A/n: Set after episode 403 and before 407. I own nothing.

I thought I knew happiness once. Then my mother killed it.

Happiness is a figment of our imagination; we create the images we believe will make us happy and then we strive to achieve it. As humans we set our aims too high and fall flat on our faces when dreams crash back into reality.

And then he came in- dashing, sweet, and the figurehead of everything I will never be. He's good, with a loyal heart and trust for days. The only problem is, he put his trust in me.

"You what?" he asks now, looking at me through those haunted eyes. I could be lost in his gaze any other time but now, as he looks at me in horror.

I purse my lips, unsure how to continue the topic of our discussion. For once I can't blame Emma for the problem here, even if she is at the root of it all. I fell into this dilemma, by not watching what I say.

I gulp, unsure what to say to clear the air. I can count the times in my life I've been struck into silence on one hand. No matter the situation, I always have something to say. So why words evade me now I couldn't begin to explain.

"I… it was tempting," I sigh, my voice growing small. I can feel the angst in my chest, a surreal ache I've never truly experienced before. Killing has been such a part of my life for so long now, I've practically forgotten what remorse feels like. "I thought about it Robin, but I wasn't going to carry it through!"

He sits on the bench, and I am thankful that tonight Storybrooke has decided to die down with the time. It's late, and the last thing I need is a curious audience watching as my dreams unravel further.

"You planned to kill Marian?" he asks, eyes downcast as he looks to his hands. "While she's helpless… seduced by the Snow Queen's magic?"

"It was just a thought!" I snap, though I can hear my voice shaking. This Robin Hood is such a problem. He unlocks emotions in me that I have kept locked away from so long. He mixes the hurt and sorrow and passion and excitement I felt with Daniel. Yet he is so much more complicated to be with. "I was angry… I didn't think it was fair that fate was keeping you with her, when clearly your emotions lie elsewhere. And I knew if she wasn't a problem in the picture then I could have you for myself, just as we were planning. Obviously I second guessed my actions, because she's still alive and sleeping at the hospital. She hasn't stirred since she was cursed."

"I know Marian's condition!" he scolds, standing. He braced towards me, body language telling me instinctively to stay away. He doesn't want me near. "And I know very well that you do as well. Regina, I thought you had changed. I thought you were trying to move past the Evil Queen title… the killing."

"I am Robin," I sigh, meeting his eyes. "But playing the bad guy was my lifestyle for a long time. Killing is embedded in my very soul. When I wanted something, I sought to take it by any means necessary. Death was only a concept, counted by the bodies I saw littering the fields when I traveled. Execution was a game, a ploy to enhance my power. I never had to deal with the emotional scarring death leaves behind." My tone takes on a bitter tone, memories of my late father resurfacing, as well as Daniel. "I made sure I had no one close enough to me for it to matter."

He's looking at me now, eyes wide and open as though he's seeing me for the first time. It should be no surprise to him about my backstory, since we existed during the same time together, just in two different zones of that world. He didn't know me personally.

"Death didn't even bother you?" he asks, his tone soft and judgmental. The sound goes straight to my heart, pulling on my emotions. He knows who I used to be, not how I used to think. "After all this time, and you changing your mind, you've never felt guilt set in for your past."

I look down, my lip twitching at his words. Robin is an understanding man, and even the most charismatic people have a breaking point. "There's nothing I can do to change it. Why would I regret it? Being the Evil Queen made me who I am today. And despite what everyone in this town thinks, I like who I am."

"I like who you are too," he breaths, though his actions don't match his words. He steps away from me. "I like who you are today. But I never knew you… you wanted to kill Marian."

I shrug, unable to argue with the truth I've set free. "Until Swan brought her back, we could've been together. Now your loyalty pilots you to be with her, based off a marriage you thought crumbled years ago. She was a part of your former life. I was supposed to be a part of your new one."

"And you will be," he demonstrates, extending a hand towards me. "But Marian gave me my son. I loved her. If circumstances were different-"

"If Swan didn't screw up and bring the one person back from the dead who changed my life again?" I snap, catching his attention, and he sighs.

"Yes, she did that. And I love Marian… I loved her once." His voice hitches, and I'm completely watching my thief unravel under the emotional pressure. "Regina I can't just leave her after she's been saved! Fate brought us back together for some reason. What kind of husband am I if I leave her out in the cold? None of us are at fault for what has happened."

"Yet I'm the only one getting screwed," I mutter.

Robin groans, running fingers through his fine locks. "I know you're upset, Regina. In many ways I am too. This stuck a knife in our plans and severed them apart. But Marian is my wife. You cannot just kill her to get what you want!"

"That's what I'm used to doing," I reply, clenching my hands together.

"Then you need to find a new way of dealing with your emotions," he replies stiffly. "Killing Marian would not have made me love you any more, Regina. I'm disappointed that you are backtracking to your former self."

"I'm not backtracking!" I snap, angry now. "Robin, I decided against it okay? I came up with a better idea that wouldn't involve killing anyone. I stopped myself from going through with it."

"And what idea is that?" he asks tensely, shoving his hands down in his pockets. "Does it involve killing someone else? Locking her up perhaps?"

"Robin-"

"Regina I thought you were changing. For so long now you've held your hands together and kept from former habits. And now all you want is to end her life?"

"I don't want to end her life," I snap, emphasizing my point. "I'm not going down that road anymore Robin. You have to understand that I'm not headed down that path anymore."

"But you were."

"You know me. I've changed from the woman who once tried to end her life back in the Enchanted Forest. If I had wanted her dead so badly it would have happened by now."

He sucks in a breath of air, turning away from me. "I thought you were changing, but if you had those thoughts once about Marian then what if it happens again? When she wakes you might feel the same pang of jealousy. Will you kill her then?"

"Never. I told you I found a different solution."

"And what exactly is that Regina? Because frankly I'm a bit scared to hear it."

I shake my head, letting a bitter chuckle escape. "I thought you could see the real me Robin."

"I thought I did see the real you Regina- and I'm afraid you're not the person I thought you to be."

I turn, shaking my head as I begin walking away. "Neither are you. All you see is the same, evil person everyone else in this town imagines me to be."

"Mom, you have to talk to Robin," Henry says, sitting in my kitchen two days later. "He's been really depressed the past few days."

"I wonder why."

"Did you two have a fight? I always know when Emma's having a bad day with Killian because she gets moody and uptight."

"Henry, I really don't want to hear about how Emma and Hook act around each other. I see enough of it every time Swan runs into me on one of her many quests."

"Sorry mom," he says with a cheeky smile. "But you haven't been very happy either the past two days. Did something happen?"

I pause mid-sip of my tea, debating what to say next. Gulping down the hot liquid, I wet my lips before speaking again. "Nothing happened. He just discovered my true colors."

"Mom, what happened? Was it about Marian? Was it operation-"

"Henry," I sigh, briefly closing my eyes, "It was a misunderstanding. We thought we meshed and understood one another better than we did. We both made sudden assumptions about the other."

"Mom-"

"You won't understand until your older," I snap, cutting the conversation short. "Come on now, finish up your breakfast. Emma wants to bring over the snow princess later about… something else ungodly."

"Elsa's coming over?"

I nod, less than elated. The one and only person I really want to have a conversation with won't speak to me, and I certainly won't play the part of the bigger person this time around. I think I've been handling myself fairly well since Marian's sudden return, considering what hell it's now put me through.

Robin- damn it, Robin, I can't get him off my mind. Here I thought I found someone who saw the real me beneath the facade and the fronts, but instead he's seeing a monster now- the monster I used to be some time ago.

A knock sounds on the door, and I hardly think anything of it as Henry goes to retrieve it. He returns a moment later, towing someone behind him. Glancing up, I'm surprised at who it is.

"You seem to have a habit of surprising me at my home," I say, arching an eyebrow. Henry gives me a funny wink and dashes from the room. Whether that was a supportive gesture or a questioning wink I'm not sure.

"Regina," he begins, running rugged fingers through his thick locks, "I'm sorry to bother you at home."

"I don't think that's ever really stopped anyone before," I say, not a hint of kindness in my tone. If I steel myself from feeling emotion for him maybe I'll feel better.

He sighs, sitting beside me at the table. "You're so defensive sometimes."

"Was I supposed to be excited to see you?" I joke, feigning happiness. "I guess I was confused, since you've considered me nothing more than the monster I used to be these past few days."

He wets his lips, considering what to say next. "It's been a bit surprising. Always knew… thought, really, that your mind might travel to such alternatives as death, but it was a bit frightening to actually know you'd really try to kill Marian a second time."

"I told you before I changed my mind Robin."

"I believe you," he says sincerely, holding up his hands. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I doubted you. At first I was upset with you Regina, but I have to admit I can understand your side of things- in a way. To imagine you being with another man-"

"You've thought of me with other men?" I interrupt, surprised a bit. Honestly, who else in this town would even want to be with me?

"Yes- a few times. When I'm asleep at night and it's Marian beside me instead of you I get all tense inside. Yes she's my wife, but I don't treat her with the kindness and affection she deserves. I'm not loyal to her anymore- but to another."

I inhale sharply at that, knowing without having to question him exactly who he's referring to. "And how does that tie into me being with someone else?"

He faces me fully, hands resting tensely on his knees. "To imagine you sleeping beside another is pure agony. You certainly owe me no explanation to what you do with your nights, but I can assure you mine have been innocent and partially lonely since Marian returned, as reluctant as I am to admit." He reaches out, daring to brush my cheek with the back of his hand. "I miss what we have."

"We don't have anything Robin," I say, defenses going up. "So long as she is here and you feel obligated to your wife, we won't have anything ever again. I can thank Miss Swan for that one."

Standing, I turn to leave the kitchen. As I'm about to leave the kitchen a gentle hand comes to rest on my shoulder, turning my reluctant body around slowly. I don't want to look at him, to feel the continued anguish.

"Marian will always be my wife Regina, but not the person I love," he says sincerely. He reaches to cup my face, yet I stop him halfway there.

"You're treading dangerously. You're going to start wavering if you kiss me now."

"And I want to waver Regina! Marian will always be my wife- my first wife and the mother to my child- but that doesn't make her my love. What we have here, together, is like nothing else I have ever felt before. It's remarkable. I'm a fool to continuously try to shy away from it. Loyalty is important where I come from and throughout my party, but sometimes traditions have to be severed. When Marian is awake and well again I will tell her the truth about us and that I am going to leave her for another, but I can't deceive her when she is ill."

I want to respond, say something compassionate to match his sweet words, but he descends upon me, capturing me in a kiss I have longed for far too long now. I melt briefly, savoring the feeling.

He draws back briefly. "Let yourself go a moment Regina. I won't do anything rash. But until I've told my wife the truth I can't see you on the side or I'm shaming her. Soon, once she's well again. Just let this kiss be our one for a while."

It's foreign to give into his touch and allow myself to feel something other than resentment towards Marian. But the kiss is intoxicating, causing warm feelings to seep through my body and reach all parts of me. He's enticing, exhilarating to be around.

Pulling back he steps away, and my fingers slide to my mouth on their own accord. They tingle from the loss of contact, and I force down a smile to keep from showing my true feelings. I won't show them now, not while everything is so complicated.

"When Marian wakes," he whispers, backing out of my home. He leaves without another word, and for many moments I'm left staring after him.

I slam my hand on the counter, the pain that shoots up my air practically going unnoticed.

"Damn it Robin," I whisper, closing my eyes. "What are you doing to me?"

A/n: This is just a look at the relationship that could form from Robin and Regina, if only he'd let go of his loyalty to his wife. This is a standalone story, and I'm sure it will not measure up to the actual solution the show will produce. I hope you enjoyed lovelies! Leave a comment if you have anything to say :)