Tommy was living on his own in a modest apartment (which is basically a fancy way of saying small apartment) in LA. In recent years he'd drifted further and further away from his friends – perhaps a side effect of working so hard as a director's assistant. This was why he had been very surprised to hear from Chuckie after all this time, having long since accepted that their friendship would probably never recover from an argument that had happened ten years ago. Even at Lil's wedding they had never said a word to each other.
His mother had told him in a recent phone call that she'd heard Chuckie was getting married soon, but Tommy had not exactly crossed his fingers for an invite. But Chuckie had come to Tommy's apartment to tell him that he would not get married without his oldest friend.
How could Tommy refuse that, even after all these years? And when Chuckie insisted Tommy come home for the pair's engagement party, he really had no choice but to say yes. So he found himself back in his home town, in a new bar named Rodeo he never remembered being there before.
He'd arrived with his younger brother Dil and Phil, now apparently living together. Dil worked as a university professor, finding it to be the perfect outlet for his creative energies – all he really had to do was teach a couple of classes a week and then he could spend the rest of his time messing around with his research. Tommy forgot what exactly it was that Dil allegedly taught, but he had a feeling it was some sort of Philosophy.
Phil was currently on his sixth attempt at completing Dil's class. Dil lamented that there were only so many times he could keep failing Phil. Phil remained somewhat more relaxed about the whole thing. Tommy had a feeling from the smell of Phil that pot may have had something to do with it.
"So, it'll be great seeing everyone again," Tommy said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster – not a lot given the circumstances. "I mean, we haven't all been together since Lil's wedding."
"Oh, joy," Phil replied in a tone that suggested he was looking forward to this almost as little as Tommy. "Can't wait to see my sister again. Another night of being constantly berated for not having a job or any ambition. I mean, it's not like she has a job!"
"That's because she's a full-time housewife with three kids," Dil said. "And I think having a job might be a bit too ambitious for you. For now I'm content I managed to get you out of the apartment wearing pants."
Tommy was spared further details on his brother and Phil's living arrangements by the arrival of Chuckie and a woman who Tommy assumed was his bride-to-be.
"Jessica, these are my friends Tommy and Dil," Chuckie said. "I believe you remember Phil."
Jessica shot Phil a dirty look. Phil's only reply was to wink and cock an imaginary gun at her. Her eyes quickly rolled.
"So, Jessica, let me buy you a drink," Tommy said.
"That'll be great. Why don't be get a bottle of champagne? You know, for when the others arrive?" she suggested. Tommy tried to keep his face from falling, and looked for a way to save face.
"Chuckie, why don't you come up to the bar with me and pick out a bottle your good lady friend would like?" Tommy said, clapping Chuckie on the back. Chuckie smiled and made his way over to the bar with him. Once they were out of earshot Tommy turned to him.
"Okay, so I can't afford an expensive bottle of champagne, how about you help me out a bit?" Tommy asked.
"Sure," Chuckie replied. "It's not like I have any big expenses of my own coming up that I'm saving for." Tommy laughed and slapped his arm.
"'At'a boy, Chuck," he said. "Stay positive. And hey, she's pretty cute. You've done alright!"
For a moment Tommy wondered if maybe he'd said the wrong thing, but Chuckie gave a strained smile and muttered a thank you.
With a bottle of champagne in hand Chuckie and Tommy made their way back to the table where Dil was making polite small talk and Phil was making impolite sexual suggestions.
"So, Jessica, tell us about yourself," Tommy said once they all had a glass in hand. "How did you meet Chuckie?"
Tommy spent the rest of the conversation thankful that Jessica was pretty, otherwise he would have had nothing to look at during the longest and possibly most boring conversation he'd ever heard. Jessica was a skinny brunette who worked as a fitness instructor. She'd run into Chuckie when he had tried to go to the gym to buff up but had become entangled in one of the machines and had to call the fire department to get him out. Amazingly she managed to make this whole debacle sound uninteresting, and only Phil's lewd suggestions about her giving Chuckie some "personal training" had livened the whole thing up.
Thankfully they were joined shortly by Lil. Truthfully Lil had put on a bit of weight since Tommy had last seen her, but it seemed to give her an almost healthy glow.
"Sorry I'm late," she said. "Couldn't get the kids to go to bed. Had to leave poor Carl with them. No thanks, I'm driving," she added as Dil went to offer her some champagne. She grabbed a stool and pulled it up, sensibly dragging it around Phil to sit between Tommy and Dil.
"So, the kids are a bit badly behaved?" Tommy asked.
"You remember what we were like as babies?"
"Jeez, that bad?"
"No – they're worse."
Tommy was actually pleased as more of the old gang started to arrive. Susie and Angelica had arrived together, apparently having been doing some serious pre-drinking in their hotel bar. Angelica lamented that she had not arrived fashionably late enough as someone else was still to arrive. Tommy laughed at his cousin – he hadn't seen her in so long, yet she'd barely changed at all.
"Yeah, I've been living in New York actually, in my own place," Angelica told them. "Working as a journalist. And I do a weekly advice column as well."
"Wow, just like Sex in the City," Jessica gasped.
"Actually, my column is called Not Getting Any in the City," Angelica said, suddenly meekly looking at her glass. "It's an advice column for single girls in New York."
"Well that sounds... really nice," Jessica said. Angelica did not look particularly impressed by that.
"Gee, I wonder where Kimi is?" Chuckie asked, clearly trying to change the subject. "I hope she hasn't forgotten."
"What's she up to these days?" Tommy asked, trying not to sound too interested. No one at the table bought it, them all exchanging significant looks. Even Jessica, which annoyed him.
"She's managing the coffee shop now that Dad's retired," Chuckie said. Tommy knew from his mother that Chaz had retired following a stress-induced breakdown.
Kimi never did turn up, but after a few more rounds nobody seemed to notice too much. Eventually Lil offered to give Tommy, Dil and Phil a ride back to the Pickles residence.
"If you weren't my sister I'd have an inappropriate suggestion for you," Phil said as they drove home.
"Amazing. He may actually be sober," Dil said. "Relatively speaking," he added, as Phil threw up behind a fire hydrant.
###
Like some many parents, Didi and Stu Pickles found their sons had returned home after so long away, only to remember why they had wanted them out of the house so badly when they were teenagers. Both Pickles boys and Phil (who had not been at any point invited to stay) were now exceptionally hungover. With an uncharacteristic wry smile Didi had suggested they head to Java Lava to get some coffee and sober up.
Tommy had been somewhat reluctant to stop by the coffee shop. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Kimi, but their break-up ten years ago had not exactly gone well. During Lil's wedding they had never said a word to each other. Although if Chuckie was willing to put the past behind them, then maybe there was hope he could make up with Kimi.
He walked into the shop. After all this time it looked clean and welcoming – maybe they'd had a few renovations since Tommy was last there. Behind the counter was a middle-aged woman with greying hair.
"God, Kimi looks terrible," Tommy whispered to his friends.
"Dude, that's my mom," Phil replied. He walked up to his mother and said, "Hey, Mom; hungover as hell. Any chance of a free smoothie?"
Betty DeVille looked about as impressed with her deadbeat son as you'd expect. She was even less impressed when Dil slid into the seat beside Phil and told her he'd be willing to deduct the cost of any smoothies she gave him from the rent that Phil owed him.
"Why do I owe you rent? I don't even have my own room; I sleep on your sofa!"
"Judging by the way you leave your dirty underpants lying about you obviously think that is your room!"
Tommy was trying not to laugh when the door behind the counter swung open. It had been years since Tommy last laid eyes on Kimi, but she was still as beautiful as ever. Her hair was cut short and dyed pink, and underneath her standard issue work apron she wore a white tee, short denim skirt and long, black patterned tights. Tommy swallowed and made his way up to the counter.
"Hi, Kimi," he choked. Kimi turned around and looked at him – Tommy felt his heart pounding in his throat.
"Oh, it's you," she said, before turning back to the coffee machine.
He could hear Phil and Dil burst into laughter behind him whilst Betty half-heartedly scolded them. He felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment, but he was determined not to get angry at her.
"So, how have you been?" Tommy asked. Kimi turned around and slammed her palms onto the desk.
"What do you want?" she demanded. Tommy had taken a step back and stuttered a bit.
"Well, I just, you know, wanted to talk and see how you were doing."
"To drink, asshole! What do you want to drink?" Kimi snapped.
"Oh, just a coffee."
Phil and Dil were still laughing. Tommy turned around and glare at them. Somehow it didn't have the desired effect and they kept laughing. Kimi turned back around, coffee in hand, and Tommy tried to flash her a smile. Kimi rolled her eyes in response.
Tommy paid for his coffee and turned to sit with Dil and Phil while they drank their smoothies (that they probably didn't have to pay for). He watched Kimi as closely as he dared, as she served a few customers and came out to clean down tables. At this stage Phil broke off from the conversation to roll his eyes Kimi's direction. Tommy shook his head, but Phil was having none of it. He promptly and without warning smacked Tommy's coffee over, sending it flying all over the table and floor.
"Oh, Tommy, how clumsy of you," Phil sing-songed. "Here, why don't you help clean up?"
"No, I'll get it," Kimi said, sweeping over with a damp cloth.
"Don't be silly, it's my fault," Tommy replied through gritted teeth. "Where's the mop bucket?"
When Tommy came back from the back room with the mop bucket Dil and Phil had predictably fled.
Tommy was left mopping up whenever Chuckie arrived.
"Why are you mopping the floor?" Chuckie asked.
"I'm getting the mop all nice and dirty for murdering Phil," Tommy replied. "I'm going to stuff it down his throat and watch him choke to death."
"What a lovely thought. I was just looking for you. Your mom said you were here. I was thinking we could talk over a coffee?"
"No more coffee," Tommy said. "How about a beer?"
"Didn't we have a bit too much to drink last night?"
"We had champagne. That doesn't count."
###
Tommy and Chuckie found their way to a nearby bar, and took seats a smaller table to talk things over.
"So, what's up?" Tommy asked, sipping at a beer.
"Well, there's something I wanted to ask you," Chuckie said. "Well, er, it's just that we were friends for a long time, even after everything you're still the best friend I've ever had and... I suck at this."
"Are you asking me to be your best man?" Tommy asked.
"Er, no, actually," Chuckie replied. "Just a grooms-man. Kurt's best man."
"Who the hell is Kurt?" Tommy couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
"He's Jessica's brother."
"So, is Kimi going to be her maid of honour?"
"Er, no, one of her friends from college. Hey, you never got a chance to tell me what you thought about her."
"Yeah, she's... great," Tommy finished lamely.
Chuckie didn't look entirely satisfied with that answer. Tommy could sense a big talk coming, so he decided to jump to the point.
"Look, I don't think I ever said it, so I'll say it now," Tommy said. "I'm sorry. What happened with Nicole – I had no idea it would come between us like that."
"I'd always liked her," Chuckie said. "You betrayed me."
"Yeah, you liked her when you were like eleven," Tommy replied. "It had been years. Hell, I was a mess at the time. What was I supposed to do - I was drunk, and there was this hot naked girl in front of me. With a can of whipped cream."
"That's not the... whipped cream?" Chuckie shook his head. "That one would have kept me warm all through college. God, she really was a tramp. I can't believe we let her come between us."
"If it's any consolation, Angelica told me she came between Justin and Sean as well."
Chuckie sighed. "Well, we're not the only ones whose friendship was ruined by that girl."
"No, no, you don't get it. I mean she came between them at the same time."
There was a moment where Chuckie pretended to look disgusted, before he and Tommy both burst out laughing.
"It's good to see you again, I missed you, man," Chuckie said. "So what about you and my sister?"
"Nothing to say," Tommy sighed. "She left me. She doesn't seem interested in talking to me either."
"When you hooked up with Nicole it hurt her, too."
"Why? She was the one who left me, anyway."
"Doesn't matter," Chuckie said with a shake of his head. "Girls are just crazy like that."
"Hey, don't act like you're suddenly Mr Know-It-All now you've getting married. I remember when you were the dorky teenager who was afraid to talk to girls and I was the one giving you all the advice."
###
Across town, another Pickles had awoken feeling much the same as Tommy had. Angelica felt the sunlight burning at her closed eyelids. She tried to roll over to avoid it, but promptly fell off the sofa she'd been lying on and landed on the floor with a groan.
She reached out a hand to try and lift herself up, wondering why she had elected to sleep on the sofa when there was a perfectly good bed only a few feet away. She stumbled to her feet, and went over to inspect said bed. She quickly came to terms with why she'd decided the sofa was a better place to sleep.
There would probably be a charge for that. She turned around to survey the damage to the rest of the room. Thankfully it was minimal – the only real concern was the number of small bottles that looked to have come from the mini-bar. Another costly mistake.
She dropped her head into her hands and groaned again. Finster was getting married. How could this have happened?
She thought back to twelve years ago, when she'd first left this town to try and make it in New York with dreams of becoming a singer or an actress. Her first years had been rough, with plenty of rejection and only a few, nothing roles in crappy plays. She'd relied on her parents a lot during that time. It was then that she'd gone back to journalism, working as an intern for a newspaper before pitching her singles advice column and eventually getting a regular job. It had been a long journey, but with too little reward.
She'd always held onto the idea that if she came home one day that Finster would still be here. He was always a complete dork; he would still be single and have a steady job. He was reliable.
But she'd come home and he was actually getting married. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was thirty now – she'd tried the single woman in New York thing and it had just never worked. She'd always said that if she got to thirty she'd give up and head back home, but somehow she wound up hanging around New York for a few extra months, hoping something might come along.
Now what was she supposed to do?
"The first thing," Angelica said to the world that had so wronged her. "The first thing I'm going to do is have a shower, and pull myself together." She sucked in and assumed that air of superiority that she'd always thought was just so her. "A girl needs to look her best before heading out into the big bad world."
A little later and looking more her best she set off down the hall to find Susie's room. Susie had been living in New York for the last few years as well but, unlike Angelica, had much bigger roles in a few Broadway plays and even a television appearance to her name. It had also lead to a rather awkward phase in their friendship where Angelica's boss wanted her to do a story on Susie's relationship with an actor.
Susie answered the door looking almost as much a state as Angelica had half an hour before.
"I suddenly feel the urge to eat my body weight in chocolate ice cream," Angelica announced.
"Angelica, you can't eat ice cream for breakfast," Susie replied, scrunching up her nose.
"Yes, but you can eat ice cream at four in the afternoon. As I see it, that one takes precedence," Angelica said. "You'll be telling me I can't have a bottle of wine with that next."
At the mention of wine Susie suddenly looked very ill. "How can you even think about wine after last night."
"We Pickles are made of sterner stuff than that," Angelica replied. "How about a compromise?"
The compromise was to head down to the hotel restaurant and demand their complimentary breakfast five hours after they stopped serving breakfast. Susie was able to sign a few autographs however and the hotel staff seemed a lot more accommodating after that.
Susie's head remained firmly on the table until her coffee arrived. When she had perked up a little she started talking again.
"You think that clerk will post that picture I let him take of us online?" Susie asked. "Just, I don't want to be in the gossip section of some tabloid looking thoroughly hungover."
"Oh, boo hoo," Angelica muttered, adding more sugar than was probably sensible to her own coffee. "We all have problems."
Susie looked as sympathetic as someone deprived of sleep can. "Sometimes, it helps to talk about your problems rather than just snap at your friends."
"What's your point?" Angelica snapped.
"No point," Susie replied, going back to her coffee.
###
Tommy quickly found himself being sucked into all the wedding preparations. He found himself being dragged along shopping for tuxedos and asked to suggest main courses. He also got to spend some time with Kurt, and after a two-hour car journey with him and Chuckie decided that he would have been much happier had he never met Kurt, who rivalled his sister in terms of dullness.
All of this would have been bearable now that he had his friend back, had it not been for Kimi, who was still being as cold and distant as ever. This was coupled with Jessica's idea that the groomsmen and bridesmaids should dance together at the reception, and therefore take dance lessons together as well.
It was all well for Dil, who would get to dance with one of Jessica's college friends. It was even fine for Kurt, who would be paired up with one of Jessica's less attractive friends who was playing maid-of-honour. But for some reason Jessica was insistent he and Kimi be paired together for this, so he found himself spending a Tuesday night at dance classes in a church hall.
Most of the other people taking ballroom dancing classes were a lot older than them, except for the teacher who was a camp young man who insisted on demonstrating a few steps with a mortified Tommy.
"I hope you won't be so rigid when it's time for us to dance," Kimi giggled.
Tommy choked down a sleazy reply, feeling it probably wouldn't help matters any. Instead he took Kimi's hand and they set about practising their dancing under the instruction of the teacher.
Tommy didn't think himself a bad dancer before tonight, but tonight found himself making as much a fool of himself as he could, including treading on poor Kimi's feet several times before managing to trip over his own feet and land on his backside, dragging Kimi down with him.
"I swear I didn't plan this," Tommy said, referring to the fact that Kimi was now firmly on top of him. Kimi gave a sly grin and lowered her head to whisper something to him.
"Looks like you went rigid after all," she hissed. Without another word she hopped to her feet, dusted herself off and walked over to sit down at the side. Tommy took an extra moment before following suit.
"So, what do you think of all this?" Tommy asked her. Kimi snorted.
"What a waste of time," she replied. "Who gave her this idea?"
"I guess the others don't seem to mind," Tommy said. He looked at Dil, who was getting very close to the girl he was dancing with.
"Do you think Dil is...?" Tommy began. "I mean, he and Phil living together and everything?"
"Tommy, are you asking me if I think your brother is gay?" Kimi asked.
"Well, don't you guys have like a radar or something?"
"It doesn't work like that," Kimi replied. "And anyway, I don't think they're gay, or at least not together. Phil smokes so much pot he barely have enough drive to keep himself breathing, never mind having a sexual relationship. And your brother never had much interest in guys or girls. They get in the way of his creative thinking... or craziness."
"He's pretty close to Jessica's friend now," Tommy suggested.
"I said he was crazy, not blind," Kimi replied.
"Is she your type?" Tommy asked.
"Look, Tommy, just because a girl experimented a bit when she was eighteen, doesn't mean she's a-."
"Come on, you two!" the instructor interrupted her. "On your feet for one last dance!"
Kimi was on her feet in a flash and was on her way over to Dil, where she appeared to suggest swapping partners. Dil shrugged and then took her hand, leaving Jessica's friend to dance with a somewhat confused Tommy.
###
Now back in New York, Angelica was going through the process of trying to find a date for Chuckie's wedding. Susie hinted she was taking some famous rapper, but had only laughed with Angelica asked if he had any single bodyguards or anything.
She'd been on a string of rather unsuccessful dates, and whereas they provided plenty of ammunition for her column, it was not solving her problem.
She'd even called Harold. No longer in love with her, he'd gone and gotten himself married and was apparently considering running for mayor of their home town. This was what Angelica got for never watching the news.
"Why don't you just call him?" Susie suggested one day when they sat in Angelica's apartment.
"And say what?" Angelica snapped back. "Hey, Finster, your fiancée is lame. Why don't you leave her and come with me, the girl who used to bully you since before you could walk and talk?"
"I'd maybe not open with that," Susie replied, appearing a little deflated. "There's always Phil."
Angelica considered this for a moment.
"I choose death. I'll kill myself on the eve of the wedding and Chuckie, torn with grief, calls the whole thing off."
"And then leaves her to be with a dead woman?"
"I didn't say the plan was perfect. There's bound to be a few kinks to work out," Angelica replied.
###
Jessica had had some funny ideas about a bachelor party. At the time Chuckie had been forced to agree with them, and his best man, Kurt, had done likewise. Tommy had a rather cunning way of getting around this.
"We don't invite Kurt," he explained. "If he doesn't know then he can't tattle on us."
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea, Tommy," Chuckie said.
"Nonsense!" Tommy replied, slapping him on the back. "You're getting married, so you have a bachelor party. Deal with it."
So Chuckie found himself in a strip club for a night of fairly heavy drinking. Tommy had also brought along Dil and Phil (the latter of whom had been frisked before leaving the flat for illicit substances – they last thing they needed was getting arrested). It was good to have just the guys together again.
"I can't believe our home town has a place like this," Chuckie said in disbelief.
"I know," Phil replied. "Where was this place when I was a teenager? Anyway, Tommy's Dad put us on to it."
"Oh, I think I just lost my appetite," Tommy said, this obviously news to him.
Tommy decided the best solution was to buy some drinks. At the bar Chuckie ran into someone he didn't expect.
"Hey, Finster, how's the bachelor party?" Angelica asked. Chuckie couldn't help but give her a look up and down. She was wearing a short, sparkly red dress and high heels, and Chuckie could feel his gaze lingering on her long, tanned legs. He jerked his view up to look at her.
"Er, A-a-angelica," Chuckie stuttered. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I could hardly go to the bachelorette party, could I? So I decided to turn up for this." She gestured to the strip club.
"Ha! Told you Jessica would have a party!" Tommy interrupted, before turning back to the bar to try and catch the barmaid's attention.
"Won't it be weird, though? We'll be doing guy stuff."
"Hey, girls can look at strippers too. Just ask your sister."
Chuckie had no response to that. Tommy, however, suddenly seemed a lot less keen on attracting the barmaid.
Their made their way over to where Phil had found a woman and insisted on buying Chuckie his first lap-dance. Chuckie was less than keen, and what followed was probably the most awkward few minutes of his life, with a semi-naked woman gyrating in his face.
At least his lap-dance was nowhere near as awkward as Angelica's. Phil had been pretty keen "sending her the way of his sister" and buying her a dance as well.
"So you don't like blondes," Phil admitted a few minutes and a stern telling off later. "Would you prefer a redhead, maybe?"
Angelica's cheeks flushed, and Phil got a kick in the shins for his trouble.
While the others took advantage of the entertainment on stage Chuckie got a chance to talk to Angelica again.
"Why didn't you want to go to the bachelorette party?" he asked.
"Oh, well, I just don't know her so well," Angelica stammered. She sighed. "I don't like her."
"There's a surprise," Chuckie muttered. "You don't like anyone."
"Hey, that's not true- I like you!" she shouted back. The guys suddenly turned around. "I mean, you guys are all right."
Chuckie looked around at the guys, who were all sporting cheesy grins.
"Why don't I buy a round of drinks?" Angelica suggested, clearly hoping to change the subject. She fled to the bar, and Chuckie couldn't help but feel bad. He lowered his head into his hands.
Phil leant over to whisper to him, "Don't worry, dude, you're totally in there."
"I don't want to be in there; I'm getting married in a week!" Chuckie snapped. Phil looked utterly dumbfounded.
"Oh yeah, forgot about that."
When Angelica got back she made sure that the drink did not stop flowing. She even bought Chuckie a lap-dance from a blonde.
At the end of the night the group wound up stumbling out of the club. The guys piled into a taxi. Unfortunately it was a bit of a tight fit, so Angelica wound up practically on Chuckie's lap.
"Angelica!" Chuckie exclaimed.
"Oh, relax, Finster," she replied. "I can't sit on Tommy or Dil's laps if we're related, and I'm not going anywhere Phil."
"That's, er, a good call," Chuckie agreed.
Despite Chuckie's agreement, it was not a smooth ride to Angelica's hotel. At one point they had to go over a series of speed bumps, and Chuckie was almost sure he might completely lose control. After a series of agonising minutes, they got to their destination. Angelica hopped off of Chuckie's lap as gracefully as she could manage and said goodnight before walking up towards the hotel.
Chuckie felt a force moving him out the door of the taxi as well. He turned around, expecting to see that Tommy had just shoved him and was now looking guilty, but Tommy was passed out in his seat.
"I'll just see she gets up to her room okay," Chuckie said. No one in the taxi gave any acknowledgement, but Chuckie followed Angelica anyway.
Maybe it was the dress, Chuckie wondered. She was walking slowly so as not to fall in her heels, which made her legs look impossibly long. Chuckie shook himself - he wasn't a hormonal teenager any more.
"A true gentleman," Angelica announced as she kicked off her shoes the moment she got through the hotel door. "Why aren't there any guys like you in New York?"
"Maybe you're looking in the wrong places?" Chuckie suggested. Angelica picked up her heels.
"What? I've tried all the bars and clubs in the city, and no good guys," she slurred.
"There's your problem," Chuckie said with a smile. "Guys like me are too shy for going out. We're in our rooms wondering why we can't meet girls like you."
"Girls like me?" Angelica asked as they stumbled across the lobby and up a flight of stairs. "What about girls like me?"
"Well, you know." Chuckie was never good at this. "You're a special girl, Angelica. Someday you'll find a guy who'll see that."
Angelica stopped outside a doorway that Chuckie assumed was hers. Unsure how to say goodbye, he reached out to grasp her hand and shake it, but Angelica threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, leaving Chuckie's hand crushed between their stomachs. He pulled it out and gently patted her on the back.
Angelica's head pulled back, and for a moment their heads were very close together. Chuckie gulped as Angelica seemed to lean forward.
"Goodnight, Angelica," Chuckie said, breaking the hug and pulling away. "See you at the wedding."
Chuckie made his way back down to the cab, trying not to look like he was hurrying. Had he taken his time he might have heard Angelica slamming the door to her room behind her, banging the back of her head against the door and sliding down to her knees.
"I thought your glasses were supposed to help you see," she whispered.
###
It was a few days later when Tommy decided to try stopping by the Java Lava again. Recently he and Kimi had been at least civil to each other when forced together – at times she seemed almost pleasant. So he decided to try his luck and maybe they could talk things out at last.
When Tommy arrived in the mid-morning the shop was empty apart from Kimi and Betty. When Betty saw him come in, she loudly announced to Kimi that she had a long task to perform in the back, before leaving whilst throwing Tommy a rather obvious wink.
As cautiously as he could Tommy approached the counter.
"Hey, Kimi, you got a minute?" he asked. "I was thinking maybe we could grab a coffee."
Now Tommy could see over the counter he could see Kimi's apron was covered in coffee, and her jeans looked next to ruined.
"Maybe not a coffee," Kimi replied. "How about a smoothie? I think I want to murder the blender a little less than the coffee machine."
"One of those days?" Tommy asked as she began loading up the blender.
"That blasted device is out to get me, I swear," Kimi replied. "Betty says I'm just paranoid. So what do you want?" Tommy nodded, aware from his mother's gossip that the coffee machine's lack of co-operation had contributed greatly to Chaz's stress problem.
"I just wanted to talk," Tommy replied. "That night dancing; you never did finish that thought."
"What thought?"
"You know, the one about experimenting and stuff." He was trying his best not to sound that concerned, but the truth was that he had thought of little else since then.
"Yeah, just because a girl dyes her hair pink and maybe messed around a bit when she was younger, doesn't mean she's," Kimi began, but she blushed. "Betty's in the next room pretending to be busy, but I'll bet anything she's listening in."
"And you wonder why she thinks you're paranoid?" Tommy asked. Kimi turned on the blender before responding.
"Lots of girls experiment when they're young. I don't feel that way any more, and neither does Lil."
"So you're not a lesbian?" Tommy asked.
"No, I'm not."
"And Lil's not a lesbian?"
"Well, she's married with three kids now, so probably not," Kimi replied snidely, shutting off the blender. "Why the hell do you care, anyway? The stories your mom tells have you bringing home girl after girl in LA."
"It's not girl after girl," Tommy replied, flushing a little. "And hey, did it ever occur to you maybe I was just trying to fill a void left by the girl who broke my heart?"
"I'm sorry, Tommy," Kimi snapped. "Well, I was sorry at the time, but then you couldn't fall into bed with Nicole fast enough after we broke up, and suddenly I lost all the sympathy for you."
"Hey! It took me at least a few hours to get drunk enough first," Tommy snapped back, slamming his hands on the desk. "And you lost the right to complain about who I date when you dumped me."
"So why are you so interested in whether or not I'm straight?" Kimi demanded.
"I just wanted to know if you wanted to be my date to Chuckie's wedding, jeez!" Tommy roared back. Kimi actually looked taken aback, and failed to notice she was failing to pour smoothie into the cup and it was actually pooling at her feet.
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"What I don't get a reason?" Tommy gulped to fight back the urge to suddenly be sick.
Kimi set the now empty blender back down. "We're completely different people now. You've gone off to try and make some life for yourself. I've got my life here."
"And what kind of life is this?" Tommy demanded, suddenly feeling his blood boil. "You're serving coffee for a living. Kimi, you're a smart girl; you could have so much more than this!"
"Oh yeah?" Kimi responded to his anger with fire of her own. "Well, at least I admit my job is getting coffee for a living. I'm not pretending to be some Director's Assistant."
"Hey, I have a valuable job," Tommy snapped back. "I fill an essential role to the crew."
"Yeah, without you the director would have to waste valuable time getting off his fat ass to get his own coffee!"
"So what, I should just pack it in, give up my dreams and come here and live with you is that it? And we'll run your crappy coffee shop together?" Tommy asked.
"What's wrong with my shop?" Kimi demanded.
"I don't know it sounds fucking perfect!" Tommy replied.
Kimi stared at him for a moment. "I thought your dream was to be a famous director?" she asked softly, all trace of anger gone.
"That was my dream when I was a kid. When I grew up, I had a different dream," he said. He tried to lock eyes with her, but she was determined to look anywhere but him.
"I was thinking of maybe buying another shop – turning Java Lava into a bit of a franchise; what do you think? Is there room in LA for another coffee shop?" Tommy leant over the counter to clasp her hands.
"This felt a lot less corny in my head," he said. Kimi couldn't help but snort.
"Why not, then?" Kimi asked. "I'll give you this one choice. For your sake, though, this better be the best wedding I ever go to."
"Trust me, what can go wrong?" Tommy asked.
Kimi turned around looking a bit more cheerful, shouting out, "Betty, what are you doing in there? Look at the mess in here!" She gestured to the puddle of smoothie at her feet.
###
Chuckie was nervous. This was nothing new – he had been nervous every day that Tommy had known him. But tomorrow he was getting married, and as the best man was lame, it well to Tommy to reassure his friend.
"You'll do fine," Tommy said. Chuckie turned to him, looking utterly flabbergasted.
"Tommy, do you know me at all?" Chuckie asked. "I always screw up everything I do. I don't think I've ever touched something that didn't immediately fall to pieces!" Tommy couldn't help but laugh at that.
"And don't think I haven't noticed you starting to date my sister," Chuckie added. "This is a serious violation of the bro code – don't think I didn't notice."
"Come on, Chuckie, I know you won't hold that one against me," Tommy said with a grin.
"You have to treat her right. Not like the random girls you bring home in LA," Chuckie told him.
"Yeah, don't worry about that. I'm more worried about you." Tommy looked at his friend. "It's normal to have doubts at this stage."
"I don't have doubts!"
"Chuckie." Tommy said. "How long have I known you? I know when you have doubts. And you have them now."
Chuckie sighed. "What can I do? I mean, I saw her the other night and it just blew me away."
"Please tell me you're not talking about a stripper."
"No! I mean Angelica!" Chuckie snapped. Tommy considered this for a moment.
"Nope. I preferred it when I thought you fancied a stripper," he said at last. Chuckie grabbed a sofa cushion and smacked him with it.
"I'm serious!"
"Of course you are!" Tommy added. "The only reason I went near Nicole was because I thought you liked Angelica."
"How did you know?" Chuckie hissed.
"It was kind of obvious. If you could actually see through those glasses you might have noticed it too."
"Oh God." Chuckie lowered his head into his hands. "What do I do?" Tommy patted him on the shoulder.
"Honestly? If I tell you the truth will promise not to hit me?"
"I promise."
"Jessica's lame; you should totally marry Angelica instead."
"THAT'S NOT HELPING!" Chuckie snapped at him.
"You promised not to hit me!"
"I'm not going to hit you! I'M JUST GOING TO MURDER YOU A BIT!"
"Hear me out!" Tommy pleaded, holding up his hands to prevent retaliation. "Look, I'm sure she'd a lovely girl really, but you have nothing in common. You met her in a gym for Pete's sake. What were you even doing in a gym?"
"I wanted to buff up?" Chuckie replied.
"Why? And why'd you quit?"
"Well, when I nearly killed myself getting caught in a weights machine I decided to call it a day," Chuckie replied, flushing. "And, well, I went because I read an article about girls liking men with a bit of muscle."
"Where did you read such drivel?" Tommy asked. "Oh, please don't tell me..."
"Angelica's column," Chuckie confirmed. "And, well, when I met Jessica there didn't seem to be much point in trying to impress Angelica."
"So, you decided that you couldn't have the girl you wanted, so you settled for the best looking girl who'd have you," Tommy summed up. "But don't you see? You have the chance now to go and get the girl you actually wanted."
"No, Tommy," Chuckie replied. "That part of me has gone. Tomorrow I'll marry Jessica, and I'll spend the rest of my life making her happy."
"You're always so hung up on how everyone else feels. Maybe just this time you should be selfish, and do something that'll make you happy." Tommy stood up to leave. "And, if it helps, I think you'd be making one other person happy as well."
###
The morning of Chuckie's wedding was finally here, and Angelica wanted to do nothing more than curl up in a ball on her hotel room floor and cry all her troubles away.
"How long has she been like this?" Tommy asked.
"Ever since the bachelor party," Susie replied. "She has moments where she pulls it together long enough to go and buy more ice cream. The hotel staff are too afraid to come in and clean as well."
"Well, that explains the mess," Tommy said. He bent down to talk to his cousin, who was yet to acknowledge his arrival. "Angelica, it's time to get dressed."
"What are you wearing?" Angelica asked.
"Look, it was Jessica's idea. She wanted the groomsmen in the same colours; apparently it has something to do with love."
"It's maroon," Angelica mumbled.
"I had noticed." Angelica was referring to the maroon tuxedo he had been emotionally blackmailed into wearing by Chuckie. The only comfort was that Chuckie, Dil and Kurt all had to wear the same thing – Dil had taken it hardest, largely because it meant he wasn't allowed to wear a hat.
"Look, Angelica, you can't just lie here on the floor. You have to come," Tommy pleaded.
"Why should I?" she moaned.
"Well, won't you always regret it?" Tommy asked.
"No," Angelica replied. "I regret not saying anything when I had the chance. I regret not coming back and getting him before it was too late. I was too scared, and now I lost him."
Tommy sighed and thought for a moment.
"You're pathetic," he said.
"Thanks, Pickles," Angelica grumbled, burying her head in a pillow.
"I mean it! This isn't Angelica. The Angelica that Chuckie used to like would never have lay down on the floor crying like this."
"Well, I'm doing it now," Angelica snapped.
"That's it! There's that fire! There's the Angelica we knew and, for some reason, loved! She'd not sit here moping and feeling sorry for herself. She'd walk right up to Chuckie and say, hey, don't marry her! You have to marry me instead."
Angelica didn't say anything for a moment, then, to Tommy's surprise, she suddenly sprang up.
"You're right, dammit!" Angelica shouted. "I'm going straight there, right now, and telling Finster who's boss. I'll tell you one thing – it's not that tramp! I'll teach her to make my cousin wear a hideous tuxedo. At my wedding you'll wear powder blue, and you'll like it."
"Great."
"Now let's go," she announced. She stormed out of the room, ignoring Tommy and Susie's cry that she was still in her pyjamas.
###
When they arrived at the Finster residence Susie was pretty keen on staying in the cab, and Tommy went to meet Kimi. Angelica, now wearing a blue hoodie over her pink pyjamas made her way to Chuckie's room, where she barged in without knocking.
"Oh, no, don't tell me you're in that crappy maroon tuxedo too," she groaned upon seeing him.
"Angelica! What if I had been naked?" Chuckie shrieked. Angelica raised an eyebrow.
"What, exactly, would be the problem then?" she asked. Chuckie visibly gulped.
"I'm getting married in an hour," Chuckie said. Angelica strode over to him, enjoying it a little as he back up into the wall behind him until he had nowhere to go. She placed an arm on the wall, blocking him from trying to make an escape.
"Right, Finster, I'm in charge now. Don't marry her."
"W-w-what?"
"You heard me! Don't marry her; have me instead."
"Angelica, I-I-I-."
"Let me make this easier on you, Scaredy-cat," Angelica replied. "I love you. There, I admitted it. Now, do you love me?"
"Of co-," Chuckie stopped, looking positively torn. "I've always-..." He trailed off and tried to look at his feet.
"Spit it out, Finster!" she snapped, but she couldn't help but feel that swoop in her stomach.
"I-I-I," he began. "I love you, Angelica."
"Shut up and kiss me, Finster," Angelica snapped. Chuckie suddenly obliged, even managing to catch Angelica off guard a bit as his mouth slammed into hers. Angelica grabbed his jacket in her hands and pushed his back into the wall, never breaking the kiss. Eventually it was Chuckie who broke it to speak.
"Angelica, I can't," he began.
"What did I tell you about talking?" Angelica snapped back, kissing him again.
"Angelica, I can't do this," Chuckie said, breaking again. "I could never cheat on someone. I have to break up with Jessica before we can..." Angelica groaned.
"You're being all noble and stupid and you have any idea how turned on that makes me?" Angelica grumbled. "Fine, go and find your stupid fiancée and break her stupid heart. But get back here soon or I'll just have to amuse myself."
"Right, I'm going," Chuckie announced.
Angelica watched expectantly as he stood there, unmoving.
"Well?" Angelica asked.
"I just... need a minute," Chuckie said, trying to avoid her gaze. Angelica allowed her own gaze to drift downwards for a moment, before it shot back up.
"Boys," she muttered, stumbling over to collapse on Chuckie's bed, where she grabbed a nearby magazine, before realising it was the one she worked for and throwing it away in disgust.
###
When Chuckie got downstairs he ran into Dil, who was apparently the only one left. Tommy had encouraged Chuckie's parents to head over to the church with Kurt, leaving just Dil to take Chuckie over.
Chuckie sat and fidgeted in the car the whole journey.
"Dude, relax," Dil said. "Just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I'm a bad driver."
"You don't have a license?" Chuckie said as calmly as he could muster. "Splendid. I'm going to die."
"Look, the only reason I don't have a license is I refuse to let the system control me," Dil said. "I'm a perfectly safe driver. I'll get you there, and I'll drive you back so you can get to boffing my cousin afterwards." There was a long silence.
"Maybe just stick to driving," Chuckie said.
They arrived at Tommy's parent's house, where the bridal party was currently set up, to see with relief that they all appeared to still be there. Chuckie strode up to the front door and politely knocked.
Dil, on the other hand, walked past him and opened the door.
Chuckie, feeling a little embarrassed, attempted to follow, only to be blocked off by Jessica's mother.
"You can't come in here!" she shouted at him. "It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding!"
"You have no idea," Dil told her. Despite Chuckie's protests and insistence that it was urgent he speak to Jessica, there was no way he was being let in and Jessica's mother threatened that they would not even leave for the wedding until Chuckie was well away.
"Why didn't you just tell them you needed to break up with her before the wedding?" Dil asked once they were back in the car.
"It seemed a bit tactless," Chuckie replied.
"Whereas it's much better to actually dump her at the altar," Phil, who they found still half-dressed in Tommy's house, added. Apparently the bridal party had just carried on around him while he smoked and watched TV.
Seeing no alternative, they made their way to the church. Chuckie's nerves were not helped by a saucy text from Angelica that made even Phil (who was reading over Chuckie's shoulder) blush.
"Dude, you finally got your act together then?" Phil asked. Chuckie forgot that Phil had been out of it for a while, and hadn't yet been brought up to speed.
"Why did you think I was talking about calling off the wedding?" Chuckie asked. Phil shrugged.
"I 'unno. Maybe I thought you'd just chickened out or something. Seems like a Chuckie thing to do."
With that Chuckie began to doubt himself once again. What if this was just fear? Did all grooms-to-be get the sudden urge to ditch everything and run off with a childhood friend?
They arrived at the church, and Chuckie hopped out of the car to suddenly be swarmed with people who all wanted to congratulate him. Somewhere in the mess he lost Dil and Phil, and decided the only way to break the crowd was to make it to the church.
Somehow he managed to fight his way through, and walked up to Kurt and Tommy, who were hanging up around the altar. Tommy's hands were in his pockets and he was clearly paying no attention to anything Kurt was saying.
"There you are," Kurt said once Chuckie approached. "I was just saying how I hoped you hadn't decided to run out on my sister and not turn up."
"And I was thinking that's ridiculous," Tommy said, clapping Chuckie on the back. "He did turn up."
Kurt looked vaguely satisfied, but Tommy turned to whisper to Chuckie.
"You're running out, right?" Tommy hissed.
"I am not running out," Chuckie snapped back. "I'm going to tell her everything, and then I'm walking calmly out."
"That's what you think. Kurt used to play football. Or hockey. Or maybe it was badminton; I wasn't really listening."
"Is there any chance you can come up with a plan?" Chuckie asked. Tommy looked deep in thought for a moment.
"How about, when the priest does the does anyone know of any reason why these two shan't be wed bit, I pip up and say you're already married or something," Tommy suggested. "To Phil. He'll play along if we give him five bucks."
Phil's head suddenly appeared beside them. "I want ten," he said. "What do you need me to do; I just heard my name?"
Dil suddenly appeared as well, making them now a four-man huddle. "For ten I'll claim your a space-monster who's planning to eat her on your wedding night."
Lil's head arrived as well. "Hey, for ten bucks I'll tell everyone that one of my children is yours," Lil added.
"Lil!?" Chuckie exclaimed.
"The catch is I don't know which one," Lil added with a grin. Phil offered her a high-five.
"No, I mean, how do you even know about this? Who told you?" Chuckie asked.
"Oh, I have internet on my phone. I just checked Angelica's Twitter," she said, taking it out and showing them.
"Have taken off all my clothes, just waiting for my man to come and give me the business," Tommy read. "Well, that's my nightmares sorted for the next six months."
"Don't look directly at it, Chuckie!" Phil said, grabbing Chuckie's lapels and shaking him. "Like the Jaws of Infinity, it'll suck you in!"
Kimi was next to arrive. "Just so you know, the bride is here," she said. "I kind of need a couple of groomsmen to walk the bridesmaids down the aisle, if it's not too much trouble." She looked at Chuckie. "I recommend just running now. It'll be less painful than actually waiting until the ceremony starts."
"No, I have to be a man," Chuckie said, sucking it up.
"Never too late to start," Phil assured him, patting him on the back. Lil made her way back to where her family was sitting, and Dil and Tommy followed Kimi out to where the bridal party was probably waiting. Chuckie took another deep breath, preparing himself for what was surely to be the worst break-up in history.
"I could have sent a text," Chuckie said to himself.
"Already ahead of you, big guy," Phil said, handing him back his phone. "She must have it switched off."
"How did you get my phone?" Chuckie hissed.
"Swiped it in the car. Angelica wonders when you're getting back. She's gone downstairs and found a can of whipped cream," Phil told him.
Chuckie didn't have any doubts any more.
The band struck up the bridal march, and the bridal party began to march through. Tommy and Kimi; Dil and the good-looking bridesmaid; Kurt and the not-so-good-looking maid of honour. Last of all was Jessica and her father. Chuckie steeled himself as best he could.
When Jessica reached the altar she smiled at him, but then shot a dark look at Phil who was still hanging about.
"What is he doing here?" she hissed at Chuckie. "I refuse to get married with that imbecile leering at me."
"Well, funny you should mention that," Phil began, taking a step forward. Tommy immediately grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him back into line with the other groomsmen.
"Jessica, there's something I need to tell you," Chuckie began.
"Dearly beloved!" the priest, who had suddenly arrived beside Chuckie like a ninja, boomed.
"Look, hold on a second," Chuckie hissed. "I need to talk to her before, well..."
"Chuckie, what are you doing?" Jessica demanded. Chuckie gulped.
"He cannot get married!" Phil announced, stepping forward. "He is already married! TO ME!" There were gasps from the congregation, and the sound of Lil's hand slapping against her forehead.
"That thing you were smoking in my house was a cigarette, right?" Tommy asked. Dil, considered the be the expert on Phil's lunacy, solemnly shook his head with the look of man who has seen it all before.
"Do you think this is funny?" Jessica demanded, looking from Phil to Chuckie in disbelief. "We're supposed to be getting married."
"He does not understand – he is an alien space monster, who plans to devour his mate after your deflowering!" Dil announced, totally deadpan.
"And my baby!" Lil announced, standing up in the crowd. "My baby is actually Chuckie's as well. He cannot abandon our child."
"WHAT?" Lil's husband Carl shouted, standing up beside her. "When were you planning on telling me this?"
"Well, as long as none of them turned out ginger I thought I'd be fine," Lil replied, giving him a calm down gesture. She whispered something to him, which caused him to suddenly turn around and shout to Chuckie.
"I could never stand between your true love," he told Chuckie. "Stay with my Lil, and raise your and/or my children!"
"He's not the real Chuckie, either," Tommy said, going with the flow. "I am – he's actually the real Tommy, but he's just dyed his hair ginger. Can't you tell by his stunning good looks and excellent charisma that he could only be Tommy Pickles?"
"But, if you're the real Chuckie, does that mean you came here with your own sister as a date?" the good-looking bridesmaid asked. Tommy thought about this for a moment.
"Sure, why not? That's just how this family rolls, baby." He winked at her for effect. Kimi looked more amused than anything else.
"What the hell is going on?" Jessica demanded.
"Jessica, I have to tell you something," Chuckie said. "My friends are trying to help, well, because they think I'll chicken out and, let's face it, all past evidence agrees with them. But I have to be a man now. Please understand, it's not you; it's me... actually, that's not really true either. It's this naked blonde chick in my room."
"Are you breaking up with me?" Jessica asked, suddenly tearing up. "I can't believe this. You're dumping me on our wedding day?"
"God, Jessica, I'm so sorry," Chuckie pleaded. "I never meant for you to get hurt."
"You absolute bastard," Jessica sobbed, throwing the bouquet at him. It bounced off his head where the not-so-good-looking maid of honour made a dive for it. "I hope you die and rot in hell, Charles Finster!" she snapped, before turning and storming out.
Chuckie watched her leave, unaware that Kurt was behind him, rolling up his sleeves.
"I'm 'onna kill you, Finster!" he roared.
"Now, Phil!" Tommy shouted. Phil lunged forward and cleanly booted Kurt in the balls. As Kurt hunched over in pain, the Pickles brothers jumped on his back, trying to drag him to the ground.
###
Angelica was playing one of Chuckie's old computer games when he got back in, his nose stuffed with toilet roll to stem the blood and his glasses hastily taped back together. Angelica barely looked up from the game.
"Was it a nice ceremony?" Angelica asked.
"Turns out the sport Kurt used to do in college was wrestling," Chuckie said. "Tommy has a black eye, Dil broke a rib and Phil may have a concussion... although with Phil, it might be hard to tell." He smiled. Angelica paused the game to look up at him.
"You were taking so long, I was worried you'd wussed out and married her," she said. Chuckie dropped down on the bed beside her, pulling an arm around her shoulder.
"Don't worry; my friends had my back," he assured her.
"And in a few moments, you'll have me on my back as well," Angelica replied. Chuckie's eyes went wide.
"Excellent," he croaked.