Summary: Notes from the patient files of Sara Bellum's shrink, Dr. Anna Lyst. A humorous one-shot.
Disclaimer: WOEICS is the property of not-moi. The bad puns and dime store psychology are all mine, though.
Author's Note: There's a little bit of sexual innuendo in here, be warned. Thanks to our other resident (only occasionally mad) scientist, aptasi, for encouraging me to publish this. Enjoy!
Undoubtedly, Professor Sara Bellum takes the prize as the most challenging patient I have ever worked with in over a decade in clinical practice. The woman was a true narcissist, with poor social skills, given to bouts of paranoia and mania. She also had a poor grasp of idioms and a thick, unplaceable accent, which were not mental disorders, but made our communication difficult. When she was ready, I asked Carmen to join us, hoping if the two women could confront each other about their behavior, it would lay the foundation for restoring their working relationship.
Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Honestly, I have conducted less acrimonious sessions with couples in the middle of a divorce.
The two women sat facing me: Carmen languidly draped in a chair looking like she had better places to be, while Sara turned away from her, closed off, arms folded. It was hard not to be intimidated. I cleared my throat and spoke in my most calming voice, laying down the ground rules for our session. "Today will be a chance for you to both to express your feelings about the events surrounding Sara's…episode. You will both get a chance to tell your side of the story, and listen to what the other has to say. No shaming or blaming." I took a deep breath. "Sara, why don't you start? Remember, use 'I' statements like we practiced." I prompted.
"Carmen, when you act all high and mighty, the great master thief, I feel angry and ignored."
Carmen rolled her eyes, "So I gather, Sara. But that hardly justifies kidnapping me."
"Without my high-tech gadgets, where would you be? Rotting in jail somewhere, or dead in a ditch, more likely."
Carmen blinked but never missed a beat. "Without my forgiving nature, you would still be locked up in a place with padded walls, Sara."
Sara pouted. "You don't notice me like you used to, Carmen. You never even bother to show your face in the lab anymore. You're a snob, sometimes, you know that? No one here is good enough for you." Well…that was something that hadn't come up in our earlier sessions.
Carmen sighed and sunk her face deeper behind her fedora. "You know I don't get involved with people I work with."
"That's not what Lee Jordan said," the mad scientist murmured, barely audible.
If that comment had struck home, Carmen didn't seem to show it. "Sara, we're not here to talk about me," she deflected, as elusive in conversation as she was in her encounters with the police.
For a moment I wondered who was the real therapist here. "I feel like we have gotten off track," I interjected. "Let's stick to the topic of Sara's betrayal. Carmen, how did that make you feel?"
"Sara, when you assaulted me, impersonated me, and tried to take over VILE, I felt hurt and annoyed."
"Go on," I prompted.
The thief grimaced. I could tell that she was not a woman given to expressing her feelings. And Sara's remark about being "high and mighty" was perhaps not too far off. "Before…what happened…I considered you one of my most trusted and competent employees. You have been with me longer than almost anyone else."
Sara, paranoid as she was, at least seemed to be able to grip that her boss was being sincere. "Well, that was part of the reason I felt so ignored. I..I didn't really want your job, Carmen. Dr. Anna has helped me realize I just wanted your attention. Things aren't what they used to be, not like in the old days. VILE is so big now."
"Sara, I'm sorry if you feel I neglected you. I value your talents and your craftsmanship. If you want my… ahem…professional attention in the future, all you need to do is ask. If you want more responsibility, we can talk about it. Likewise, if you wish to leave VILE, I have no problem with that. But I will not suffer treachery," the thief pronounced. Sara's posture deflated
I looked at the clock. "I believe our time is up today. I think we've made some real progress," I beamed, a bit overly chipper. "So, next week again at 3?" Sara glared at me. Carmen arched an eyebrow.
Whatever VILE was paying me, it really wasn't enough.