My Perfect World Chapter 1, a twilight fanfic

Prologue

People say that you don't miss a place, but rather a place in time. As I walk through the memories of my childhood hidden beneath sheets and covered in dust I let out a ragged breath I hadn't known I was holding, "there's no place like home." I hadn't been here in ten years, and if it had been my wish I would have remained away for a hundred more.

I left the small yellow house on the eve of my sixteenth birthday. I eased the door open and could faintly make out the snores of my father from the second story as the night enveloped me. I simply couldn't stay. I loved my father, and I know to some extent he loved me too, but he was broken and it was my face that burdened him. I could see it in his eyes, on the rare occasion he would look at me directly, I was his ghost. I was his lost love. I was my mother.

She had left us when I was twelve and I hated her. We were happy and we were whole, we were my perfect world.

I slowly pulled the sheet from the edge of the couch and shook it violently as if to clear my mind of its dusty memories. Inhaling deeply, I started to gag on the thick cloud that hung in the air. Typical I thought. Of course I would nearly asphyxiate not ten minutes into my arrival "home."

After stripping the remaining furniture without incident I made my way to the bright kitchen. It was exactly as I had remembered. With its yellow walls and what were once white cabinets I could almost smell the waffles burning in the toaster. I nearly laughed at the thought; mom really never was much of a cook.

I stood on my toes stretching my chucks to their limit as I opened the cabinets to fully assess the damage. Not bad I guess. Dusty, but without use for so long I suppose that was to be expected. So far I hadn't seen anything that a little elbow grease couldn't fix. It's weird, but I almost felt excited about the prospect of being back in this house. There was something here. It was filthy and neglected, but I was beginning to see its potential.

Chapter One

I sat back in my chair leaning against my hand that desperately sought to dissolve the tension in my neck. It's been one of those days, but who am I kidding really, it's been one of those decades. Taking an inventory of the space surrounding me I tried to imagine my belongings decorating the interior of my childhood home. Can I really do this? I haven't been there since… well, if I'm going to do this, I suppose I had better get my ass in gear. So with a small groan as I popped my neck, I lazily drug myself from the haven of my favorite chair and began to pack up my life.

Not wanting to endure the epic journey of driving all of my belongings from Arizona to Washington I decided to consolidate my meager haul and ship it. This will be good, I tried to reassure myself. "I can do this;" I spoke aloud with a little too much enthusiasm for my own ears. I was trying desperately to convince myself that this was for the best.

And so after bidding farewell to the sun I found myself sitting in this tiny contraption they have convinced me is perfectly safe and is actually considered a plane contemplating the recent events in my life that have subsequently rendered me a passenger in this flying death trap.

"But Aunt Esme, you can't possibly expect me to just move back there!"

"Bella honey, I think it would be good for you. You have evaded your problems for too long now. You need some sort of closure. You need to find peace. I know it will be difficult to relive your past, but I believe it is essential to your future."

"Gah… I just, I don't know if I can go back there. It's been nearly ten years. I just, Esme I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Isabella," she said sighing deeply before continuing. "You are the strongest woman I know. When you came to live with me you were a shell of a person, you were so fragile, but you were strong enough to hope. You took that hope and made it your mantra. You graduated high school with honors and received your college degree in just three years. You are nothing if not strong enough. You are strong and you are determined, but you are also broken, incomplete. You have never allowed yourself the oppurtunity to heal. You deserve everything life has to offer, but honey you can't define happiness by external means. You must find it within yourself. Go."