When Pigs Fly
This was getting messy…
"Sakura Haruno." Said Deidara while getting down on one knee.
"No! Get up get up!" she hissed.
Oh yes…a little too messy.
"Will you marry me?"
"Deidara! What are you…"
Oh…fuck…
The room went silent. Pens dropped the sound of coffee overflowing from its mug as it hit the floor sounded behind her. Someone's breath hitched.
A pig flew past the window.
"W-wha?" she stuttered while stepping back.
She had just gotten to work; she still had her fresh cup of coffee in her hands, ready to be set down on her desk. She just said her daily hello to shizune! After that she would be off to Tsunade's office where she would update her on what needed to be done for the day! This was not in her routine! This was not happening!
"Will you marry me?" he repeated with annoyance. Clearly not liking the situation just as much as she did.
An Akatsuki…her friend that wasn't suppose to be her friend…was in the Hokage's tower…with a small open box revealing a huge diamond ring out stretched towards her. She had been meeting him after dark in the woods the past few months. He was on a mission to gather information on a stolen scroll near a nearby village. They had just talked…and then some. She couldn't think of anything that would make him want to- oh fuck. That.
She dropped her coffee to the ground, its contents spilling all over the floor as she held her hand to her mouth, eyes wide. "I…I…."
-Flasha backa-
"What were you thinking, yeah!" came Deidara's angry voice.
"Tobi was thinking that she had pretty Hair and he wanted to-
"Dammit Tobi! That's not what I meant!"
Deidara sat crouched on a limb beside his partner. He had beads of sweat running down the back of his neck; his face was covered with dirt and grime. A long scare ran down his arm, a trickle of blood falling to the forest floor. He panted heavily as if he had been running for a long time, his chakra was almost depleted.
Tobi on the other hand looked perfectly fine.
"She is scary."
"…"
"Very scary…"
Deidara ignored him and looked around the area, not sensing anything close.
"Very very scary…"
It was all because of this idiot that they were hiding in the first place, a hiding place that wasn't necessarily the best, but it would have to do.
"Very very very scary"
I swear to god…
"Very very-"
"TOBI! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT YOU'RE FUCKING MOUTH!"
"Gotcha."
Deidara almost blew himself up right there. He looked up slowly to see a pink haired girl dangling upside down above him. The tips of her long hair were tickling his forehead.
"You shouldn't have done that Deiadra-sama…" whispered Tobi, as if it were a secret.
Sakura glanced at him for a moment questioningly. What was with this guy? She shook her head and turned her attention back to the blonde. "Now, I'll ask you again." She started while pulling her glove up. "Why were you smelling my hair?"
Deidara narrowed his eyes. "I wasn't!" he growled. "It was him!" he pointed a finger over to Tobi, who was shaking his head and pointing to Deidara. "Fuck you Tobi!" he spat.
Sakura cracked her knuckles. "It doesn't matter, you two are missing nin, and there's no way I can let you go…without punishment…and some answers." She muttered.
"Fuck off…" he replied.
Deidara moved just in time for her fist to collide with the limb he was previously perched on, causing it to crack and fall to the ground with a snap. He reached into his pocket and started molding clay with his hands. He dodged another blow, sending a tree falling to the ground. "Geeze and some people are worried about forest fires…hmm" he stated while flipping back, sending a small clay bird towards her, just as she was about to slam him in the gut. A loud explosion sounded then, the area filling with smoke.
He sat panting on another limb, waiting to see the damage. When the smoke started to clear he narrowed his eyes in frustration. "Fuck don't you ever die?"
She came lunging towards him, her foot inches for colliding with his head. He did the first thing that came to him; he put his hand up to block it. The forest was then filled with a large 'crack'.
"SHIIIT!" he screamed while holding his limp hand at his side. "STUPID SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!"
Sakura jumped back and admired her handy work -pun intended- . His wrist had completely snapped in half, the bone protruding from the skin. "Serves you right bastard." She said while looking around for the other one.
Deidara grinded his teeth together. Trying to focus through the pain. He was glad they hadn't been wearing their cloaks, if this was how she treated missing nin, who the hell knows what she would do to Akatsuki. They were just on their way to a small village that was said to have stolen a scroll from Orochimaru. It was his mission to get it before he did, so far it wasn't going well…clearly…
Tobi jumped down from above right in front of Sakrua, who was now on the ground.
She smirked. "Ah, came to get you punishment like a good boy?" she asked.
Deidara's eyes widened, and he was sure underneath Tobi's mask his were too.
"T-Tobi's a good boy?"
Sakura lifted her brows. "…what?"
"Tobi's a good boy!"
"What the fuck are you-
Before she could finish, Tobi's arms were wrapped around her, crushing her into a tight hug. "TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"
Sakrua was too stunned to do anything; she just starred at deidara's horrified face.
It got quite
Very quite.
Very very very quite.
"I knew you would smell good…" said Tobi happily. "You're not so repulsive and frightening up close."
"Shit Tobi…shit." Muttered Deidara, he covered his eyes with his good hand and shook his head. He couldn't watch.
"What the fuck did you just say!" she screamed while pushing him away, smashing her fist into the side of his head. "You take that back now you creepy little bastard!"
Tobi fell to the ground unmoving, except for a twitch of his leg.
"Oh no you don't!" hissed Sakrua while walking towards him. Deidara could only stare on. He was in no condition to get involved, not that he would if he was… "I'm not letting your stupid rude ass die until you've apologized!" she growled.
She kneeled beside him, a green light emitting from her palm. She placed it on his head where the blood was coming from. She glared up at Deidara, who was starring down at her in awe. She wondered what they were doing there in the first place. She was on her way back to the village from a visit to the hidden grass village when she was assaulted by one of these morons. She remembered feeling a hand on her shoulder, and then she heard someone inhaling deeply. She was scared out of her mind to say the least. She almost pissed her pants.
They starred at each other for a long moment. Deidara wasn't giving up in their little starring contest, and neither was she.
Stupid loud mouthed female
Mental pea brained male.
Bitch
Ass
Fuckwad
Piece of shit
You have the ugliest hair I have ever seen
Likewise
What did you just think? He narrowed his eyes.
You heard me… She narrowed hers…like wise.
Ya well you are the most unfeminine girl I have ever met and your eyes are the color of fucking…jade…like the color of a pond in the mountains…and your skin is so fucking pale that you look like an angeletic masterpiece.
Oh really? You are the most feminine guy I have ever met! And your voice reminds me of a Greek god who I want to strip and…wait…
Wait…
They both quickly looked away, flushed.
What the fuck? Thought Sakrua while concentrating on healing the man.
What the fuck, yeah? Thought Deidara, the pain long forgotten.
Sakura cleared her throat. "Are you going to tell me what you're doing? Or do I have to break your other hand?"
Pain. It was back, and intensified. Lovely.
Deidara swallowed. He was pretty sure he would black out if she did. He was sweating more than usual now, his chakra was almost gone, and he had lost a lot of blood from his hand. The only way he was getting him and his partner out alive was to cooperate. "fine." He growled. He stood up on wobbly legs and jumped down on the other side of his fallen comrade, but not to close. "We're on a mission." He stated.
Sakura sighed. "Oh?" she paused and narrowed her eyes. "How stupid do you think I am? You're a rogue ninja you dumbass!" she lifted her hand in front of her and fisted it. "I want the truth."
He swallowed hard. Man she was feisty… "No seriously, we're apart of the aka -glare- um the aka…solaga…hata… organization."
She starred at him.
He swallowed hard.
She blinked once. Twice.
He swallowed harder.
"Oh, well why didn't you say so?"
"…What?"
"I've seen a lot of your work, it's really quite amazing." She stated while standing up, looking down at the man below her. "He should be fine, just give him a few minutes to recuperate. I'm very sorry about this little misunderstanding though. Let me fix your hand."
Holy mother of all shit.
She walked towards him and grabbed his arm, causing him to hiss in pain. She pulled him down, so he was kneeling beside her. A light green chakra then came from her hand, soothing the heated pain with its cold feeling. "I hope that after you're done with your mission you stop by Konoha. Sometime." He watched as her face turned a little red. "I-I um, would love it if you made me something." She almost whispered.
He cocked his head and cleared his throat. Just what had he gotten himself into? "I um-
"But I understand if you're busy! I mean I can't believe you guys are ninja and lingerie makers. Although I love your work , some of my friends have your stuff and its adorable, it pushes in all the right places, I mean you would have to be gay to make such incredible fitting bras right?" she flushed a bit.
"It's a shame to; you would be on the top of my fuck list if you were straight." She paused and looked at his hand, not noticing his mouth hanging open. "I am really surprised I mean how could you have the time to go on missions and-
"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whao, back up. What did you just say?" he asked. Mother of all shit indeed.
"I am really surprised-
"Before that."
"But I understand if your-
"After that."
"Oh….um I love your work
"Keep going…"
"It pushes in all the right places?"
He flinched. "Further…"
"You would have to be gay-
Cringe. "Yes. That."
She cocked her head. "What?"
He stared at her.
She narrowed her eyes while thinking back.
He shook his head slowly. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He glanced at Tobi, seeing him twitch.
Her eyes widened as she followed his gaze. "ohhhhhhhhh."
"Ya…ooohhhhh." He growled while rolling his eyes. "I'm not fucking-
"You're gay with that guy?"
Oh fuck no.
"That's cool." She muttered.
"WHAT?"
"Oh I mean that's totally cute, if you like the whole masked man type thing, it's not really my forte."
He mentally strangled the women before him.
"There I'm done." She stated while brushing the dust from her clothes as she rose to her feet. "It should still be a little sore but I fixed the bone.
He stood up as well and glared at her. He wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't blow his cover, to her he was a gay underwear and bra making ninja, who she would fuck if he were…wait… he smirked while wrapping an arm around her neck, pulling her close to him while they both made their way over to Tobi. "Let me let you in on a little secret…" he said smoothly.
He watched as she looked up at him with bright green eyes. Innocent. He thought. Not for long.
He stopped moving and turned to her, their faces inches apart.
Ok is it just me or is this gay guy totally flirting with us? Asked inner sakura
No no no, he's with that other guy, this must be some kind of lingerie kink or thing. She reassured with nod.
Oh right right
She watched as he leaned in closer, his mouth right by her ear. She felt his warm breath on her neck, making her shiver "I'm not gay." He whispered.
Her eyes widened.
"I'm not a lingerie maker either. I totally pulled that name from my ass… And you just made the biggest mistake of your young life."
"W-what" she starred forward. She couldn't believe this. She had believed him! Her face reddened as she fisted her hands. She wasn't going to let him get away with this! But before she could make a move a painful blow landed on the back of her head.
Everything started to spin as the ground became one with her face. She then heard him whisper a few words before she fell into darkness.
"I am Akatsuki."
Well shit.
0o0
Ino stood in front of her mirror admiring herself. She wore a purple bra with sparkles, and matching underwear. She smiled and turned to Hinata.
"Well? This is the first piece I got from their collection, isn't it amazing?" she asked while turning around.
Hinata smiled and nodded. "Y-yes Ino-san it's gorgeous."
"Well duh, I'm wearing it." She rolled her eyes. "Akasolagahata…what a funny name."
0o0