It had been a few weeks after the first live at Yokohama Arena. Just a few weeks after the biggest slip-up in the history of my short-lived musical career.
On the second day of the Live… I had completely ruined a song that meant the world to every single member of our team. This was supposed to be our song. A song that all nine members had cherished ever so deeply. And I had played the wrong notes at the beginning… In the back of my mind, I knew that this would haunt me.
Sure, we managed to get through it after playing a second time, but… that feeling is still etched within me.
Failure.
I had failed everyone in that Arena, not just my friends. Over 17,000 people, not to mention the people that were watching the live viewings…
The piano… I haven't touched it since the end of the first live. My precious piano just sits in my bedroom near the balcony, not once being played. I couldn't find the courage to even walk up to it.
And, passing by the music room at Uranohoshi… to think that something that I loved would become my worst nightmare… I had never imagined that happening.
I haven't shown up at school. There's definitely talk going on about the incident… I wouldn't be able to bear hearing any of it. I can't face the others right now.
I get texts from everyone almost three times a day.
"When are you coming back?"
"We're all worried sick about you, Riko-chan. Please talk to us."
"Please don't let this dwell on you too much. We're here for you."
Seeing those words on my LINE messages just makes my heart hurt even more.
I was laying in bed, my eyes bloodshot and puffy. I heaved a sigh for the umpteenth time, and heard my phone go off beside me. I blew a breath, tiredly grabbing my phone, checking my messages. I scrolled through to see that I had message from Kanan-san.
"Riko-chan. Please don't beat yourself up over this. This was a mistake anyone in your position could have made, even with as much experience as you. Do you know why you were able to play our song that second time? Surely, you do. It's because we were all there for you… You probably don't remember much after you had played the second time, but at that moment, we had given it every ounce of energy we had… so that our feelings would reach you. Our voices cracked, but we didn't care. We were out of breath, but we didn't care. As long as our love had reached you, then that's all that matters. Remember, with failure comes success. You can learn from this, Riko-chan. I know you can. I'm not saying this as a member of Aqours. I'm saying this as a dear friend. Please, don't give up."
I held my phone to my chest and could feel my chest tighten. Tears streamed down my face as I took a deep breath. But, I felt the lump build up in my throat, as I brought a shaky hand to my lips, muffling my choked sobs.
I'm sorry… Everyone… I'm so sorry…
Chika
I let a sigh leave my lips, and look over to my balcony to see Riko-chan's curtain closed. I reach for my phone, and decide to call her. I dial her number.
One ring…
Another…
Another…
Another…
Another…
And… voicemail.
I clicked my tongue, and hung up. My phone instantly rang, and I hastily answered.
"Riko-chan?!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry to disappoint," Kanan-chan joked. I sighed. "So… any idea what you're gonna do, Chika…?" I laughed sarcastically.
"When did this suddenly become all up to me?"
"Well, we've all tried talking to her; calling and texting. It's like she refuses to speak to any of us."
Then, something suddenly came to mind…
"Wait, Kanan-chan, I think I have an idea."
"Eh?"
"Can you conference everyone in?"
"O-kay…"
Riko
"Got everything?" My mother asked me for about the third time that morning. I decided to come into school today.
"Yes, Mom," I chuckled, slipping my shoes on at the entryway. She gave me a sad smile.
"Stay strong, okay?" I let my shoulders slump. "I know it may be hard to face your friends after what happened." I bit my lip before shaking my head.
"I'll be fine," I sighed. She placed a hand on my shoulder, smiling softly.
"Now, get going, before you're late."
"Ittekimasu."
I took a few steps out of the house, and turned my head to Chika-chan's balcony, a solemn expression on my face. I sighed softly before walking on.
3:30pm
The school day had ended quicker than I expected, and I had survived without talking to any of my friends. I wanted to avoid them as much as possible today… I had to get straight home.
Yeah, right. You know as well as anyone else that you're just running away from all this. Get over yourself.
I know they'll just see me as a huge disappointment… I have no right to stand on stage with the rest of them. I have no right to participate in Love Live. I have no right to be a member of Aqours… Just… no right.
I kept my head low, walking over to my shoe locker. I opened it and noticed a slip of paper on top of my outdoor shoes. What is this?
I took the paper out and turned it over. I furrowed my brow, looking at what it had said.
Come to the Music Room.
I felt myself tense up. The Music Room… When was the last time that I was in there…? I can't even bother to remember.
But, I reluctantly do as the note says and turn back into the hallways to make my way towards the Music Room. I finally made it, and could feel my heart racing as I reached for the door handle. I swallowed hard, and slid the door open. My eyes widened as I saw the other eight members of Aqours in their costumes for… Omoi yo Hitotsu ni Nare.
"Hey, Riko-chan!" Chika-chan said cheerfully, smiling.
"Glad you made it!" You-chan added, giving her signature salute, and a wink.
I stood at the doorway, baffled, my mouth hanging open, when I notice You-chan's right wrist.
"Ah, You-chan, what's…?"
"Ah, this? You remember these, right?" she said, giving another wink. They were all wearing the scrunchies that I had given them. My chest tightened as the dark memory of the first live surfaced my mind once again, and it took everything I had not to tuck tail and run straight home. Dia-san came up to me, and took my hand.
"Come on, now." She led me to the piano bench, and I tightened my grip on her hand. She felt this and smiled softly. "Take a seat." I hesitantly sat myself down, my back facing the piano.
"W-What's this all about, girls?" I asked. "I… I thought… you all were mad at me."
"I'm gonna stop you right there, Riri," Yocchan said coming over to me, her arms crossed. "No one here is mad at you. Actually, a lot of us are impressed that you made such an awesome comeback."
"You could have stopped right then and there," Mari-san added. "But, you didn't. You kept going."
"And played beautifully, at that," said Hanamaru-chan. I blushed.
"Well, that's only because you were all there for me…"
"Well… this is our way of saying… I guess, 'Welcome back'!" Ruby-chan exclaimed.
Kanan-san came up to me, and placed her hands on my thighs.
"Just sit tight, and listen closely, alright?" I nodded. Kanan-san went over to the speakers, and pressed 'Play' before quickly joining the others. They all took their positions, with Chika-chan kneeling in front, and everyone circling around behind her. I clenched my fists and blew a breath before Chika-chan began to sing.
Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare (omoi ga hitotsu ni naru toki)
Kono toki o matteita
With each piano melody that played, they mimed playing the piano. I laughed a little as they danced along to the accompaniment of the intro.
Futo kidzuku to kasanariau yo
Ichizu ni mirai o yobu kokoro
Furueteru te o nigitte iku nda yo
Surechigatta ato de
Douji ni furimuita
Hora ne
Hontou wa
Issho datta yo kimochi wa ne
Nanika o tsukamu koto de (yume ni mo iroiro aru kara)
Nanika o akiramenai (sou desho?)
Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare
Doko ni itemo
Onaji ashita o
Shinjiteru
Wow wow itsudatte kokoro no mama
Wow wow itsudatte hitotsu ni nare
Chikadzuitari hanaretari datta ne
Umaku ikanakute
Zutto
Tsutaerarenai koto ga atta yo
Majime na kao shite
Douji ni waraidasu
Yappari
Kimi to
Tsunagatteru ureshii yo
Daijina yume ou toki
Daijina hito ga wakaru
Omoi wa hitotsu dayo to
Chigau basho e
Mukau toshitemo
Shinjiteru
During the instrumental, they danced along, and I watched, tapping my feet to the rhythm. Then, as the instrumental neared the bridge, I noticed they each held something in their hands. Flowers…?
Kakegae no nai hibi o
As Mari-san sang, she placed a sakura flower on my lap.
Sugoshiteta nda
Kanan-san did the same, and each of them, following their parts, placed a sakura flower on my lap.
Imasara wakatta
Hitori janai
Kakegae no nai hibi o (koko de)
Tsumi kasanete (hitotsu hitotsu)
Imasara wakatta
Hitori janai (issho dayo ne)
Chika-chan gave me the softest smile and placed a sakura flower in my hair. I brought my hands to my lips, overwhelmed with emotion, as the tears flowed freely down my face.
Nanika o tsukamu koto de (yume ni mo iroiro aru kara)
Nanika o akiramenai (sou desho?)
Omoi yo hitotsu ni nare
Doko ni itemo
Onaji ashita o
Shinjiteru
Daijina yume ou toki
Daijina hito ga wakaru
Omoi wa hitotsu dayo to (wakaru nda omoi wa hitotsu)
Chigau basho e
Mukau toshitemo
Shinjiteru (shinjiteru kara)
As the ending accompaniment played, they finished the piano melody with the same choreography. As the final note played, I smiled from ear to ear, letting my tears fall freely from my eyes. They all came up to me, as I looked up at them. I was greeted with such beautiful smiles of support and love from my beloved friends.
Chika-chan and You-chan hugged me as tight as they could. I laughed in their embrace.
"You guys… I love you all…"
"Aww, we love you, too!" Mari-san said, going in to hug me. The rest followed suit.
"Group hug!" Kanan-san shouted.
We laughed and cried tears of happiness, the nine of us, and in that moment, I had realized…
No matter what darkness I go through, I can count on these eight members to guide me to the light.