*Summary: This fanfic sticks with Danny dieing at the end, but has
Rafe&Evelyn to afraid to agian speak to one another, so they avoid each
other for months. Six months later, Evelyn is staying in New York with her
baby and very abusive boy friend. Rafe gets word of this, and well read the
rest to find out.
Chapter One
I can't beleive this is really my life. Evelyn mused one morning, staring out of the window, watching the cars whiz by and only half hearing the talk show playing on her radio. Rafe and I, our plans were so big, so beautiful, so perfect, so... Her thoughts trailed off then and she looked down at the baby curled into her arms, and felt hre eyes begining to prickle with tears. Hugging the baby closer to her bosom, Evelyn tried to shake away those thoughts. This was what was happening to her now, this was her life. If she began to regret about Danny, then she would regret this baby and... Shaking her head, she felt her stomach lurch and leaned a bit out off the window, sucking in the air, although clogged with gas and lined with filth, it was better then the apartment. Shutting her eyes, she could hear her baby's heatbeat and smiled to herself gently tightening her hold on him. It was her one thing to hold onto, her one part of life that she wanted to keep, wanted to hold onto. If anything happened to this baby then... But no, that wasn't exactly true either; she did have one other thing, one more outlit. Rafe. No, she wasn't seeing him in secret, dashing off to meet him when Mike was gone for days and days, no she saw him everynight and was with him everyday. In her dreams, anyway. No matter what she did, no matter what she though of, she would go to sleep with his face pounding in her head, and when she awoke to Mike's empty beer bottles and the babies cries she would still be able to feel the tingle that his touch left on her skin and still be able to taste his lips. It had been six months since she had left everything behind, since she had run away. Everyday seeing Rafe, knowing that he didn't love her anymore, hearing the people talk as she hurried by with her baby in her arms, seeing the pained looks scratched acrosses her friends faces, it all hurt too much. It was just too much to bear. Her baby stirring again in her arms wasn't what brought her back into reality, it was hearing loud shots in the hallway and Mike's heavy foot- steps outside the apartment door that scared her back into reality. She quickly hurried to un-lock the door before he began to pound on it; the neighboors had complained more then once. Although, Evelyn had thought the last time the woman across the hall had commented, they sure don't rush over with a comment when they hear him screaming at me and see me with a black eye and cuts all of the next morning. Mike stumbled in the door just as her hands had left the old, rusted handle. "What the fuck are you doing..." he muttered off and dropped a few empty Vodka bottles on the floor, and Evelyn winced as the bottles crunched under his heavy boots. He paused and turned to her as though just notiving her for the first time. Frowning he shouted, "Woman you are one ugly sumabitch! Fat cow..." his voice trailed off and he soon passed out on the couch his snores echoing through the apartment and covering up Evelyn's quiet tears as she held her baby close to her. Why God why? I love my baby, I really do, but God why not Rafe. Couldn't you of given me this baby from Ra- Her thoughts were cut off when she felt a sharp slap across her face. Darting her eyes open, Evelyn looked up in surpise, she had been dreaming, not really just thinking. For a split second she remembered her dream, it had been of her and Rafe sitting out on his families back porch in Tenesse; he had shown her a picture of it once, and she had been perched in his lap, his arms around her waist, tenderly running his hands over her again round stomach. Mmm, love I can't wait until this one is born too. he had murmmerd into her ear, tenderly kissing her cheek. Giggling, she had answered I know, our first little one will finally have someone to play with. They had both stopped talking for a moment, watching their first little one toddle across the green lawn. Evelyn had twisted around in his lap so that she was looking right into Rafe's eyes. "I love you." he said to her, staring into those dark eyes of hers that he loved so much. "I love you too Rafe." and just as she whispered those words back to him, she suddenly felt her insides go wild and a horrible pain erupted in her stomach. She started to scream and cry but Rafe didn't react, instead he walked away to go get their baby and said that he was going flying. The baby started to cry along with her and Rafe started to yell at her and suddenly he reeked of beer and cigarettes and.. It wasn't her dream she was in now, it wasn't her wonderful life was Rafe anymore, now it was Mike, her crying baby, her bruises and cuts, now it was reality. Again he slapped her, and this time she felt her ivory skin crack and felt the blood spalsh down the side of her face. Willing herself not to scream out in pain, Evelyn tried desperatley to block his next blow but no such luck. He hit her again, square in the shoulder and it knocked her over onto her side. "Mike, Mike please stop it!" she moaned and somehow with God's grace managed to dodge his next blow. He sneard at her and laughed. "You think I care about you, bitch? You think a could give a flying shit about you? Your nothing but a good for nothi-
Chapter Two
"Evelyn Johnson? Your positive a woman by the name of Evelyn Johnson is staying in this place?" Rafe's voice was uptight and snappy, he had been to four other apartment buildings and had come up with one hooker; who in all honesty he turned away; he wanted no one but his love, and an one old woman. Not his Evelyn though. "Yes." the secreteries voice was also uptight and irritated, it was two o'clock in the morning and for the love of god what the hell did he want with that poor little brunette woman now? She had half a mind to tell him to go fuck off and that poor Evelyn had enough problems but there was something behind his sharpness, something in his eyes that showed a needing and wanting and passion that she had never seen in Mike's eyes. With this in mind she willed herself to say, "Apartment number 24." "Thank you." he said and the woman could know hear his traditional Tenesse politness coming through his sharpness. And with a quick nod he was up the stairs in a flash. As he neared her apartment, Rafe began to feel his panick rising. He was looking at the numbers on the doors trying to keep them staight in his mind but she kept bouncing up and down, back and forth and he could frustration rising within him. It took everything he had to keep but screaming, and in his mind he heard, Do it for Evelyn. Even just hearing that name he felt tingles shot through his body. He need her, needed to be with her, and kiss her and hold her close to him, to keep her warm on cool nights. He need his love to be with, because without her he wasn't really alive. Not in a way worth living anyway. "Stupid good for nothin' bitch." he heard a drunkerd mutter as he past him in the hall, and in just the quicket instent he saw a flash of deep brunette hair flip out behind a closed door and suddenly there was no doubt in his mind that it was Evelyn. His Evelyn. He ran to the room, his mind racing. He wondered what that man had been doing, he surely hadn't beeen around Evelyn, she would never be with someone like that at this time of night, not his Evelyn. For someone who had been so anxious to get to her, Rafe was taking an awfully long time to knock on her door. Maybe it was nerves, after all he hadn't seen his love in almost half a year. He pondered the point that was longer then all of the time that they had been together put together, but he didn't let that bother him though, he had remembered what she had told him that day before his mission, he knew that they were meant to be together, he wasn't afraid of that. Forming his knucles into a fist, Rafe positon it straight in front of him but then heard crying from inisde the apartment. He paused and for a split second didn't no what was going on, but then he remembered. The baby. The cries continued, growing louder and louder and Rafe was begining to feel nasuea. There was no way that Evelyn could be asleep that soon, he had only just seen her up and awake not even five minutes ago. Taking a deep breath, Rafe rapped his knuckles on the door several times and waited. And waited. The cires contiuned and Rafe felt as if he was going to be sick. Evelyn would never just leave her baby to cry like that, something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Cautisouley Rafe gropped at the door nob and to his surprise the door opened easily. Poking his head into the apartment, Rafe was shocked at what he saw. The crib was sitting by the window, rocking back and forth with screaming cries coming from it, there were beer bottles litering the floor, cigarette buds and half smoked cigares lay randomly around the dingy tables and the sofa. This couldn't possibly be where Evelyn lived, could it? Stepping into the apartment, Rafe somehow thought that it would turn out better if he chose not to call out "hello" something was wrong, something was very very wrong. There were only three rooms in the whole place, Rafe could easily see into the bedroom from where he was standing and saw that there was no one in there. Carefully Rafe stepped over the broken bottles and cracked cans and peered into the bathroom. There stood Evelyn, her once gorgeous long dark wavy locks now hung scraggily down her back. Brusises and cuts lined her ivory skin and her dress was frayed along the edges and hung loosely around her. But that was not the worst part, the worst part was what she was doing. Standing there infront of the sumdged mirror with one long crack through it, Evelyn was trying to control viscoius tears. In one hand she was holding out a narrow, jagged kinfe, and to his horror Evelyn held out her other hand and began to lower the knife to slice through her ivory skin.
Chapter Three "Evelyn!" The voice was so so familar, she felt shivers go through her body, she knew who it was. She would always know who it was. It was Rafe. Her Rafe. Letting the knife fall from her hands, she slowly began to turn around, and looked in the door way, and there he was. Standing there so scared, the cute little pilots jacket on him, that she had always loved his hair all slicked back away from his face, but then she saw something that made her want to pick up the damned knife again. His eyes. There was such a sence of fear and love and worry and panick and sadness and wanting and every other feeling in the world reflected in his eyes, and Evelyn knew then and there, all of those emotions coming out of Rafe, were all for her. She wanted to run to him, to collapse into his arms, to kiss his lips, run her finger tips over his face, to nuzzle her face into the soft spot on his neck, but no. Somehow, no. She felt too tired, just too too tired....
Two hours later
"Mhmmm...." she murmmered and stirred, rolling over onto her side. Sighing she knew it was time to wake up, but why wasn't her baby crying, her little Danny? By some miracle was he still asleep? Rolling over again onto her other side, she realized she heard something, but it wasn't her baby crying. It was Rafe. "Oh Evelyn," he was murmmering softly, and she felt his fingers run through her hair and gently rest on the side of her face. "My sweet heart, my baby, my love." She felt him lower his face to hers, and felt his lips gently graze over one of her bruises. "Rafe" she whispered softly, barely daring to interupt this moment of bliss, this moment of finally being in his arms again, finally being able to be held again, finally hearing his words of love again. "Yes baby" he said softly, his lips cracking into a faint smile, and he tenderly kissed her lips, and then his fingers across them, as if to seal the kiss. "Oh Ev, how could you of let it get this bad? Why didn't you come and get me, I would of come right away sweet heart, you know that." Flipping over onto her stomach, Evelyn rubbed her face into his chest and sighed quietly. "Oh Rafe," she said after a moment, her voice slightly muffled and Rafe could hear her sniffling softly. "I dont know, I was so, so afraid of everything, It seemed like every choice that I could make, would end badly, that every thing I could do, every risk I would take, it would come back to me, blow up in my face, backfire." She again sighed, and then raised her head slowly, so her eyes met Rafe's. "And..." she began, her voice trailing off, but her eyes not moving from Rafe's, not ever feeling uncomfortable under his stare. "Yes sweetheart?" he said quietly, and gently cupped a hand around her chin. "I was afraid you didn't love me anymore." she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. There it was again. There it was. That look in his eyes, that stare that held everything in the world he was feeling, that was the key to his every emotion, that stare. "Evelyn, I would never and could never stop loving you." he paused momentarily to tenderly kiss her forehead and then looked back into her large dark eyes. "You know that, don't you?" "I do now." she said finally, before again curling up against his chest, feeling his arms wrapped around her. "You know Rafe," she said her face resting against his chest, her legs curled up against her, and her hands tenderly stroking his, which were curled around her waist. "Mmmm?" he said contently, remembering the last time they had been this smitten together, and realized how long ago it had been and again how much he had missed it. "I meant what I had said to you that day, when I first told you I was pregnate." "I know you did love, I never doubted your words, not for a minute.... But I have to ask you something." Giggling softly, Evelyn raised her head and layed a tender kiss on his stubbly cheek. "Oh lord, not again." she said teasingly and kissed that soft spot on his neck. Smiling back down at her, Rafe said, "Don't worry love, its nothing bad..It just, who is that man you're living with? Is he....special to you...?" "Oh no no no!" she said quickly, her head shooting back up and she looked at him with fear in her eyes. "Mike is just....no one, he treats me horribley, hes always drunk and smokes a million times a day doesn't help me take care of Danny, he never ever says he loves me...To him Im just some girl with a baby who happens to be living with him. Im nothing more then that to him, and Rafe I don't want to be! I want to be yours again, I just want us to be together again...." She had been babbling on and on but near the end she began to choke up and felt the tears that had been built up in her for so long begin to pinch the corners of her eyes and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see her cry. "Baby!" Rafe said, panick beginning to rush through him again. "Sweetheart, I want us to be together too!Damn it Evelyn, I don't want anything else but you! How could you ever think that I don't you, your everything to me! I lived for you sweetheart, your love brought me back from the dead."
Chapter One
I can't beleive this is really my life. Evelyn mused one morning, staring out of the window, watching the cars whiz by and only half hearing the talk show playing on her radio. Rafe and I, our plans were so big, so beautiful, so perfect, so... Her thoughts trailed off then and she looked down at the baby curled into her arms, and felt hre eyes begining to prickle with tears. Hugging the baby closer to her bosom, Evelyn tried to shake away those thoughts. This was what was happening to her now, this was her life. If she began to regret about Danny, then she would regret this baby and... Shaking her head, she felt her stomach lurch and leaned a bit out off the window, sucking in the air, although clogged with gas and lined with filth, it was better then the apartment. Shutting her eyes, she could hear her baby's heatbeat and smiled to herself gently tightening her hold on him. It was her one thing to hold onto, her one part of life that she wanted to keep, wanted to hold onto. If anything happened to this baby then... But no, that wasn't exactly true either; she did have one other thing, one more outlit. Rafe. No, she wasn't seeing him in secret, dashing off to meet him when Mike was gone for days and days, no she saw him everynight and was with him everyday. In her dreams, anyway. No matter what she did, no matter what she though of, she would go to sleep with his face pounding in her head, and when she awoke to Mike's empty beer bottles and the babies cries she would still be able to feel the tingle that his touch left on her skin and still be able to taste his lips. It had been six months since she had left everything behind, since she had run away. Everyday seeing Rafe, knowing that he didn't love her anymore, hearing the people talk as she hurried by with her baby in her arms, seeing the pained looks scratched acrosses her friends faces, it all hurt too much. It was just too much to bear. Her baby stirring again in her arms wasn't what brought her back into reality, it was hearing loud shots in the hallway and Mike's heavy foot- steps outside the apartment door that scared her back into reality. She quickly hurried to un-lock the door before he began to pound on it; the neighboors had complained more then once. Although, Evelyn had thought the last time the woman across the hall had commented, they sure don't rush over with a comment when they hear him screaming at me and see me with a black eye and cuts all of the next morning. Mike stumbled in the door just as her hands had left the old, rusted handle. "What the fuck are you doing..." he muttered off and dropped a few empty Vodka bottles on the floor, and Evelyn winced as the bottles crunched under his heavy boots. He paused and turned to her as though just notiving her for the first time. Frowning he shouted, "Woman you are one ugly sumabitch! Fat cow..." his voice trailed off and he soon passed out on the couch his snores echoing through the apartment and covering up Evelyn's quiet tears as she held her baby close to her. Why God why? I love my baby, I really do, but God why not Rafe. Couldn't you of given me this baby from Ra- Her thoughts were cut off when she felt a sharp slap across her face. Darting her eyes open, Evelyn looked up in surpise, she had been dreaming, not really just thinking. For a split second she remembered her dream, it had been of her and Rafe sitting out on his families back porch in Tenesse; he had shown her a picture of it once, and she had been perched in his lap, his arms around her waist, tenderly running his hands over her again round stomach. Mmm, love I can't wait until this one is born too. he had murmmerd into her ear, tenderly kissing her cheek. Giggling, she had answered I know, our first little one will finally have someone to play with. They had both stopped talking for a moment, watching their first little one toddle across the green lawn. Evelyn had twisted around in his lap so that she was looking right into Rafe's eyes. "I love you." he said to her, staring into those dark eyes of hers that he loved so much. "I love you too Rafe." and just as she whispered those words back to him, she suddenly felt her insides go wild and a horrible pain erupted in her stomach. She started to scream and cry but Rafe didn't react, instead he walked away to go get their baby and said that he was going flying. The baby started to cry along with her and Rafe started to yell at her and suddenly he reeked of beer and cigarettes and.. It wasn't her dream she was in now, it wasn't her wonderful life was Rafe anymore, now it was Mike, her crying baby, her bruises and cuts, now it was reality. Again he slapped her, and this time she felt her ivory skin crack and felt the blood spalsh down the side of her face. Willing herself not to scream out in pain, Evelyn tried desperatley to block his next blow but no such luck. He hit her again, square in the shoulder and it knocked her over onto her side. "Mike, Mike please stop it!" she moaned and somehow with God's grace managed to dodge his next blow. He sneard at her and laughed. "You think I care about you, bitch? You think a could give a flying shit about you? Your nothing but a good for nothi-
Chapter Two
"Evelyn Johnson? Your positive a woman by the name of Evelyn Johnson is staying in this place?" Rafe's voice was uptight and snappy, he had been to four other apartment buildings and had come up with one hooker; who in all honesty he turned away; he wanted no one but his love, and an one old woman. Not his Evelyn though. "Yes." the secreteries voice was also uptight and irritated, it was two o'clock in the morning and for the love of god what the hell did he want with that poor little brunette woman now? She had half a mind to tell him to go fuck off and that poor Evelyn had enough problems but there was something behind his sharpness, something in his eyes that showed a needing and wanting and passion that she had never seen in Mike's eyes. With this in mind she willed herself to say, "Apartment number 24." "Thank you." he said and the woman could know hear his traditional Tenesse politness coming through his sharpness. And with a quick nod he was up the stairs in a flash. As he neared her apartment, Rafe began to feel his panick rising. He was looking at the numbers on the doors trying to keep them staight in his mind but she kept bouncing up and down, back and forth and he could frustration rising within him. It took everything he had to keep but screaming, and in his mind he heard, Do it for Evelyn. Even just hearing that name he felt tingles shot through his body. He need her, needed to be with her, and kiss her and hold her close to him, to keep her warm on cool nights. He need his love to be with, because without her he wasn't really alive. Not in a way worth living anyway. "Stupid good for nothin' bitch." he heard a drunkerd mutter as he past him in the hall, and in just the quicket instent he saw a flash of deep brunette hair flip out behind a closed door and suddenly there was no doubt in his mind that it was Evelyn. His Evelyn. He ran to the room, his mind racing. He wondered what that man had been doing, he surely hadn't beeen around Evelyn, she would never be with someone like that at this time of night, not his Evelyn. For someone who had been so anxious to get to her, Rafe was taking an awfully long time to knock on her door. Maybe it was nerves, after all he hadn't seen his love in almost half a year. He pondered the point that was longer then all of the time that they had been together put together, but he didn't let that bother him though, he had remembered what she had told him that day before his mission, he knew that they were meant to be together, he wasn't afraid of that. Forming his knucles into a fist, Rafe positon it straight in front of him but then heard crying from inisde the apartment. He paused and for a split second didn't no what was going on, but then he remembered. The baby. The cries continued, growing louder and louder and Rafe was begining to feel nasuea. There was no way that Evelyn could be asleep that soon, he had only just seen her up and awake not even five minutes ago. Taking a deep breath, Rafe rapped his knuckles on the door several times and waited. And waited. The cires contiuned and Rafe felt as if he was going to be sick. Evelyn would never just leave her baby to cry like that, something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Cautisouley Rafe gropped at the door nob and to his surprise the door opened easily. Poking his head into the apartment, Rafe was shocked at what he saw. The crib was sitting by the window, rocking back and forth with screaming cries coming from it, there were beer bottles litering the floor, cigarette buds and half smoked cigares lay randomly around the dingy tables and the sofa. This couldn't possibly be where Evelyn lived, could it? Stepping into the apartment, Rafe somehow thought that it would turn out better if he chose not to call out "hello" something was wrong, something was very very wrong. There were only three rooms in the whole place, Rafe could easily see into the bedroom from where he was standing and saw that there was no one in there. Carefully Rafe stepped over the broken bottles and cracked cans and peered into the bathroom. There stood Evelyn, her once gorgeous long dark wavy locks now hung scraggily down her back. Brusises and cuts lined her ivory skin and her dress was frayed along the edges and hung loosely around her. But that was not the worst part, the worst part was what she was doing. Standing there infront of the sumdged mirror with one long crack through it, Evelyn was trying to control viscoius tears. In one hand she was holding out a narrow, jagged kinfe, and to his horror Evelyn held out her other hand and began to lower the knife to slice through her ivory skin.
Chapter Three "Evelyn!" The voice was so so familar, she felt shivers go through her body, she knew who it was. She would always know who it was. It was Rafe. Her Rafe. Letting the knife fall from her hands, she slowly began to turn around, and looked in the door way, and there he was. Standing there so scared, the cute little pilots jacket on him, that she had always loved his hair all slicked back away from his face, but then she saw something that made her want to pick up the damned knife again. His eyes. There was such a sence of fear and love and worry and panick and sadness and wanting and every other feeling in the world reflected in his eyes, and Evelyn knew then and there, all of those emotions coming out of Rafe, were all for her. She wanted to run to him, to collapse into his arms, to kiss his lips, run her finger tips over his face, to nuzzle her face into the soft spot on his neck, but no. Somehow, no. She felt too tired, just too too tired....
Two hours later
"Mhmmm...." she murmmered and stirred, rolling over onto her side. Sighing she knew it was time to wake up, but why wasn't her baby crying, her little Danny? By some miracle was he still asleep? Rolling over again onto her other side, she realized she heard something, but it wasn't her baby crying. It was Rafe. "Oh Evelyn," he was murmmering softly, and she felt his fingers run through her hair and gently rest on the side of her face. "My sweet heart, my baby, my love." She felt him lower his face to hers, and felt his lips gently graze over one of her bruises. "Rafe" she whispered softly, barely daring to interupt this moment of bliss, this moment of finally being in his arms again, finally being able to be held again, finally hearing his words of love again. "Yes baby" he said softly, his lips cracking into a faint smile, and he tenderly kissed her lips, and then his fingers across them, as if to seal the kiss. "Oh Ev, how could you of let it get this bad? Why didn't you come and get me, I would of come right away sweet heart, you know that." Flipping over onto her stomach, Evelyn rubbed her face into his chest and sighed quietly. "Oh Rafe," she said after a moment, her voice slightly muffled and Rafe could hear her sniffling softly. "I dont know, I was so, so afraid of everything, It seemed like every choice that I could make, would end badly, that every thing I could do, every risk I would take, it would come back to me, blow up in my face, backfire." She again sighed, and then raised her head slowly, so her eyes met Rafe's. "And..." she began, her voice trailing off, but her eyes not moving from Rafe's, not ever feeling uncomfortable under his stare. "Yes sweetheart?" he said quietly, and gently cupped a hand around her chin. "I was afraid you didn't love me anymore." she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. There it was again. There it was. That look in his eyes, that stare that held everything in the world he was feeling, that was the key to his every emotion, that stare. "Evelyn, I would never and could never stop loving you." he paused momentarily to tenderly kiss her forehead and then looked back into her large dark eyes. "You know that, don't you?" "I do now." she said finally, before again curling up against his chest, feeling his arms wrapped around her. "You know Rafe," she said her face resting against his chest, her legs curled up against her, and her hands tenderly stroking his, which were curled around her waist. "Mmmm?" he said contently, remembering the last time they had been this smitten together, and realized how long ago it had been and again how much he had missed it. "I meant what I had said to you that day, when I first told you I was pregnate." "I know you did love, I never doubted your words, not for a minute.... But I have to ask you something." Giggling softly, Evelyn raised her head and layed a tender kiss on his stubbly cheek. "Oh lord, not again." she said teasingly and kissed that soft spot on his neck. Smiling back down at her, Rafe said, "Don't worry love, its nothing bad..It just, who is that man you're living with? Is he....special to you...?" "Oh no no no!" she said quickly, her head shooting back up and she looked at him with fear in her eyes. "Mike is just....no one, he treats me horribley, hes always drunk and smokes a million times a day doesn't help me take care of Danny, he never ever says he loves me...To him Im just some girl with a baby who happens to be living with him. Im nothing more then that to him, and Rafe I don't want to be! I want to be yours again, I just want us to be together again...." She had been babbling on and on but near the end she began to choke up and felt the tears that had been built up in her for so long begin to pinch the corners of her eyes and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see her cry. "Baby!" Rafe said, panick beginning to rush through him again. "Sweetheart, I want us to be together too!Damn it Evelyn, I don't want anything else but you! How could you ever think that I don't you, your everything to me! I lived for you sweetheart, your love brought me back from the dead."