CinderZella

Rated PG

Warnings for weirdness, crossover, shonen-ai, and the use of a rabid squirrel monkey weasel hybrid.

Contains characters from Final Fantasy 8, Cowboy Bebop, The Bouncer, and a Bakura plushie. And Grace. Sorry, Talon.




Once apon a time there were two rather lonely woodcutters named Volt Krueger and Kou Leifoh. They lived in the woods with their beautiful son, Zell.

One day Kou went to Nasa to get a job to better support his small family, as woodcutting wages had gone down with environmental awareness.

A few months later Volt and Zell got a letter from Ganymede. Kou had met a lovely young woman named Faye,and had married her in an impromtu Ganymedian ceremony.

Volt cried, but then got angry and married a random woman to spite Kou.

His new spouse was a lovely woman named Quistis, who came with twin children, a girl named Fujin and a boy named Raijin. They were mean.

One day Kou came back because Faye had been in an accident and cryogenically frozen, and so Volt ditched his new family and went off with Kou to live in like, Nebraska or something.

Unfortunately, they forgot Zell.

Quistis and her children decided to keep Zell, because he was cheap help and they could be mean to him. And they were, making him cook, clean, and listen to boy bands.

One day they got a letter. King Laguna and Queen Kiros were holding a ball to marry off their sons, Squall and Irvine, and so they invited anyone eligible to hang out and have fun, and hope that the boys would make good choices.


When the letter arrived, the family was spending their 'Family-togetherness-taunting-Zell-and-poking-him-with-pointed-sticks' time, and promptly decided to go to the party, leaving Zell in the care of their Rabid Squirrel Monkey/Weasel hybrid, Max.


Max was under strict orders to bite Zell if he tried to escape, and so Zell mostly just sat there trying not to breathe.

He was sitting in the kitchen with the thing growling at him when suddenly- Poof! Out of nowhere a boy in a pink dress with fairy wings sprung into existence, showering the weasel-monkey-thing with sparkly fun glitter!

Adding to the weirdness, it wasn't even a very good fairy costume.

Taking stock of the situation, Zell asked the first question that made sense.

"Dude, who are you?"

"I'm your, er, fairy godmother-thingy. My name is Sion."

"um, no, you're not. You're a badly dressed drag queen who's hanging from my kitchen ceiling by a wire."

Sion looked offended. "I am *not* badly dressed." Spying Max, Sion squealed "Ooo, nice squirrel monkey weasel hybrid! Is he rabid?"

Zell watched in amusement as Sion poked Max with a spork, and was promtply bitten. After a few moments of watching the boy cry in pain, though, he peeled the animal off, and Sion threw a Bakura plushie at it, causing it to chase the doll into the living room and allowing them to lock the door.

Quickly, Sion pulled out a magical bag and wand to give Zell a makeover. Holding a mirror up, he showed Zell the results. Zell had only one comment- "Don't say it."

Sion smirked, and replied in a high, lisping voice, "But Zell! You look absolutely FABULOUS!"

Zell sighed. "I told you not to say it."

Still smirking, Sion teleported them to the castle, just in time to see Fujin say "I do."

Zell was sad, but then noticed that it was Squall marrying Fujin. And he didn't look happy about it. Looking around he noticed something. "Hey, Irvine isn't here!"

Sion noted Zell's sadness, and said "I know. He must have skipped out, or already been married. I'm sorry. But cheer up! I have Dir En Grey tickets!"

Zell perked up and hugged Sion "Really? You're the best crossdressing weirdo glittery fairy friend ever! Let's go!"

While at the Dir En Grey concert Zell found Irvine, who'd been bored by the ball and decided to go see the concert instead. Instantly they fell in love, and within weeks were married. Sion developed a crush on Raijin, and Volt and Kou sent a card, having looked for Zell but been unable to locate him until they read his wedding announcement in the Nebraska Times. And so they all lived happily ever after.

Until the rabid squirrel monkey weasel thing along with it's cousin Grace and her parents, Bakura and Brian, took over the world.

And enslaved all humankind.

The end.

Probably.