Goodbye

Author: Malachite

Disclaimer: Another something that I just had to write. Unedited. BTR is not mine. This story is. Please review.

Kendall was really good at observing. He wasn't as oblivious as Carlos, as self-absorbed as James, or as over analytical and detached as Logan. He could tell when something was off. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, studying the boy sprawled out in bed. "James…"

The pretty boy was rolling back and forth every few minutes, making frustrated little whimper sounds. As sheen of sweat shone on his bare arms, his sleeveless tank top sticking to his built chest. Kendall shook his head sadly, pained by the sight of his friend suffering.

He knocked softly on the doorframe, padding in quietly in his socks. "Hey."

James rolled over, a hand going to his hair and futilely trying to tame his bedhead. "Hey." His gaze followed Kendall as the blonde walked over to the bed, sitting at the foot of it.

They stared at each other for one long minute, eyes challenging yet sad.

Kendall cleared his throat. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?"

James glowered, angrily brushing his bangs over his eyes to try lessen the piercing emerald gaze being directed towards him. "I told you guys already. I must have had some bad sushi at lunch. It's just a stomachache."

"That's bullshit." Kendall climbed up on the bed, crawling towards James, whose eyes got wider and whose mouth dropped open further as the blonde came closer and closer. Kendall's gaze never left his, eyes determined yet radiating concern. "Tell me."

James' mouth snapped shut and he shook his head. "It's not your problem." He crossed his arms over his chest and scooted up, back pressed against the headboard as he tried to stop the shaking that was now afflicting his body. Kendall always got to him.

Kendall crawled right on top of James, bracing his arms on either side of the larger boy's body. He made himself comfortable in James' lap, eyes practically glowing as he continued his stare-down. "Please…tell me." He reached out and gently brushed James' hair out of his eyes.

James swallowed and slowly reached out to place his hands on Kendall's shoulders, eyes closing as he took a deep breath. "It's about my grandma."

Kendall nodded, brushing a thumb over James' cheek to make the boy open his eyes again. "Yeah?"

James nodded, reassured by Kendall's gaze. "Uhm, I just am feeling down because of how everything turned out…"

Kendall bit his lip thoughtfully, and then rolled off of James. He curled up next to the boy, pulling him into a tight hug and leaning his head on James' shoulder. "Tell me what happened."

"Well, you know how I was getting ready to go visit her in Ohio, right? I mean I hadn't seen her in years, and the last card I wrote was a good, what, six months ago or a year or something? And with her being sick and stuck in bed…final stages of cancer and all." He shook his head, a shudder running through his body. "Anyways, uhm, I didn't go cause my parents told me she didn't want me to come. She didn't want me to see her like that. She wanted me to remember her all healthy and laughing…like the time she fell off of the pier at the lake…" A small smile ghosted across his lips. "So…I didn't…a dying woman's last wishes, you know?"

Kendall nodded slowly. James rolled over so they were facing each other, arms now loosely wrapped around each other's backs. "That must've been hard…"

"Yeah. I mean, they said she was hooked up to a tube and everything…so when she died a week later it wasn't a surprise…" James closed his eyes, letting out a slow, deep breath. "And my parents went to the funeral alone too…"

Kendall pressed a soft kiss to James' forehead, running a hand through his long, soft hair in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "You never heard from her, huh?"

"No…I just…It stinks, Ken. Not being able to say goodbye…or tell her that I love her…" He bit his lip, sad hazel gaze trained on Kendall's face. "I mean yeah we weren't like super close, and I only saw her every few years, but still, she made the best cookies and vegetable soup in the world. She was always so happy to make me any breakfast I wanted. She took us to so many fun places. She…" he broke off, voice cracking.

"I would have taken you if you really wanted to go. Even if your family didn't want you to, could they really stop you?" Kendall never let anything stop him.

"Heh, you're such a good boyfriend…it makes me wonder what she would have thought of you. I mean, yeah, she was a Sunday school teacher and had that giant poster of the Pope, but…even with her being such a devout Catholic…I like to believe she would have seen how good you are to me."

"You're a good boyfriend too." He kissed James softly on the lips. "But you never answered the question."

James shrugged. "I'd have had to find a place to stay, plus rental car, and going against Dad's wishes on his own mother's funeral is not exactly…yeah…I figured…the best thing I could do would be to treasure all the good memories…" He frowned a bit. "Besides, I'm not Catholic so the whole heaven thing I'm sure they would have talked about would've had me uncomfortable."

"What about your cousins?"

James snorted. "You mean the vultures? Mom said they were all there, circling around and trying to get anything and everything willed over to them!"

"She was pretty well off…"

"Yeah, but, I heard my mom saying that Dad took himself out of the will or trust or whatever and that he didn't want anything to do with it. He was supposed to get something when Grandpa died but never did…I think Grandma kept all of it…I don't know, that side of the family is all messed up. I'm sure we're getting nothing though."

Kendall took James' hand in his and pressed a kiss to it. "James, you were a good grandchild to her, right up to the end. She passed away with that happy thought of you not wanting any of her stuff, and remembering her in the way she wanted to be remembered." Kendall kissed James again, sweetly but firmly enough to get all his emotions and feelings across. When he finally pulled back, both boys smiled. Kendall grabbed James hands in his, bowed his head, and closed his eyes. "Goodbye, Grandma Diamond…"

"Goodbye Grandma…" whispered James, clasping Kendall's hands tightly, eyes squeezing shut as a few tears trickled down his cheeks. "Thank you for everything you've ever given me. I love you."

(Author's Note: Dedicated to the memory of my Grandma. Goodbye. I love you.)