DISCLAIMER: Characters belonging to someone else (I think you know who you are), consider yourselves thoroughly disclaimed. Thank you.
RATING: M (or R)
STORY: Set a short while after the episode "The Child of the Stargazer". Kosar's gone, and Diana has no one else to turn to.
REBOUND.
It wasn't something she'd planned, just an accident of fate. The sultry heat of the day had changed into cool night, and she had insisted on taking the late watch. Again. And she had been crying. Again.
Like each other night since Turad, he'd come over after the others were asleep, to see if she'd wanted to talk. However, this time, she hadn't lied. She couldn't. Inside she felt so cold and lifeless and alone.
She wanted to feel life again. She had wanted company. Even his.
She didn't speak when she heard him approach. She let him sit down close beside her, but he was careful not to get close enough to touch her. He said nothing, and the silence lasted for about five minutes. She listened to the soft sounds of the insects, and the creaks and moans of the old trees. She listened to the far away sound of the river. She listened to his breathing, in sync with her own.
In spite of his closeness, she still felt alone. She needed to know that someone cared, she wanted to feel what she'd missed with Kosar.
They'd felt love, and passion for each other, but they'd never even kissed. She knew she would have kissed him, and held him and loved him, and let him take her.
That was what should have happened.
Instead, he'd left her. Untouched. Unloved.
Her breathing had quickened as she thought about her true love, and her companion's sped up in response. Now she turned to look at his profile, as he stared out over the planes below.
She'd always known how he'd felt, of course. The way he watched her, the attention she'd never sought from him. It had amused her to flirt and put him down, all the time knowing that he would never, ever get what he so obviously wanted from her.
It was easy, and flattering, to get such attention, even though everything male in the whole Realm (except Bobby) had given her a good, long stare; the price she paid for having minimalist clothing.
Each of the boys had looked at her in a different way. She liked the way Hank looked at her, as if he was the proud boyfriend. Presto, too, had often looked at her with admiration, but at least he had the insight to know he'd never stood a chance. Eric…
He'd tried so hard to look good. He'd tried so hard to impress, but like everything else he'd done, he just made himself look dumb. Why he kept on doing it, she never understood.
Aware of her gaze, her companion turned.
'I hate seeing you like this,' he said. The sincere emotion in his voice made it shake. Perhaps, in the cold light of day, she would have made a sarcastic comment, but she kept quiet. 'I want to help. There must be something I can do. To help you.'
There was an unfamiliar, eager hope in his eyes, as if he already knew what she was going to ask for.
She waited, her heartbeat speeding up as she though about his words.
What did she want? What did she need? The images of what she wanted, and who she wanted, flashed through her mind.
If she closed her eyes… maybe it wouldn't be him any longer. It could be Kosar. She could close her eyes and see what she wanted to see, feel what she needed to feel.
The though of a real, human touch was too tempting.
She put her fingers up to his lips, so he knew not to speak again. Rubbing her hand across his cheek, she was surprised at the roughness. When had he started shaving? Why hadn't she noticed that change?
As she leaned forward, her eyes closed. She didn't want to see what was there in reality. She only wanted it to be Kosar. It could be Kosar… It should be Kosar…All she had to do was believe…
She kissed him.
At first, he was hesitant, almost embarrassed at their intimacy. But his confidence soon grew as they continued to kiss.
Eyes still closed, she threaded her fingers through his hair, not letting him go. They kissed harder, and she pulled off her halter top, imagining the amazed and impressed expression on his face. Her breasts were beautiful, he would tell her; the most perfect part of her body. He would kiss them tenderly, almost reverently.
The feeling of his mouth on her nipple was as arousing as she'd wanted. His breath was hot on her skin and he was moaning and muttering something too faintly for her to make out. His cold fingers were stroking the other one, making it rigid under his touch.
She pulled at his clothes, a mute signal of her intentions, then she wriggled out of her shorts. Somehow, he managed to take his clothes off without breaking contact with her, and the red-hot touch of his penis against her thigh told her he was as ready and eager as she.
Yet he hesitated, as if some small part of his conscience knew this wasn't what should be happening. But she didn't let him stop. She needed this. She wanted this. All she had to do was believe…
She pulled him down on top of her, lifted her legs and wrapped them tightly around his waist. The tearing of flesh didn't matter; neither did the sudden pain. She had him, and he had her. That was all that mattered.
Their movement was clumsy, but she held him tightly, unable to let him go. This was exactly what she wanted. She could feel him move against her, and her hands travelled over the curves of his body, exploring with her fingers and letting her imagination take over. It was almost too much to believe that this beautiful sensation was only inside her own body. The deep, warm glow of orgasm grew too quickly, but she didn't want him to stop. She kept moving, driving herself to a desperate climax; in her mind seeing the only one she'd ever loved sharing this moment.
'Kosar!'
The boy above her froze.
She opened her eyes.
The look on his face reflected the remains of a naive hope; he'd always hated being second best (even though he did second best so well). But there was no look of surprise.
They were still for a few more seconds, then he struggled off her, and she could feel him shaking. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, he pulled on his clothes without speaking and without looking at her.
She dressed too, but was unable to take her eyes off him. She had never expected this. She hadn't considered how this would end; if she had, she would have predicted anything but this frighten, calm acceptance. There was no show of egotism, no melodrama, almost no response at all except that look.
All she had to do was believe…and now, did she feel better? Did she feel worse? She didn't know what it was, but at she felt something when she looked at him; his eyes so dark and his expression so mature.
She made no move to stop him as he rose. But before he left, Eric leaned close to her then gently kissed her cheek.
And then, as she stared back out over the planes, it wasn't Kosar she was thinking about any longer.
Author Notes:
With a small tug of the forelock in the direction of the story "Janapurna".
And this is as far as I get with E/D shipping!