Warm tears threatened me. I was stronger than that. I know that. Anyone who knows me would tell me to get my mood up and start destroying something. I needed to start destroying something.
But I couldn't. I was trapped. I was jammed into a little box filled with my hopes and dreams. Sadly, those were things like 'Live 'till Christmas' and 'Have shelter.' This world was a hard place for someone like my.
I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to get out of this hell.
The outside was worse than the inside. Being prodded and poked and tested and worked until you couldn't stand anymore was better than being shot down out of the sky and placed into a home that might just be another bigger, more complex trap that someone has set it up.
Was it even worth it for someone to save me? Was I worth the danger that would put them in?
I was a mistake. I hadn't been created to save the world, I'd been created to die. That was the reason I was born. No one would be bothered if I killed myself right now. No one cared for me. I wasn't meant to be alive. I was a freak of nature. No one would accept me if they knew what was wrong with me.
If I killed myself, I was dying with honor. I wasn't letting some lowlife kill me with a new test explosive in a field, I wasn't letting someone literally work me to death. I was taking myself out of this world before someone else could do it for me.
There was no way to avoid this. No one wanted me to be around. I was constantly being reminded that I was just someone's toy, or someone's mistake. There was no way that I could get myself out of this mess. My life was just a mass of terrible mistakes and choices. I had even failed the ones who cared for me enough to trust my judgment. I was lucky to have them, and look what I'd done to them. They were now in danger because of me.
I had no desire to keep on dying here. I wouldn't let them kill me.
I fingered the cold trigger with one final thought. Save me if its worth saving me.
I pulled the trigger.