This story was inspired by the song, Didn't Want to Fall in Love, by The Feelers. yt/0Skd1MIhs_c
All Bleach characters are owned by Tite Kubo.
...
Shuuhei walked out of the restaurant. The monster in his chest wouldn't let him relax. He knew he couldn't keep pretending; not tonight. He'd been pretending for too long. He couldn't watch it anymore. His heart ached. The sake hadn't been able to drown out the pain.
"Hisagi-san!"
Shuuhei closed his eyes as he stopped walking. He fought back a long sigh as he turned to look at her; part of the reason he was leaving. "Yes."
"Abarai-san isn't ready to leave just yet. Will you walk me home?"
She was so beautiful with her deep chocolate eyes, and shoulder length black hair. He knew he would do anything she asked. "It would be my pleasure, Eriko-san." Shuuhei could think of nothing better than walking with her tonight. However, it would also pain him. She was his best friend's girlfriend, and he had fallen in love with her. 'Maybe,' he thought to himself. 'Maybe I can pretend a little longer.'
They walked in silence for a while before Eriko looked up at him. "You were quiet tonight, Hisagi-san. Is there something bothering you?"
"Wh-What? Um. No. Everything is fine."
"Are you sure?"
"It's nothing."
She skipped ahead of him a bit, and then turned around to look at him. Walking backwards, she studied his face. "Hisagi-san, you'd tell me if-" She stumbled and began to fall.
Shuuhei reached out, grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. 'Don't kiss her. Don't kiss her. Don't kiss her,' he repeated to himself. Then somewhere in his brain, he heard a little voice whisper 'Kiss her.' Shuuhei leaned his head slightly toward her, and thought, 'Renji is lucky to be able to kiss her.' "No," he muttered.
"What?" Eriko asked.
Letting go of her hand, he straightened up. "We should go." Without waiting for her reply, Shuuhei continued walking toward her quarters.
When they were close to the fifth division offices, Eriko saw her friend. "Momo-chan!"
The petite vice captain turned toward them. "Eriko-chan! How was your night?"
"It was good; even though you couldn't make it. Hisagi-san left when I did, so I asked him if he would walk me home."
"Thank you, Hisagi-senpai," Momo Hinamori said with a bow toward Shuuhei.
With a nod, he turned and walked out of the fifth division. When he was sure neither girl could see him anymore, Shuuhei flash stepped to his quarters where he tried not to think about kissing Eriko. He didn't want to steal his best friend's girl.
...
For once Shuuhei was glad that Vice Captain Ise made them sit by division in their vice captain meetings. Otherwise, he would have always sat next to Kira and Renji. After the dream last night, he couldn't sit next to his friend. He felt guilty having romantic dreams about Eriko.
"Shuuhei!" Rangiku sang as she sat next to him. "Last night was fun. We should go out again soon."
"Sure," he replied, not really interested. He couldn't bear being around Renji and Eriko. It tore him up to watch them together.
"Will you do me a favor?"
"What do you need?"
"Will you have dinner with..."
Shuuhei cut her off. "No. I can't, Ran."
"Why not? You're not seeing anyone. It's just dinner. It would mean a lot to me, and to her."
"Fine."
"Great. Tomorrow night. I'll tell her that you'll come get her."
"Sure." Shuuhei sat back in his chair wondering if maybe this girl would take his mind off Eriko.
"If it all works out, you can double date with Renji and Eriko-chan."
"Right," he muttered, thankful that at that moment Vice Captain Ise started the meeting.
...
Shuuhei sat in the bath. He wondered if the blind date could have gone any worse, because it had been a total disaster. He had felt guilty the entire night; like he was cheating on Eriko. His date hadn't helped. She looked too much like the other girl for him to be able to truly focus on her. He had kept losing track of their conversation. Then he'd knocked over the tea. The warm liquid had quickly spread over the table and fell into his date's lap.
Dressed again, Shuuhei laid on his futon. He didn't want to fall asleep. He didn't want to dream about Eriko again. Why had Ran thought this blind date would be a good idea? Had she suspected his feelings toward Eriko? He had thought he'd hidden them from his friends fairly well. Had she thought he'd be interested in...what had her name been?
With no way of knowing the answers, Shuuhei called out, "Kazeshini." It only took the one word for him to slip into his inner world. He found the spirit of his zanpakuto sitting in a nearby tree.
"Come on," Shuuhei commanded.
"For what?"
Shuuhei unsheathed his zanpakuto. "Why else would I be here?"
Kazeshini cackled. "You don't want to fight."
"I never do."
"Yeah but today you don't want to. You're angry. I'll give you that. But you aren't angry with me. Fighting me is not going to make the anger go away."
"It will help."
Kazeshini shrugged. "Maybe for a little while, but not for long."
"Fight me!"
Kazeshini stared at his master. "You don't want to destroy the world. Go away, Shuuhei."
Shuuhei opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Kazeshini had been right. He wasn't looking for a fight. He didn't want to destroy anything, but he didn't know how to ease the heartache he felt.
...
A few days later, Shuuhei walked to the third division offices. He needed to talk to someone. He didn't want to lose his mind or go insane. He knew Kira would keep his secret.
"Hisagi-san, what brings you here?"
"I need to talk to you."
"Oh. Sit down."
Shuuhei shook his head. "Privately," he whispered.
"Sure thing. Follow me." They walked out of third division offices and to Kira's quarters. "What's wrong?"
Shuuhei sat on his friend's couch. "I haven't been sleeping well lately...I can't take it anymore... Seeing them..." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm in love with Eriko-san."
Kira stared at Shuuhei for a moment. "But she... she's dating Renji-san."
"I know, but the first time he brought her to dinner with us, it just clicked for me. I don't want to hurt her by telling her. I don't want to cause her pain. I can't watch them together anymore. It's painful. I can't be around them."
"I'm sorry, Hisagi-san."
"I can't sleep and when I do I dream of her. I can't train with Kazeshini. I can't think about anything else."
"You could try dating other people."
Shuuhei scoffed. "Ran set me up on a blind date the other day. It was a complete disaster. I can't even remember her name. She looked too similar to Eriko-san, and I felt like I shouldn't be there." Shuuhei sighed. "Captain Muguruma asked for someone to go on a mission for a week or two."
"Did you volunteer?"
"I think it might help. I mean it can't hurt. Neither one of them will be there."
"I can understand that. Let me know when you get back, we can have dinner."
"Thanks, Kira."
...
Shuuhei walked to the restaurant where he'd agreed to meet his friend. He wasn't sure his mission had helped entirely. He'd been sleeping better, and maybe that was because he had shared his burden with Kira. He still dreamed about Eriko. He knew he wasn't over her, but he hoped he could face her and Renji again.
"Better?" Kira asked when he showed up a few minutes later.
"I think so."
"Good. You missed some things here that I should catch you up on."
"Anything import..." Shuuhei trailed off as he saw the women approaching the restaurant.
Kira followed his friend's gaze. He smiled as he saw Hinamori and Eriko headed toward them. "We should invite them to join us."
"I don't know," Shuuhei hesitated.
"Relax, Hisagi-san. I heard they aren't together anymore."
"They... wait. What happened?"
"I don't know, but it had nothing to do with you. You don't have to feel guilty about liking her."
"Hisagi-senpai! Izuru-san!" Himamori called when she saw them.
"Do you want to join us for dinner?" Kira asked.
"We'd love to."
The four of them sat at a table, and Shuuhei noticed he was sitting directly across from Eriko. Without blatantly staring at her, he tried to see if she was upset about not being with Renji. He couldn't tell. She had been hurt regardless of what happened. He didn't want to break her heart again.
"How was your mission, Hisagi-san?" Eriko asked.
"It was good."
"That's it? You were gone for..." Eriko trailed off as a slight flush bloomed on her cheeks.
"Ten days," he supplied, pleased that she had noticed he was gone. "It was a bunch of fighting hollows, observing, and some down time. Did you miss me, Eriko-chan?" he teased.
"I noticed you weren't around," she told him. She had wished he had been around. He was always easy to talk to, and she'd needed to talk to someone.
...
Kira and Hinamori left before their meal had been served. Kira had babbled something about a project he needed to finish with Hinamori. Shuuhei didn't mind since it gave him time alone with Eriko. If he hadn't been so focused on Eriko, he would have noticed that his friend had set all this up.
"You were gone," she whispered.
"What?"
"I broke up with Abarai-san while you were gone. I don't know if he told you."
"I haven't seen him since I got back." He reached over and touched her hand. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Eriko shook her head. "I want to tell you." She was quiet for a moment.
"You broke up with him?" Shuuhei prompted; his journalist instincts kicking in.
"I'm sure he would have broken up with me eventually. I'm not really sure why he asked me to date him. Especially since he liked someone else."
"How do you know he liked someone else?"
Eriko sighed. "He called me by her name a couple times. The last time was when we were about to..." She trailed off. "I don't think he was cheating on me. I told him to leave. That I didn't want to see him again, and he didn't even argue about it."
"He's an idiot."
"How hard is it to remember someone's name?"
"Especially if you'd been seeing her for several weeks."
"I'll bet you've never forgotten someone's name."
"I don't remember the name of the blind date I went on a couple weeks ago. I know she's in the tenth, but I can't remember her name. I'm fairly certain I didn't call her by the wrong name though."
"Seriously? How did you forget her name?"
"I was..." He didn't want to tell her he'd been thinking about her. "I was distracted."
"By what? Was she showing her body off?"
Shuuhei smirked. "I didn't want to be there, but Ran asked me to go."
Eriko thought a moment. "A couple of weeks ago... That was before your mission when you were in your weird mood."
"Yes."
"Your mood is much better now. You aren't all quiet and broody."
He shook his head at her. "Can I walk you home?"
Eriko smiled. "I would like that."
They walked out of the restaurant and toward the fifth division. For a while, neither of them spoke.
"What did you do during your down time on your mission, Hisagi-san?"
"Captain Muguruna suggested I take my guitar. So I did, and I wrote a song."
"Oh. I didn't know you played the guitar."
He shrugged. "I don't know that I'm great at it, but it's relaxing."
"I'd like to hear your song."
Shuuhei grinned. "I would like for you to hear it. Wait right here." He flash stepped to his quarters, picked up his guitar and then flash stepped back to Eriko. Taking her hand, he flash stepped again to a garden. "A long time ago, I was banned from playing my guitar in the barracks," he explained.
"It's so pretty out here." Eriko looked around in awe as they sat across from each other in the grass. "Are you nervous?"
"No." Shuuhei wasn't nervous. He felt surprisingly calm. He began to play the opening chords.
"I didn't want to fall in love
I didn't want to hurt too much
I didn't want to break your heart
You're my best friend's girl
I didn't want to lose my head
I didn't want to go insane
I didn't want to leave you behind
When I know you're not the one to blame
And I keep falling in love
'Cause I can't help myself
And I can't rise up above it
Like I'm somebody else
I didn't want to fall asleep
I didn't want to cause you pain
I didn't want to say too much
Or break your heart again
I didn't want to get out of bed
I didn't want to destroy the world
I didn't want to lose my head
Or steal my best friend's girl
Then I keep falling in love
'Cause I can't help myself
And I can't rise up above it
Like I'm somebody else
I keep falling in love
'Cause I can't help myself
Like the truth from above
I feel I'm somebody else
And I keep falling in love
And I can't help myself
Oh, no, I can't rise up above it
Like I'm somebody else
Oh, 'cause I keep falling in love
I keep falling in love
I keep falling in love
I keep falling in love."
Setting aside his guitar, Shuuhei looked over at Eriko. Tears ran down her cheeks. "Eriko-san," he called as he reached over and wiped her tears away.
"I'm sorry. That was so beautiful."
"One of my best friends brought his girlfriend to dinner right after they started dating. I fell in love with her - with you - that night. It hurt to watch you two together. I went on a blind date where I thought of you most of the time. Then I went on a mission. That helped some; the distance. But I knew it wouldn't last. When I came home I found out that you two aren't together anymore. I thought about waiting to tell you, but what if you decided to date someone else? I don't want to take that chance. I don't want to rush you, so when you're ready, I'd like to take you out on a date."
"Another one?" she asked. Seeing the puzzled look on his face. "Tonight has been kind of like a date."
Shuuhei smiled. "It has, but I'd still like to take you out."
"I would like to go." She looked away from him for a moment, and Shuuhei saw the flush start to creep across her cheeks. "Um... uh... Can I... Can I call you Sh-Shuuhei-san?" The flush deepened.
Shuuhei chuckled. "Of course you can, Eriko-san." He pulled her to him and kissed her. It was a long time before either of them said anything again.