So I'm taking a break from HP/PJ crossover to do something new. I will get back to my other stories soon, but need a break for now. Usual legal stuff, not for profit, its Andy Weir's universe, I'm just playing in it, and the only cannon for The Martian is the book, and there isn't a whole lot of character rules in it. If I missed any, oopsie. Hope you enjoy, please review so I will know someone is reading and what they think!

Chapter I

I, well, we, were supposed to be home in just over a year. Four months to Mars, a month there, and about seven back. Then a couple of weeks in isolation and back to our loved ones. We wouldn't even get a parade like Ares I did, although it was possible we would go to the White House, if the President's schedule permitted. We ended up being gone a bit longer. I spent longer on Mars than the whole round trip was scheduled for, and then still had seven months longer to travel home. Missing out on a parade? That was okay. I just wanted to sleep in a real bed, with real gravity, and breath real air. Real food would be nice too, I'm pretty sure everyone had forgotten what it tasted like, although I never wanted to see another potato as long as I lived. All plans had changed with my near death, isolation and rescue. The word we were getting is that we would be expected to participate in celebrations on three continents and multiple US cities. And I would have to be at all of them. Given the circumstances, I could live with that. After Mars, I could live with anything. I was alive.

NASA had thoughtfully included a deep dish from Giordano's in Chicago where my folks and I used to eat. It would have been fantastic I'm sure, but of course NASA had to irradiate it and freeze dry it. Once it was rehydrated and microwaved on the Hermes it just wasn't the same, but trust me, after months of potatoes, or in the case of my crewmates NASA food, it was the best thing any of us had tasted. I was so accustomed to tiny rationed meals though I couldn't finish mine. The rest of the crew did save the last slice for my breakfast the next day... well, the next time I woke up and ate. I had no idea whether it was day or night on the Hermes. It had been day on Mars, but I wasn't there and didn't care.

After a shower, brief exam by Chris that included a chest x-ray, my blood sugar and vicodin, I rejoined the crew and they surprised me with the aforementioned deep dish. I babbled on and on about the joys of Chicago pizza then realized myself and most of my crewmates were teary eyed. Martinez asked to say a prayer and all of us, atheists, agnostics and believers alike held hands while he led us.

Every fifteen minutes we were getting new requests for updates from Houston and the commander answered them as quickly as she could. All were requests for updates on the ship or updates on my medical status and Chris finally talked to the camera and advised that although my condition was not currently life threatening I had sustained two broken ribs due to the G's on my ascent, and was severely malnourished. I would be available for direct communication in a couple days. An hour later Vincent Kapoor, the program director, got on a private channel and had my parents with him. They talked to me a few minutes, how happy and proud they were, and then waited a half hour for me to assure them I was okay but needed rest. Chris told them the same and I was finally able to get to sleep.

I don't recall having slept that well since I left for college.

When I woke I showered again, just because I could, then pulled on a very loose fitting jumpsuit. I remembered a couple things from my EVA suit and before rejoining the crew retrieved them from the shoulder pouch. I wasn't supposed to bring anything but me back on the MAV, but a couple ounces wouldn't have made any difference. The jumpsuit was so loose I checked to make sure my name was on it, then ventured to the common room where everyone was and announced I was ready to return to work.

They laughed.

"Couple problems with that Mark, first, Chris hasn't cleared you and second, as our botanist, well, all your plants died when we breached the forward air lock. It seems plants exposed to the cold of outer space tend to get the water sucked out of them and freeze instantly." Commander Lewis replied with a grin.

"Well maybe I can save the roots and.." Everyone interrupted me with laughter.

"Sorry Mark, we are a few thousand kilometers away from them and I won't let you do an EVA. Seriously, they blew out. They're gone. Along with a lot of other research we didn't have time to secure. Its okay. NASA has been growing plants in space since Mercury. I'm pretty sure they would rather have you back than your ferns."

"I bet its a close call though. NASA probably has a committee reviewing the decision now." Martinez grinned.

After we all chuckled at this Commander Lewis spoke again.

"Guys, lets talk about something a little less pleasant than Mark goofing off. Because of the blow out to slow down, we are no longer on track to be back in 211 days. Astrophysics is still working the numbers, but it is probably up to about 240 now. The good news is that because we accelerated around earth and because NASA needed to balance the supply probe, we have more than enough rations to last, so providing the ship doesn't kill us, we should be back fine. We will get some comm time so you can explain that to your families. Mark, as our engineer it will be up to you to make sure nothing breaks, but your priority for the next couple of months is going to be healing up, getting your weight and bone mass out of the danger zone, and resting. Understood?"

"Yes Commander, hey, that reminds me, I brought... well everyone's stuff is still in the hab, uh, except your laptop Vogel, I kind of froze it, and I couldn't really bring anything up with me, but I marked on the sample containers soil samples of every stop I made, so if Ares IV goes, it can bring them all back. But, in my shoulder pouch on the EVA suit I was able to get this" I said as I pulled the remains of Martinez's cross from my pocket. It was mostly there and I think he teared up a bit at seeing it.

"My mother gave me this before we left. She said it would save my life."

"It saved mine instead. Truly. It was the only flammable I had to start the fire to make water with for the crops. And this is for you Commander, it almost killed me with disco fever. It also has the original of my logs on it, as well as the results and metrics of the research I did before I left the Hab. I hope I didn't over write any Bay City Rollers, but science is a bitch that way." I said as I returned her data stick to her. She seemed overjoyed. I suspected that within days the crew would just kill me due to their over exposure to boogie fever.

"Okay, everyone back to work, we have a ship to run. Mark, a word please if you could stay."

"Certainly Commander."

Everyone said bye and Beth hugged me, then Commander Lewis and I were alone."

"So. How do you really feel?"

"Tired. Really, really tired."

"Chris tells me your blood sugar is low so you're going to get nothing but carbs and protein for a while until it stablizes, plus lots of Tums to get your calcium back up. When you leave go see him. He has some stuff NASA sent up that we all have to do, it was developed to help osteoarthritis patients but it dumps a lot of calcium in your bones... you have to sit still for an hour or so while you take it... Chris can go over all that with you. Mark, I need to ask you something rather delicate if I could."

"Of course."

"How angry are you?"

"What?"

"How angry are you? I mean, I gave an order to leave you behind it would only be natural if you"

"No. Stop right there. I wasn't on the MAV with you but I know you never gave that order. You gave the order to save the crew, and you thought I was dead. From the notes NASA sent me, you looked for me longer than you should have. No, how could I possibly be angry? Well, okay, I'm angry at fate maybe, but not NASA even, and certainly not you. Please, don't ever say that again. Don't even think it. If they start a witch hunt I will be the first to tell them to fuck themselves. Oh, and I haven't said it enough, or at all now that I think about it, but thanks for coming to get me. You didn't have to do that either. How could I possibly be mad at you for giving up a couple years of your life to come back for me? That's a stupid and candidly insulting question." I concluded, now out of breath.

"Thanks Mark, uh... just thanks."

"No. Thank you. Thank the crew. Don't thank me. All I did was get hit by an antenna." I smiled.

"There is one other thing. Do you know Annie Montrose?"

"Uh,, no it rings a.. oh, NASA press lady?"

"Exactly. She wants a good picture of you. The most recent one she has you are acting like the Fonz, and she wants a press conference."

"Uh, well the picture is no problem, but I look more like Squiggy now. I don't see how we can do a press conference with a nearly thirty minute signal turn around."

"She is getting questions in advance from the regular press pool now, plus a few big nationals and the Chinese press. She will sent them, and the answers NASA expects in advance, then we will point a camera at you and you will just read the question, who it is from and the answer. While you smile and try to sell the world on sending Ares IV through VII into space."

"Ah, well that should work. But won't it sound, uh, fake?"

"Don't all astronaut news conferences? You can use your own words to an extent. Just try to make it seem natural. If you want to put it off for a day we probably could get Chris to give you a medical pass on it, but the quicker you get it over..."

"The quicker they will leave me alone?"

"Mark, you're not just a hero in the US. The whole world followed your story and idolizes you. They are never going to leave you alone."