In the recitations of the parish poets,
In the buildings, in the burrows, in the Loch Tay boats
I will find my means to an end
With an open-hearted hope and a close hand, full of friends
-Foy Vance, "Closed Hand Full of Friends"
Chapter One
Music blared across the crowded dancefloor. Nothing but colored, strobing lights illuminated the packed bodies that all moved in time to the heavy beat. Faces blurred together in the flashes and heat. Angelina's black braids cascaded down her nearly bare back, jumping each time she tossed her head. Sweat glistened across her forehead as people brushed against her and firewhiskey coursed through her veins.
"Ange!" Katie's flushed face appeared out of the crowd, long blonde hair mussed and tousled. "I need you to help me." She swayed, slopping some of her beer onto the floor. "Dean is here and he won't leave me alone. He thinks he's gonna get lucky," she giggled.
"You're in a right state," Angelina laughed, hugging her friend. "Do you want to go?"
"I'm hungry," Katie giggled again.
"That's a yes, then. Come on, let's go find the lovebirds." Angelina grabbed Katie's hand and pulled her through the crowd. Weaving in and out of flailing limbs and sloppy kisses, they approached the bar where Alicia Spinnet and George Weasley stood in heated conversation.
"Don't have too much fun, you two," Katie slurred, poking George's shoulder. The joke only earned her disparaging looks from the couple.
"She's drunk as fuck," Angelina laughed. "We're gonna go, maybe get pizza on the way home. You coming?" she asked, more directed towards Alicia than George, sensing the beginnings of an argument between the two.
"Yeah, we'll come," Alicia agreed. "I could do with pizza, I'm gonna be in a sorry state tomorrow if I don't eat."
"Alright, let's go then."
"My head is absolutely banging," Katie whimpered from the sofa of the trio's tiny London flat.
"I'm not surprised," Angelina laughed, pouring herself a strong black coffee. "I feel like shit and all, and I wasn't half as drunk as you last night."
"Give me some coffee." Angelina passed her a mug. "Thank God I don't have work today."
"You can say that again," Angelina agreed. "Coach would go sick at me if I turned up to training like this. He hasn't given us a day off in weeks though, so a proper lazy hangover is the least I deserve." She popped bread into the toaster. "Are Alicia and George not up?"
"Alicia's not, George left already," Katie grimaced.
"What is up with those two?"
"Us two?" Alicia appeared in her bedroom doorway, hair a mess and dressed only in a massive t-shirt. "Can't say I know." She wandered over to the kitchenette and poured herself a coffee as well.
"Go on then, what was last night's argument royale?" Angelina asked. "Budge up, you," she added to Katie, taking the other side of the sofa.
"I honestly have no idea." Alicia sank into their overstuffed armchair. "Apparently I looked at some other bloke the wrong way. Like his eyes weren't glued to Lavender Brown's ass all night or anything."
"The usual then," Katie muttered.
"Genuinely, I don't know where he gets from." Alicia sighed.
"Is that why he left? Didn't manage to make up?"
"Please, I heard them 'making up' plenty through the wall last night," Angelina laughed.
Alicia blushed. "He said he was supposed to get breakfast with Fred. And we need a bigger flat."
"Or one with thicker walls," Angelina teased her. "Why didn't Fred come with us last night anyway?"
"You wish," Katie said. "Then you two could have played your favorite game: awkward sexual tension, everyone wondering will they or won't they, a cheeky kiss, and nothing more," she laughed. "Leaving me to be Billy-no-mates, and probably waking up with Dean Thomas in my bed."
Alicia nearly spit out her coffee. "You what?"
"He kept following me," Katie told her. "He was absolutely off his face. I think he tried to grab my arse at one point. My knight in shining armor had to save me."
"Knight in shining armor, slightly-less-drunk friend in a mini skirt, same thing really," Angelina grinned.
"You know what I get like when you two are off on your romantic conquests with Fabio and Giorgio Weasley," Katie said. "I get—"
"Slutty?" Alicia raised an eyebrow.
Katie swatted at her. "How un-progressive of you, Spinnet. I was gonna say lonely."
"Sorry, couldn't help it," Alicia giggled.
"Katherine Bell,"
"First lady of the perpetually single,"
"Queen of the bad first date." The three all laughed. Katie's dating track record in the time they had known each other had been nothing short of abysmal. It had become a running joke among the trio by their fifth and sixth years at Hogwarts, but Angelina and Alicia would always be there to pick up the pieces if something went seriously wrong.
"I mean Dean is well fit," Angelina offered as consolation. "I would."
"Yes, but crucially Dean didn't know his arse from a hole in the ground last night." Katie sighed. "Just once I'd like a man to be attracted to me without the aid of ten rounds of firewhiskey."
"I've decided," Alicia said, sitting up straight. "That we are going to set you up with someone."
"Yes!" Angelina agreed, clapping her hands together.
Katie just rolled her eyes. "Don't act like this is the first time you two have had this idea. You try this multiple times a year, every year, and it's always a disaster. Your matchmaking skills are shocking."
"It has not always been a disaster," Alicia protested.
Katie grinned. "Is that so? Fourth year, Eric Corner. Had my first kiss courtesy of him trying to shove his tongue down my throat, which was exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Fifth year, Yule Ball, that Durmstrang boy you swore up and down would be perfect for me. What was his name, Vladik? Barely spoke to me."
"Hey, that's not fair," Alicia interrupted her. "You didn't give him a chance, you were too gutted Cedric didn't ask you."
"Whatever," Katie laughed. "Sixth year, Miles fucking Bletchley? I mean how could you?"
"Okay," Angelina said. "So maybe we haven't had the best judgment in the past…"
"Not to mention," Katie added, "that time you, Alicia, had the brilliant idea to set me up on a blind date with Fred of all people. "You left us all these little clues like 'you played Quidditch together.' I showed up at the restaurant." She shook her head. "He was disappointed I wasn't Angelina. And I was gutted because I thought it might be…" she trailed off. "Never mind."
"Oliver," Angelina said softly.
"I felt like an absolute twat after that," Alicia said. "I'm sorry, Katie."
"It's alright," Katie told her. "Didn't meant to bring the mood down. Point is," she laughed, "you're not very good at this."
"Okay fair enough, we've been shit at it in the past," Angelina smiled. "But I think I've got the perfect person this time. Alicia?"
"I think we're on the same page," Alicia said. "He's really nice, Kates."
Katie looked back and forth between her friends. She already knew what they were thinking. The two might have been a year older than her at school, but she had always been able to read them like a book.
"Don't even," she told them. "I am not going on a date with Lee. No way. Not happening. No."
"So, Miss Katherine, what made you want to come on a date with me?" Lee Jordan beamed a cheeky smile at her across the pub table. "My irresistible wit? Stunning physique? Deadly charm?"
"Um, yeah, sure." Katie gave him a shy smile, shifting awkwardly in her seat. "So…what have you been up to?"
"Oh you know, little of this, little of that. Still doing my radio show, helping out in the joke shop, thinking about you." He winked. "Clearly you've been thinking about me, too."
"Sorry, you what?"
"Don't stress, Bell," he laughed. "I'm only joking. I know you're not interested in dating me. I mostly agreed as a favor to Fred and George. Not that you're not lovely," he added. "But I know that Alicia and Angelina put you up to this."
Katie breathed a sigh of relief. "You honestly had me there for a second," she laughed. "I never could tell when you were joking or not."
"Part of my gift," Lee grinned. "Keep the ladies guessing. I take it you haven't been seeing anyone?"
"Have I ever?"
"Fair point. Anyway, can I get you a drink?"
"That would be lovely," Katie smiled at him. "Even if our 'date' lasted about three seconds, it would be nice to catch up. Vodka cranberry?"
"Coming right up," he gave an exaggerated bow and strolled over to the bar.
Katie had always liked Lee. Really, he was impossible not to like. He was nice, he was funny, and you had to give him credit that he treated girls well. But he had always just been a friend when they were at school. A comfortable, reliable friend.
"How are the girls, then?" Lee asked, returning to the table, two drinks in hand.
"Yeah, they're good," Katie told him. "Angelina's still playing for Falmouth and that tyrant coach of hers, but they're towards the top of the league so it's going well. Obviously Alicia and George are still together."
"Yeah, she's around the joke shop a lot."
"She's working at the Quidditch supply shop, sending off applications to broom design companies."
"Are you all still packed like sardines into that little flat?" Lee asked with a laugh.
Katie smiled. "Afraid so. Angelina's the only one who can afford the rent on a bigger place at the moment. We told her to go if she wants, but she insisted we stay together. It's sweet, really. Neither of us could have blamed her if she'd moved out."
"Fair enough. You're still interning for the Ministry, then?"
She nodded. "I'm really hoping they'll give me a full-time position soon. They've been talking about expanding the Department of Magical Games and Sports for ages, so I better be top of the list when they do."
"I bet you will be," he smiled at her. "You're a hell of a lot cleverer than I ever was, that's for sure."
"Stop it," she blushed. "I just want a proper job, really, instead of getting people tea all day. Like what you've got at the radio station."
"I'd hardly call the two to six a.m. show time 'proper,'" he laughed. "They give it to all the newbies when they first start. I'm basically everyone else's bitch when I'm there."
"Cheers to being the bitch, then," Katie raised her glass.
"To being the bitch," Lee agreed with a grin.
The pair finished their drinks and Lee jumped up to get them another. Already the vodka was beginning to go to her head, warming her body and loosening her control over her words. I probably shouldn't drink so much, she noted to herself. Her weekends recently had become a blur of nights out, dancing, drunken dancefloor fumbles, and regretful hangovers. But I'm nineteen, she thought, I can be forgiven for living a little.
Lee set another drink down in front of her and they resumed chatting. The conversation flowed easily, naturally, as it always had with him. He was forever making her laugh at school, and he hadn't lost his touch now. Possibly the drink was helping things along.
Another drink, another anecdote. What was this person up to? Remember that time when? She was tipsy now, giggling in the way that she did when she had had a few.
"Do you keep in touch with Wood?"
The question suddenly felt out of place in their friendly banter. It was innocent, but it made her heart skip a beat. "Um.." her eyes fell from Lee's to the table. "No…I suppose I don't."
"Ah never, mind," Lee said, sensing a change in her mood. "I just knew Angelina absolutely thrashed him last time Falmouth played Puddlemere. There's rumors she might get a call-up for England, I heard."
Katie was grateful for the attempted change in the topic of conversation. She didn't like to think about Oliver, much less talk about him. All she knew of him now was what she saw in the tabloids or the Daily Prophet. "Yeah, things are going really well for her." She couldn't shake the lump in her throat that had appeared at the mention of his name. She finished the vodka cranberry in front of her, hoping to find solace at the bottom of the glass. "Do you want to get out of here? It's pretty late."
"Yeah, sure," Lee smiled at her and finished his drink. "I'll walk you home."
Katie grabbed her coat as they emerged from the pub into the cool autumn air. "I just live a little ways down this way," she said, as they set off over the cobbles together. The vodka wrapped her in a warm embrace against the October night. Lee rambled to her as they walked, but she couldn't find the tipsy giggles that usually came so naturally to her. Why did he have to bring up Oliver? Her mind raced, barely registering what he was saying to her. Some story about a house-elf. She could feel the loneliness creeping in on her, threatening to swallow her up once again.
"Hey are you alright?" Lee's voice pulled her back.
"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, just thinking. Anyway, I live there," she pointed to the building a few meters away.
"Oh, right!" he said brightly. "Well then, Miss Katherine, thank you for coming on our oh-so-steamy, oh-so-romantic date." Lee laughed. "Really, though, it's been a pleasure." He hugged her, and she was immediately grateful for the warmth of his body, the strength of his arms around her. "Goodnight, Bell."
He turned to go, but some urge prompted her to stop him.
"Lee?" He turned back. Barely registering what she was doing, Katie grabbed his collar and pulled him towards her, bringing their faces together for a kiss. His kiss was surprised, uneasy, taken aback at first, but he soon returned the favor. He wrapped his arms around her waist as his made their way to his neck. The kiss had began timidly but soon grew more passionate, as his hands gripped at her clothes and his tongue slipped inside her mouth.
Then he was pulling her into an alleyway, pushing her against the cold brick wall. His body pressed against her, warm and inviting. Their lips parted for a moment and she looked into his eyes, mischievous and sparkling, like warm chocolate. Then he was on her again, mouth hungry for hers. He brought a hand to her cheek, playing with her hair. His body was urgent, now, wanting more. As his fingers wandered downward, playing with the hem of her dress, an uneasiness began to settle into Katie. The vodka had pulled his face to hers, but the loneliness was allowing his hands under skirt.
I don't think I want this. His hips pressed into hers and she could feel his arousal, asking to be taken upstairs.
I don't think I want this. His lips were on her neck. He could make her feel good for the moment, for the night. She knew that, that was why she had done it. He could take away her pain for a little while, but in the morning, when he was tangled in her bedsheets and she was filled with shame, it would be back. It always came back.
"Lee," she gasped. "Lee, stop. Please."
Lee pulled away. His hand stroked her cheek. "What's wrong?"
She moved his hand from her face. "I'm sorry," she could feel tears threatening. "It's not you, I swear." A lump formed in her throat. "I don't…I don't know why I did this. It was a mistake."
For a moment he looked crestfallen, and she was scared he would be angry. A traitorous tear welled up. "Hey," he said softly. "It's alright."
"It's not."
"Don't feel bad," he smiled at her. "Bit of drink, bit of flirting, mistakes happen." He touched her shoulder. "I won't hold it against ya if you won't hold it against me."
"I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing to me, Bell," he grinned. He always treated girls well. "I still had a nice time. Get up to bed safely, okay? I'll catch you around." He patted her shoulder again, and was gone.
"How did it go?" Alicia's voice was bright and excited from the sofa where she cuddled with George. "Was it fun?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Kates?" Alicia asked. She turned to look over her shoulder, but the blonde girl had already disappeared into her room, shutting the door roughly behind her.
"I'm gonna guess 'not well,'" George said.
"Do you think I should go see if she's okay?"
"I'm sure she's alright," George said, pulling her closer. "He probably said something daft and offended her. Bloody idiot."
"Maybe, I'm sure you're right." Alicia sighed. So much for bettering her and Angelina's matchmaking record. "Right you," she kissed him on the cheek, "what are you doing tomorrow night? Fancy going for dinner? We've not really been on a date night in ages."
"Can't," he shook his head. "Going to the Quidditch match with Fred and Charlie."
"What, again?"
"Charlie's got season tickets, Al, we've got to get our money's worth."
"Yeah, I know." She tried not to let her disappointment show. Things had been better since their row on the weekend. They always made up quickly, but it seemed like the fights were coming more frequently recently. Maybe they'd hit a rough patch, a three-year itch of some description. That was normal, right?
"Hey," George said, kissing her forehead, "I'll make it up to you, alright? Come 'round Friday night. I'll make us a romantic meal."
Alicia giggled, "What and set the flat on fire again? Fred will have you this time."
"Nah," George waved his hand. "I'm getting better, I promise. Been watching some muggle bloke named Gordon. He's an angry bastard but his food looks proper nice. Amazing how they can do that without magic."
She had to laugh at the idea of George watching muggle cooking videos. The last time he had tried to make a romantic dinner for the two of them, he'd managed flames shooting out of the oven and a roast that was burned to a crisp. The 'meal' ended up consisting of a bag of crisps, some chocolate cake, and copious amounts of wine. Still, the effort was sweet, and she'd thoroughly rewarded him after.
"Well then, Chef Gordon, Friday it is." She playfully kissed his neck. "Looking forward to it." Alicia leaned into George's shoulder. "Can you stay tonight?"
He shook his head. "I'm opening in the morning. Probably stayed too late anyway. I really need to be off home, actually." He moved his arm from around her shoulders and stood. Alicia sighed. The memory of the last time he'd cooked for them was one of their best. It had been such a happy, carefree, playful evening, and the memory of that night had woken up her body. She wished he would stay with her.
"I'll come by the shop if I can," she said, hugging him. "If I don't see you, have fun at the match."
He kissed her gently and disappeared out the door.
Alicia retreated to her bedroom, more than a little disappointed. Her body ached for attention. Just once, she thought, it would be nice to have some passion that didn't need a fight before it. The sex with George was good. At least, she thought. She didn't have any other frame of reference. George had been her first and would likely be her only. But it seemed now, more than ever, that their most passionate moments were always preceded by an all-out row.
She sighed, changing into a t-shirt and slipping under her covers. This is just a phase. Or she hoped it was. Despite their rough patch, she knew George Weasley was the man she was going to marry. If they could make it through this, they would be just fine.