Forbidden To Remember; Terrified To Forget A.K.A The Diary

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget, it was a hard line to walk.

But I HAVE to remember, somehow –someway.

But how? How can I make myself remember? How can I not forget, but not remember?

A light bulb in my head just turned on…

A DIARY!

Ok, now let's go buy one…

I went to Seattle to buy one, it needs to be fancy, I mean come on, it's…him.

There was a red one, with fake diamonds. Hmm…the diamonds are just like him –rock hard, throws rainbow when there is light…ok let's go with it!

Dear Diary,

I, Isabella Marie Swan, was in love with a vampire. His name, Edward Anthony Mason Cullen. He had bronze hair, and purple shadows under his eye –as do all vampires– he had golden eyes after he hunted, and they turned darker day-by-day. His family are vegetarians –so to speak– they only hunted animals, not humans. His father's name was Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was the only one who didn't go crazy at the smell of blood. His mother was Esme Cullen; she was very loving –almost as a second mother to me. His sister Alice Cullen was my best friend, she had spiky hair and could see the future, and she loves to shop. His "Adopted" brother Jasper Hale, was the latest to join there family, he almost attacked me, and that is why they left, Jasper could control the emotions of the people around him. Emmett Cullen his other brother was very strong –it was almost scary, but that's not possible, Emmett is VERY playful. Rosalie Hale his other "Adopted" sister was very beautiful, but she hated me –Edward said it was because I was human. The reason I am writing this down is because I don't want to forget, I want to hold on to him as long as I can. I was different to Edward than to any other human. He couldn't read my mind, oops I forgot to mention him being a mind reader, but my blood was stronger to him than it was to any other person. He tried to explain it to me once, in a meadow that was so beautiful. I am his brand of heroin. He was once my lion and I was once his lamb. I was in love with him, we were inseparable. I once wished to become one of them to become a vampire, but that dream was easily crushed. After my eighteenth birthday –the day jasper attacked me– he started acting funny, and Alice didn't show up to school. Then in the forest by my house, he said he didn't want me, and he went. I was in a daze –I still am. I am gonna write 'till my finger hurts, that's what he deserves. He was the most amazing person I have ever met; he was gentle and sweet, and all sorts of things. I never should have had that stupid birthday; he would probably still be here, here with me. I would be in his arms… I need to stop, that will never happen. We made promises to each other before he left. Mine was that I will stay out of trouble. His was…well here is his exact words 'It will be like I never existed'. I wish I could follow him, I wish, I wish he was here with me. HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID? Oh well…

He left months ago, and I have been waking up in the middle of the night screaming.

I wonder what it will be like years from now, when I am old, and maybe married… will I be able to think of him without the ripping hole in my chest? Will I tell stories to my children about an angel? What would I say? And who would I marry? Will I be able to love again? Oh My god will I end up with Mike Newton!?!?!?!? Will I? Well my fingers hurt I must stop… now I feel like crying.

Those last questions linger in my head.

Does he still think of me? Or is his distractions good enough? Will I ever forget? But for now all I know is that I walk an empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams.

Disclaimer: I ItsTwilightAgain DO NOT Own Twilight, New Moon, Or Eclipse. The Recognizable Characters Bella And The Cullen's Belong To The Talented Mrs. Stephenie Meyer:D

A/N: Well I hope you guys liked it! I was bored and that was when inspiration hit! So I hoped you enjoyed it! Um…for now on I am probably only gonna do one shots so … ya!

Some Songs That Inspired Me:

'Colorblind' By 'Counting Crows'

'Better Than Me' By 'Hinder'

'How You Remind' Me by 'Nickelback'

'Thunder' by 'Boys Like Girls'

'Boulevard Of Broken Dreams' by 'Green Day'

Love Ya All From The Bottom Of My heart

Z

A.K.A ItsTwilightAgain