Have you ever felt like the world had just abandoned you? The god and the devil can't even save your pitiful life. And now you're just buzzed from the dangerously toxic amount of alcohol you had poured down your throat, it stings but at least not like how you'd do it every night. Not when you have the excuse of being a drunk whore and forget everything. The bass of the music pumping rhythmically to your every move…or was it the other way round? Who cares. No one here gives a shit, all they're here for are the booze and a taste of popularity. Authority. Power. That's why I'm here, trying to grind myself onto some of the jocks that I just can't seem to recognise. I think the vodka's finally hitting me hard. But like I said, no one gives a shit here. Whether you're a broke kid or from a filthy rich background, nothing matters if you're in the circle. And I was sitting at the top. Pinnacle of this madness, well of course I had Nathan together to run this whole fiasco. I mean, where do you think we'd get all the good stuff from? And Principal Wells will close both his eyes if it's Nathan flinging his 'Prescott' name around.

That's what power can do. It can bring you so high up, and you'll see things you've never seen, never experience. A taste of that and it's like poison that you can't get over the bittersweet after taste. Try to get more of it, you want it.

Or just afraid of falling back down.

So desperately clinging onto the gates of absolute power, you'll do anything for recognition. Or maybe I did what I did to prove a point. What point? Fuck, what am I even talking about? I don't really give a shit. No one here is supposed to. So why am I- She's here, even at a place where you're given permission to be numb. To commit sins where no eyes will see. Not even church-going Kate Marsh can reach the gates of heaven after stepping into our parties. You're doomed and damned. Or maybe that's for me. Shit, I'm being all schizo here, not here. I'm Victoria fucking Chase and I'm queen bitch. Not a broken little girl that the world tossed aside. No. I'm as bad as Nathan, fuck, I even took his pills before. I know why he's so angry all the damn time. Wait I'm straying again. She's here, at the sides at the doors below the exit sign. Why? Is she afraid of the dark, that she'd sunk so far into it she'll never walk like a normal person again? Like myself? No, damn it she's not you. Not like me. She's smart, to know when she could bolt away. She's so much stronger than I am, to pull away from something you've basically melted into your life system. But she isn't me. She'll never know. Why am I staring at her again? Oh shit, she's staring back at me, I'm seen. I can't pull my gaze away, she's too outstanding in this place.

Wait, my legs are moving…where? Exit? To her. Great, my body's not my own now so fuck myself over with this one. I can't escape from this one with sharp-edged words, almost like a magnetic pull I'm stumbling over to her. I see…a smile? Or a smirk? Smug or not, she seems in some form pleasant to see my pathetically drunk self. Good. I'm not. The cup in my hand is still filled with…what the fuck is this stuff again? Have to remind Taylor to warn me what they mixed in their drinks. Hold on, I smell…Tea!? Fucking iced tea in an animal party like this!? Who the fuck drinks those here!? Damn she's-

"Haven't had these before?"

No you don't go stealing my arched brows, though she pulls it off better.

"Seems like I'm not obvious enough for you to get it…"

A sparkle of amusement is sparkling in her eyes, I can see it so clearly in those amber hues that everyone is obsessed with. They turn a little bit hazel under the neon lights. God, I want a picture. Of her, of us. A memory, a proof.

"What? That I'm supposed to be get as drunk as you are now?"

A polite grin carves into her unnaturally pale porcelain face, a grin that anyone on the campus would love or hate. No in between, aye or naw. Did I really just thought of that?

"Who the hell drinks TEA at a damn party like this?"

I tried swinging my arms out, gesturing to whole crowd. Musty scent of sweat, alcohol, perfume maybe hits my senses hard. And sex. Hormones, everything a teenager needs for a lust fuelled, hot grinding session. I cringed a little. Not knowing fully why. And not knowing why my world's slanting too.

"Woah, hey! They still need Victoria Chase alive."

I can't really tell if I'm in her arms or already without grace, all over her now. At this point, I don't mind giving up the struggle to stay awake. Whatever they did with the booze tonight was really out of this world. No more of that shit. Not when I end up in her arms, I'm not supposed to…I can't be doing this. But shit, it feels so right all the same time.

"Don't touch me!"

I tried my best to get her off of me. No wait, I'm trying to get away from her. Not the other way around, this is reality. Not one of your deluded fantasies. Am I using my full strength? I know I could break Logan's nose without breaking a sweat if I wanted. But I'm struggling like a cat placed in a tub filled with cold water. This is impossible, stopping immediately as I felt my thought processed.

"Barely standing, yet still so much fight."

I hear laughter, is she laughing? God, HA, it's the best damn thing I heard the whole day.

"I don't need your help, or you for any matter."

Fuck did I just let that slip?

"Oh? I'm a little hurt-"

The buzzing, the humming of the pounding in the background stops, just for a while when I hastily planted my lips onto hers. Not sloppily, a very gentle kiss that is reserved for very few. I could feel the skin of her lips move, unsure if they were forming a smile or were trying to return it. I frankly don't care. Too drunk to care. We stayed like that for a while, about a second? It felt like few seconds, not that it would make a difference. Then I decided to back away, thinking it was another hasty decision with too much consequence for anyone to handle. Her grip on my breaking back was firm, but her face was empty. Unsure, and there fear flickered for a second before it seeped back into dark corners of her mind I'm sure. It was always like this when we had our moments. Then we'd walk away, pretending that all that fiery spark was nothing but a flat line. To pretend was my greatest asset anyway, and she does a good job acting the part too. Then with a little alcohol, we slip up. Sometimes we end up in each other's rooms, or out back of Blackwell. I don't know how, but we'd never managed to have sex. Yes, that was the first thing that I had to think about.

But I always waited, in the back of my head, anticipating the next escapade we were going to have. I knew we would wound up together again, and I loved it. But others wouldn't, but we didn't really care with a slight misjudgement from toxic liquid right? We whispered silent sweet words to each other, we were two peas in a pod. But the pod was in the wrong place. That didn't really stop us. Except daylight, crack of dawn and we're no more.

"Why…?"

So why are you looking at me with so much sadness in your eyes tonight? Do you regret? I don't.

"I'm leaving…I'm not coming back."

"Wh-Where are you going?"

"Far away from here. I can't tell you where, but I know it's not going to be very forgiving."

"…You're leaving Blackwell? You're fucking leaving behind everything?"

"I-"

"You're leaving…Me?"

"I…Victoria…Yes."

I could feel the familiar stinging of tears gathering at my eyes, preparing to stream down my cheeks that had little foundation today. My head was beginning to feel awake, I'm sobering. No, no no no I want to stay drunk! The night wouldn't leave if I'd stayed drunk. I need her to stay, it wasn't supposed to end like this!

"I'm boarding the morning flight, I tried to push the inevitable away, but it has to happen anyway. I wished we had more time…together. If we were braver, I'm sure this would be harder."

I crumple to the ground, I couldn't find the strength to stand anymore. Finally, after for so long, the one person who genuinely loved me for who I am, my utterly flawed self, is leaving me to mend my own wounds. Patiently waiting where the light won't find us. I knew if I confessed, it would make things a lot harder. I knew if I hugged her tight then and screamed for her to stay, it wouldn't change much. Because I was too afraid to tell her that I love her. Because of ego, because of my family's influence, because of status, because I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself. She stayed beside my crumpled form throughout the whole night, she carried me to the front of the school, under the tree we liked to share under the guise of the heat getting to us. And I spent the night weeping silently into her signature white shirt. A single stream of tear falls from her right eye, I see it through blurred reflections of my own.

"I'm sorry."

Those were the last words heard that night, before I wake to find myself in my bed with the window glaring bright. It's morning, SHIT, it's already the next day! Not giving a fuck about my really messed up hair or outrageously colour coordinated sleep wear, I darted straight to her room down the walkway, it wasn't far. But today, it's the furthest place I've been. I saw the door ajar from afar, unsettling fear and grief crept behind my eyes. Moving too quickly one should, I stood in front of her door, hands shaking I pushed the door open. No one's too sober or awake to take enough notice of me, because if they did, they would surely either taken a photo or run the other direction because Victoria Chase is kneeling like a sinner begging for forgiveness.

"…it's real."

I whispered in between my ragged breathing, I couldn't think or process what I was doing. So I cried, with my hands to my face because I still had some self-awareness. Fuck! If I could just let go of my pride for one second, this wouldn't fucking happen. We could've been together, openly and happily. Not like this, I wished this wasn't real. But it is, and I'm too fucking weak to face what I've done. So my brain did the next logical solution to my pain. My anger shifted on her, for leaving me alone in the world, again. Because I lost her, through my fingers that I thought I had absolutely power and control over. Proven again I am at the mercy of the universe.

"Victoria?"

I look up from my sobbing mess to see the saviour of this heap of shit. Max fucking Caufield.

"What!? Are you going to take a photo of me now!?"

"What? No!-"

"Then leave me alone!"

I try to pull the lone ranger shit again. My head's not straight now, it's going fray on instincts and any coping mechanism. But she tries again, shit when will this girl ever learn to stop?

"I can't leave you like this, Victoria please let me in for once."

Did she say…she couldn't leave me? No stop, I can't take it being thrown from between highs and lows in less than 24 hours. I can't take the bullshit right now. She fucking left me for real, and I couldn't even say good bye. And she didn't even say good bye. Maybe because we both didn't wanted to say it. Fucking hell, this hurts a lot more worse than getting hammered in…this is worse in any other way. Holy shit, did she just heave me up from the ground?

"Let's go back."

"Not my room…please…"

I was already one arm around her fawn-like body, she's hauling my broken body off the ground and piecing my mind together as she looked at me with such depth. No judgement, just understanding. So wise for a girl that hasn't been out in the social scene often. By now, the other girls must have seen the commotion that I've made. And probably could guess why. It's not everyday that Victoria Chase would be bawling on the floor, at the door of a recently transferred student, whom clearly in the building witnessed by others, had a connection with each other.

"Oh my god, Vic!"

I hear Taylor's voice, but I really didn't want to see anyone now. I feel Max's pace hasten to match the pounding in my heart. Might be loud enough for her to have heard it. A quick turn to our right, we pushed through the door and she quickly settled me on her bed. Her actions were quick and firm, so unlike herself. She locks her door, knowing we both don't need a visitor now. I watch her unroll her blinds partially, the morning wasn't really matching how broken I am now. Glad she mirrored it into her room.

"You can stay here for the morning…I won't ask any questions."

Eyes now blurred, reddened and puffed. I can only make out a faded silhouette of Max, I tried to give a glare, but I don't think it's working. So instead I've settled with glaring at the carpet below, it's so soft…but hers is much lusher.

"Why are you helping me?"

My voice was squeakier than I expected, I sounded more like a child than the Queen Bee that I was the night before. But that didn't prompt Max to hurl any insults at me, all I heard from her voice was sorrow. So intense and compressed, a lot of suppressed grief buried far into the back of her throat, escaping through her voice in minuscule hints.

"I know what it feels like, to lose someone."

Oh right, Chloe Price…she left me too.

Oh hey y'all, so, if you were following the previous 'Spilled Milk: Where the Light Won't Find Us / Through An Old, Hipster Lens', I've compiled them all under 1 series named... Spilled Milk. My naming sense is 10/10 yeap thanks. So if you wanna, you can following this story instead to get all those delicious, spilled...milk :P Thanks for reading my precious work(s), hope to update soon ! \(^A^ )

And yes, this is an experimental piece, and the other girl is an OC :3