Who and What You See When You Die

by Sassy Lil Scorpio

Lucille landed on Rick Grimes' skull as Negan executed him in front of his group and the Saviors. Despite the bloodcurdling screams he hears around him, Rick experiences peace when he sees those who have died before him. Rick departs from this life, knowing he will always love those he leaves, just as he discovers that that those who died already, have always watched over him. {AU}

Who and What You See When You Die

A Walking Dead Fanfiction by Sassy Lil Scorpio

Disclaimer: Negan, Rick Grimes, and all other characters from The Walking Dead are from the creative imagination of Robert Kirkman. This author makes no claim of ownership. No monetary gain is being made from this work.

Summary: Lucille landed on Rick Grimes' skull as Negan executed him in front of his group and the Saviors. Surrounded by the bloodcurdling screams from those he loves, Rick is blanketed with peace when he sees those who have already died. Rick departs from this life, knowing he will always love those he leaves, just as he discovers that that those who died already have always been with him. AU (Alternate Universe). One-shot.

Rating: T for profanity and violence.

Author's Notes: The title for this fanfiction is inspired by a book written by David Kessler, a renowned expert in the hospice/palliative care/bereavement field. The name of the book is called Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die. It's about the various experiences that the dying have such as have visions of the next world, some talk about death as a journey (for example, "I'm getting on the bus"), and often times, those close to their death see those who have died before. I highly recommend this book, it is an amazing and beautiful read. David Kessler has written many books and lectured on dying, death, and grief for many years. He also worked together with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who is known for her theories regarding grief experienced in various stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Everyone experiences the death of a loved one at some point in their lives, and eventually, all of us will face our own death. Since the characters on The Walking Dead are constantly surrounded by death—the walkers, the awareness of their own mortality, losing those they love all the time, I thought a fic about a character seeing those who have already died would be interesting to explore. I wanted to explore this idea especially after watching the scene in Season 5 - Episode 9 "What Happened and What's Going On" where Tyreese sees Lizzie, Mika, Martin, Bob, Beth, and The Governor as he is dying.

Special thank you to the posters ("survivors") at the WalkingDeadForums . Com for helping me put together the list of characters deceased from Seasons 1-Season 6. You're the best!

Dedication: This story is for all my hospice co-workers, patients, and families. They have taught me that through death, life can be appreciated and lived to the fullest extent, and that when we die, it's not the end, but the beginning.

oOo

"Life ends, but love is eternal." -David Kessler

oOo

His death was imminent, but he was not afraid.

So many people he loved had died, been killed...Some turned, although he and his group tried their best to prevent that from happening by putting their loved ones down before they could become mindless flesh-eating walkers. He had been responsible for the death of his best friend and he never forgot that. His wife was a memory that he still revisited in his mind. There were many others, countless others…Dale, Hershel, Beth, Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, Jim, Merle, T-Dog, Ed, Sophia…the list was endless.

Death had become a natural part of life after he awoke from his coma in the hospital.

Since that time, he had met Death, became well-acquainted with Death, and even befriended Death. Now Death wanted Rick to spend the rest of his life with him. And Rick was accepting of this new change. He and his group had traveled from Atlanta, Georgia, lived in the Alexandria Safe-Zone, and had learned about the Hilltop Colony. Rick knew he wouldn't live forever—no one would leave this world alive. Death was consistent, unbiased, and visited everyone at some point.

He just didn't know it would end like this.

Negan sounded delighted as he finished his sadistic version of "Eeny Meeny Miny Moe".

"And—you—are—it!"

Rick Grimes stared at the end of Lucille, the barbed wire gleaming in the moonlight. His eyes burned with tears, his heart hammered against his ribcage, and yet, he didn't feel afraid. Negan stood right in front of him with Lucille. Rick wondered if he would be allowed to give any last words or good-byes to his loved ones and immediately knew Negan wouldn't grant him that honor.

"Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other fucking eye out and feed it to the pregnant chick," he said, pointing Lucille in Maggies's direction, "and then we'll start! You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that."

It happened in a split second—Rick saw Negan looming over him, holding Lucille in the air—and then he crashed her down with incredible force.

The cracking of Rick's skull boomed like thunder in his ears. Excruciating pain exploded in his head. It was like suffering from the worst, most severe, and deadliest migraine in the world. Rick tried to raise his head, it felt heavy as though weighed down by an iron anvil. Warm blood streamed down his face and into his eyes. His vision was blurry and he could barely make out Negan standing over him with Lucille raised again. Bloodcurdling screams rushed forward at him from all sides above the high-pitched ringing in his ears. He couldn't distinguish the voices, but it sounded like women. Michonne? Sasha? Maggie? Rosita? He thought he heard Carl yelling.

"DAAAAAD!" His voice sounded far away…so achingly far away as though he was miles apart from this space and time, although Rick knew Carl was right beside him.

Rick forced himself to rise up as much as he could, although the pain in his head was enormous and he could feel his body trembling violently as though he were suffering from an epileptic seizure. He was vaguely aware that he had urinated and defecated on himself. Negan had joked about "pee-pee pants city" when he had first greeted Rick's group, clearly enjoying the fact that his victim would die a humiliating and powerless death. Negan's voice swarmed above him, teasing and taunting him.

"Look at that! Taking it like a champ! I cracked your skull so much that your fucking eye popped out," Negan sneered while proudly holding Lucille for everyone to see. "It's gross as shit!"

The Saviors watching the gory scene broke out in harsh laughter.

Rick knew he only had seconds left. He needed to tell Carl he loved him one last time.

"…C-c-c…Car…Carl…"

"Seems like you're trying to speak, but you just took a hell of a hit!"

He pushed himself to shout his son's name with all his strength. "CARL!"

Negan smashed Lucille against Rick's head again and his entire world went black.

At the exact instant before the blackness overcame him—when he had called out to his son one last time—Rick thought he saw someone standing in front of him. Actually, more than one person was watching everything happening to him. He couldn't believe it, but he couldn't deny it: Shane and Lori were right in front of him, standing next to Negan. And Negan didn't see them at all. How could that be? Was it even possible? What were Shane and Lori doing out here? Soon, the entire area around Negan was crowded with people and they weren't Saviors. Dizziness swept over Rick as he tried to focus on the rest of the people. It was impossible, but he thought he had seen glimpses of Dale, Hershel, T-Dog, Merle, Andrea, Tyreese, Karen, and Jacqui.

Negan bludgeoned him again…and again…and again…

"Damn!" Rick barely heard the echo of Negan's gleeful voice and the distant screams from his group mingling together, male and female, a morbid musical cacophony. The last sounds he heard were of his skull being crushed and his brains being squashed under Lucille. Blackness and silence followed. It was quickly interrupted when he heard someone call his name.

"Rick? Get up, you're good."

Rick recognized the voice as belonging to Shane and was surprised to find himself standing up. Where had he gained the strength to do so? How was it possible after what he had just experienced? Negan must've bashed his head in ten times—maybe more.

"It's okay, Rick." He heard another familiar voice—his wife. "We're here for you."

He looked up and saw Lori standing next to Shane. Lori was dressed in the same white gown he had seen in the prison and Shane was dressed in the same police uniform he had worn on the day Rick had been shot. For some reason, Rick noticed that Shane's hair had grown back to the way it had looked before he had shaved it off.

It was Lori's appearance though that really surprised Rick. Lori's hair flowed around her shoulders and her white gown shimmered. Rick instinctively knew that this wasn't a hallucination of Lori like during his time in the prison. Back then, he had been terrified when she kept reappearing. This time, a strong sense of peace and calmness cloaked him. The best part was that he was able to see her face...her beautiful face. She looked radiant and Rick found himself entranced by her beauty. It was like falling in love with her all over again.

As for Shane, there were no traces of the broken nose and blood that had streamed down his face, jacket, and shirt at the time of his death. Rick tried not to be too obvious as he scanned Shane to see if he still had the knife wound. He didn't. Shane looked as he did in life. In fact, Rick was amazed to see Shane as he was before the outbreak had occurred.

Rick's eyes widened as more people came out of the woods. They walked right past the Saviors and the Saviors didn't react. Rick noticed they looked like living solid people, and yet, there was an unusual pearly glow shining from them. The people were scattered amongst the Saviors as they dispersed themselves and then came together to meet Rick where he was standing. At first, Rick didn't understand. He had just been beaten to death by Negan wielding Lucille, and yet, the Saviors didn't stop all these other people from coming forward. That's when Rick realized who surrounded him.

Otis, Patricia, Randall, Amy, Jim, Ed, Sophia, Bob, Mika, and Lizzie joined Dale, Hershel, T-Dog, Merle, Andrea, Tyreese, Karen, and Jacqui.

Rick's eyes widened as he immediately realized he was dead, and yet, his past friends were here to comfort him, to help him transition to the other side. More people came through the woods. Rick squinted and thought he recognized The Governor—except he wore no eye patch as his eye was intact. There was a young woman with The Governor and a little girl standing between them holding both their hands. Rick couldn't believe it—he never knew The Governor was married or that he had a daughter of his own. Rick was amazed to see that he and The Governor both shared the same roles as husband and father. Rick wondered now if he had known this while they were both alive, would it have changed the circumstances that led to the confrontation at the prison. The man who stood in front of him appeared to be a quiet family man. It dawned on Rick that he was seeing The Governor before he became The Governor—who he was before the outbreak happened.

Hershel stood with Beth and the rest of his family. Otis and Patricia were together, near Shane and Lori. Rick noticed that although they stood near each other, Otis directed no anger, resentment, or hatred towards Shane, although Shane had shot him and left him to the walkers. Randall was nearby, hands in his pockets as he observed everyone else. Andrea and Amy stood on either side of Dale. All three were smiling, relieved to see Rick. T-Dog, Jacqui, and Jim came over to where Rick was and brought him forward to his new group. Ed held Sophia's hand, and Sophia held her doll that Morales' daughter had gave her. Tyreese and Karen joined hands as they stayed with Lizzie and Mika, watching over and protecting them. Bob and Merle laughed together as though Merle had never held racist views. Rick watched as Bob and Merle pounded fists together in a friendly gesture. Merle turned to acknowledge him.

"Thank you for watching over my baby brother. Guess you're Officer Friendly, after all." Merle's voice still held that Southern drawl. There was no animosity in his voice or words, but sincere gratitude for Rick's friendship with Daryl.

Rick nodded, shocked beyond belief and unable to speak. He watched as he was joined by more people. He recognized Duane Jones being followed by a lovely black woman.

"Mom, this is the man that me and Dad helped out!"

Rick realized he was in the presence of Morgan's wife, Jenny.

"I've watched you since the beginning with Morgan," Jenny said. "I know you and him had your differences, but you both had each other's backs." She smiled. "Thank you for being his friend."

Rick was struck by the fact that he was actually speaking with Jenny. Hearing Morgan speak about her and meeting her face to face were two different things. He understood now why Morgan found it so difficult to shoot Jenny when she had reanimated as a walker. "If it wasn't for them, I would've never made it this far."

Jenny hugged Rick. She stepped aside as Duane reached out to hug Rick.

Rick returned the gesture whole-heartedly. "I'll always be grateful for you and your father, Duane."

He looked past Jenny and Duane and saw Jessie with Pete and her sons, Ron and Sam. Denise was nearby with Deanna and her family. Axel and Oscar were together with Big Tiny, Tomas, and Andrew. Guillermo and the Vatos nodded at Rick, acknowledging him. Dr. Jenner and his wife were also there. Dr. Jenner smiled at Rick and mouthed "welcome".

Beyond them were even more people, some whom Rick had met and others he had only heard about: the people from Terminus, Woodbury survivors, Michonne's son, Andre, was held by her boyfriend Mike. Terry was there, too. Milton. Noah. The staggering amount of people he was seeing in this afterlife was overwhelming. He turned his attention elsewhere and that's when he finally looked down at his body.

Rick's body laid on the ground with his arms stretched out in front of him. He had fallen face first and his knees and legs were slightly bent. His head—nothing remained except a mangled mess of blood, torn flesh, broken bone, and scattered gray matter. One eyeball dangled from a fleshy thread. Rick shuddered and reached up to touch his head—it was perfectly intact like The Governor's eye. There were no traumatic injuries. His skull wasn't fractured or crushed. Rick was grateful that he was restored to being whole again in the spiritual realm. Shane stepped over to Rick and guided him away from his destroyed corpse.

"Come on, Rick…you don't need to see that. That's not you anymore."

Rick looked at Shane. What would he say to him now, after all this time? There was a lot that needed to be said, now that they were both in this new stage of life. Now that they were face to face again after their deaths.

"I owe you an apology, Shane."

Shane rubbed his head, a nervous habit that he had carried over into his new life. "Come again?"

"I owe you an apology for what happened between us."

"Water under the bridge, man." Shane stepped back as he suddenly understood. "It's okay…I understand why it happened, brother. You're not the only one with regrets. I made my share of mistakes with you and Lori."

At first, Rick breathed a sigh of relief. Then his body trembled as sobs wracked his body. He knew his words came out broken, but he had to say them. "I'm sorry, Shane…for how it went down…you and me…the field…the knife…"

Shane wiped Rick's tears away in the same exact manner that he had wiped the blood off Rick's face when Otis had accidentally shot Carl. Rick allowed his best friend to comfort him, and he was glad that it didn't feel strange, even after all this time.

"I ain't mad at you for that, Rick. None of that matters and it never did. We both know that I couldn't live like that anymore."

"But I—"

"I needed you to be strong for Lori, Carl, and my baby. I was wrong for even entertainin' the thought of murderin' you. You did what you needed to do that night—what I wanted you to do."

Now Rick wept freely, unable to speak.

"Rick, listen…you're still my best friend. You're still my brother. That never changed." Rick looked up and saw Shane smiling. It was a smile Rick knew all too well; he had seen Shane flash it many times when he was certain of himself, confident.

"You and Lori…" The words tumbled out of Rick.

"Lori and me are good now. Same with me and Otis, and even Randall. They were the first ones I searched for after I crossed over." Shane said this last statement in a quiet voice. "I needed to make amends for what I had done and I wouldn't stop until I found them. In life, I had my reasons for doing what I did; in death, we're all on the same page. Ain't no reason to hold grudges, but it's a time to make peace with each other and to right wrongs."

Rick looked up and saw Otis and Randall nodding, confirming what Shane told him.

"You see, I learned that death is okay," Shane continued. "Dyin' ain't all that bad. Our bodies are dead. But we're still here." He gestured to everyone surrounding Rick. Everyone was quiet as they listened to Shane help Rick adjust to his new life. "We're still alive in our own way. We still love those we left behind. Once we left, we made peace with those already on the other side."

"He's right," Otis said, agreeing with Shane. "We all got here somehow, but now we're here. We made our peace."

Rick was surprised to hear from him Otis. He was amazed at how different it was after death. Rather than carry over anger from their lives, Lori, Randall, and Otis had made peace with Shane, just as he did with them.

"We never left you," Hershel said, gently. He came forward and placed a reassuring hand on Rick's shoulder in a fatherly manner. "We were with you the entire time."

"You and everyone else," Shane added.

"There was no place where you guys went that we didn't follow," Hershel said, smiling warmly. "What did you think happened? That we died and forgot you? Forgot Maggie? Glenn? Daryl? Michonne? Judith? And everyone else?"

"He's right," Tyreese said. "We watched over all of you, Rick. You and the group. You didn't forget us, and we didn't forget you."

"We never left you," Hershel said again. "We were with you the entire time."

"Always?" Rick asked, trying not to get choked up again. He knew Hershel had repeated himself to drive the point home, to ensure Rick believed him. "All of you…" Rick stepped back and gestured towards everyone. "All of you were with me all this time? Me and the group—Carl, Maggie, Glenn." He took a deep breath and forced himself to continue. He needed to say their names, to remember them, to grieve for them because in his death, he had lost them. "Michonne, Eugene, Daryl, Aaron, Abraham." He closed his eyes as he imagined the spirits of the departed watching over the living. "Carol, Morgan, Sasha, Rosita…you were with us all along, watching us the entire time," Rick's voice trailed off. He looked around at everyone and saw them nodding in unison.

"We don't stutter," Merle said and everyone laughed.

Lori came forward and Shane stepped aside so that Rick could reunite with his wife.

"Always," Lori said, pulling him close and hugging him. She released him, cupped his face with her hands, and kissed him. She released him and wiped the tears from his face. "Always, Rick."

Rick allowed himself to have that special moment with Lori. He had never felt this immense state of tranquility, peace, and love all at once. He couldn't recall a time during his time alive when he felt that way. He thought again and realized there were moments—at their wedding when he lifted Lori's veil and kissed his beautiful bride, when he found out Lori was pregnant with their first child, the very first time he held Carl in his arms right after his birth, when he and Shane found out they would be police partners in the same squad…Still, those fantastic moments in his life didn't compare to the astounding heights of what he felt now. It was amazing, surreal, and simply wonderful. Everything was good, in fact, everything was so much better now.

Well, for him it was…

A wave of immense sadness swept over Rick when he turned back to his friends who were still alive, who had witnessed his brutal execution…who were without a leader now.

Rick watched as his friends openly grieved for him and felt guilt twisting him inside. He was the reason why his group was in this awful mess and he could do nothing for them now. Glenn held a sobbing Maggie, his eyes closed as he cried silently. Michonne remained in the kneeling position that Negan's men had forced the group to do. She sat perfectly still, tears sliding down her face as she glared hatefully at Negan. Rosita hugged her knees, while rocking back and forth. Aaron was frozen, staring into space. His mouth was moving, but no words came out. Abraham hugged Sasha close to his chest, his large arms wrapped around her as her body shook from crying hysterically. Over her shoulder, he stared down Negan, unblinking and steadfast. Eugene's hands were shaking as he grabbed at the grass beneath him. Daryl was huddled on the ground with his hands covering his face. His chest rose and fell as he breathed rapidly and unevenly.

Rick wished he could apologize to them for his poor decisions that led to this. He wanted to tell them that he was okay, that he truly was in a better place now. That "a better place" wasn't just a platitude that the living told the grieving about their deceased loved ones—that it was the most real thing ever and he wanted them to experience it with him. He was safer now and felt tremendous peace. Peace that was a dead dream in the horrid world he had lived and died in. Rick wanted nothing more than to tell each of them how much he loved them for being his friends, and most of all, for being his family.

Family.

Rick came to stand in front of Carl and knelt down in front of his son. He gently tipped the sheriff's hat forward on Carl and then stepped away. Carl had felt his presence. Rick could tell from the way Carl looked around him and then took his hat off. He stared at his father's sheriff's hat. It was the only tangible reminder of his father. Carl took a deep breath and then put the hat on his head, sturdy and firm.

"It's time for us to go, Rick," Lori said, coming to stand beside Rick.

"I don't want to leave him," Rick said, watching Carl. "He's my son—he's our son."

"I know, but remember, we'll always be with him. We're only leaving for a little while." Lori gently took Rick's hand as she turned to face him. "We'll come back to stay with him, I promise, Rick. You need to get settled in first."

Rick blinked away tears. "You're right." He knew he had to adjust to this new life.

The rest of the group started walking past the Saviors and into the woods. Shane followed them and then turned back once to see Rick and Lori trailing behind. Rick noticed it wasn't the dead of night anymore. It was daytime now and he witnessed the most majestic sunrise he had ever seen. Bright white light shined upon them as the silver sun rose into the welcoming golden sky. Marvelous colors brought the forest to life. Rick looked all around him, completely amazed by what he saw. Flowers of soft blues and lush purples. A road painted with fiery reds, subtle oranges, and glorious yellows. The trees were vibrant green. Was this heaven? Paradise? Rick wasn't sure, but it was definitely different from the dark and dreary world he had just departed from.

He had almost left the area with Lori and Shane when he stopped as he heard Negan having a conversation with Carl.

"Heh, Lucille is a vampire bat," Negan said, holding out Lucille for Rick's group to see. He went to Rick's corpse and held his nose. "Damn, your father fucking stinks. What did he eat before I busted his head wide open? A dead skunk?" He shook Lucille in a weak attempt to clean her. Droplets of blood and flecks of flesh, skull, and brain pattered on Rick's body.

The crying from the group became louder as the Saviors' laughter roared over them.

"What? Was the joke that bad?" Negan asked, smirking.

Rick froze when he heard Carl speak in a harsh growl.

"I'm going to kill you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that," Negan said, chuckling. He gestured by holding a hand to his ear and leaned in close to Carl. "Speak up."

Rick watched as Carl demonstrated that he was no longer a little boy or a teenager struggling to get through adolescence. He was a strong man, toughened by the outbreak, hardened by everything he had witnessed, especially his father's cruel murder. Most of all, he wouldn't allow his father's memory to be tainted or mocked. Rick was gone now, but in his place stood a defiant young man not afraid to avenge his father's death and willing to protect his group even if it meant murdering Negan.

Carl knew he needed to step up and he did. When he uttered his next words, Rick finally found the strength to continue forward, knowing that Carl would be alright. More than anything, Carl would do whatever it took to survive and he would be able to do it without his father. He would be able to go on because he had to. And because he had the inner strength to do so.

"Not today…not tomorrow…but I will kill you."

Rick's heart swelled with pride for his son.

The End