Chapter 1

FLASHBACK

Flashback, I really love you
So sad, thought I was over you too fast
God, I wish I could re-live the past,
Of the flashback

Flashback, The mistakes you made weren't that bad
Now that I saw you I want you back
Now I wish I could re-live the past
Of the flashback (Flashback)

Jason stood on the pier staring out the water. He sighed as he shoved his hand in his pockets. So much had changed over the last few weeks. He'd taken a life he'd never wanted to save those he loved, and now he was alone because of it. He'd pushed Elizabeth away, she'd been so angry after learning he'd taken over the business.

/"Why would you do this Jason??" Elizabeth gasped, her arms wrapped around herself defensively. As if his answer would physically hurt her.

Jason opened his mouth to explain, not being able to bear the hurt on her face, his eyes shifted to a spot just beyond her face. "It ... It was the only way to save Morgan from ending up like Michael..." He glanced at her quickly before turning away slightly. " I didn't want to make the same mistakes I did with Michael..."

Elizabeth shook her head in disbelief, she stepped forward in earnest. "So you took OVER the business to help ?? How does that even make any sense Jason?? ..." Her eyes filled with tears, her voice raising as she protested what had been done. " You are NOT responsible for what happened to Michael, Jason!" She took a breath, trying to calm herself as she tried to appeal to Jason's better judgement. Her hand rested on his arm, imploring him to look at her.

" Sonny and Carly made those choices too...What happened to Michael is tragic, and you'll feel that loss for a long time.." Liz's eyes filled with tears. " But getting yourself in deeper is not going to make Michael wake up ... and it's not going to help Morgan... your his Uncle Jason, and you know Carly isn't going to stop seeking you out. " Liz said, the last part betraying her anger at the other woman. " Did -- Did Carly ask you to do this?? Is that what this is about?? When are you going to start letting Carly be responsible for herself??"

Liz could feel Jason's retreat even before she finished her last sentence. Just at the mention of the other woman's name, his eyes shut her out. Like they always did.

"Don't . . ." Jason whispered. He closed his eyes as he sought for a way to make Liz understand his choice." This isn't about Carly . . ." He spoke the words and knew he was lying. For once Carly hadn't asked him for help, He'd chose to help her on his own. She was going to leave with Morgan, it had been written all over her face. He knew what a life on the run would have meant for his namesake, It may have been safer, but he would grow up with no friends, family, no stability. And Carly would run and she wouldn't look back, because she'd been to hell these last few weeks losing Michael... She didn't want to revisit that with Morgan. He didnt think she would survive it mentally. So he'd made the offer to fix it, like he always did. Asked her to trust him so she wouldn't leave, so he wouldn't have to miss or worry for her or watch her go through it all again. He shook his head to clear his mind. His breath labored as he ran a hand through his hair

" She didn't ask me to . . . But she was going to run with Morgan. And I couldn't let Morgan grow up like that." He stepped forward trying to make her understand. "You have to understand, it was the least I could do . . . I don't want this" His arms flew open to emphasize what he meant. His voice growing louder. " You have to believe, I dont want this... but it's the only way to keep everyone safe...Sonny was getting sloppy... He could've cost us more than just Michael..."

" Why do you have to save EVERYONE but yourself Jason??" Elizabeth yelled. She began to pace the office. " I get how important Michael was to you, I know you love Morgan... but what about ME, Jason?? What about your OWN son .. Jake!!" She stepped in front of him. Pushing at his chest to punctuate her words. " What. About. Us? "

Liz wanted to scream in frustration. But there was too much at stake here. She had thought that as Jason was getting over his grief he would try to choose a safer life to try and be with her and the boys. She buried her face in her hands, as she came to grips with how inevitable the future was going to be. Jason wasn't going to be hers. They wouldn't raise their family together, they wouldn't wake up next to each other. No picnic's in the park with Jake and Cameron. Jake would never call Jason Daddy...

Jason grabbed her hands leaning his head down to rest against Liz's. "Please . . " He whispered. " I love you... I do. " He waited until her breathing began to get regular again, before regretfully letting her go. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "But sometimes it's not enough . . . Nothing has changed . . . except now I'm in control of HOW much danger there will be. My life would never be safe enough for you and the boys.." He spoke painfully.

"But it's okay for Carly right? " Liz spat. Her tone deepening as she began to express her frustration with his so-called best friend. For some reason it always came back to her. In the small amount of time she'd been able to grab with Jason, they didn't talk about Carly. She would expressly avoid it. But that didn't mean she didn't think about why that woman meant so much to Jason. Why Jason so often sacrificed so much of his life for the self centered woman Carly was. She swung away from Jason, sinking herself in the chair slowly, looking down at her hands as she fought with her emotions.

Jason shook his head in frustration. His hands running over his face. "Liz--" He began but then stopped as he was met with silence.

Liz knew there was more to his decision than just Morgan and Sonny. She knew only one person could get him to take over a business he hated being a part of. For months he'd lied to Carly about Jake's paternity and Liz had watched it eat at him. He'd told her it was for the best, said Carly would try to fight his decision, and she had. Liz had been scared that Carly would ruin her children's lives, would tell the world. At first she'd been almost relieved that Carly had acted selfishly, because it meant that she might finally have rid Jason of his albatross. But then Carly lost her baby, and Jason was right there, and then Michael. Liz had felt for her despite her better judgement, and she had thought that maybe Jason would see the light and choose a life of happiness with her and Jake and Cameron. But it had only pushed him further away, and straight into Carly's arms.

Everyday at the hospital her heart had broken for Jason. And it broke a little more to see the bond that Jason and Carly still shared. One Liz didn't think she could break. Which meant even if Jason was a part of her life, Carly would be too. Liz clenched her fists in anger as she thought about how unfair it all was. Why did Carly get to have a piece of Jason that not even She or Jason's own son would be able to share. She was fighting a losing battle, and she wasn't sure she could do it alone anymore.

"You always choose her, you know that don't you? " Liz spoke quietly, her voice deadpan. " I mean, I get it. I watched you two beside Michael's bed and I thought they're sooo close...you know"" She continued almost as if talking to herself.

"Liz--" Jason tried to interject, not liking where this was going.

Liz held up a hand to stop his words. "I'm Not finished." She said strongly. She swallowed, realizing she was going to say all the things she'd held in. " I thought that for once you would see past all Carly's bullshit. See how dependant she was on you and grow tired of it. Choose me instead of Carly's problems." She laughed to herself. " But I was fighting a losing battle wasn't I?"

Jason heard Liz's dejected tone and felt his stomach begin to curl. He sank down to his knees in front of her, his hand resting on her thighs. "Stop it...Carly's my best friend. She just lost her son. You have to understand..."

Liz brushed her hair out of her face as she stared at Jason. Her eyes roamed his face, seeing he believed what he was saying. But it didn't fool her. "I do -- I do understand." She said nodding her head, the tears now freely rolling down her cheek. Her hand reached out to stroke his face lightly. " I know you care about her. But I always thought she needed you more than you need her. I thought that if you and I were together you wouldn't need her to fill that void. But I was wrong. Wasn't I?:

Jason stilled. He could feel his chest tighten. He licked his lips as they suddenly felt dry. "What-- What are you saying ??"

"I'm saying Jason --" Liz began as he pulled her arm back and watched his face for any sign that she was wrong about him. " That you need her just as much don't you?? That's why you didn't want her to go? That's why you save her from herself at the cost of your own happiness everytime. "

Jason shook his head. Shooting up to his feet... he could feel an anger he couldn't understand right beneath the surface. Could hear it as it struggled to make his voice louder. " I thought you said you understood Elizabeth... ?? This was about Morgan and Jake, and changing the future so history doesn't repeat itself again.." He clenched his jaw, turning to thump his fists on the desk behind him. " Why are you making this about Carly now... you know she's a part of my life and that's not going to change!"

"Maybe a part of it was about Morgan and Jake, but that doesn't mean it wasn't also about Carly." Liz answered back, watching his actions with a sinking feeling in her gut. " You two -- you two dance around each other all the time. You make her the centre of your life and forget about everyone else. Don't you ever wonder why your relationships don't last Jason? I'm beginning to think you hid Jakes paternity from Carly because you knew she'd be hurt, not because of what she would do."

Jason stayed where he was. He didn't respond, but he felt his heart beat a little bit faster. Did what she say have truth behind it? Why did he suddenly feel like he had to run from the room. Anything to get away from what Liz was saying. He didn't want her to continue. He didn't want to talk about Carly anymore, and he didn't want to analyze why. And maybe it was better for Liz to be angry with him. It would mean she'd stay away keep Jake away, it would hurt but they'd be safe.

"You're wrong Liz"

Liz shook her head , wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Am I ? Tell me that you aren't going to talk to her anymore either. Tell me taking this business means your shutting your 'best friend' out too!"

Jason slammed his fists on the desk again, whipping around and throwing his arm out in front of him as he spoke. " I TRIED!!" He yelled back. His breathing labored, as he sought Liz's eyes. "Carly -- Carly doesn't take NO very well, you know that! She fought me every step of the way. "

"And that's why you love her the way you do Jason. " Liz said quietly, her hands clasped as a sign of resignment. "That's why you sacrificed yourself and your own happiness, yet again for Carly. Cause she'll always need you right? She'll fight for you, even when you don't want her to. She'll make your life hell but your need that. You need her." She said as she avoided Jason's eyes.

"I can't compete with that Jason. I would fight you if it would make a difference. If I though this dependancy you and Carly shared would go away, I would take the risk so Jake would know his father and I could be with you... " Liz whispered. " But it won't matter down the line. 'Cause you'll never admit to yourself how you really feel... and I'd get caught in the middle."

Jason took a step forward, trying to think of something to stop Liz from thinking what she was. He opened his mouth and stammered out." I -- I love you Elizabeth. You know I do"

Liz smiled, albeit wistfully. "I know. I love you too. " She took a deep breath before walking calmly to the door, not turning to look at Jason as she spoke. "But you Love her more." And with that she walked out,not taking any comfort in the fact that she knew he wouldn't come after her. \\

Jason shook his head of the memory of earlier that day. He'd been standing at the pier for hours now. Trying to shake off the helpless feelings of frustration Liz left him with. He felt his phone vibrate for the 10th time against his phone, but didn't reach for it. He knew it who it was. Carly. He was trying to keep her safe too, and she wouldn't let him. He clenched his jaw, feeling his heart tug again at Liz's words.

"But you love her more . . ." He couldn't stop thinking about it. She'd called his relationship with Carly a dependancy. Maybe it was. Maybe it was crazy. But Carly wasn't optional for him. He didn't know why they needed each other. He just accepted it. But he knew as he felt his phone vibrate yet again, that he suddenly felt too much to answer Carly's calls, he knew he was avoiding her for reasons that had nothing to do with keeping her safe.

"I thought I'd find you here ..."

Jason could feel the hair on his neck stand up as he turned around slowly. He shoved his hands back in his pockets, could feel the strange feeling of butterflies in his stomach as he saw her blonde hair glisten the moonlight as she approached him, concern written on her face.

"Carly . . . what are you doing here?"

Song Lyrics - Kelly Rowland - Flashback