Have you ever had a conversation with someone over a completely hypothetical topic that never happened with someone who doesn't technically exist?

Yes, well, it happens to me all the time.

These conversations can be very broad in nature, much like real conversations- interesting, boring, time wasters, time savers, educational, informative, a soothing condolence or a boot to the head. They also sometimes drag me kicking and screaming back from denial land- wherein I spend a lot of time. Today I had a thought; I wondered why Axel's hair is never the same length. I have such thoughts occasionally, and Axel decided to humour me for a while. I don't actually believe this particular theory, but it's quite amusing to consider the possibilities.

I take no responsibility for the following conversation.

Conversations With Dead People

"So then your power has nothing to do with fire at all."

No, I just liked it best. And I liked all the attention it got me.

"You could probably have the power of making things mildly damp and people would still love you."

But not as much.

"Attention whore."

* Insert mildly predatorial, very smug grin here *

"But anyways, what was your actual power then?"

I had the ability to steal other people's powers.

"Sneaky."

Very, that's why I got good with the fire and the chakrams. Make sure they didn't realize it wasn't my natural element- of course, learning it came easy when you stole someone else's talent.

"What sort of powers did you steal?"

I'm not going to go through the list.

"…"

…

"… No."

Maybe.

"What kind of power is that?"

A weird one. It was the only real power he had, so that's what I got. Ironically, it's been one of those things you don't realize just how much fun it is until you have a chance to use it.

"So that's why your hair was never the same length twice. And here I thought the animators were just uncoordinated."

Instant hair. It's actually kind of handy, especially when you get into a scrap with someone who fights dirty- if they reach for the hair I can just shave off a few inches and get it back only moments later. It also means I never need to get a haircut.

"How many different powers do you have?"

Hundreds. Unfortunately, most were useless, untrained, weak, or otherwise compromised.

"… Just how many people have you killed?"

I believe something was implied in the 'hundreds' bit I just mentioned.

"I thought so. Does everyone have 'powers' then?"

Yes, though I wouldn't bother looking. For most people it's so mild it's useless, no matter what it is. Even most who have a modicum of potential never even realize it's there, let alone given the opportunity to let it mature.

"Cool."

So most would think.

"May I ask about Bond of Flames, then? The Keyblade you gave Sora?"

I defeated a keybearer once. No one you know, or have heard of- unfortunately, keybearing is a tricky business and I couldn't properly use that particular gift. I fashioned Bond of Flames and gave it to Sora- partly in hopes of future guilt trips, partly as a leaving gift to Roxas.

"Did you ever consider taking the powers of people within the organization?"

Of course. However, it would have been terribly obvious that I was offing my colleagues when I started strutting around with their abilities- even to the ones who didn't know what I could do.

"That would be true."

* insert something similar to 'duh' but otherwise not translatable*

"What sort of power would I have, out of curiosity?"

I don't know for sure, maybe Luck, but more likely the ability to warp reality and or perceptions.

"Explain."

Have you noticed that whenever you have completely and totally believed something, it's okay, but once you say it out loud you no longer believe it?

"Yes, on occasion. That's not foolproof though."

It's more foolproof then you want it to be and you know it. Now imagine something like that… but on other people's perceptions, instead of yours. And multiplied in power a couple hundred times over.

"That sounds… incredibly depressing, actually. I have a hard enough time being sure of my own reality, I don't think I'd be comfortable messing with other peoples."

Nah, for you the effects would be temporary at best. Probably not even affect reality, just perceptions of it.

"Neat."

Pause.

"Still depressing though."

Not surprising. Can't say I'm jealous of that particular power. Would never know what to do with it.

"Why, because you can do all your underhanded sneaking around without any help?"

More or less. Even in the few situations where something like that would come in handy, something would happen to make it useless.

"Like?"

Not. Elaborating.

"Please?"

No.

"Not at all?"

No- hey, that's not fair!

"Aaw, big bad Axel wouldn't hurt small children. Excuse me while I coo at you for a moment."

I. Do not like. Children.

"You do not like dealing with children. But you won't deliberately harm one either."

Leaving now.

"Hey, don't do that- you know I'm just teasing. Axel!"

* the sound of the metaphorical door being shut *

"Fudge. Ah well. He'll be back eventually. I think. I hope. Maybe…. * sigh *"