Tonight I Wanna Cry, a gilmore girls fanfic

I just recently got the new Keith Urban CD, and this song really struck me. Its pretty intense and immediatly made me thing of Luke. Since we saw how she handled their break up after Wedding Bell Blues, I wanted to take a look at how he might have felt. Because of some of the lines in the first stanza, I'm basing this after she made that answering machine call and then told him he wouldn't have to deal with her craziness anymore.

I seriously suggest that you find the song either on Keith's CD Be Here, or on AOL Music and listen to it before or while you read this story. It will bring out the full effect of the intensity of the lyrics and possibly the story itself.

A/N: I originally planned for this to be a one shot song fic, but I've already heard from one person asking for an update, so I was contemplating a sequel. I'll wait until I know that enough people liked this story before typing a new one, so please review. Also if you have any suggestions for a song for the new story, let me know in your review. Thanks everyone!

Disclaimer: I do not own Luke or Lorelai, nor do I own Keith Urban, or the rights to his song.

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine

Luke sat in his armchair staring at the silent TV in front of him. There were beer bottles on the coffee table in front of him and he held a bottle of wine in his hand. He had purchased the wine for a day with Lorelai, planning on surprising her with a romantic dinner. Instead he drank the wine straight from the bottle by himself. Soon he became restless and stood, walking around his empty apartment. He stopped in front of his bedside table, picking up a picture of the two of them.

There's pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walkin' away

The framed photo was the one of them Rachel had taken at the Firelight festival four years ago. Tucked into the frame, in front of the glass, was a candid Rory had taken of them. In it Luke was standing behind Lorelai with his arms around her middle. She in turn had rested her arms on his and leaned back, resting her head against his shoulder. They had been watching another town function, when he'd wrapped his arms around her. She'd turned to look up at him and he'd pressed a kiss to her lips, and they'd stood like that for a long time. Neither knew when the picture had been taken, but it was one of his favorites.

He took the photo out of the frame and made his way back to his chair. He couldn't believe he'd blown it. Eight years of waiting and hoping for her to finally see him as more than the local diner owner, and he'd finally gotten her. But he'd screwed up, he'd gotten jealous and thrown everything away. The hurt in her eyes when he'd said that the relationship was too much. Hearing her voice on his answering machine destroyed him, it killed him when she cried, so he'd rushed to her house, only to have her tell him to leave, that she'd be fine, that he wouldn't have to endure anymore craziness from her. He'd returned to his apartment and immediately grabbed a beer. He'd sat in his chair staring at that answering machine tape for longer than he'd care to admit before turning on the TV.

I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein' strong meant never losin' your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let got of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Even when his father died, he'd fought any show of emotion. He'd waited to return to his father's office before he'd finally reacted, but even then he hadn't cried. Instead he'd gotten angry. Angry at his father for leaving them, and his sister for not caring, and at God. He'd punched a hole in the wall and trashed a lot of the office. He prided himself on his strength, his ability to hold on to his reputation and gruff demeanor.

Maybe it was all the beers, maybe not, but he felt the tears jump to his eyes. He couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. He'd lost the best thing to happen to him in a long time, possibly ever. This time...he let himself cry.

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
"All By Myself" would sure hit me hard now that you're gone

After a few minutes he stood and turned off his TV, restless again. He flipped the radio on to fill the silence and buried his head in his hands as he heard the first few bars of a sad song. He shut the radio off quickly and paced around the room.

Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hidin' this way

He opened his dresser drawer to hide the pictures of her and pulled out a piece of Hello Kitty stationary. His hand shook as he opened it. Scrawled across the pink paper in her distinctive writing were words telling him she missed him, that she couldn't wait until he returned. The letter was from his seven weeks in Maine. She'd wanted to do more than call, and thought that actually writing a letter would be fun. He'd teased her that she'd had too much time on her hands, but secretly that letter meant a lot to him. Over the past few months he'd pulled it out whenever he had begun to doubt that it was even real, whenever he needed a reminder that yes, Lorelai Gilmore really did want to be with him, and that he wasn't just dreaming. His eyes welled up again as he read her words to him, wishing they were still true, wishing he hadn't screwed everything up.

Please Review!