It was roughly around one am and the lack of regular traffic on the highway alongside her was flooding Sharpay Evans with an eerie sense of loneliness and causing her to regret not beginning her road trip home earlier than she had. She hardly noticed how tightly she was gripping the steering wheel, though had there been any accompanying headlights on the road they certainly would have illuminated her knuckles a shade of ghostly white. Absentmindedly she had been grinding her teeth, resulting in a dull headache, but she was too in need of the temporary stress relief the act provided her with to will herself to stop.
She was clouded with anxiety over the next day. It was her ten year high school reunion and she didn't know how good of an idea it was to attend. She hadn't kept in touch with anyone from high school for one, save her own brother which was of course a given. Sure Albuquerque was a big enough city, but East High School had always felt more like it belonged in a close knit small town instead. She could only assume that many of her former classmates had remained good friends as the years had passed, and imagined in her own mind arriving the following night to a room full of the same groups and cliques that had existed a decade ago, everyone empowered with the sense of confidence being surrounded by friends brings, while she hung back awkwardly in the shadows.
She also recalled the larger than life future plans she had set for herself back in high school and how confident she had been that she would achieve them. She hadn't been the friendliest person back then, admittedly, and she guessed that many of her old acquaintances would be eager to hear what she had accomplished since then, hidden resentments leaving them to secretly hope she was a failure. She knew she wouldn't have much of a means to impress anybody, save resorting to boldface lies. She had moved around a bit, dabbled in different things, financially she was making ends meet but she was in no way a professional success.
She was flooded with relief when she at last reached her journey's destination, slowing her car to a stop and thumbing in the entrance code to gain herself access to her parents' gated neighborhood. She flicked off the headlights as she pulled into the familiar driveway and she stepped out of her car, approaching the front door and hoping she wouldn't be chastised for ringing the bell this late at night.
Thankfully, her brother was waiting up for her and answered the door rather than her parents.
"Ry!" She wrapped him in a warm embrace, "Oh it's so good to see you!"
"You too, Shar," He kissed her cheek and then grabbed her suitcase from her, groaning softly in surprise of its heavy weight, "Never quite grasped the concept of packing light did you sis?"
She shrugged, closing the front door behind herself and shutting out the brisk New Mexico air, "I had to have options. This is going to be East High's first time seeing me in years, I have to look my best."
"Well I'm glad I talked you into attending. I think this will be good for you. Maybe you'll get reacquainted with someone and end up making a friend," Ryan suggested.
The corners of Sharpay's mouth tugged slightly upwards at the idea, with the faint trace of a hopeful smile.
"Yeah, maybe…"
Ryan eyed her carefully and she wondered if he could read her mind, unsure if the physical distance between them in recent years might have emotionally distanced them as well, perhaps weakening their so called "twin telepathy."
"Do you know who all is coming?" Sharpay tried to ask as casually as possible, being careful not to mention any particular names.
"Mostly everyone I suppose. Kelsi hasn't mentioned any specific names to me that would be of any interest to you," Ryan answered.
Kelsi Nielson, an aspiring composer back in her high school days, and now a music appreciation teacher at East High had remained a close friend of Ryan's, as the two had attended Juliard together following high school and had been closely involved in planning the reunion. However, she had no personal contact with Sharpay and the two could hardly have called each other a friend back in high school. In fact, Sharpay had not even received a personal invitation, but rather had been included in a dually addressed invitation sent to Ryan, an action which had caused her to feel slighted, regardless of his insistence that she shouldn't.
"Oh…" Sharpay chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, "Well, I just thought she might have mentioned some of our fellow drama buddies considering she was a part of the theater program as well."
Ryan chuckled, "Don't be so transparent Shar. I'm sure most everyone will be there. And I'd imagine East High's former basketball captain and Wildcat enthusiast would be a guarantee."
Sharpay blushed and adverted her eyes, "I never mentioned anyone specifically," She grumbled, "It was just a question."
Nestled under the covers in her former bedroom, Sharpay opened her facebook app, accessing the search function to type in an all too familiar request. His name was suggested as soon as she had had entered the letter "T" and she clicked on his name, directed to his profile page.
She sighed at the beauty that was Troy Bolton, an eternal longing still burning within her, wishing more than anything that she could call him her own.
He had been kind enough not to remove her from his friend's list, despite her last few embarrassing attempts to contact him. She had tried to forget him as the years had passed, she truly had, and she had been with many other men. But none of them tugged her heart strings in such a way to persuade her to let go of him all together. Every so often, no matter how much time had passed since her last attempt to contact him, she would drink entirely too much and make the mistake of texting or messaging Troy online. The results had varied.
The first couple of times, he had responded with a sort of sad regret, as if some part of him also wished that things between the two of them had ended up differently. He had confessed to feeling a longing for her at one time as well and apologized for not being truthful about his feelings for her.
Some amount of time later, her attempts to contact him resulted in a sort of friendly, if not at times flirtatious, more regular conversation between the two of them, discussing where they were at in their lives at that time. Sharpay had been thrilled with the ongoing interaction, until she saw from online photos that he had a new girlfriend, and slowly he responded to her less and less and then not at all.
Her next several drunken attempts at contact had been quite spaced out along the timeline, trying a few times for over a year, each time to no avail.
And then finally, he had responded to a message she had left him, asking her to cease her contact with him altogether and shattering both her ego and her heart. Enough was enough, he said, so much time had passed and it was time for her to move on and forget about him.
She never replied back and tried to take his unwanted advice, but she just never could seem to force herself to stop wanting him so badly.
She could deny it to anyone else who asked, her own brother included, but inside she knew he was her main reason for even agreeing to attend this reunion. She was dying to see him in person again, to have his beautiful turquoise eyes gaze at her like they hadn't in so long. It was one last chance to talk to him, to make him realize how deeply her feelings truly ran for him, and maybe if he saw her in the flesh again his previous attraction to her would be rekindled as well.
She lay awake for some time with fantasies of the following night playing out in her mind until she eventually lulled herself to sleep, her last conscious thought being a prayer that he wouldn't show up with another woman, her biggest fear of all.
"Hey you guys!" Kelsi smiled enthusiastically when Sharpay and Ryan arrived together at the check in table she was working by the entrance doors.
She hopped up from her seat to give Ryan a hug and then dropped her hands awkwardly to her side and instead greeted Sharpay with a polite smile and nod. Clearly, her fondness for East High's former drama queen hadn't grown any over the years.
"Hi there Kels," Sharpay tried her best to look friendly, though the fake smile she wore hurt her cheeks a little and she was already feeling uncomfortable upon her first interaction with a former classmate.
"Here you guys will need nametags!" Kelsi exclaimed enthusiastically, jotting their names down on a sheet full of peel off stickers and offering them to the twins.
Sharpay scoffed, "As if everyone won't recognize us as soon as we walk in."
"Everyone's wearing one," Kelsi grumbled, frowning at Sharpay.
"And so will we," Ryan agreed amicably, slapping the sticker on Sharpay's cocktail dress, "Here ya go sis."
Clinging to her brother's side she followed him into the East High gymnasium, overwhelmed by how different it looked than she remembered. The overhead lights were turned off for mood affect, but the walls had been lined with white string lights and the room had been furnished with lamps to provide a softer glow. Sharpay did a quick scan of the room, looking to see if the one former Wildcat of her particular interest had arrived but she didn't spot him among the throngs of people.
Sharpay managed to sift through small talk with some casual acquaintances of the past, the majority of whom seemed more interested in reconnecting with her brother. She shadowed behind him, a role reversal from the way things had been in high school, only feeling truly confident when approached by a couple of former admirers. Eventually though, it was clear that Ryan was growing antsy to separate.
"I was kind of hoping to spend some time with Kelsi tonight," He hinted.
Sharpay sighed and tried for her brother's sake not to look too disappointed, "Go ahead. Have fun."
Ryan looked grateful for her permission and thanked her with a kiss on the cheek, "Go socialize," He urged her, "Just have fun tonight Shar, make some friends."
Sharpay felt slightly resentful at her brother's insistence that she make somebody's acquaintance tonight, as though he felt that her life were void of deeply personal relationships, although she supposed that was probably somewhat true as of recent years. Here she was, 27, single, with no one to go home to, and few people she could even call friend.
She cleared her throat, trying to rid herself of her melancholy, when she heard a high pitched shriek emerge from behind her, bringing her thoughts away from her internal gloominess rather forcefully.
"Sharpay!" The voice gleefully squealed and a pair of small arms wrapped themselves around her torso from behind, startling her.
When she was released from the offender's grip, Sharpay turned around in her stilettos to face the person who had so eagerly embraced her, "Gabriella."
The Latina girl nodded jumping up and down in excitement a couple of times and giggling loudly, "It's been so long!"
Sharpay was unable to stop Gabriella before she leaned in for another hug, this time from the front, and she awkwardly brought her own arms around the shorter of the two girls, patting her back gently.
Gabriella pulled back again, "Sorry! I'm just hugging everyone tonight! I didn't realize how much I missed this place. I mean, I don't think I ever felt quite as happy anywhere else, you know?"
Sharpay knew the feeling a little too well and nodded in agreement, "I guess you never realize how good something is until it's gone."
"Exactly!" Gabriella nodded her head up and down fervently, "I even thought about coming back and teaching here but then I knew it wouldn't be the same without the rest of you guys here too and then I got into law school after I graduated Stanford anyway so that's kind of my whole life right now. What do you do?"
Sharpay blinked slowly as she processed the spew of words that had come out of Gabriella's mouth at an alarming rate, thinking that it was possible that she was even more annoyingly perky now than she had been in high school. Even so, a sort of nostalgic fondness tugged at her heart, knowing that deep down she had never truly disliked Gabriella, despite the fact that the two girls were often at odds and in competition with one another back in high school, at least from Sharpay's perspective.
"I dabble in adult modeling," Sharpay answered, not seeing any use in lying to her, "I've been in Playboy a few times."
"Oh!" Gabriella's face fell for a moment as it sunk in and then she quickly recovered and returned to her cheery state, "Well that's great Sharpay! Congratulations! You were always so gorgeous it's no surprise."
Sharpay was flooded with warm relief when Gabriella didn't seem to externalize any judgment, vocally or expressively.
"You have to meet my husband!"
"Oh, you're married?" Sharpay was shocked, realizing that she had still felt as though she were talking to seventeen year old Gabriella Montez, and reality crashed over her once more. They were aging, all of them. This was a room full of adults, not high school students frozen in time.
Gabriella, while still lovely, certainly did look older when Sharpay took a second to study her. Her face was slightly longer, her cheek bones more prominent, no longer the girl with the fresh baby face she once had known. Her raven locks were now cut off at her shoulders, hanging in gentle waves and parted straight down the middle. And indeed on her left hand there sat a tasteful diamond, sparkling under the soft yellow glow of the lights.
"Yeah! I tied the knot over a year ago!" Gabriella enthusiastically waved over a tall lanky blonde man with an attractive face, "This is my husband Michael! Michael this is one of my best friends from high school, Sharpay!"
Sharpay's eyes bugged for a moment shocked at being labeled one of Gabriella's best friends. Was that really how she had viewed their relationship back then or had time skewed her memory? It was true what they said after all, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Suddenly Sharpay realized she had no idea how anybody in this room might feel about her now and she felt a bit more optimistic about becoming reacquainted with her old peers, hoping that the rest of them might be as forgiving and sentimental as Gabriella, although aware that most of the world was not as kind hearted and prone to viewing the world through rose colored glasses.
Sharpay shook hands with Gabriella's husband and winced when her old acquaintance brought up the inevitable.
"So is there anyone special in your life? Did you come here with someone?"
"No," Sharpay tried not to grimace, "I came stag and I'm single."
"Oh! Well, I'm sure it's hard for you to settle down with one man what with all of the suitors you must have! It must be nice, I'm just more of a one man kind of girl myself," Gabriella grinned up at her husband with the same lovesick eyes she used to gaze at Troy Bolton with and Sharpay couldn't help but chuckle at the girl's unrelenting sunny disposition and her ability to put a positive spin on any conversation.
"It was good catching up Gab," Sharpay said earnestly, "We'll talk more later okay?"
Gabriella happily agreed and the two parted ways. Glancing back over her shoulder only a few seconds later, Sharpay saw that she was already engaged in deep conversation with another attendee, someone Sharpay didn't recognize but she was sure Gabriella still remembered something about mostly everyone in the entire gym and she hadn't even attended the high school all four years.
Sharpay wandered absentmindedly to the punch table, in need of a stiff drink to loosen her up. She dipped the ladle into the fruity concoction and poured herself a glass, then almost dropped the plastic cup when she looked up and locked eyes with the most beautiful pair of baby blues she had ever known.
Immediately she felt her breath hitch and her heart rate increased to double time. Her palms began to sweat and she silently willed him to approach her on his own and say hello, knowing that if he didn't it would take her a few more glasses of punch before she'd have the courage to greet him herself.
Luckily, he smiled warmly at her and began to bridge the distance between them, walking towards the table. She hoped fervently that he was coming over to see her and not just for a beverage refreshment.
"Hey Sharpay," He greeted her with a shy grin and she returned it.
"Hey Troy."
"You look fantastic," He gave her a quick onceover, "How have you been?"
"Oh you know, I've been alright," She glanced sheepishly down at the floor, "Look, I'm sorry about all those messages I sent you. I think I have a slight drinking problem and it's embarrassing that I tried so many times I guess I just missed you."
Troy held up his hand to stop her, "Hey it's no big deal. I'm sorry if I came off as a jerk the last time we spoke. I know we kind of stopped talking on not the best terms. I didn't want to hurt your feelings but I was in a relationship at the time and I felt like you and I always had conversation that was beyond what you could call just being friendly. I just didn't want to cross any lines with my girlfriend."
Sharpay swallowed thickly and mustered a nod, "Yeah, well, are you in a relationship now?"
She couldn't hold off on asking the burning question.
Troy chuckled at her transparency but shook his head, "Nope. I'm single Troy again. Honestly I think I'm happier this way anyway."
"Oh I see…"
"Look, Sharpay," He glanced down at his feet and then back at her face apprehensively, "Would you maybe like to go somewhere and talk? I mean if you'd rather stay here I totally understand but if you wanted…"
"I'd love to go talk," She stepped forward reaching for the ladle again and pouring a second glass of punch, then handing it to him, "Here. You lead the way."
Sharpay hiccupped and set her cup down, "This punch is surprisingly strong for a party organized by little miss goody goody Kelsi Nielson."
She sat on the edge of the stage, her legs swinging down over the side. It was most fitting that Troy had brought her to the auditorium she supposed.
He sat down next to her and reached into his jacket, "Yeah well, I thought it was a little weak, so I made a sacrifice and poured my personal flask into the bowl," He dangled the now empty container in front of her and winked.
His wink was as effectively charming as he was and she felt herself weaken. She couldn't have been more thrilled to be here with him alone on his own suggestion as if God truly had answered her prayer. She just hoped she could manage to maintain a cool face and not humiliate herself in front of him like she had with her many drunken messages.
She giggled and tried to remain nonchalant, "Very nice."
"So," He gestured around them, "You're back in your natural habitat. How does it feel?"
"I don't know," Sharpay admitted, "Sad?"
"Sad?" Troy echoed in confusion.
"Theater isn't my world anymore. I was in a torrid love affair with it years ago and then I just… sort of fell out of love I guess."
"How did you fall out of love?" He eyed her skeptically, "Sharpay I've seen you perform, it was your passion. You don't just lose something like that one day."
"I didn't stop loving performing," She clarified, "I stopped loving the world of theater itself. It's cruel. It just wasn't where I wanted to be anymore."
"Well where do you want to be?" He challenged her.
She bit her lip, "I don't honestly know anymore. That's the hardest thing really. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Or with anyone…"
Troy sighed and reached out to place a comforting hand above her knee. Sharpay shuddered at the contact, immediately hating herself for doing so when she saw him smirking as he noticed her response. Bitterly, she turned her head away from him, startled when she felt his fingers gently under her chin, tugging her face back towards his.
"Sharpay, you and I needed to talk. I was planning it before tonight, truth be told. I feel terrible. I never realized how much of a hold I had on you back in high school."
"That's a lie," She interrupted coolly, "You knew how I felt Troy."
"Well…" He faltered, "I knew you liked me, sure, but in a school girl with a crush sort of way. I didn't ever think they were the sort of feelings that would follow you afterwards."
"Troy, you were the only guy that ever made me feel the way you did. You still are. We had a connection. Don't you remember? You and I used to stay up all night texting each other. We were going to be together. And then Gabriella came along and you were infatuated with her and you forgot all about it."
"Sharpay I didn't forget about it. I just moved on. We were kids. It wasn't that I stopped caring about you. But with Gabriella I suddenly had this opportunity to be someone else. She was like an escape. It was refreshing and exciting. I don't know… I still thought about you," He trailed off, perhaps getting lost in his own thoughts.
"I wasn't exciting enough for you Troy?" She adverted his gaze when he tried to meet his eyes with her own, unready to show him the vulnerability that lay behind them.
"My dad warned me about you," He admitted, "He said I should stay away from the drama queen. He knew from personal experience. He thought you would stir my life up too much. That you'd distract me from everything else. Basketball was my legacy back then, you know."
"Your dad said the same things about Gabriella, if I recall. But you fought for her," She couldn't mask the bitterness in her voice. Regardless of how much time had passed, it still hurt, as if the emotional wounds were still fresh and hadn't been lying dormant for years.
"Gabriella was a different story. My dad didn't want to see me changing myself to be with her. He didn't like the idea of me in theater. It was really all about my decisions when I was around her and not about who she was as a person. All in all, she was a lot less of a threat," Troy shrugged, "I mean I'm sorry Sharpay. I was a teenage boy. And I was selfish. Just because I had feelings for her didn't mean I didn't have any feelings for you anymore. I just hid them better I guess."
"I knew you still wanted me Troy. That was the worst part actually. It killed me inside, knowing that we should be together but you always being out of my reach. Remember the summer you worked at Lava Springs? You and I had a connection. I shared things with you I never shared with anyone. I let you see my vulnerable side. And in the end it wasn't enough. You didn't want any of your friends to see that you and I were actually having fun. I gave you opportunities, I supported you and you stabbed me in the back. You promised you would sing with me and you didn't!" She huffed, transforming back into the miserable heartsick teenage girl she once had been, her pretty pink lips poking out in a diva pout for good measure.
"I tried to sing with you Sharpay," He countered softly, his voice barely above a whisper, "I really did think it was you who was going to be up there on stage with me."
"Do you know how humiliating that whole experience was? To do all I did for you and share all I did with you and then have you bail out on me at the last minute? And then to be ready to go on stage with you, which was like my biggest dream come true, only to have it all ruined. I was crushed Troy."
"I'm sorry," He trailed his thumb gently along her lower thigh as an act of comfort, "I should have done more for you Sharpay and I didn't."
"I never got my chance with you Troy. And we had so much potential. I could just never get over it. Do you know what it's like to be convinced you've met your soulmate and then have to live your whole life apart from them? I don't understand it anymore. I've tried to reach out to you and you've turned me out. Why can't we just give us a chance?"
"Why? We're adults now. Things are different. We don't live in the same place. We don't know if we have anything in common anymore. I'm not the same guy you knew back then and I'm sure you're not the same girl either. It's been years. Sharpay we don't know each other anymore. You're in love with a memory. And I wanted you at one time, sure, and maybe I should have gone for it. But I didn't and that's my mistake. You can't spend your whole life clinging to should have beens."
"You were my first," She murmured.
He didn't need further clarification. He knew exactly what she was referring to and he squinted his eyes, bringing his fingers up to massage his temples as if her persistence was giving him a migraine.
"I know! I know…" He swallowed his dose of guilt and shook his head, "You know Gabriella and I had already-"
"I know that," She cut him off not wanting to be reminded of it, "But you were still my first time Troy. And it meant everything to me. It was everything I had wanted it to be."
"You really envisioned your first time in the middle of a golf course?" He chuckled at the memory.
She giggled, relieved to have the tension broken if only slightly and shook her head, "Well not exactly. But it felt right when it happened."
"I remember you told me no one would be out there because it was so late. And I kept thinking that if anyone did catch us out there and your dad found out he'd probably see to it that I never became a Redhawk. I just wanted you so bad that night I didn't care," He paused and then added insightfully, "I think that's what my dad meant when he warned me to distance myself from you."
"Well you distanced yourself alright. Next thing I knew you were bailing out of the talent show and chasing after Gabriella again."
"I'm sorry. I was a selfish prick back then okay? I was only a kid."
"You want to know something Troy?" She gently placed her hand on top of his own, the one that still rested precariously on her leg.
"Sure," He answered, though his voice was uncertain, knowing whatever she said next was likely to only continue to pile on the insurmountable guilt he was already feeling.
"I thought you were going to be a Redhawk. I really thought that was the choice you would end up making because it was your lifelong dream and a great opportunity and maybe I was just clinging to false hope but I convinced myself that you wouldn't throw that all away for Gabriella or any girl. And that's why I chose to go to the University of Albuquerque. I thought we would be there together and that could finally be our chance. But you went off to California instead and I hated U of A. I dropped out of there after my first year."
"Do you hear yourself Sharpay? You didn't think I would be dumb enough to throw away what you perceived as my future for a girl but you readily tossed aside your own plans in order to keep yourself close to me."
"Yeah, well, we were both idiots for it then I guess," She admitted.
"Why aren't you happy Sharpay?" The question was looming in the front of his mind and he saw no point in holding off asking it.
She scoffed, "Why do you assume I'm not?"
"I know you're not Sharpay. I can see it in your eyes. You're desperately clinging to memories where you must have felt you found happiness once. I don't like seeing you like this."
She shivered, but the chill the shook her came from within, "I hate growing older. I'm not ready to be here yet. This is a ten year reunion but everything still feels so fresh in my mind like it was just the other day that I was up on this stage performing, or on the grass of Lava Springs making love to you. Everyone always saw me as the girl who had everything but I never got anything I truly wanted. I convinced myself that one day I'd have it all. But I'm approaching thirty in a few short years and I'm not an actress, I'm not famous, I don't have you, I don't have anyone. I didn't have these things back then, but I had hope for the future and now I don't have any. Life is nothing like I thought it would be and I would give anything to be young and innocent again, starry eyed and daydreaming about everything that could happen. I'm never going to win an Oscar Troy but if I had you, just you, I think that would be enough for me not to need anything else for the rest of my life. I could be content just to be so in love, to devote myself to you every day."
Troy gulped and wiped away a bead of sweat forming on his brow. He scooped her up into his arms, pulling her petite body against his own chiseled form, her head coming to rest against his broad chest. He was surprised at how satisfying it felt to hold her in his arms, and he gently rubbed her back, knowing he was her only hope for comfort at the moment.
"Oh Troy," She sniffled and her body was trembling, both thrilled and terrified to be so close to him after it had been so long, "You must think I'm so pathetic."
"You're not pathetic Sharpay," He gripped her tighter, "Just calm down. It's all going to be okay. You have it so much better than most. You're so beautiful and capable and you've got the will to survive. You can have anything you want if you're persistent enough, I'm sure of it."
"I want you," She insisted.
Troy's hold on her weakened, unsure of how to respond, "Sharpay I live in California now. Long distance never works."
"I'd move to California for you. I'd follow you anywhere," She insisted fervently.
"But how can you without us knowing if this would even work out?" He challenged, "I'd like to be your friend Sharpay. I just don't think I could give you enough right now to be anything else to you. I don't want to break your heart again. It kills me to know that I already have. I'm so sorry."
"I forgive you," She gracefully accepted his apology, "I didn't mean to hit you with a guilt trip. I was only trying to make you understand how I felt back then."
"I know…"
She nuzzled her face into his neck, deeply inhaling the smell of his cologne. It was a sweet but musky masculine scent and it was heavenly. She pulled her face away from his body and tilted her chin up, staring at his beautifully sculpted face with her wide set chocolate orbs. Troy angled his own cerulean eyes down at her and smiled, showing off his gorgeous pearly whites and causing Sharpay to blush crimson. She had to force herself not to look away; the intensity of his stare was almost too much to bear. She realized the impending kiss was inevitable, and her heart began to hammer against its cage so loudly she was convinced he must have heard it as she watched him part his lips and slowly move his face in towards hers.
Impatient as ever and craving his lips as if she'd been suffering physical withdrawal all these years, she was unable to wait for his lips to meet hers and bridged the distance herself, firmly grasping his face in her hands and giving him all she had. She poured her soul out in that kiss as their lips found a steady rhythm and their tongues began to dance with one another, expressing all her passion for him in a physical way that words could never do justice to.
It seemed to be effective because after a few seconds Troy had to pull away, catching his breath and murmuring, "Fuck Sharpay," Before going in for the kill again.
He tasted deliciously sweet and even better than she remembered and her entire being was weak with lust and need. Even so, she tried to uncloud her mind as she felt his fingers trailing down to her hips, gripping her tightly and pulling her form against his.
"Why don't we spend the night together, just you and me," He suggested, "I have a nice hotel room about ten minutes from here. What do you say, should we ditch this reunion?"
Sharpay struggled to catch her breath. She knew this was everything she wanted. The exact scenario she had played out in her fantasies in the weeks leading up to this night. But something felt out of place. Her heart was in this but was his?
"And what about tomorrow?" She asked him.
"Well, we could go get breakfast, maybe hit up some of our favorite old spots in Albuquerque?" He suggested, missing the deeper meaning of her question entirely.
"No Troy," She shook her head, "I mean beyond that. What would that make you and me tomorrow? Would anything change between us once you went back home to California?"
Troy lowered his eyes to the stage beneath them, "I don't know Sharpay. I can't guarantee anything. Like I said, I'd really like to be friends. But I can't carry you off into the sunset just based on one night. I mean surely you realize…"
"You know what I think?" She shifted herself away from him, darting her amber eyes back towards him and shooting him daggers, "I think you're a self destructive person Troy. Anytime you've ever had a good thing in front of you you've found some way to fuck it up. You did it with basketball, with theater, with me, with Gabriella, with college, with everything! Deep down you can't stand to be happy and you can sit here all day and lecture me about my own unhappiness but at least I can accept everything that's wrong with my life. I want to change it and I want you but I'm just too good of an opportunity for you, aren't I Troy?"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean," Defense levels rising he jumped to his feet, and she followed in suit, not willing to sit beneath him.
"What it means Troy is I'm beautiful and I'm smart and I get you. I'm madly in love with you not just in spite of your flaws but for them even and all I want is to show you love and devote myself to you and do anything I can to make you happy! And you see that! You've always seen that and that's why you won't let me! Because you won't let yourself be happy Troy, admit it!"
"Who says I'm not happy?" He paced about the stage angrily, "You don't know anything about me anymore! I have a great life!"
"Really Troy, what do you do?" She challenged him.
"I work in real estate and I'm plenty successful!" He shot back.
"Real estate. Really Troy, did you ever imagine in your wildest dreams that you would work in real estate?"
"No Sharpay I didn't! But I grew up. I'm an adult and that means accepting the areas of your life that aren't perfect and making the most of them. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth like you, I can't just flit around doing whatever strikes my fancy year to year!"
"What happened to basketball Troy?" She persisted, unmoved by his lecture on adulthood, "You had talent, why don't you play anymore? You could have at least coached like your dad but you don't Troy why is that? Because you walked away from it just like you walk away from everything else?"
"I walked away?" Troy exclaimed incredulously, "What about you? You had a passion for theater that was just as intense for my love for basketball, if not more. I don't see you up on Broadway!"
As his words sunk in she allowed her arms to fall down by her side, defenseless and defeated, "You're right," She murmured.
Her eyes welled with tears upon the realization and she looked back up at him, visually pleading, "We're the same. Don't you see that? We should be together and you know it."
"I don't know anything Sharpay, okay? Why don't you just calm down and then you and I can go back to my hotel and talk things out?" He tried again to get her to leave with him and again it took all her strength to resist but she managed.
"What so you and I can have sex and then you can walk out on me again just like you did at Lava Springs?" She narrowed her eyes at him, "I won't be played for a fool again Troy. I'm older and wiser."
Troy tried to lick his lips, in desperate need of moisture, but he found his entire mouth had run dry and he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. He knew she was waiting for him to speak again but he couldn't seem to find the right words so he just remained silent instead.
"I love you," She murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, but still the words reached him, "I always have."
She stared at him for a moment waiting to see if he had anything left to say. He met her gaze, his eyes sad and pitiful like a hound puppy but he was unable to return the sentiment.
Crushed, Sharpay forced herself not to collapse into a fit of tears, an action that would be inevitable for her tonight but that she was saving for when she was alone.
She nodded, accepting his silence and his unwillingness or unableness to return her feelings, still unsure which it was.
"I'll always love you," She finished, hating herself for how true the statement was.
"You deserve better than me," He finally found his voice again, as miserably hoarse as it sounded.
"Goodbye Troy."
She turned from him, trying to find satisfaction in the feeling of being the one to walk away from him this time but the moment wasn't even bitter sweet, just bitter, heavily, overwhelmingly bitter. She darted down the stairs on the side of the stage, honey colored hair swinging behind her while she walked away from him down the aisle of the auditorium where they had once performed alongside each other.
Troy couldn't say goodbye and he stood behind on the empty dark stage watching her walk out of his life, perhaps for good this time, miserable and confused. Inside he shouted at himself to go after her, to stop her and bring her back, to spill his guts and tell her all he ever had felt and all he always would feel. But he couldn't. She was right about his self destructive tendencies he knew, but beyond that deep down he truly did believe that she deserved much better than him. He had always mistreated her, always been a selfish dick, and he didn't see any signs within himself of improvement. Better that she move on and find a man who would give her the moon on a string than waste her life living for him.
He sat back down, unable to part with this place yet. Why were things so different since he left the halls of East High? Had he truly peaked in high school, forever to spend the rest of his life failing to live up to his boyhood dreams? This auditorium was home to him, perhaps even a tad more so than the gym where he had scored so many winning free throws.
He glanced around the dark stage and in his mind the room lit up again. The art kids were busy painting bright colorful sets, Kelsi Nielson was tickling the ivories lost in her own world of music, and Miss Darbus sat beneath them in the front row in a maroon colored velvet seat speaking zealously about the world of theater. He could place Sharpay now, she'd be standing center stage, hanging on to their teacher's every word, enthralled in her world of performance, devoted in a way that none of the other students surrounding her could ever relate. And he would be hanging back in the shadows, hiding behind a piece of scenery and tuning Miss Darbus out, secretly watching Sharpay, a sick fascination she knew nothing about. She consumed his thoughts constantly, he lived for these moments where he could gaze at her uninterrupted for full minutes at a time, unbeknownst to her. Then he heard a high pitched giggle behind him. Gabriella waved at him flirtatiously and he drew his attention back to her, the girl he was convinced was meant for him.
The sound of the heavy metal door slamming shut from across the auditorium startled Troy and brought him out of his fantasy. The color and lights and people all faded away and he was left again on a dark and desolate stage. It was too late to turn his gaze back to her. Sharpay was gone.
He had always been drawn to her but convinced himself that he was meant for someone else. Someone perfect, to impress his parents, someone who would be enough of an achievement alone to save him the stress of having to strive for perfection in all other areas of his life, the way he had always been pushed to. He had allowed himself to hurt her, justifying it in his own mind only to be met with the guilt and consequences later on. He'd never be able to forgive himself for emotionally damaging her the way he had.
The two of them were made of the same cloth. They came from the same place, this wonderful high school full of joy where life truly had been like some sort of Disney fairytale about New Mexico teenagers. Everything about East High had been almost too good to be true, save himself and Sharpay. They were the flawed characters, too self serving to quite belong with everyone else. Maybe that's why she loved him. She saw the same bad in him that she saw in herself and was relieved by it. Maybe she loved him for it because she wanted to believe she could be loved for the same reasons. He, on the other hand was never able to love himself. He couldn't accept it so he couldn't accept her.
Instead they were left to be lonely. Meanwhile the gymnasium was full of jovial, carefree alumni, all living out their dreams or a variation of them they had found along the way. They were thrilled to be back in this place that had impacted them all so deeply, but they didn't need it any longer. As the night dwindled on and they began to filter out of the building one by one, they would all do so dressed in flawless formalwear, gleeful grins plastered across each of their faces, all leaving with their husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, or close groups of friends. Truly they all lived as if they were written into a modern day storybook, their lives all so perfect and lacking the worldly pains and sadness that most adults are condemned to suffer at one point or another.
Troy and Sharpay had cast themselves out of this Garden of Eden, perhaps made official that night when they engaged in sin on the green grass of Lava Springs, without a moment of consideration for Troy's loyal high school sweetheart. Somewhere outside the building, Sharpay sat on the cold cement, her back pressed against a brick wall and her head in her hands, tears falling rapidly in her lap while she waited for the night to end and Ryan to emerge from the doors and take her home. She was too miserable to care about the chilling nip in the air or to worry about anyone who might recognize her walking out and discovering her like this.
Troy lay back on the stage, staring up at the tall dark ceiling feeling hollow inside, wishing he could cry too but the tears never coming, like a drought stricken desert praying for rain. There was no happily ever after for them. Sharpay could continue to hope against hope that Troy would be the savior she needed and rescue her, but the longer she sat outside in the cold the more she knew in her heart that Troy wasn't coming to change her future.
Troy's thoughts mirrored her own, instead harping on the past and wishing more than anything that he could rewind things back to ten years ago, to get things right this time. He wished he could stop himself from ever breaking her heart because he was completely clueless on how he could ever repair it and convinced that he'd never be able to.
Sometime later Ryan wandered around the perimeter of the school, searching for his sister, everyone else heading home. He found her, slumped against the wall, staring ahead of her, at nothing in particular, her body still.
"Shar, you okay?"
She nodded mutely and then stood up, accepting his hand when he offered it to her.
"Just think," He mused, "It may be another ten years before we see East High again. I hope you took the chance to say all of your goodbyes."
She glanced back one last time at the building that housed so many memories for her and chuckled bitterly.
"I said goodbye to this place and everyone in it ten years ago. Why do people even go to high school reunions? Nostalgia is just a sad twisted emotion that keeps people from moving on with their lives."
"But it's East High," Ryan insisted, "We loved this place."
"East High is in the past Ryan," She quickened her pace towards the parking lot, eager for a hot bath and her bed, not stopping for another glance behind her now.
"It's nothing but a memory now."
A/N: Posting this here feels like revisiting a ghost town where I used to live. I haven't written anything in so long and I know that the Troypay community has died off. But I had come back here and recently read a couple of my old fanfictions again and was struck with the urge to write one. This theme just felt right given how long it's been since this fandom has been regularly written about. Also it's been almost ten years since High School Musical first premiered- wow!
I'm not expecting much, but if any of the oldies happen to see this, I would love to hear from you guys. PM me!
Lots of love to the Troypay community forever.
-A.