WALK WITH YOU TODAY GOD
So many things to distract
Too many unfunny jokes
People say that to live like You ask me is a foolishness
That I am just lying to myself like a woman trying to feel the warmth of her own reflection
Being a Christian dear God is easy
As long as you don't say the truth and think that nothing is wrong as long as it's consensual
You can believe your own truth dear Christian, they say
As long as you don't tell me what is wrong and right
I am my own law... this is my own life... who are you to judge me
I am a Christian
Yet still I feel loneliness, sadness, hate, and anger
People that I respect say that Christians should never feel that
And if I felt like that then I am not truly Christian
That to be Christian is to be prosper, rich, life fully in hapiness and miracles
So if I feel like that then I am not truly saved
Is it true God?
Will you not accept me if I am poor, sad, and lonely?
Does that mean I am not truly Your child?
Please accept this broken heart dear Lord
The heart that had repeatedly betrayed You
Doing things which make You cry
The heart that longs for You
Confuse between fully enjoying all the fake glory of sins
Often wondering whether it will be better to truly leave You
At least if I do so, I will no longer blame myself as a hypocrite
With my mind knowing the truth while had repeatedly betray You
I fight everyday my Lord
Not to click on things that offer sexual pleasures
Though often I had failed
And just soak in my sins
There are people who say I should not feel guilty
And I lie to myself that nothing is wrong since no one is hurt
Yet I am hurting myself
Creating a dangerous fantasy that separate me from reality
So God please don't turn me away
For my heart, as tainted as it is, really longs for you
Though everyday will be a battle
May You always be with me and You will give me victory in this war