It was all too frightening to believe.
The rain was pelting from the sky in small droplets and gently landing on the smooth metal before rolling off the edges of his coffin and crashing into the mess of fall leaves, and though it was nighttime, the moon was too bright.
It was after midnight now; I was the only one left. Everyone else had left and headed home to grieve quietly behind closed doors hours ago. Some people had offered to stay, but I'd told them to leave me be. I'd rather have my embarrassing episode in private.
The tears stung my cheeks; they were getting sore from so much crying. I knew my face was bright red, I could feel that my hair was permanently coiled and matted, I could hear my teeth chattering as I forced myself to talk to him.
"Fang?" I asked, my voice wobbling with fear. "FANG!!" I cried, my voice cracking through three octaves. "How could you leave me?! HOW COULD YOU?!?! You were the only one who had enough of me to break me! I can't believe this! I just can't believe this is real! I thought you knew how I was! You should've known what this would do to me!!!"
My voice echoed through the space, filling the secluded wood with sounds of desperation and fear. I barely had the energy to stand up much longer. I crashed myself over the top of his coffin, letting myself bang ruthlessly on the hard steel. "This isn't real, this isn't real," I chanted through my ragged breathing.
If you lie to yourself enough, you can start to forget the truth. And this was something I didn't want to remember.
"I can't-" I started. I felt my fingers close around the single flower that adorned his coffin; a lone black rose. It was meant to show him, his ability to rely on no one. But that was a lie; he had relied on me, and I'd let him down. "I just can't do this, Fang! Why did you have to leave?!?!"
I felt my other hand close around something solid and cold; a dagger attached to the side of his coffin. A protective emblem, to keep him safe wherever he went. He didn't need the protection anymore than anyone needed me.
I pushed myself off the coffin, letting myself fall to my knees with the dagger in one hand and the rose in the other. The last thing I saw was the writing along side the dagger; Miserere Nobis.
I had a vague reminder somewhere in my mind going off reminding me just what that meant.
I plunged the knife into my heart just as these words went through my mind;
Wretchedly us.