Parting words
Thane's last words to Shepard before he goes to the sea, mostly different from what happened in the game
Warning, serious angst ahead.
Walking through Huerta was... Painful. To see so many injured, most of them civilians and innocents. It was even worse than seeing those who got gunned down in cold blood. Shepard had been both shot several times, and been dead. Being shot was worse than being dead. Being dead was easy. Being wounded was painful.
And not all injuries were from weapons either. Some were damaged by biotics or tech attacks. She saw a young child with burns on large parts of his body. He was sobbing into his mother's arm. She tried to hold him without causing him any further pain as a salarian doctor looked over his injuries. The salarian looked completely worn out. In fact, all of the doctors looked like they were about to topple over any moment from exhaustion. She wondered how long it had been since any of them saw their families.
This fucking war was hell.
As she walked, she did her best to avoid looking at the many patients that filled any available space. There was nothing she could do for them, except win this war. And she knew most of them would never make it. The doctors knew this as well. They just did their best to make sure they were comfortable.
It felt like it took way longer than it had before to reach Thane's room. Since he had been a patient here for so long, he had a private room. However, she knew that as soon as he passed, it would be made available to those who needed it more. Clenching her jaw and clearing her throat, she mentally prepared herself. This wouldn't be easy.
With her hand shaking slightly, she pressed the button on the door and waited for it to open. Thane lay on the bed, an oxygen mask on his face. He was bare chested and a bandage was covering the wound Kai Leng's sword had caused. Next to the bed stood Kolyat, his face void of emotion, but he couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. Poor kid. Losing both his parents in such macabre ways. He was handling it better than Shepard assumed she would if it was her father in the bed.
"Commander Shepard." The younger said as she walked into the room. "My father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Kolyat Krios. I came to donate blood, and, well..."
Kolyat cleared his throat, his voice also giving away his pain. He allowed his eyes to drift away from Shepard for a while and it seemed like he was desperately trying to gather himself again.
"I'll give the two of you some time alone. I'll be outside. If it's possible, I'd like to be here when..." He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. Instead he gave Shepard a short nod and disappeared through the door.
As the door slid shut behind him, all sounds from the hospital was cut off. It would have been peaceful if it wasn't for the sound of the machines that stood around Thane's bed. Shepard walked up to the bed and Thane turned to face her. He was pale and she could hear him struggling to breathe, even despite the oxygen mask. From the pain or from Kepral's? Perhaps a mix of both.
"Siha." He croaked out and smiled.
"Hey." Shepard took one of his cold hands in both of hers. "I love you."
"Could you remove the mask?" He begged. "I wish to be comfortable."
Shepard nodded and reached up to remove the mask. She helped him to lift his head to remove the straps before placing the mask gently beside him. The mask wouldn't make a bit of difference. If being without it made him comfortable, so be it.
"That assassin should be embarrassed." He let out a grunt of pain and his hand squeezed Shepard's. "A terminally ill drell stopped him from reaching is target."
"You saved the councillor. He called you a hero." Shepard informed and leaned in to kiss his forehead.
"I am glad to hear he survived."
Thane broke into a coughing fit and Shepard could see the panic in his eyes as he tried to regain his breath after he stopped coughing. She recalled how she suffocated after the first Normandy blew up. She could remember the panic as she couldn't get air. It hurt to know that Thane went through the same thing. She'd give anything to take the pain away from him.
"Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?" She asked quietly.
"No." He panted as his free hand went to the wound in his chest. "Having you here is more than enough."
"Are you in a lot of pain?"
"The doctors offered to give me drugs to minimise the pain, but I declined. I wish to have a clear head."
Shepard didn't answer, and leaned her forehead against his temple instead. She took in his smell for which would be the last time and felt his rough skin against her own. His skin was cold to the touch and it was almost painful to hear him breathe. Though she had been able to hold her tears back so far, they now broke free and started to slowly run down her cheeks.
It had been a very long time since Shepard cried. Like, such a long time that she couldn't remember the last time. But today seemed appropriate. Her partner, her love, was dying.
"I am sorry." Thane suddenly said.
"What?" Shepard sat up straight and looked at him, making no attempt to wipe the tears away.
"For causing you this pain. It was irresponsible of me to start a relationship when on the brink of death. I-"
"Stop." Shepard said sharply. "I wouldn't trade this time with you for anything. Though I don't have drell memory, the memories of you are something I will treasure for the rest of my life. I knew what I was getting into. And I don't regret a single second of it. I love you, Thane. I always will."
She kissed his cheek before pulling back again and looking at him. There was so much she wanted to say. But now, she didn't know how to say it. How was it possible to put into words everything she felt for Thane? I love you just didn't describe how strong her feelings for him was.
"I am glad to hear that." Thane smiled at her before letting out a cough. "Do you recall when we met?"
"Of course I do. How could I forget?"
"I was angry at you. Angry at you for reaching the room first, for fighting your way through the guards. I knew you had killed them all, I had seen you. There would be none left to greet me when I was done. I told you I had resigned myself to death, but denied planning on dying. I was not entirely truthful."
As he spoke, he had to stop several times to catch his breath or cough. It was getting more and more obvious by the second of how much pain he was in. Shepard wanted to take all the pain from him. But she couldn't. She felt to useless as she just pulled the blanket higher up on his chest, tucking him in slightly.
"But I accepted your contract. It was a certain death and it would be an honourable one. Saving more human colonies from being abducted... What better way to atone for my sins?" He smiled. "However... I made friends. I met another siha. My life... Changed. For the better. I was happy, still am happy. You made me happy, siha. These last months have been some of the best, if not the best, of my life."
"I just wished we had more time together." Shepard whispered silently.
"Cherish the moments we shared, instead of wondering what could have been."
"I love you, Thane. More than words can describe."
They were quiet for a while. Thane's lips were pale now, and his hand felt even colder. She knew it wouldn't be long now. At least he wouldn't be in pain anymore, but it was a small ray of hope.
"I know you will win this, siha." He said and gave her hand a weak squeeze. "It's just a shame to know I won't be here to celebrate it with you."
"I'm sure as hell going to do everything in my power to win. For everyone who's left." She looked down at his hand. "For Kolyat, to give him a chance of a good life."
"Your words give a dying man hope."
After he finished speaking, he coughed and his face twisted into a grimace. His hand went to his wound once more and his eyes closed in pain. Once again, she could do nothing except look at him and feel completely helpless.
"Do you want me to get Kolyat?" She asked silently.
"Yes." Thane breathed out.
Wiping away some tears from her cheeks, Shepard reluctantly let go of Thane's hand to stand up and open the door. Kolyat sat with his back against the wall, looking out of the mass of patients and doctors. There were evidence of tears on his cheeks and Shepard had to fight an overwhelming urge to hug him.
"Kolyat." She said softly. She didn't need to explain why she was getting him.
With Kolyat following in her steps, Shepard walked into the room again and sat down next to the bed. Once more, she took Thane's hand in hers. He was still beautiful, even though he was on the brink of death.
"So..." Thane said as Kolyat stood on the other side of the bed. "It would seem I am to waste away in a bed."
"At least we had the chance to say our goodbyes." Kolyat said silently.
Thane gritted his teeth in pain and took a laboured breath.
"There's something I must do before it get's worse." The strength in his voice was fading and he broke into another coughing fit.
Shepard clenched her jaws and lowered her head. On the other side of the bed, Kolyat put his hands together and bowed his head. Thane started speaking once more, his eyes now closed.
"Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness." Thane begun, his voice hoarse from pain. "Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand-"
Another coughing fit kept him from continuing and every cough sent a wave of pain through Shepard's body. A lump was beginning to grow in her throat and her breaths became shaky.
"Kalahira, wash the sins from this one,-" Kolyat picked up where Thane had left off. "-and set him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."
"Kolyat." Thane said, a faint tone of happiness in his voice. "You speak as the priests do. You've been spending time with them."
There was no answer from the younger drell, he simply looked at his father, his eyes moist. Kolyat seemed to be as close to tears as Shepard was. They both knew that Thane probably wouldn't mind if they started crying, but they didn't. They could wait a few more moments.
"I brought a prayer book..." Kolyat said as he walked around the bed. "Commander, would you care to join me?"
She just nodded and stepped closer to him.
"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention. " Kolyat continued, before gesturing for her to continue.
"Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve." Shepard had to clear her throat at this point. "Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."
It was a beautiful prayer and though she wasn't religious in any sense of the word, she knew that this meant a lot to Thane. From the bed, there was a single laboured breath before Thane's hand went limp in hers and the machine let out a low, piercing beep, announcing that his heart had stopped beating. With a shaking hand, Shepard reached over to close his eyes.
"Kolyat?" She didn't care that her voice sounded strangled or that tears started to appear her eyes. "Why did the last verse say 'she'?"
"The prayer was not for him, commander." Kolyat explain, tears now forming in his eyes as well. "He has already asked forgiveness for the lives he has taken. His wish was for you."
Shepard couldn't think of anything to say to that. In his dying moments, he had still thought about her. He had asked forgiveness for her. It caused more tears to appear.
"Goodbye Thane..." She whispered. "Meet you across the sea."
The tears started now running freely down her cheeks and she was unable to stop them. It felt like someone was squeezing her heart and her lips were shaking as she tried to somewhat hold it together. A faint sniffle came from her right and she glanced over to see Kolyat wipe away tears.
"Commander." He said and cleared his throat. "I never thanked you for reuniting me and my father all those months ago. And I never thanked you for making him happy."
"Don't mention it." She looked over at him with a small, sad smile.
"So, I suppose we're both orphans now." His voice shook.
Shepard wasn't really sure on how it happened, but she and Kolyat embraced each other. His forehead ended up on her shoulder and he sobbed silently. He had been through so much. If she could give him just a moment of comfort, it was worth it. And she desperately needed a hug as well, she realised. They stood like that for a while, simply sharing the pain.
"Commander, Admiral Anderson wishes to speak to you in the comm room." Traynor said as Shepard appeared in the CIC.
Shepard stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look at the comm specialist. Shepard had just returned from Huerta. Her eyes were still red and swollen from crying. There was still a moist spot on her shoulder from Kolyat's tears. There was still an unspeakable pain in her chest. And immediately, she was needed back in the war. She recalled what Garrus had said on Menae. How long until the fight is kicked out of you? She felt pretty close to that point.
"Traynor, I just watched my boyfriend die." Shepard sounded so unspeakably tired. "I need a few minutes for myself. Just to gather my thoughts."
"I'm so sorry, commander." Traynor said and placed a hand on Shepard's arm. "And I'll let him know you'll get to him as soon as you can."
"Thank you." Shepard disappeared into the elevator and allowed the tears to fall freely once more.
There was no pain across the sea. There was no sorrow. The air was pleasant and warm. Breathing was easy. Thane watched as Shepard made it onto the Citadel. He watched as she spoke with the Crucible and he watched her make her choice. He watched the wave of red spread through the mass relays, he watched the reapers be destroyed and the people cheering. They had won. All because of his siha.
Her soul was leaving her body, as it lay broken in the rubble. It hung on for longer than he had anticipated. She took several laboured breaths and let out several whimpers before she succumbed to blood loss. He watched as it left her body.
It didn't take long before she washed up on the shore, her wounds healed and her scars gone. Thane walked up to her and stroke over her cheek, smiling as her eyes fluttered open.
"You did so well, siha. I am so proud of you."