I sighed and tossed the thing aside. I fished around in my pocket and pulled out my cigarettes, thanking God Mello wasn't home. He'd always been pissy that these things were going to send me to an early grave. I didn't really care what he thought.

I lit up just as Mello walked through the door.

"I thought I'd told you this before, if you're gonna do shit like that, do it somewhere I don't have to watch."

"This place is just as much mine as it is yours."

He coughed. "Goddamnit! You're gonna kill me too with all this smoke!"

I shrugged. He fumed. I stifled a laugh. He walked back into his room without saying anything to me, which basically meant he was going to be mad at me for a while. That was something I was used to.

"Matt!! Get your ass in here! And leave those damn things outside!!" Mello screamed from his room. I made a point of lighting a new cigarette right before I walked in, just to piss him off. He should've known that there were three things in life I would take with me to the grave; video games, cigarettes and him. I couldn't function without any of those three.

I pushed the door open slowly, taking my last good drag before Mello got mad and flicked it out of my mouth like he always did.

Mello was sitting on the edge of his bed, sorting through the remnants of the Kira case; investigators reports and death statements and autopsy reports from hundreds of people who may or may not've deserved what they got. "I need to talk to you," he said. "Sit."

I sat down, unsure of whether I dared to try to smoke. I chose not to. Mello looked serious about this. I didn't want to push my luck for today. "Okay then…" I said. "What's up?"

"Tomorrow, we're going out there and we're going to try to get Near. You're my best friend and I'm not going to lie to you; we might not make it out. There's a few switches that might get pulled, on purpose or on accident, and I don't know that either of us will make it. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "What the hell brought this on? We've been out there doing shit like this for years now, and you've never admitted we were gonna die. You've always lied through your teeth for hours to convince me that we weren't in danger, and then we both got so wasted we couldn't remember our names. Why is this any different?"

"Because all those other times, I'd always believed that we'd make it. I'd always believed that we could pull something out of our asses when we needed to. Tomorrow… Well, I don't really know. For the first time in a long, long time, I have no idea what will happen to us. And I'm just a little scared."

I breathed a sigh of relief. In my book, this meant that Mello was growing up. He didn't see this as just a game where everybody else was just a pawn he could throw around and push through hell like it didn't matter. He finally understood that people were actual human beings.

I ruffled his hair a little. It flung right into his eyes. "You're growing up, Mel-Mel." I bent down and kissed the top of his head. It was almost instinctual now. My feelings for Mello had been the same since he'd first left the Wammy house. I'd just gotten used to hiding them. After all, he'd freak out if he knew his best friend was gay and he'd been blind from it all these years.

He looked up and blushed up a little. I guess that's a step in the right direction. His head fell on my shoulder, and his golden hair crossed his eyes, hiding his expression from my view. I looked for some hint what this really meant, but nothing about him was any different from normal.

Then, he came to me. "Are you gay Matt?" he asked. He pulled his head up and shook his hair out.

I blinked hard. Where had that come from? Had I tipped him off in some way? I thought I'd been acting relatively normal. Well, there was no point in hiding what he already knew. I nodded in the silence.

He smiled a little, making my world spin a little bit faster. Then, before I could understand what was going on, he held my chin firmly and kissed me. His mouth was eager, hungry. I could tell that he'd finally let his guard down. So this was what Mello was really like.

When we broke apart, we were both breathing raggedly. "How long?" he asked breathlessly.

"Since you left," I muttered quietly.

"That long?" he muttered. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, though." He played with a strand of my hair that covered my eyes. "Were you scared of me Matt?" He kissed my cheek and let his mouth wander along my cheekbone, and over to nibble my ear.

"A little," I admitted, toying with the hem of his vest.

"Well, we may not live through tomorrow, but we've got tonight," he said, then winked.

I smiled. His lips found mine readily, while my hands focused on other things. I let my hand slide up underneath of his shirt, toying my fingers on his abs. He shivered a little bit as my touch crept down lower and lower. I felt his hands start taking off my shirt.

"This is unnecessary," I heard him mutter.

I almost smiled. He discarded my shirt onto the floor to the side, so I took that as my cue. I pulled his vest off, dropping it first to his shoulders, and then off completely. Sure, I'd seen him without clothing before, but that had been years ago, back when they were only 13 or 14. Then, he was just my best friend. Now, he had a defined chest that screamed SEXY with all its might.

"You look different," I said raggedly.

"Well, it's been what, five years?" he replied.

I shivered involuntarily as his hands gripped the belt loops on my hips. His fingers gingerly moved along the hem of my pants as my lips met his once more. He took my jeans off without a second thought.

I found my hands meeting each other behind his back. My hands moved a little bit farther south, and I felt him jump in my arms. He stayed silent, though, so I continued to take off his pants.

"Are you sure we should really do this?" he asked me, letting his hands touch the rimming of my boxers. "I mean, we're best friends, and if this ends badly, I don't know what my life would be without someone like you."

My eyes widened a little. "Isn't this a little late for second thoughts, Mello?"

He didn't really answer, just tore off my boxers and met his lips to mine. I took that as a yes. My hands were touching his face anxiously, telling him in an unspoken way that I wanted more of him. Without much thought at all, my hand pulled his boxers off without breaking our lips apart. He barely noticed the action.

"You think you can handle me?" I asked teasingly, gently grasping the back of his neck.

"I think I'm man enough," he said. I grinned.

I growled a little bit, prepping myself. I'd never done something like this before, and if I fucked this up, I would lose my best friend and the only one I'd ever cared for. Aw hell, it was all or nothing. I was lying in bed naked with my only real friend; I might as well enjoy it.

I breathed out heavily, and pushed myself into him. I heard his breath catch, and then his hands were in my hair, gripping my hair and gasping as I thrusted inside of him again. He grunted as I pushed harder, almost making myself whine.

He bent over a little bit more and pressed his lips to my shoulder. I was barely containing myself. I think I felt his teeth pierce my skin as I bucked again, but I really don't know. Everything about this whole experience was unreal, like it was just another dream.

When we broke apart again, I must've looked half dead. "Are you okay Matt? You look like you might pass out."

I nodded a sort of response. "I think I'm fine."

"Well… uh… how was it? Would you do it again?"

I nodded choppily, picking up a blanket and applying pressure to my bleeding shoulder. "Hell yeah. I think that was pretty good, for our first time."

"Definitely. And if we both live through tomorrow, I think we might be going somewhere with this."