Author: Trish (skittlez143m@aol.com)
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all. All characters belong to King Joss, and lyrics are by Guns and Roses, from their song, "Don't Cry."
Distribution: Raven, Dee, Meredith, Isabelle, Patti, and anyone else who has permission to archive my stuff. Everyone else please ask first. :)
Rating: PG-13
Authors Notes: This takes place at the end of The Gift, and goes on to what happens in my little world of fanfic. I'm gonna continue it, but I'm not quite sure when. I just wrote this out really quick after watching The Gift again, so bare with me. :)
My Gift
by Trish
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside I've
I've been here before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know
"It's opened! We were too late, and the portal has opened!" Even though I see his lips moving, I can't believe what the Watcher is yelling to me. A dragon just flew by my head, almost taking the bloody thing off, so somewhere I have to know that he's right. It doesn't make it any more real though.
The Slayer told me that not all of us were going to make it tonight, and I knew that. I just didn't think the Nibblet would be the one to go. We all tried so bloody hard. It still wasn't enough though. There's so much that we could have done differently, but we didn't know it at the time.
If only I had just pulled Doc off the tower with me... Why did I just let myself fall? I told him that I made a promise to a lady, and I did. I swore to the one lady that I love more than anything else in this God forsaken world that I would protect her sister until the end of the world. When the time came though, I blew it. When I looked at her right before I fell, I knew I should be doing something, anything other than let myself fall, but I couldn't. I broke my promise now, and if I had just done something differently, the Nibblet wouldn't be up there holding her sister with tears pouring down her face right now.
I wish that I could look away, but I just can't seem to take my eyes away from what's happening on the tower. I'm watching Buffy give Dawn a kiss on the cheek and say good-bye, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. So I just sit here and watch, trying not to think too much about how hard it must be to let your sister die for the sake of the rest of the world. Nibblet, I'm so sorry! I just hope that there will be someone, somewhere that will love you like I did; like I always will.
I'm still watching, and I can see her tears falling harder now. But wait- What the bleedin' hell is going on?!? Buffy is running towards the edge of the tower. It suddenly makes a lot of sense. Their blood... It's the same. The Slayer is sacrificing herself for her sister. God, no. Please, Buffy, no!
I try to get myself to her in time to do something, but it's too late. Once again, I'm too late. Buffy, my love, has already jumped, and her body is lying on the ground. I can see Willow and Tara come closer, and Red is crying. Xander gets here with Anya in his arms, and they seem to be shocked. I can see the Watcher, and I swear that's pride I see in his eyes before the pain sets in.
How can they all accept this? Don't they see what's happening here? I have to go to her. I stand up, and my knees give out on me. Maybe this didn't even happen. Maybe the fall didn't really kill her. Maybe there's still some hope. Or maybe I'm just in denial. I saw the whole thing, and she's gone. Forever.
Oh God, the tears are coming now. I'm crying harder than I ever have, and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. How could this happen? Buffy was a hero, and she was supposed to win, just like she always has. Well, she did win, but this isn't how it should be. No, this isn't right at all. She's supposed to be here with all of us, laughing, smiling, living. But she's not. The Slayer is dead. Buffy is really dead.
I never even got to say good-bye to her. Tonight, for the first time, I really had hope. I know she wasn't in love with me, but she did love me. I told her before that there was something there between us, and she denied it. Tonight though, she showed me that she does care, and even if it wasn't love, I could feel something there. When she looked at me, I saw something that I had never seen there before. There was so much that was left unsaid. So bloody much.
I don't even know how long I've been sitting here now. It might have been an hour, it could have been a lifetime. For a minute I forgot that there was even anyone else here with me. It wasn't until I heard her small voice that I realized I wasn't alone. Still crying uncontrollably, I gather myself up and I go to her. I take her in my arms, and I know she feels the same pain as me. I have to say something to her. What can a bloke possibly say to make this right though? There is nothing that can be said, so I just hold on to her tighter, letting our tears mix together on the ground.
She looks up at me and tries to speak. "Before Buffy ... jumped, there was something she wanted me to tell you. She loves ... she loved all of us. Every single one of us. She said that we have to be strong. We have to ... we have to live. For her." Her grip on me tightens up as my body starts to shake with sobs. "Giles, she said for me to tell you that she's okay with this. And I know she was."
The Watcher takes a step closer and wipes his glasses off on his shirt. My tears fall harder while he speaks, and I don't know how I can get through this. "Buffy, you see, was a hero. She was a hero in every sense possible. She saved the world a lot, and it wasn't just because she had to. It's who she was. Joyce would have been proud."
I can hear the Witch crying loudly, and my heart goes out to her. I know that I sound just as bad as she does, and I wonder if anybody's heart is going out to me. I know that sounds selfish, but I really want to know. Buffy was my life, and now she's gone. Without her, I've got nothing left. Nothing at all.
When I hear the sniffle come from beside me, I know I'm wrong. I do have one thing. I have the promise I made to a lady. I may have been too late the first time, but when I look down at Dawn's tear-filled eyes, I know that I won't be too late again. Buffy would have wanted me to be here for her, and I promise that from now on, I will be. I'll be here for her until the end of the world.
I think that she knows that too. She steps closer to me, and I can see it in her eyes that she wants me to be here for her. I give her a soft kiss on the forehead, and if she didn't understand it before, she does now. She gives me a sad smile, and tears fill her eyes while she watches me pick up the Slayer's lifeless body. With my love in my arms, we all start to walk away, not quite knowing where to go from here.
When I look around at all the sad faces around me, I know that none of us will ever be the same. Buffy was in essence, a part of all of us. Even though she's gone, she will live on in our minds and in our hearts. Everything around me right now has been touched by her in some way or another. There is a slight glow around the whole area, and I tell myself that it's her, watching over all of us, just like she's always done.
It's not until the Nibblet gasps that I realize it's much more than that. She looks at me, and says, "Spike, look around!" I assume she's talking about the way it looks like Buffy has left a part of her around everything, and I give her a weak smile. "I know, Nibblet. It's almost like it's glowing." Her eyes widen even more when she looks at me. "That's the thing, Spike. It is glowing. The sun is out."
I look up into the sky, and sure enough, there is the sun. I slowly hold my arm out in front of me, and it's not on fire. I'm not on fire. The sun is shining all over my bleedin' body, and I'm still here! I have no idea what is going on anymore. I look at the Slayer's dead body in my arms, and I swear, she's smiling through the tears I have left on her face. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I can almost hear her talking. I feel a little jolt, and I hold her body tighter. Her voice flows through me, and I hear her loud and clear. "Death was my gift, Spike. And this is yours."
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
And don't you cry tonight