This fic contains hints of shoujo-ai (woman/woman). It isn't very clear, but hints of it can still be seen.
Disclosure
Isane dreamed again. It wasn't a nightmare, but a very... pleasant one. A shoulder brushed her arm, cuddling, sharing warmth to defend themselves against the chilly wind. Gentle, dry kisses on the wrist, cheek or hair. It never went further. No bare skin was revealed, and the innocent kisses never deepened. It confused Isane, but deep inside, she felt relieved. The recurring theme and dreams distressed her, sometimes even more than the nightmares.
Her movements and words changed when she was near the graceful presence that appeared every night. She stuttered more, murmured more, didn't want to meet these gentle, blue eyes. She was glad her taichou didn't feel the need to accompany her so much and assist her in tricky tasks – observing closely behind her shoulder every action she took, and gently prevented her from making any fatal mistakes.
She wanted to change this clumsy behaviour – Isane suspected her taichou was beginning to wonder if something was the matter with her. Yesterday evening, just when she was about to retire, her gentle voice stopped her, and accompanied her to her room. Isane couldn't refuse her, and she didn't even have to use that... scary smile. She'd sensed then, that the smaller woman was patiently waiting, remaining silent. She was giving her space and time to organise her thoughts but even when they stopped just outside her door, she couldn't utter a word. She couldn't accept her invitation. She didn't even know what to say. Blue eyes seemed to notice this, because they softened even more. She murmured an affectionate goodbye and quietly left.
Isane was glad she hadn't touched her, as she did many times in the past – she wouldn't know what she would do then. Her mind already went overdrive when her taichou walked close beside her, her haori brushing against her, and she completely blanked when she whispered in that godly voice.
Isane didn't liked to be touched. Touching others – patients, usually – wasn't such a problem, but she felt uncomfortable when others touch her. Even the touchy nature of her sister, she didn't feel completely at ease. Every time, she must fight against the urge to flinch.
Her taichou also liked to touch others. Isane had many times witnessed when she was seatless, became a seat, and was promoted to fukutaichou, an encouraging pat on the shoulder, fingers curling around an arm to comfort the other and a gentle pressure to calm a patient.
Isane wasn't exempt from this, but she was relieved she hadn't flinch once. She did tense many times, though, but was glad her taichou didn't think her touches were unwelcome – she didn't stop – but this just a bit... difficult for Isane.
She had tried to solve this problem, but how to figure this out when she didn't even know what it was she should do? She had listed her symptoms many times, but couldn't find a suitable diagnosis. The ones she did find were... peculiar. Impossible. Couldn't happen. And the worst thing was: there was no cure for that.
She normally would never do this, but it was something akin to desperation that she turned to another person for assistance. But who to turn to? Isane wasn't someone who trusted others with such... private things – actually, no one fit this description. She knew many in the Fourth Division respected her, even if she didn't understand it, not even now. A few even came to her when troubled, wanted a listening ear or simply needed assistance, and not turn to their much more capable taichou.
Isane couldn't even turn to her little sister. She was nice and very cute, but she had a loose tongue, tended to exaggerate everything, and in many fundamental things, they differed from opinions greatly. She would help Kiyone if she needed her assistance, but if the situation was reversed...
She could visit Ukitake-taichou. She had heard many positive stories about him. Some even preferred to trust their worries and troubles to him over the gentle, senior taichou. But somehow, she couldn't go to him. It was pretty predictable, actually.
When she was a teenager, she already felt she... differed from other girls. Boys didn't interest her. Girls interested her a bit more. Adults interested her more, but most people didn't catch her attention. She would shudder at the thought of a boy hugging her, or putting a hand on her shoulder or back. Her together with a boy... it gave her a nauseous feeling. It just felt very wrong. When she substituted it with a girl, it became less... awkward, and wouldn't feel the urge to empty her stomach. But it still felt uncomfortable. And a bit strange.
No one knew this. Not even her little sister. Not even her taichou. This was her carefully kept secret and she felt no need to tell someone. This information was useless, not relevant to work, not relevant to private matters in her life – she wasn't interested in a... deeper relationship, so there was no need to let anyone know about it. Isane had accepted this part of herself, and that was more than enough for her.
Now, the situation had changed. Isane didn't think she would feel this strange urge for more, that someone interested her enough to search for more. It wasn't that she desired more, it was just that she was beginning to see this... bond with her taichou differently. Or she finally understood now how far it went, how quietly, but strongly it had grown over the years. From both sides, Isane hoped.
She had never felt these... strange sensations before. When she first arrived at the Fourth, when she was promoted years later to fukutaichou, she didn't view her taichou as anything other than her superior, the best healer the Gotei 13 had and a esteemed and gentle person. Unlike most members of this Division, she knew she couldn't become like her – perfect, talented, graceful, serene. But as her fukutaichou, she had a duty to support superior, even if she didn't see herself as the right person for this rank
Isane preferred a certain distance with others – physically and mentally. She hadn't met any problems caused by this. Despite her clumsy nature, Isane could very well take care of any problem that crossed her life, even when she was a child. Kiyone had told her many times she was a bit jealous at her independence and talent to solve problems on her own, but was also very happy: she knew she could rely on her big sister when she became stuck on a obstruction.
Her taichou was a rare exception. A few times, she had tucked Isane in her cold futon after she'd calmed down and enjoyed a few cups of warm tea. Isane would sometimes fall asleep outside, while enjoying the night, the pleasant aromas of tea in her nose, and the quiet, but firm presence beside her. She would wake the following morning in her own room. She was a very light sleeper, yet she didn't wake once. A part of her was comforted, felt safe being carried by this slender pair of arms. If there was no danger, there was no need to wake herself.
Isane enjoyed talking to her taichou. She would sometimes blurt things about herself, useless facts, silly observations or her personal opinion on topics. She couldn't stop herself, only realising what she'd done when she was alone – stepped over their professional relationship.
It was also partly her fault. Why wouldn't she interrupt her clumsy self and turn her attention back to work, their Division, neutral topics? Why would she continue occupying Isane's favourite resting place to gaze outside? Her gentle, soft voice never changed when Isane was with her. Even in the rare moments she was disappointed or frustrated, Isane felt her taichou holding back. Isane had heard enough terrifying stories how scary her taichou could really become sometimes.
Most of the SWA members, she didn't know very well. Well, it was more accurate to say that she didn't know any, except her sister and taichou...
The decision to go to the petite taichou was an impulsive one, but at the same time felt very... right. Her words were blunt, to the point, and Isane knew she wouldn't use any sensitive information against her – she wouldn't gain anything from it. Her interaction with Yoruichi-san, whenever she visited Soul Society, told her that their relationship may be more than sensei and kouhai. The only problem was to make her interested in Isane.
Isane impatiently waited for this meeting to end and subtly glanced at the object of her attention turning her face away from her. She tiptoed to the smallest taichou, glad that no one was in her vicinity.
'Soifon-taichou?' Cold eyes glared up, further confirmation she didn't receive. Isane subtly wiped her sweaty hands before braving further.
'May I... invite you to drink something with me?' Eyebrows rose, the scowl softening to surprise. She was correct to be confused: they barely looked at each other during the SWA meetings, let alone converse.
'There is something I need your help with.' Cold eyes narrowed.
'Why don't you go to your taichou, then?' She nodded to the other taichou, one hand on the tiny shoulder of Yachiru, while conversing with Ise-fukutaichou.
'Well... this is something she can't... help me with...' Isane felt the much smaller taichou growing intrigued. Most troubles, the taichou of the Fourth could easily solve. She waited for a long moment, hoping for a favourable answer.
'Very well. But I'm quite busy. I can spare thirty minutes, at most.' Her brusque words relieved her.
'That will be more than enough time.'
'Tomorrow. 19.00 hours. My office. Is this all?' Isane nodded. 'Thank you.' She curtly dipped her head and swiftly marched away, the two long braids bouncing against her haori.
Isane sighed deeply in relief and glanced at her own taichou. Isane composed herself and joined her. She noticed the gentle smile directed at her when she stood slightly behind her haori. Her returned smile wasn't as carefree as hers. She was still in discussion with the bespectacled fukutaichou, the other, much smaller fukutaichou happily munching on a treat discreetly given by her taichou. Isane hoped her taichou hadn't noticed her talking to the smaller taichou.
Isane glanced at the small clock hanging on the wall. Two more minutes and she may enter. She didn't allow herself to pace, instead played with one of her braids. But that reminded her of the object of her frustration. She quickly clasped her hands together and sighed deeply. She felt absolutely terrible. Even more than that one time she was bedridden for four days, ordered by her taichou not to do anything but rest, or face the consequences and her displeasure... And here she appeared again. Isane growled, barely resisting the impulse to hit her head on the wall behind her until she passed out.
The door opened, and the bulky body of the Second Division's fukutaichou appeared. His eyes rested on her. 'Kotetsu-fukutaichou, you can enter, now.' With one, large hand, he gestured to the door.
'But try not to anger taichou too much... I still need to deliver my reports later.' Isane smiled at his whispered tone. 'I'll try.' He nodded and walked away.
Isane breathed deeply before slowly entering and gently closed the door behind her.
'Don't dawdle over there. Sit.' She turned her head to the moody taichou, one hand waving to a chair in front of the large desk cluttered with files.
Isane quickly sat down. Her eyes glanced at little, nimble fingers skimming through papers in front of her and selecting one to read its contents more carefully.
'Two minutes has passed. I suggest you use your remaining time more efficiently.' The tone chilled Isane's body. Her attention was still on the report in her hands.
'...Right.' Isane stopped playing with her fingers and tried to organise her thoughts, thinking where to start.
'Four minutes.' This was going nowhere. Isane decided to be bold and just ask her. She suspected the petite taichou preferred efficiency, and not her talking in circles.
'I was wondering about your... bond with Yoruichi-san.' For the first time, cold pupils snapped up.
'What about it?'
'You two seem quite... close.' The suspicious expression only distressed Isane more, and she was beginning to regret the decision to ignore her thoughts and follow her feelings.
'What's your point?' She demanded an answer.
'It almost looks as if you two are... in love?' Isane prepared herself for the aggressive outburst this taichou was known for.
But none came. A snort – amused? – met her ears after a very long, silent minute.
'You're wrong.' Emotionless, grey eyes focused on the neglected paper. Isane was surprised. She was wrong? But this petite taichou seemed a very different person when Yoruichi-san was with her, and her gaze turned into a dreamy one whenever she talked about her.
Nimble fingers grabbed her approved stamp and marked the edge of the paper. Blank eyes darted to her when her hand selected the next report.
When Isane noticed the older woman would remain silent, and still hadn't slapped her and kicked her through the window, she decided to ask further. She had nothing to lose – the worst thing that could happen was her being hospitalised for a few days. And perhaps facing the wrath of her taichou for not being careful.
'Why am I... eh... wrong?'
'It's not true, thus you're wrong.' Impatient fingers flipped to the next page.
Isane felt incredibly stupid for asking the same question again – there must be something behind it, something she didn't understand or overlooked.
'Yes, but... why am I wrong?'
She heard a frustrated sigh and saw the petite taichou tossing the report to the desk, ignoring the fluttering of other reports.
'All right, I'll tell this once. Don't interrupt me, don't even think about whispering a word of what I'll say to others.' That chilling glare caused Isane to nod swiftly. She wouldn't tell it to others, even if the taichou wouldn't force her to secrecy.
'I admire Yoruichi-sama, but the feelings do not go deeper. We are incompatible, I cannot trust her any more, my duties as taichou of the Second Division does not allow a long-distance relationship and I am not gay – although those incapable, stupid, sluggish men of my Division does make me doubt about males in general.' The taichou ordered the reports she had scattered, ignoring the fukutaichou – as if she hadn't showed a rare moment of her inner world.
Isane expected to be rebuffed again, or given a very short, brusque answer to show her displeasure. But to actually tell her her thoughts... yes, it surprised, it shocked Isane. She didn't know how to respond – to stay silent, to thank her for this rare moment of truth, or continue why she was here... But since the moody taichou still hadn't wounded her, she supposed she could go a bit further. She at least owed her a bit of private information after her small monologue. And if she could actually help Isane, that would be a big bonus.
'Well, you see, I was actually hoping you could help me with something.' A thin eyebrow raised, but the petite taichou remained silent. Isane took that as a cue that she would listen.
'A matter about... a secret, but deep affection for someone. I don't know what to do.'
'If you don't want that secret to be known, don't tell it. If you are prepared enough for the consequences, then tell it.'
She sighed deeply – her nose flaring – when seeing the disappointed expression. 'Kotetsu. I'm not the right person for matters such as this.' She paused, her mouth thinning even more. 'I don't understand why you don't go to your taichou, she is much better suited for something-'
She abruptly stopped, her head snapping up, eyes slowly widening. Isane could almost see her putting the pieces together – she wasn't a taichou if she didn't possess excellent deduction skills. And then, she smirked and pierced her with a deep stare, one eyebrow raised, as if testing whether she was correct. Seeing Isane's embarrassed face, her smirk widened, an amused grunt coming from her throat. She murmured a quiet 'who would've thought?'
'Don't worry. I'm not one of those loose-tongued women. It isn't functional or useful information to me. Besides... Unohana-taichou will rip my limbs apart when she finds out her cherished one is harmed.' The last part was added a bit more softly – and did Isane hear amusement?
When Isane remained silent, dumbfounded by this strange turn of conversation, this rare display of positive emotions and, well... great reaction, she continued.
'You're an idiot, Kotetsu.' The emotionless tone had returned. 'Now, you've seem to have wasted more time than I've given to you.' Isane feared she would truly kick her out now, but she only received a cross between a frown and a glare.
'You're intelligent enough to figure out what to do. It's now 19.34. I've neglected my work more than enough and want some privacy.' Her gaze returned to the paperwork in front of her.
Isane quickly stood, knowing that she had reached the limit. She hesitated, but then bowed and yelled a swift 'Thank you!'. The sitting taichou gruffly waved it away, eyes still glued on the reports. Isane smiled and quickly left the office. A strange weight had disappeared from her mind and chest.
The plan was simple: be a bit more forthcoming, test her, observe her, decipher her responses. She had carefully hidden her... assistance. She was glad she had taken this precaution. The flowers her taichou had chosen today for demonstration weren't what Isane were searching for.
Somewhat nervously, her heart pounding, Isane glanced at the other spectators. For the first time, she was glad the participation rate was very low – it would make everything much more easier to perform.
This time, Isane chose to sit in the back, a bit away from the rest – participation wasn't mandatory. Her hands trembled violently and her fingers were soaked with sweat. She doubted she could arrange flowers. She didn't miss the glance directed at her, but was glad her taichou didn't voice her confusion. Isane was usually one of the first that came forward to collect flowers in the large pots to start her project.
But her taichou did glance at her general direction a bit more than Isane preferred. Only fortunate point was that their gazes didn't once meet.
When her taichou wordlessly signalled it was almost time to end their projects, Isane once again wondered at the mystery of time: it always flowed four times faster when she was here – even if she didn't participate, the atmosphere in this room remained cosy, soothing. When she was with her taichou, time seemed to speed up eight times.
She quietly watched as her taichou gracefully paused at each vase. She was content to remain seated on this fluffy pillow – she doubted anyone would pay attention to her now, or even notice she was here, not with so many beautiful flowers surrounding this room. The spectators and their sensei marvelled each vase, enjoying the arrangement of flowers, making sure not to neglect any flower, enjoying their colleagues' works.
After the last vase, the petite taichou gently walked towards the door. 'They were fabulous. Thank you for making such wonderful pieces of art again. I hope to see everyone again next month – we will focus on bamboo then. Have a very pleasant evening.' She gracefully slid open the door and stepped aside, gently smiling at every member leaving the room.
Isane stood, ignoring the slight ache in her legs. It was time to put her plan into motion. Isane gulped and glanced around, searching for an empty vase. She found none.
The gentle click of the door closing relieved, but also distressed her. They were alone, now. That made everything easier, but at the same time so much more difficult than she originally thought...
Isane expected her taichou to call her, but she only walked toward the filled vases and carefully carried each one to a larger table already scattered with previous projects – a swift, kidou spell protecting the delicate flowers from rotting.
Without thinking about her plan – without thinking anything, actually – Isane decided to help.
The smile appeared again, satisfied, this time, after all vases were on the large, wooden surface. Isane smiled back, her mind finally working again and reminding her what her objective should be. The smile faded and doubt gripped her. It would never work.
'Isane?' The worried expression, masked but still visible to Isane. She didn't like to see it and blurted the next words. 'Is there an empty vase, here?'
If her taichou was surprised, she didn't show it. She answered her question by taking a spare vase from the hidden space in the far end corner and gently held it out towards her. Isane carefully grabbed the delicate object with both hands and walked towards the nearest, empty low table. She warned herself that she couldn't back away now, while gently setting it down. The flowers hidden in the folds itched her chest. She ignored the curious, but gentle stare and carefully brought a shaking hand into the kosode. She decided to take them out one by one, starting with the most... neutral one, ignoring the peeping in her ears and the sweaty fingers.
When the last stem was carefully plopped into the vase, she stepped back, eyeing the end result one more time.
'Unohana-taichou, could you... judge this project?' Her eyes were focused on the vase, her voice slightly trembling. Her taichou wordlessly obeyed and bent down to gaze more properly at the flowers. Just as Isane predicted, her hand and eyes took the exact route she had marked in her mind – going from the edge to the centre.
Blue eyes gazed at yellow Jasmine, portraying grace and elegance. Next, her gaze shifted towards Lavender Heather, signifying admiration, solitude and beauty. Fingers gently caressed Ginger: safe, pleasant, warming, comforting. A striped Tulip was her next target, beautiful, just as her blue eyes. Acacia, concealed love, chaster love, brushed against the Tulip. In the middle stood Last Columbine – anxious and trembling, accurately describing how Isane was feeling at the moment.
Isane fought the urge to touch her slender braids and shifted nervously. As expected she remained silent, face carefully blank – even when she was viewing the flowers. Her taichou could be very difficult to read if she wanted to.
She remained silent. When Isane glanced at her again, she noticed a peculiar, guarded quality in her expression
'They are beautiful.' She didn't place this vase with the rest, but gently held it in one hand. She slowly walked towards the door and silently slid it open.
'Shall we go?' The softly whispered question didn't alleviate the shock and surprise, but Isane quickly followed her.
Isane was bewildered. She hadn't slept well that night. Their meeting played many times in her head. She tried to figure out whether she'd overlooked something vital. There wasn't disapproval or shock, but no joy or acceptance, either. The serene expression had been firmly in place, preventing Isane from finding what she was hiding. And that peculiar, guarded hint.
Her taichou pretended as if nothing had happened, greeting her in that same gentle, soft voice. But something had changed in the gestures, glances and voice. That shielded hint was still present, and everything became even more vague. She'd even cancelled their evening tea session on Friday. Isane saw her less.
She did touch Isane more. In the fewer times they passed, conversed or walked beside each other, the smaller body brushed more against hers. Or she noticed a very soft pressure against her back or shoulder, but when she subtly turned, the smaller hands were neatly folded in her haori, or resting on the sides. She still tensed whenever she felt a touch, no matter how soft or light it was. Perhaps she had finally noticed this? Reading her wrongly? Drawing incorrect conclusions?
It frightened Isane. She was terrified something was wrong. It had been very stupid of her to reveal a deeper part of herself. She should have listened to that rational murmur that she shouldn't tell it. It made her feel even more horrible. She knew the chance existed that her taichou would react negatively, or that it was too late, now, that she had missed her cue and must now face the consequences.
She didn't understand why her taichou didn't just outright reject her and get this over with. At least Isane would have clarity, then. But she also knew her taichou wasn't brusque, didn't use direct words, not in such personal matters and risk hurting the other. She preferred a careful approach and wanted to make sure nothing fragile would break. If cracks did appear, she would do her very best to heal the injury, even at the expense of herself.
Isane didn't want her taichou to hold back. So, she steeled herself one more time, and decided to assist her in this task. Isane gulped, the sound very loud in her ears, one hand clenching. So far, she hadn't appeared. The tea was growing cold. She wouldn't be here every day, but she was present every time Isane couldn't go back to sleep, a hot cup of tea always ready. Her presence had already warmed her vicinity when she saw her.
Perhaps she wouldn't come here, today... Perhaps she'd finally noticed this place was Isane's favourite spot, perhaps she deduced she should be searching for a different place to gaze at the scenery...
Isane groaned. What a mess she had made. Once again, she fought the desire to crack her head on the ground until she couldn't feel the headache any more.
A presence bent down close to Isane. She heard a deep inhale of breath, the nose inhaling the scent of the tea. Isane quickly turned.
'Unohana-taichou...' Voice slid down to a whisper, embarrassed that she only noticed now she wasn't alone. And she was so close. Her taichou gently smiled, none of the sheltered glint present.
Isane clumsily stood, her feet almost tripping over the softness beneath her. She almost dived down to the cushion beside her own, but a hand on her forearm stopped her and prevented her from clumsily moving the fluffy object. The smaller fingers gently led her arm back to the ground and subtly rubbed them, causing Isane to drop the cushion. She awkwardly dropped herself on her own, still warm cushion. Her taichou gently lowered herself and knelt on the cushion, now even closer beside her own, her shoulder almost touching hers.
Isane remembered the tea beside her, but it had grown lukewarm by now, if not cold. Isane stood up swiftly again. Her taichou turned to her, a slight surprised expression on her usual serene face. Isane looked sheepishly.
'The tea has grown cold. I should-'
Her taichou gently held a hand up. She leaned forward and carefully warmed the tea with subtle kidou to preferable temperature. After she was satisfied, she leaned back on her own cushion and showed Isane another warm smile, a hand petting the vacant cushion. Isane reached for the tea pot and poured the hot tea in a cup. Her hands shook, slightly rattling the tea pot, but luckily, nothing was spilled. She carefully offered the warm object to her taichou. She gracefully accepted it, fingers warming Isane's cold hand in the small moment they brushed.
Isane clumsily sat down and focused her gaze forward.
'You will not drink?' Isane jumped slightly. She'd forgotten to pour herself a cup!
She swivelled her body to the tea set and quickly poured tea in the remaining cup, grasped it with both hands, instantly warming her cold fingers, and quickly drank. Forgetting it was warm – no, hot – the tip of her tongue burned. She resisted the urge to spit it out. She quickly drew cool air in her mouth.
A gentle hand rested on her back, but this didn't soothe Isane at all. She tensed again and quickly swallowed, forgetting the aching bite in her mouth and the lingering sting in her throat. She was glad she didn't choke and made a bigger fool of herself. What would her taichou think of her now? The remaining positive things she thought of her would surely be tossed away now, now she'd witnessed her.
Isane quickly swirled her body to view the scenery, effectively causing the hand to move away. The cup became too hot for her fingers, A bit strange, it always used to soothe the coolness of the evening. But now, it only burned her. She quickly laid it on the wooden floor.
She hoped the nature would calm and comfort her, as it had done many times. The moon had just passed its full phase, and many stars couldn't be seen. Barely any clouds floated in the sky, and no wind moved the scenery. It made everything seem unreal. Just like the current situation, and the past few weeks.
'I am glad you are here.' Isane's surprised gaze swirled to her taichou, a bit shocked, even if the voice was very gentle. She was also gazing outside. Both her hands cupped her cup, already half empty.
'I have hoped to find you here, tonight.' She took another small, noiseless sip, before resting the cup on her lap again.
'There has been... some things I wanted to speak to you about.' Isane tensed, mind already swirling around possible topics, and resting on one very logical one: herself and her taichou.
'I couldn't find the appropriate time and place. But I think I've found one, now.' She smiled warmly at Isane when their gazes met briefly. She seemed like her normal self, but Isane also knew her taichou was very good at hiding her true emotions and thoughts.
Her taichou took a larger sip, before following Isane's example and gently placed her cup beside her. She rested both hands on her lap, neatly folding one atop the other. She took an audible breath and laughed softly.
'I am... nervous.'
Nervous? Why would she be feeling that? None of her body language or tone betrayed any of that. Isane wanted to ask, but knew she needed to be silent, only listening.
'It has been... a peculiar few weeks, hasn't it?' Without waiting for an answer, she continued. 'I've been using the past few weeks to... contemplate about... matters. Today, I am ready.'
Isane shifted, her mind thinking about possible ways her taichou would continue. In every one of them, she dreaded the outcome.
'I first want to apologize for needing so much time.' She gently raised a hand when Isane prepared to interrupt her, neglecting her previous resolution.
'Some matters are... new to me, and required additional thinking. Others had become distant memories. The sensations had grown foreign to me, but I managed to pull them out, and once again understand the feelings.'
She breathed deeply again. 'Do you know? I still have your present.'
Oh no. She still had it?!
Isane thought she'd dumped it somewhere secluded, or let the flowers rot away. Why would she still have it? And it wasn't exactly a present...
Her taichou smiled gently. 'Yes, it's currently in my personal quarters, in a prominent place beside my futon.'
...What? This conversation was going strange, not at all like the scenarios in her head. It rarely went exactly how she'd pictured, but certain elements she could still recognise. Why would she rest it beside her futon? And why would she bring it to her room in the first place?
'It's a bit against my views, but I also made sure that the flowers will remain in perfect state.' She shifted a bit towards Isane, thighs almost touching.
'I've never told you how I feel about them, have I? Merely telling that 'they are beautiful' does not show enough what I want to convey.' Here, she paused, blue eyes subtly trailing away from Isane's eyes, before returning again. This time even more focused.
'Each one of them are absolutely stunning, perfect, and I agree with the symbolism. But one I find not needed. The middle one.' She leaned a bit towards Isane.
'I also want to add a few. A Bluebell, a white Poppy, and a solid coloured Carnation.'
Isane's mind deciphered the codes fairly quickly. Bluebell... being grateful, white Poppy... joy, and a solid coloured Carnation...
Yes.
She blushed and the discomfort deepened. This was definitely not among the possibilities, not even in the most positive ones. She wanted to run away, to hide, but knew her taichou wouldn't allow such behaviour, and she could never outrun her swift, nimble body.
Isane didn't know what to. Everything seemed so unreal, like a peculiar dream caused by fever.
'Do you agree?' This time, she did want Isane to answer. What to answer? Both could be the wrong one. Perhaps this was a trick question, and Isane was supposed to tell something entirely different. Or perhaps her question hid a second one-
'Isane?' A hint of that dangerous glint appeared. Isane followed her instincts, even if she would regret it later.
'Yes.' She barely whispered this, but her taichou's smile widened, eyes glinting with happiness. She shifted, her smaller thigh touching hers. Isane tensed again, shifting her legs, but that only worsened everything: it brushed against the other. A hint of surprise appeared in those blue eyes, but vanished just as swiftly. She leaned her whole body towards Isane.
She panicked.
This was all going too fast for her. Everything squeezed at her at once. She yelped and leaned away. She didn't dare to glance at her face, fearing to see disappointment, anger, or even worse, sadness and rejection.
But only a melodic, hushed laugh reached her. Isane glanced back, surprised at the unexpected reaction. That was certainly not on her list. She had leant back on her own cushion, but their thighs were still touching.
She smiled reassuringly at Isane, grabbed the neglected cup and took a long sip. She seemed not to have finished, which was all right. Isane was still too shocked to tell her anything and mortified at her weird yelp and flinch.
'There is... another matter we must discuss.' Isane interpreted a hint of hesitation. It was very peculiar for her taichou to feel that.
'If you are still... willing to proceed, there may be certain... matters that may change your decision.' She was still not glancing at her, her face focused on the cup on her lap.
'I want this to be clear, to prevent any future... disappointment or frustration.' Fingers curled firmer around the cup. She was beginning to distress and confuse Isane again. There were still problems? But then again, this was pretty logical: nothing good was Isane allowed to grab without overcoming twice as much obstacles.
'There may be a few... things I may not be able to give to you.' She peeked a glance at Isane, before staring at the scenery again.
'Some... intimate desires I cannot give to you.'
Her eyes widened, her mind beginning to understand. Was this one of the reasons her taichou needed so much time to think?
'Of course, I will not think any less of you if you shared these... experiences with another, much more suited person.'
Isane suppressed the desire to giggle: she'd never seen her taichou babbling, even a bit insecure. It was a very pretty sight, to be honest.
'And nothing will become different if you will change your mind, You will still be my fukutaichou. That is... of course, if you wish to remain in Division Four. I understand if you want a transfer-'
Isane couldn't stop an amused snort. The large, surprised eyes amused Isane even further. A baffled taichou, how many persons had witnessed that?
'I'm sorry, taichou. It's just... you looked very... cute...' Isane whispered the last word. Her babbling had infected Isane and she could barely stop herself. Even if she meant the last part – not so much the first three words, though.
She still looked puzzled and shocked, all emotions bared for Isane to witness. Another amused chortle escaped, and Isane quickly looked away. She didn't want to open her mouth and said things she would regret.
...But she looked so cute!
She gently scraped her throat and faced away from Isane, eyes focused on her empty cup, shoulder slightly hunching. But her expression had turned neutral again. Her fingers caressed the cup.
Isane sobered. She could be easily misunderstood. Her reaction wasn't appropriate in this serious situation. She should fix this as quickly as she could. Hopefully, her poor insight hadn't caused any permanent wounds...
'I apologize, Unohana-taichou. I wasn't laughing at you, or agreeing with what you've said.' Hands stopped moving, head turning towards Isane again. Her thoughts and expression remained shaded.
'Because I don't agree with you.' She remained silent, shielding away from her. Isane realised that this time, she must fight against that rational voice yelling at her not to continue. Isane turned her body towards her, facing her.
'I don't care, nor desire those... experiences I think you mean.' She saw a hint of emotion in those beautiful blue eyes, but it was quickly dampened.
'I... I'm already satisfied.' Now, Isane did see surprise on her face. Isane decided not to stop. She would dive straight in. Her taichou deserved at least this much, after being so open and sincere.
'I don't desire... the... uh...' Isane squeezed herself past the embarrassment and distress and ignored the booming voice trying to stop her.
'Physical pleasure... or similar... uhm... comforts.' That sounded very feeble, but she hoped she would understand. She needed to understand.
'I am already satisfied with our current... bond.' Here she was, sprinting in a circle again. This didn't went smooth, not at all. Isane didn't ask for much, only a place where she would be always welcomed, a place she could always go to, a person who didn't put pressure on her or demanded things. She wanted someone who put few expectations on her, who knew not to expect much from Isane, leaving Isane free. There wasn't much Isane could give to them. They should be satisfied at the few things Isane could give.
It wasn't so much the person that discomforted her. The problem were the underlying emotions, complex thoughts, the expectations. It was already difficult to understand herself. Adding another person would only hurt them both.
Isane cared nothing for pleasures caused by flesh. She couldn't imagine her doing it, or allowed it to be down to her. Even picturing a woman conjured nothing but emptiness.
In the end, she couldn't win and fell silent again, retreating back, already mentally banging her head on the wall for the possible consequences of this disclosure.
A warm, almost burning hand rested atop her quivering one. Isane carefully glanced at the waiting glance.
'Are you telling the truth?' She whispered this very softly.
Isane slowly nodded once.
Her taichou smiled, a wide smile, her emotions thrown open. The fingers gently found and grasped hers.
'I am glad.' If Isane thought she couldn't become confused again, she was mistaken.
'It seems we are more compatible than I thought. If you have truly told me the truth, I see no reason why we couldn't... deepen our relationship. As soon as possible, if I may suggest.' She added the last part a bit more quickly, and leaned towards Isane.
'I also think you should stop addressing me with 'taichou'. At least in private. What you will do on duty or amidst more company, I leave to your discretion. Of course, if you want me to address you differently-'
'No! I like it as it is.' Isane blushed. Here she was interrupting her taichou – no, Unohana-san, again.
'Very well, then, Isane.'
Blue eyes glanced at the teacup, then at Isane's. It still contained a few sips, but had grown cold. She seemed to hesitate, a hint of it appearing in her expression.
It still seemed peculiar, seeing this bared sight of her. But Isane didn't feel uncomfortable.
'Taich- I, I mean Unohana-san. Would you like some more tea?'
'That depends. Are you humouring me or do you desire something else?' She'd been caught. To be honest, she had grown very tired. This kind of thing exhausted her mentally. She suspected her fatigue was one of the reasons this kind of conversation was possible in the first place. It somehow weakened the firm barrier and loosened everything. She smiled a bit sheepishly.
Unohana-san slightly shook her head. She picked up the cold cup, stood and gently laid it on the low table.
She turned to gaze at Isane, smiling genuinely again. Isane blushed and rolled her eyes a bit lower. She felt a slight pressure on her forehead and on her shoulder. Both lingered – Isane could see the braid dangling in front of her eyes and the subtle, pleasant scent invading her nose.
She bent a bit lower, stopped at eyelevel and stared deeply at the grey eyes. Joy, comfort and happiness complimented her face.
'Sleep well, Isane.' Unohana-san straightened and gracefully walked away, leaving a baffled Isane behind.
But Isane didn't feel uncomfortable. She never self so soothed, so comforted, so content before.
Perhaps this... bond may work, after all.
Somehow, I can't picture Retsu in a sexual relationship at all, be it with a male or female (I think that she is quite open-minded in these kind of matters and doesn't limit her 'choices' because of gender or age). The most I can picture is platonic love, but even that is a bit tricky. In fact, I don't see Retsu as someone who would engage in any kind of deep relationship.
This is also my first oneshot that is much longer than my previous ones. I hope I haven't made it too long...