Okay. This is my first fic in a really long time. Also my first Kingdom Hearts fic, so go easy, okay? I'm not sure what brought this fic to life, and it's just a bunch of ramblings on a favorite character of mine.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts does not belong to me, only to Square Enix and Disney. (Is that right, or should Buena Vista Games be included too?)

Melodies in the Rain

It's raining again.

It's good thing really, since rain feels good on the skin. Rain is water. Water is good. 'cuz, you know, water is usually cold, and cold makes the body shiver and shivering is good because shivering makes you feel real instead of an empty shell missing it's heart…

Not that I'm saying that I don't have a heart, because I know I do. We all do, the whole organization. We probably just forgot what it feels like. Yeah, that's right. Not that it matters since we'll remember what it feels like to have a heart soon enough.

Remember. Yeah, right.

Sometimes I think the others are right when they say I'm naïve. But it's easier to pretend to believe that we do have hearts than to admit that we've lost it to the darkness. It's no fun, really, thinking about the empty space where the heart should be.

…So let's not think about it! Yeah, okay. Ummm…what to do, what to do…

…

I know! Calling out my most prized possession (after my heart, obviously) I can feel a grin forming on my face. Watching the small drops of water and bigger puddles on the floor rising and swirling together, I reach out and feel through the water for it. There it is, and it comes out like it always does, pressing softly into my palms. I lean back against the wall, enjoying the cold feel of my sitar.

Closing my eyes, I play. What exactly it is I'm playing I don't know, since I apparently forgot the songs my Other knew. So, right now I'm playing random songs. Every now and then some of the pieces I play seem to click together and I know they belong with each other. During those few rare moments, a soothing wave of accomplishment washes over me, making me feel really good.

I open my eyes. There it was again.

The Superior says we can't feel since we don't have hearts, but if we really don't, how can I, or the rest of the Organization, feel what we feel?

Anger when someone comments on our lack of hearts. Determination as we come closer and closer to our goal. Regret when we realize something could have been done to prevent a mistake, a loss.

A death.

More like a disappearance, really. Or a fading. Is that even right, a fading? It's probably just fading, you know, without the 'a'. Since none of us can die, we just fade silently back into non-existence, into darkness. One by one, each time weakening our forces.

…Well, would you look at that. It seems I've stopped playing in favor of listening to my thoughts. Hahaha…I let my right hand drop, the urge to play having vanished.

It's sad really when something that used to be able to take away all the emptiness no longer can. Its frustrating knowing it can't take away everything like it used to.

Sadness when you realize you miss the way the Organization used to be, when everyone was still around. Empty when you look up and stare at the sky, the wall, the rain, whatever it is and feeling the hole inside. Frustration when you realize that it probably won't be filled so we'll probably never feel whole.

But Xemnas seems to think differently. Once we achieve Kingdom Hearts, we'll become whole. We'll be able to feel again.

Tch. That's totally gonna happen, 'cuz his plans are going really smoothly. Yes! Let's all go die while the Superior watches, then he'll have Kingdom Hearts all to himself, and he'll be whole again and we'll become part of nothingness again.

…Not that I'd ever say that to his face, of course. Stupid thing to do.

Of course, there's always the chance that he's right and it'll all work out the way he says it will. Saix seems to think it will, and Xaldin is going along with it. I can't tell if Luxord thinks the Superior is right or not, since I've never seen him without his poker face. Xigbar seems to be willing enough, volunteering for missions and all.

Or maybe they don't feel the need to say anything, since it probably won't change anything. Yeah, maybe. Or maybe not.

You know, I think I'm rambling. Kinda surprising, since it's more like the thing Xigbar would do. We all have something we would do. I mean, Mr. No. 1 plans everything and makes us below him do all the dirty work, even though I've told him time and time again that it would be much better to send someone else to deal with Roxas (now known as Sora) since it's really quite obvious that he's sending THE WRONG GUY!

…I'm tired.

Feeling the need to play again, I lift my right hand and brush it against the strings. One good thing about having a sitar made out of water is that it doesn't matter if it gets wet, you know?

…

Who are you anyways? Why the heck am I talking to you? I don't know who I'm talking to but all this time you've just listened and stared back and said absolutely nothing at all! I demand you to say something right now! Not that demanding works for me since people don't seem to feel the need to answer me when I ask something, probably 'cuz I don't look intimidating and all and-

Wait a sec. I lower my face into my hands. Not only am I rambling on and on, which is, by the way, not something I would usually do, I'm rambling to a wall!

At least I think I am. It's not like there's anyone else that seems to be listening.

…It would be cool if walls could talk back, you know? Then I'd have someone who would listen to me all the time. Unless of course they tell me to shut up and all…Then again, walls would have to be telepathic to hear what I'm thinking right?

Right.

It's probably time to go back now. The Superior might have something new to talk about, and I have been gone for quite some time…

I get up, letting my sitar dissolve into water again. Stretching a bit (my butt feels sore, have I really been sitting on this roof for that long?) it feels good to be standing up again.

Walking back towards the Castle that Never Was, I hum a tune log forgotten, but the melody comes rushing back to me now, settling as comfortably as possible with my other memories. Memories of my Other and memories that belong to me.

My thoughts are still there in my mind. My question will remain unasked and unanswered. The void will remain empty, and the frustration won't disappear anytime soon.

But I suppose that doesn't matter now, does it?

Fin

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