason she didn't. She had told him to call her, and he wondered if maybe she was upset with him for breaking his promise. After awhile, though, she just smoothed his hair down a bit before rising to her feet and leaving the room.
Natsume set the empty soup bowl down. He curled up on the futon, pulling the covers up to his chin.
What's wrong with me? The question reverbated in his head, as if his head were made up of four walls and an empty room. He pulled the covers up over his whole head and closed his eyes.
He lay like that for hours.
Once or twice he heard Touko-san come and check on him, but he didn't look out.
The sun began to slant more and more through the window. Evening was drawing near. Eventually, he heard a man's voice call out warmly and tiredly from the front of the house. Touko-san answered him happily. Shigure-san was home from a business trip.
He listened to their murmuring voices. Their footsteps gradually drew nearer to his room.
The door slid open.
"How is he feeling?" whispered Shigure-san.
"He's slept all morning and afternoon," replied Touko-san. She sounded worried.
"Ah well. We'll wait till morning to call a doctor." The door slid quietly shut again. "Young people his age are always getting sick. It's probably just a pre-spring cold..."
Natsume pulled the covers down from over his face.
He looked up, hearing a thump on his window, and watched as Nyanko-sensei plopped down onto his bedroom floor.
"Still sleeping?" he asked as he waddled towards him. "Natsume, you're awfully lazy today."
"Sorry," said Natsume.
"Mmm," said the cat. He sat down on his pillow and regarded Natsume with those smiling black eyes of his.
Natsume sighed and closed his eyes.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," he said.
After awhile, he heard Nyanko-sensei come and sit down closer to him, cuddling up on the futon with him. He curled his body in around the cat, his face disappearing once again under the sheets.
Just before bedtime, Touko-san brought him some more soup. After he ate it, he fell almost immediately asleep.
"Good night, Natsume-kun," he heard her whisper. He felt her cool hand on his cheek, just for a moment, then his awareness began to fade. He thought she didn't sound as worried as she had before.
In the morning, he got ready for school. He showered and brushed his teeth and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He touched his face, his fingertips brushing over peach fuzz. He wondered if he would ever have to shave.
Touko-san and Shigure-san were relieved to see him in the kitchen. Touko-san made him his lunch and put down a bowl of cold egg and rice for Nyanko-sensei, who promptly ignored it. She told him that Natori-san had called yesterday afternoon, wanting to know if he was all right. Natsume assured them he was feeling fine that morning and bid them both good-bye before heading out to school.
At school, everyone wanted to know what he had done for the weekend. Kitamoto and Nishimura had gone fishing. Sasada had spent Saturday shopping with a cousin. Natsume told them all he had been sick and hadn't done anything.
On the way home from school, Natsume heard footsteps running after him. He half expected to see the harried face of some distraught youkai, but it turned out to be Tanuma.
"Natsume," his friend said, breathing a bit fast as he came up alongside him. "I haven't had a chance to speak to you all day today."
"Oh," said Natsume. "Sorry."
They started walking together.
"Why did you lie to Kitamoto and Nishimura?"
Natsume stopped abruptly.
"Huh?" he asked, blinking up at the other boy.
Tanuma just looked at him.
"You told them you were sick all weekend." He cocked his head to the side a bit, hands in his pockets. "But I went over on Saturday to invite you over to my place for dinner. Your aunt said that you had gone out of town with Natori-san."
Natsume didn't know what to say. He wondered if Tanuma were trying to trap him in some way, but then realized he was being paranoid. He felt vague disappointment that he had missed having dinner with Tanuma. Tanuma's father was out of town for the rest of the month, and he knew that his friend often became lonely while he was gone.
Tanuma looked down. "Are you and Natori-san...?" He was biting his lip.
"No," Natsume said quickly.
Tanuma looked up again. Natsume blushed and resumed walking.
They walked in silence for awhile. A breeze whipped itself into a wind, flattening the soft grass on either side of the road and rustling the leaves in the nearby trees. They came to a small stone bridge, a stream trickling gently beneath it. Natsume slid his hand listlessly over the stone railing as they crossed.
"Did he hurt you?" Tanuma finally asked. His voice was soft. But he sounded angry.
"No," Natsume said.
He sat down on a wooden bench just past the bridge. After a moment, Tanuma sat down beside him.
Natsume felt his heart begin to beat faster.
"I thought he wanted me for an exorcism," he said.
He swallowed.
"I told myself that's what he wanted. But he didn't. He wanted something else."
He felt his face burning. Beside him, Tanuma was silent.
"I was stupid. I should have known why he invited me. He even sent Hiiragi and the others away. I guess I thought maybe that was to protect them, that we were going to be dealing with something dangerous. He's done that before.
"But then nothing happened. And we ate in our room, and sat in the onsen, and drank sake. And he was so nice, and so... But I..."
He felt Tanuma put his arm around him. The embrace was awkward. It became more awkward when he realized he was crying. What was wrong with him? Why was he so traumatized over having sex? Kitamoto and Nishimura talked about wanting to do it with girls all the time. Wasn't that normal? Wasn't he practically an adult? What on earth was wrong with him?
He felt something rough brush lightly at his cheeks. Tanuma had pulled his shirt sleeve over his wrist and was using it to wipe his tears away. Natsume brought his hand up and rubbed his nose. He couldn't believe he was sitting here crying in front of Tanuma.
"I'm sorry," he finally said.
"It's all right," Tanuma assured him. Then he leaned over and kissed him.
Natsume went still. His eyes closed automatically, for the second or two he felt the other boy's lips press against his own. Then Tanuma pulled away, and he blinked his eyes open again, his heart thudding in his chest.
He looked at his friend in shock.
Tanuma looked horrified.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry, Natsume. I shouldn't have done that."
Natsume sighed and sat back against the bench. Tanuma had pulled his arm away from his shoulders.
"It's all right," he said.
He looked out at the wind-tussled fields, seeing a familiar pair of white stubby ears, an orange and gray face looking back at him. After a moment, what felt like an age, he reached blindly for Tanuma's hand, taking it in his own. Tanuma's palm was dry and smooth.
"I'm sorry for lying," he said after awhile.
"It's okay," said Tanuma.
He felt Tanuma's thumb brush lightly, hesitantly, over the back of his hand.
When he got home, he asked Touko-san if it was all right for Tanuma to stay over for dinner. She assured him it was. Shigure-san had the day off and asked him how his day at school was. He and Tanuma got into a discussion about the soccer game he had on. Natsume hadn't known Tanuma was into soccer.
After dinner, he walked with Tanuma down the short path through Touko-san's garden, down to the road. Tanuma, hands in his pockets, turned to face him.
"Good night, Natsume," he said. "I had a good time."
He leaned in to kiss him.
When Natsume went back inside, Touko-san was staring at him with wide eyes, a look of faint surprise on her face. Then she smiled and turned away, her hand coming up to cover her mouth briefly.
"Ah," she said, as if remembering something. "Natsume-kun, would you like leftovers for your lunch tomorrow?"
"That's fine," he said.
He passed the living room, where Shigure-san was now watching a variety show.
In his bedroom, he sat down on the floor and pulled out his books to begin studying. Nyanko-sensei hopped up on the window sill, balancing precariously there for awhile before flopping down to the floor.
"Did I miss dinner?" he asked.
"Yes," said Natsume.
Nyanko-sensei didn't complain though. He plopped down on his pillow and watched with half-squinted eyes as Natsume worked out a particularly difficult problem.
After awhile, Natsume looked up from his work.
"Sensei," he asked, "How come you called Natori 'disgusting' every time he so much as smiled at me ... but you sat there and let Tanuma kiss me without saying a word?"
Nyanko-sensei yawned.
"Humans are strange creatures," he complained. "I don't pretend to understand them. A lofty being such as myself has no interest in the mating habits of your kind."
Natsume smiled.
"Sensei," he teased, "Does this mean you're a romantic?"
"Hmph!" came the reply.
Natsume reached for his cat and hugged him. When Nyanko-sensei started to protest, he turned him over on his back and rubbed at his belly until he purred.