"DAMN FELICIANO AND DAMN HIS FUCKING DINNER PARTIES!" Lovino growled, punching the wall as he stormed into the house, Antonio trailing behind him. "Now, Romanito, you know I love you dearly, but you're honestly such a hothead! There was no reason to storm out like that!"
"No reason? No reason?!" He banged his head on the wall repeatedly, screeching at the top of his lungs, before using a mocking tone of voice to impersonate his younger brother. "Oh, I'm Feliciano~! Me and Luddy are so happy together, and we've been going at sex nonstop~! We're planning on adopting, but we want a get a dog for practice~! Blah blah BLAH!" The Italian looked over to his husband, who was staring at him dumbly.
"So...you want a dog…?" Antonio concluded. Lovino groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do I look like I want some flea-bitten mongrel?!" He snapped. Antonio cocked his head to the side in confusion, before suddenly snapping back up. "Oh! I get it! You want to have sex more often, si?"
Lovino rolled his eyes, looking to the floor with a pout. "We have it every hour of the damn day, idiota." He sat on the couch, continuing to pout. The Spaniard tensed up - This was never good. When his "wife" wasn't happy, well...no one was happy. He quickly ran to Lovino's side, whining like a bitch, as the Italian would eloquently put it. They were silent for a moment, before Antonio leaned on Romano and poked his side.
"Roma? Romanito? Love of my life? My reason for getting up in the morning?"
"...what is it, bastard?"
"You should just tell me what's bothering you."
Lovino sighed, biting his lip. "I'm jealous of Feliciano…" He grumbled sheepishly, before hearing Antonio bitch and moan once more. "So you'd rather have a funny smelling German over a sex god like meeeee?!" He cried, pretending to look hurt, before Lovino flicked his forehead with a vague grin. "Ew, no. I'd never get the smell of sausage out of my house. It's just...they have so many...things to do, you know?"
"Um...no." Antonio laughed, grabbing Lovino's hand before the man slapped him. "But I would like to know! I mean, I'd do anything to please you." The Italian blushed lightly, coughing awkwardly before continuing. "Well, they have dinner parties, get togethers with friends, vacations...all that good stuff. But what do we have that's interesting? We don't have any hobbies besides sex and gardening, and lord knows that might get us a different set of friends. All we talk about is the weather and politics and-" He then spoke in a fake old man voice. "-kids these days with their new-fangled devices and handy-dandy IPhones; back in my day we were too damn busy fighting in wars to chat about the latest soap opera!"
The Spaniard laughed, petting the Italian's head and chuckling once more when he heard a soft purr, almost like a kitten's. "You really are something extra, Roma. You know, this isn't something to get worked up over." He pulled Lovino into his lap. "Personally, I like our old people conversations. Besides, who needs friends when I have the most perfect wife in the whole world~?"
"...I'm so telling France and Prussia you said that." Lovino chuckled, hearing Antonio whine for the millionth time. The Italian looked up to his husband, seeing that stupid grin on his face. "Seriously though, wouldn't you like to try something different? Something fun?" Antonio placed Lovino to the side and stood up. "Don't worry, my beautiful Roma, for I have a solution to this predicament!" He ran off to their bedroom, coming back a few minutes later with a sexy kitten outfit. "Well? Did your husband deliver or what?"
"Oh my fucking god, Spain." Lovino facepalmed, crossing one of his legs over the other. "That's not...just...are you seriously…? Were you even paying attention to what I was saying?!" Antonio nodded, smiling brighter. "You said you wanted to try something different, ri-"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, FUCKFACE!" He screeched, flipping himself around so his legs were on the supporting couch cushions while his head dangled from the bottom of the sofa. It went quiet again, before Antonio copied the position and turned to face him, batting his eyelashes. "So that's a no to the kitty lingerie?"
"Of course not, idiot." He sighed. "That's just not what I meant. What I meant was that maybe we could spice up our marriage in ways other than kinky sex, y'know? Like, inviting your friends over to dinner and rubbing our success into Feliciano and Potato Bastard's faces…"
Finally, it clicked with Antonio. "You want to be more successful than Ita-Chan!" Lovino rolled his eyes, silently relieved that the Spaniard finally had a breakthrough. He let out a long sigh, rolling onto his side.
"...Romanito? Mi amor?"
"...what?"
"...how many people am I inviting again?"
"Huh? Inviting for what?" Lovino arched an eyebrow. Antonio giggled, kissing his lover's cheek. "You want to prove how much better you are that Feliciano and Ludwig, right? I do too, so let's beat them at their own game, si?" He gave him a devilish grin. "They need to learn a thing or two."
Lovino smiled brightly, tackling Spain into a bear hug. "Oh, Toni~! You're the best!" The man smiled warmly, pulling him close. "Anything for my loving wife~! So, what are our plans for the party? We definitely are inviting France and Prussia, but France and Eyebrows are married, and I really hate Eyebrows."
"Mi Fratello will probably wanna invite Japan, but his husband is America, and I'm not sure I'm ready for all that chaos."
"Austria and Hungary could come!...wait, they're divorced. That'd be reallllly awkward."
The plans soon turned into a night long roast of all the countries.
…
Last ongoing series I'm making for a while, pinky promise.
With love and cookies,
MysticalMyosotis