Ok so this is my first 'M' fic so i have no clue if it is any good, i am actually in the middle of writing another fic but i got this idea and just had to write it before i forgot. Please let me know what you think! Thanks x.

12th February 2013.

Amy was my best friend, I honestly don't know where I would be now if it wasn't for her, she stuck by me even when I was beating her black and blue, she was the one who helped me become a better person, she is the one who encouraged me to be proud of my sexuality and not hide it, she has helped me through so much, so why is it when I think of her now I feel hate and anger? How could she do this to me? How could she just waltz back into our lives after months of not being there to just take the kids and go? Yeah I understand that she is wary of Brendan, but he has changed just like I did, how could she not see it? Everyone could see it.

Every time I looked at Brendan I couldn't help but blame him for the reason my kids had gone, if he had changed earlier maybe things would have been different. I know he didn't mean for this to happen and I know that if he could he would change it but it still didn't stop me from blaming him, I couldn't even look him in the eyes. He tried to talk to me but I just kept cutting him off, after all his apologies are not going to bring my kids back, they are just words.
I was sorting the house out, I was grabbing the kids things and shoving them into boxes partly because I had to send them onto Mike anyway also because I couldn't stand to look at them, every time I did I felt my throat tighten and my eyes prickled. Brendan just picked up his coat and said he was going to work.
I was sorting through the cupboards when I found a letter labelled to me, I tore it open and skimmed it and then re-read it taking in every word,

Ste,

I know you probably hate me right now and I completely understand why, but I took the kids because I think it's what is best for them.

I didn't take the kids because I think you are a bad farther because you are not, you was there for them when I wasn't, you are a fantastic dad and don't ever doubt that!
I took the kids because of Brendan, not so much him, but his past. I can see how much he loves you and the kids, I really can, but who is to say he will never hurt you again? Maybe not with his fists but in other ways, the kids have grown attached to him and what if one day he wasn't there? What if his past crimes catch up with him and someone comes back for revenge, like Walker. Or what if he is arrested? Then what you will be on your own with two kids and a broken heart and I just can't risk that happening to our kids.

I know that we can work through this and come to some sort of agreement, I will never stop you from seeing the kids, but im sorry but I can't allow Brendan to see them, it is your choice to be with him, you know the risks, but the kids don't, the kid's lives could be at risk if someone decides to take revenge, surely you understand? But you are welcome to visit alone when you like, they are your kids as well.

There is another option, but it's your choice, come with us? We are moving to be in London, Dave got a promotion and it is closer to his family, there will be loads of work opportunities, you can stay with us for as long as you like, there is all the nightlife and you will make loads of great friends there, the gay scene is amazing! I know it will be a difficult decision, so we are going to be in Manchester for the rest of the week, we will be staying with dad.
Your choice.

Love

Amy. X

How could she make me choose between my pride and joy and the man I believed to be my soul mate?
I was reading the letter for the fifth time when I heard the key in the door, I quickly shoved the letter into the bread bin, as much as I was in a mood with Brendan, even if a little part of me did blame him for this it didn't mean that he had to read a letter that would confirm it to him. I knew that if he read that letter he would pack his bags and go, he would walk away now if it meant me being able to see my kids again, but I didn't want him to go, I didn't want him to leave me.

I walked over to him and placed my lips to his, the passion, love and lust started to build up as I opened my lips granting him access, he pushed me into the bedroom and my knees hit the back of the bed causing them to buck, I fell with a small thump onto the bed, I looked up at Brendan, his eyes we glazed with lust as he looked down at me, he made me squirm as he stared at me taking in the sight. He pulled is shirt over the top of his head not even bothering with the buttons before chucking it across the room, he leant forward and placed his knees either side of my hips and returned his lips to mine. As we started to get lost in the moment I flipped us over so I was straddling him. I leaned forward and kissed him with a small smile playing on my lips as I unbuckled his jeans, and pulled them down along with his boxers, I stroked the length of his shaft once, before moving down and placing my lips around the head of his cock, I licked the top of it and slowly lowered my mouth down until my nose was nuzzled in his pubic hair, as I sucked him using my hand also as my jaw ached from the whole thing my trousers grew more uncomfortable, Brendan's groans making me harder if that was possible, I removed my lips and stood and pulled of my trousers and boxers letting out a little moan because of the relief, I went to carry on but Brendan grabbed hold of me and flung me onto the bed, he sucked and bit down my body until he reached my groin,

"Bren… please… oh…"

He looked up at me, and said

"Little impatient are we not Steven?"

He bent his head down and placed his mouth around my cock and took the whole of me in, I closed my eyes as I let the pleasure take over me, I was gripping onto the bed sheets

"Fuck Bren…i….im gunna…."

The second I spoke those words Brendan removed his mouth and I instantly felt cold, he moved back up to my lips and possessed my mouth before leaning over to our 'special drawer' and pulling out a condom and some lube. Brendan squirts the lube onto his fingers and slowly inserted one then two inside me, he slowly fucked me with his fingers, preparing me for his cock. I open my eyes cause I can feel Brendan staring at me; I look into his hooded eyes and silently beg him to fuck me. But Brendan is a tease,

"What is you want Steven?"

"Bren you know, please."

"Not until you tell me."

I was to desperate right now to even feel embarrassed as I said

"I want you to fuck me!"

"All you had to do was ask."

With that Brendan rolled the condom and lubed it up, and slowly nudged at my ready opening, he gently buried himself inside me, I squeezed my eyes shut with pleasure, but Brendan just stayed still, didn't move an inch.

"Bren…" I moaned his name to which he replied

"Steven, keep your eyes open."

I obeyed and forced my eyes open, and stared into his, and the he started rocking inside me, starting of a slow pace, but it started to build up and soon I was moving up the bed and he thrust inside me, I tried to speak, I wanted him deeper and faster but the words just came out all scrambled

"Faster… oh god…Bren…deeper."

Brendan sped up and was hitting his prostate with every thrust, I was screaming out his name not giving a damn if the neighbors heard because now everything was forgotten it was just me and Bren. I was about to cum and Brendan hadn't even touched me.

"Bren… im gunna…oh god…fuck!"

I cummed all over my stomach, and Brendan rode me through it as I the ecstasy ran through my body, Brendan moaned my name as he too cummed into the latex, he pulled himself out of me and removed the condom tying the top into a knot and chucking into the bin in the corner of the room. He pulled me up the bed and under the covers, neither of us said anything as we came down from our highs, we spooned in the bed not even bothering to clean up after ourselves. I slowly turned around and snuggled into Brendan's neck giving it a small kiss.
We lied there a little longer Brendan's breathing became deeper and he fell asleep, but as much as I wanted it to sleep wouldn't take me, my brain would stop. I still had to make a decision Brendan or my kids?

Please leave a review and let me know what you think.

If it is crap i wont bother continuing with it, so please let me know:D