all the steps you'll take
warning for: this is basically crack, like i don't know what this is, and teddy is a nerd/overprotective weirdo with a runaway imagination/not serious at all hopefully. just. i don't know.
everything(ish) belongs to jkrowling, title from a song by fun. (and you should all listen to it.)
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Teddy remembered when he used to visit.
Back when he was 15-16-17-18 and Lily was 10 years younger, all red-red-red hair and kaleidoscope eyes and he wouldn't even have time to sit down before she would be clinging to his legs and telling him about everything and anything, all at the same time, so her words would blur together and he wouldn't understand at all.
Now Lily's 15 and he's – he's 25, and that's old sort of. Now he comes in and Lily waves hi to him, and waltzes out the door in a too-short skirt, smiling and being happy and Harry says something about "one of the muggle boys down the road asking her out to ice-cream" and "not seeing the harm in that."
Oh, god, he misses 10 years ago.
There are 25 year olds who are dead. There are 25 year olds with kids. There are 25 year olds who are married.
(And yeah, he'd been close to that – like diamond ring in the champagne glass close, only then he'd thought about a future with Victoire and felt a little piece of himself die, and she'd run off to America with that blonde guy, and that was the end of that.)
15, on the other hand, is young. 15 year olds are little girls who still skip around the backyard and go swimming in that pond outside and go to school and do homework and think boys have cooties.
"Who lets 15 year olds go on dates anyway?" He mutters, mostly to himself and tries not to think about what he was getting up to at 15.
It's not fair, because Harry doesn't get it. Harry never had a real teenage experience, because he was busy risking his life and saving the world and whatnot. Harry doesn't know what 15 year olds boy's minds are like.
Ice-cream could be code for some kind of drug, he's sure of it.
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He's sitting in Harry's living room, trying to focus on whatever Ginny is talking about – Quidditch scores or maybe an article from this morning's newspaper, and he thought he heard Luna Lovegoods name in there once – or even just watching Al and his friend, that Malfoy kid, play cards in the kitchen, but he can't. His brain insists on jumping from scenario to scenario – most of which end up with Lily either crying her eyes out in a pub's bathroom or being sold into slavery somewhere.
"She's been on dates before, mate. Chill out." And that's James – James who was 15 only two or three years ago and who is being a horrible older brother.
Teddy thinks about making him watch some idiotic teen movie with lots of incestual subtext, so he can get the idea – only then he realizes how idiotic that sounds and oh god he's losing his mind.
"It is just ice-cream, sweetheart. But it's nice that you're worried." And then Ginny is laughing at him, all nice and soft and it's like –
It's like they all want her to get pressured into taking "just one drink" and that'll turn into seven and then the boy will want to drive her home, even though they're both inebriated beyond anything and the car will end up wrapped around a lamppost - muggles drive cars, yeah, he's pretty sure - and the Prophet will have a field day.
Also Lily will be dead, and Teddy will cry and he doesn't own a good black suit and everyone has been to too many funerals already.
(His first was his parents and he doesn't remember it at all, but his grandmother said he didn't cry and there's a picture of him with turquoise hair and golden eyes and it's nearing fall so the entire background is orange and he thinks there's a black dog in the background, which is such an odd thing to find at a graveyard.)
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"When is Lily's curfew?" He asks, in what he's sure is a polite and casual tone.
Harry rolls his eyes and there's the sound of muted laughter from the kitchen and Ginny points out in this strained sounding voice. "She's been gone for half an hour."
"Yes – but, I mean, just out of curiosity."
"Well… She said she'd be back around 3." Harry puts in and Teddy stares.
"Around – so – you didn't even – what?"
Ginny pinches the bridge of her nose and has the nerve to ask him if he's ever been a parent, because that's not the point here. Plus, he's her god brother and he's 25 which is old and they're all just acting way to lax about this.
(There was this time when she was 9 and Lily snuck out at midnight to go swimming, and she could have drowned, except she didn't because she lived to giggle about it with him the next day. But that wasn't the point.)
"No. I think Teddy's right." James says, and Teddy turns to look at his new found best friend. He's running his fingers through messy brown hair and suppressing a smile. "I mean, what were you thinking? She's already a Slytherin. That just screams rebellion and evil tendencies and whatever."
(Right then, Harry looked about ready to launch into one of his anti-prejudice speeches, so James wisely kept going, if only to make sure Harry didn't open his mouth.)
"I bet Voldemort's parents didn't set an exact curfew either."
Teddy is starting to think James is mocking him, if his snickers are anything to go by. And Ginny is giggling into her hand, and even Harry looks torn between exasperation and amusement.
(He decides, then, to kidnap Lily and have her come live in his flat, preferably handcuffed to a table – and damn no never mind that was a bad idea his brain was not going down that path ever again.)
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"I mean, really, Ted. When I was 15 I went on more than one date too. And it was not just to get ice-cream."
He looks at Ginny, because if that is supposed to calm him down it is failing miserably and he sincerely hopes she never becomes a therapist.
Harry, whose face has become a bit pinched looking, like he's got indigestion or a monster inside his stomach slowly eating his spleen or something, pats Teddy on the shoulder.
"And, what she means is – Lily is fine."
He thinks he should tell them that denial is not just a river in Egypt but he feels like Ginny might slap him if he does, so he goes back to tapping his knee with increasing urgency and watching the door.
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It's 2:30 and Lily could be home any minute, but Harry goes off to his study to floo somebody from work and Ginny says she's going over to Hermione's for tea and –
"You're in charge, Teddy, okay? Don't do anything stupid."
James rolls his eyes and flips the TV to some bratty teenage show filled with people whining and girls dancing and boys doing shots off the girls –
And, uh, yeah. How old is James again? Also, how old are the people on this program, because they definitely don't look drinking age.
He voices the question, out loud. To James. That's always a mistake.
"… When, exactly, did you turn into my grandmother? I mean, really. Do you want to start knitting? 'Cause Mom has some needles in the shed."
"I just –"
"Am worried Lily is going to come home from her date with her skirt in tatters and mascara streaming down her face like out entire lives are some crappy teen romance novel?"
"Maybe." Teddy says viciously and he really wishes he could leave the room and slam a door except that he's already decided his seat on the couch has the best view of the door and he doesn't want to miss Lily.
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Teddy taps on his knee.
"It's 2:58."
"… Yes." James responds, and it's really sad that right now Teddy is making James looks like the sane one.
But he still remembers that inane plot James had to tear apart Al's and Scorpius's friendship because he was convinced Scor was the devil or a death eater reborn or something, so, yeah, and he didn't let that up –
Actually that might still be going on, especially since he's pretty sure Scorpius and Rose are dating, even though it's fairly obvious whats going to happen there, what with the way Al's fists clench whenever he sees them together and he always excuses himself to go hide in a bathroom somewhere.
This plotting thing might run in the Potter family.
Not that he is technically related to the Potter, but maybe just suspecting random people of plots is something Harry drills into the heads of people he raises.
(Though, on an unrelated note, the boy Lily is with could be a member of an elite terrorist force and he's only using Lily to get to Harry and Ginny and they're going to invite him in for dinner one day and then boom and everyone is dead.)
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Teddy looks at his watch.
Then he looks at the clock, just to make sure.
"It's 3:15."
"That is how time works, yeah." James says and Teddy could strangle the kid, he really could.
"3:15 is not around 3. 3:15 is around 3:30. She's late. Oh god. She's late." Teddy's head is automatically filled with visions of windowless white vans and tiny little girl broken bodies lying in ditches and a little bit of green light and the imperio curse, oh god –
He jumps when the door opens.
It's Lily and her skirt is still too short, but her shirt is clean and there aren't any gaping wounds on her body and she looks remarkably un-ravished.
(Teddy wonders, just for a second, if she looks too un-ravished, but he doesn't go with that train of thought.)
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She says hello and he asks how was your date in a tone of voice that he hopes is a perfect mix of caring and non-obsession, but James is still snickering at him and even Albus and Scorpius are rolling their eyes, so he's probably failed.
"It was fine." Lily replies, and she doesn't sound like she's holding back tears. "I'm starving though."
"I thought you got ice-cream?" Unless, of course, the ice-cream was code for drugs like he originally thought. He's pretty sure drugs make you hungry. Not sure though, because the worst thing he's ever had was firewhiskey.
Oh god, his life.
"Did. But, I mean. I was on a date. I got a small cup of strawberry."
The guy was probably forcing her to go anorexic with his creepy body image issues. Maybe his mother was skinny. Maybe he had an Oedipus complex and was just stringing Lily along and she was heading for some fiery train wreck of heartbreak.
"He was kind of a jerk."
She was never leaving the house again.
James asks why, and Teddy focuses. Listening specifically for keywords such as groping and kidnapping and baggy pants.
"Didn't talk much. Maybe he was shy."
"You shouldn't go out with him again." Teddy adds, which results in everyone rolling their eyes and Lily giving him an odd look.
"Teddy, I have two brothers. You don't have to be all knight-in-shining-armor-ish. But thanks for caring." And then she kisses him on the cheek in the way she used to when she was 7 and they used to pretend to get married in the back yard and Albus was the minister and James's owl had been the bridesmaid. And something in his gut twists, painfully, because she's 15 and he's old.
James rolls his eyes as she skips off to the kitchen.
"You're actually disappointed that one of your creepy little fantasies didn't come true, aren't you?"
"Please don't call them that." Teddy says, in a very small voice and then James makes a disgusted looking face and Teddy watches Lily make a sandwich for herself and swing her hips just so and he wants to send her to a nunnery, but he settles for hating himself, just a little bit.
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yeah. this happened. i don't even know, because it was sposed to be funny but, i mean, it's teddylily so i snuck some angst in there and just, uh, i don't know okay love me anyway.
there's a lot of muggle tech in this fic. just go with it. potter's have a tv. tis 202something. wizards have discovered tvs.
and i managed to sneak in a remussirius reference, because yeah, i reread OoTP today and now i'm kind of sad.
please don't favorite without reviewing (but reviews/criticisms/love are accepted, always.)