Meow meow, this is shit. Inspired by an iCarly TFLN, which are, incidentally, the funniest things in the world. Enjoy.

The music was shitty and the girls younger than they technically should have been, but in the grand scheme of things, Spencer Shay was too drunk to care.

"Spence!" He looked up, grinning as he saw Freddie walking towards him, two bottles in his hand.

"Good party, man," he said, handing him one of them as they stood back to observe the one hundred or so people currently running through the Shay's apartment.

"It's Carly's 18th, of course it was going to be good," he replied, raising the bottle to his lips. "Listen, Fred, you haven't seen Sam around have you?"

"Yeah, I was chatting her like, maybe 20 minutes ago? Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Spencer said innocently, smiling at Gibby as he ran past, wearing his shirt as a cape.

"Spence," Freddie said, raising an eyebrow. "We said we'd let her decide."

"But that's so boring," he whined. "And she's taking too long. Why can't we just share her again?"

"Share who?" A voice said from behind them. Turning around, they saw Mitch, albeit a very drunken Mitch, smirking behind them. Spencer raised his eyebrows.

"Actually, you know what?" He took another drink from the bottle in his hand. "I think I am drunk enough for this story. So, you know the blonde one, right?"

.

Sam was laughing as she walked over to her best friend who was drunkenly spinning on the dance floor, when a tall guy she had never seen before grabbed her arm and grinned down at her.

"Hey, I know you," he slurred, winking at her. Sam wrinkled her nose.

"I don't know you," she replied, attempting to step past him to join Carly on the dance floor.

"But you know my friends!" He laughed loudly at this, grabbing onto her arm to stop her from walking away. Sam rolled her eyes, bored with the drunken stranger.

"Dude, seriously, let go. I don't know you."

"I'm friends with Speddie and Fencer!"

"Well, your friend's names sound like they are a type of cancer. I don't know them."

"Nup, nup, I got it wrong. Hang on, let me think. Freddie! Freddie and Spencer! I know you know them," he grinned, winking again.

"Yeah, they're friends of mine…"

"More than friends, Princess," he nodded wisely, leaning in to whisper in her ear. Her eyes widened, from both the overwhelming smell of alcohol on his breath and what she was hearing, the guy proudly acting like he was telling the best secret in the world. She looked around, searching for one of her friends; preferably the brunette ones she was allowed to beat up.

"Sam!" Spencer saw her looking and waved her over to where he and Freddie were standing, raising his eyebrows at the hand wrapped around her wrist and head resting on her shoulder. Rolling her eyes again, she pushed the guy off of her, walking away as he fell to the floor, singing a lullaby.

"Spencer! What did you say to him?" She yelled as she got closer, glaring at the two boys.

"Who… Him?" Spencer laughed nervously, looking like a child who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Freddie laughed.

"Yeah, Spence, what did you say to him?" He smirked, taking a drink from the bottle in his hand.

"You too, Fredifer! What have you two been saying?"

"Oh, you know… Stuff." Spencer looked at Freddie for help, who looked at the floor.

"What sort of stuff, Spence?"

"Bad stuff?"

"What sort of bad stuff?"

There was silence as the two boys looked at each other, neither of them willing to speak. Sam sighed, running a hand through her blonde hair.

"You guys need to stop referring to me as the girl you two shared. It's creepy, and makes it sound kinkier than it actually was."