Author: Trish (skittlez143m@aol.com)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the idea behind it.
Distribution: My site, Raven's site, and Cat's site. Everyone else please
ask me first. :)
Rating: A strong R
Feedback: Yes please! I'll give you a blooming onion if you tell me what
you thought... :)
Authors Notes: This is the sequel to "Every Night." If you didn't read that
one, this one won't make any sense, so just email me and I'll send it to you.
:)
For everyone who sent me feedback on Every Night, and asked for a sequel with
a happy ending, here you go. This one's for you guys! ;)
Tonight
by Trish
if you don't turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
lose control and let you stay
Cause I could take you in my arms,
And never let you go
After she left the crypt, Buffy made her way back to her house, mentally
numb. The events of the past week kept playing over and over in her mind, and
she didn't know what to think of anything anymore. She knew that it was
wrong of her to use Spike like she did, but if she let her true feelings
show, what could ever come of it? Nothing would work for her. It was
obvious. Everything that she had ever loved always turned to shit.
Once she was safely tucked into the own confines of her bed, Buffy did the
only thing that she knew how to do anymore. She cried. Tears streamed down
her face, drenching her pillow with her misery, and nothing would make them
stop. They just flowed on until she cried herself out, and collapsed on her
bed in an exhausted heap, letting her pain hush her into a troubled sleep.
Buffy's dreams were no better than her reality though. They forced her to
face what she refused to acknowledge while she was awake, and they put her
guilt into some kind of form other than a terrible feeling in her stomach.
While she slept, she saw images of everything and anything. She saw her
mother that was now dead, her sister that was forced to live with her father,
and then there was him. The man who she forced her heart to shut out. The
one who would always be there for her if she would only let him. The one she
turned to for comfort, never allowing him to seek any happiness through her.
The one that she would never admit that she was falling in love with. It was
he who haunted her dreams the most, and it was him that she sought to make
her forget all about those dreams. Her mortal enemy. Her source of comfort.
Her lover. Spike.
Pain tends to draw away all sense of reason, so in Buffy's fragile state of
mind, the only way to protect herself was to avoid feeling anything. For
years she had used her heart to guide her through life, and where had that
gotten her? Nowhere. Dawn was gone, her mother was dead, and someday she
would be dead too. There was no way to escape the pain that is life. With
that being her new mantra, Buffy decided to make it easier for everyone in
the future and block them out from now to avoid the pain. What she didn't
realize is that she was the one causing that terrible sense of pain to
others. As long as she was allowed to walk away in the end, she could never
lose her heart again.
When the Slayer finally awoke from her fitful sleep, fresh tears came to her
eyes once again. She cried for everything. Tears for her mother, tears for
her sister, tears for each of her friends, tears for her Watcher, tears for
Spike, tears for herself, and probably even a few tears for each starving
person in Africa. She cried until there was nothing left in her except for
that familiar feeling of pain.
With tears still streaming down her face, the Slayer who was once admired for
her strength crawled out of her bed, and went to wash away her tears in the
shower. The warm water mixed with her salty tears as she picked up a
washcloth and began scrubbing at herself. She rubbed at her skin until it
was red and almost peeling as if she could wash away all of her problems.
She knew that wasn't the case though, and her skin was starting to hurt. A
lot.
With a sigh, she got out of the shower and got dressed to go to the one place
that her problems would all go away, even if only for a little while. On the
whole way over to her heart's salvation, Buffy still hadn't realized that if
she stopped trying to push him away, he would always be there to lessen her
pain, and it could go away for longer than a short moment at a time. But
once again, pain eliminates any sense of reasoning, so in her mind, she had
been doing the right thing every other night by leaving him in the dark of
her true feelings and vanishing yet again. And she would do the same thing
tonight.
When Buffy got to Spike's crypt, he was sleeping, as usual, so she kicked off
her shoes and took off her clothes before she crawled into bed with him.
Once he felt her snuggling up next to him, scorching him with her heat, Spike
rolled over and pulled her closer to his chest.
It was dark out, and he was surprised to see her there cuddling up next to
him. Normally she would go there and ravage him at night, only to disappear
and return in the morning. Tonight was different though. She was there, in
his arms, and the sun had barely gone down. He wasn't about to complain
though. Without even knowing it, she had made him feel better than any
amount of sex in the world could, just by showing that small bit of
affection. "Maybe tonight will truly be different then," Spike thought to
himself. "Maybe tonight she'll lose control of her heart, and stay."
The vampire didn't want to scare her, but he had to know what was going on in
her head. He held her fragile body closer to his own and whispered, "Buffy,
luv, what brought you here so early? What makes this any different from last
time?" A stony look crossed her face as she gave her response. "That was
last time, this is tonight."
Spike tried to push the subject, but the Slayer put a stop to his words by
pressing her lips to his, and maneuvering their bodies so that she was
straddling him. She gyrated her hips against his hardened shaft in a slow,
tantalizing rhythm, and leaned forward to capture his lips again. With a
groan, Spike pulled away from her mouth and tried to continue the
conversation again, only to be silenced further by her impaling herself on
his throbbing cock. She slowly rocked back and forth, bringing him to a near
frenzy before she sped up the tempo and rode him for all she was worth.
Spike let out a low growl, and his thoughts began to speed up with every
thrust into her body. *Cor, she feels so good! So bloody wonderful! I love
her so much, and she... And she... And she got herself out of talking to me
by shagging me into an oblivion!*
Moments before the Slayer would have climaxed, the vampire pushed her off of
him and just gave her a long, hard stare. Her face was flushed, and she was
still panting, but the second she caught her breath, she did the only thing
that she could think of doing: she punched him. She hit his head so hard
that if he were a human, it's very likely that he would have suffered some
serious brain damage. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on your viewpoint,
Spike wasn't a human, so he recovered fairly quickly.
"Bloody Hell, Slayer! What do you think you're doing?!?" Buffy gave him a
look of death, and yelled, "I was gonna ask you the same thing!" The two
just stared at each other for a good long while.
"Why did you stop?"
"Why did you hit me?"
"I asked you first."
Spike glared at her, and said, "Why did you avoid my conversation earlier? I
needed to talk to you, but you just decided to hop aboard instead."
Buffy's eyes traveled to the floor, before she looked back up with a defiant
look, and said, "I so don't need to talk to you about this. There is
absolutely nothing different about tonight. You know why I'm here. I want
sex, you want me. It works out perfectly, and that's all there is to it.
You're nothing to me, William. You're still beneath me."
Up until that moment, Spike had honestly believed that he had a chance at her
love, even if it was a small one. Tonight though, everything had changed.
Nothing was the same as it had been, and he doubted that it ever would be
again. "Get out," he growled through clenched teeth, trying to contain his
tears. Buffy just stared at him, and crossed her arms. "Get the hell out of
my bloody home!" Still, the Slayer didn't move. Finally, Spike threw on his
jeans and duster, and chose to leave his own crypt, rather than to look at
her face for another second.
Once he was outside, he knew that he was being watched, but he was too upset
to figure out who was there, and he couldn't figure out why, Instead, he
fell to his knees and let out the tears that he had been holding back for so
long. Time no longer had any meaning as all of his emotions seeped out of
him in those tiny little wet droplets of pain.
Inside the crypt, Buffy looked similar to Spike. Her eyes were red and
swollen, her hair disheveled, and she was incapable of speech. Sobs shook
her whole body, and it wasn't until then that she realized that she was the
cause of other people's pain. Shaking the whole time, Buffy wiped off her
face and put her clothes on, ready to make amends for all that she had done.
It's true that she couldn't change the past, but she could change the
direction of her future. She was tired of running, and was ready to fix all
of the damage that she had caused, if only Spike would let her.
Buffy thought to herself, "Tonight, things just might turn out okay. Tonight
is the end to the old me. Tonight I'll start anew." It was because of those
thoughts that Buffy did something for the first time in weeks. She smiled.
Still grinning, Buffy went outside to find Spike, and she just hoped that he
would forgive her. It wasn't too hard to locate him, because his body was
still wracked with heart-wrenching tears on the ground. The Slayer took a
step closer, and took a deep breath, ready for her new beginning. Their new
beginning.
Another step closer, and she saw something out of the corner of her eye, but
still, she walked closer. Her smile never faltered, as Buffy tentatively
whispered, "Spike?" At the sound of her voice, the vampire looked up, still
sniffling. His love took one more step towards him. "There's something that
I need to tell you."
A look of hope came across his clouded features as she took a deep breath to
say what she had been wanting to tell him for the longest time, but could
never bring herself to say. "I wanted to let you know, I.." Spike sat up
fully, and whispered, "You what, luv?" "I.. I..." Buffy continued to walk
toward him and stopped less than a foot in front of him.
At that moment, the one that had been lurking for all that time, watching
them both, made himself known. A bolt from a crossbow flew towards Spike's
heart, and before either of them could realize what was happening, it was too
late. The Slayer was already in front of the shooter's intended target, and
the bolt tore into her chest as she fell to the ground, her own blood forming
a puddle around her.
In the shadows, the man with the crossbow stood frozen with fear. "Buffy?
Oh, God, no! Please no!" His face contorted with pain, Giles ran as fast as
he could, hoping to get help before it was too late. This is not what was
supposed to happen. He was meant to kill Spike, to make sure that Buffy
would never have to feel any pain. Now, because of him, she would never feel
anything again.
Immediately after she fell to the ground, Spike dropped to his knees at the
side of the Slayer, His Slayer. "Please, Buffy. I need you to hold on.
Please just hold on!"
His love lifted her hand up to his lips to hush him, and he held on to it for
dear life. He felt her wrist, and her pulse was getting weaker by the
second. Still, Buffy smiled at him. "Spike, I need you to listen to me. I
have to let you know."
She stopped speaking for a second, as blood began to trickle from the side of
her mouth. The vampire cried silently while he held her hand, waiting to
hear whatever it was that she had to say. Her voice was getting lower, and
harder to understand, but still she spoke. "Spike, I- I-..." His grip on
her hand tightened as he whispered, "Yes, luv? Tell me. Let me know."
Buffy's eyes fluttered shut for a second, before she used more strength than
she ever needed to use when slaying, just to keep them open, until she could
say what needed to be said. "Tonight I wanted to let you know that I..."
His gaze grew more intense as he awaited the words that he hoped that he
would hear. "I.. wanted to thank you for everything." After those words,
her smile slowly disappeared, as did her heartbeat. The last thought through
her mind was, "I could have loved you, Spike," and then she was gone.
Spike let out an agonizing howl into the night, as he scooped up the lifeless
body of the one that he had loved more than anything else. Slowly he stood
up, and carried her back to where her body could be taken care of in the
proper way. He went to her Watcher's house with her, because he knew that's
where she would have wanted to be.
As he raised his hand to knock on the door, he turned around at the sound of
ambulance sirens approaching, and Giles standing behind him with the sobbing
Scoobie's by his side. With a look of utter contempt, the man who was like a
father to the Slayer picked up his crossbow while Xander took Buffy's limp
form from the vampire. It wasn't until Giles whispered, "This is for killing
my little girl," and fired the crossbow at him, that Spike realized who the
true killer was. At that point it was too late though. His ashes had
already begun to scatter on top of his love, thus tying them together for all
of eternity. Just like she had wanted, but never let him know.
And never let you know
I could fall in love with you