A/N: I NEED A CREATIVE OUTLET.. SO HERE IT IS. This is an essay I recently wrote for my college English class. I'm sorry it's not an update on the other story. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. However.. this is my real life story and I put it in the form of fanfic cause I desperately need feedback. I just need to know that people are out there and can understand me. I just feel like sharing. It's a three part essay and that's about it.
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My earrings glinted gold when I shook my head slightly to tousle the newly released curls I was converting my straight hair into using Rika's curling iron. Oddly enough as I stared into that mirror looking intently at my reflection, I didn't really see myself. My eyes were out of focus and I simply saw the blurry outlines. I often did that intentionally just because I sometimes liked to look out of blurry eyes. The only thoughts that ran through my head were of Syaoran.
I had one last shot. After years of liking and not liking him, our broken friendships, our rebuilding of that friendship, after all our small memories, I was going to lose him. He was going to leave me far behind and I couldn't do anything about it. I always knew he was smarter than me, smarter and would go much farther in life, but that didn't mean I never thought of being a part of it. It was a silly childish dream that I couldn't seem to give up.
Maybe that was why I never could get over him. The ideal thought that we could be elementary school sweethearts always clung close to my heart. I spent two years simply pining over someone I knew I couldn't have or even confess my feelings to. We always liked each other when the other was interested in someone else. Why did that happen?
My dress was beyond gorgeous. It was a tie-dye of aquamarine, yellow, white, and brown. At an empire waist line it flowed out gracefully, making me look as though I glided when I was simply walking. Dotted with beads and sequins, it caught the light and made me feel ethereal as I flounced around Rika's house. Why was it like this? I knew I couldn't see him anymore after tonight.
Prom was the night of graduation, which was really convenient because we could have an after prom as crazy or even for as long as we wanted. It was inconvenient, because it really was such a defining conclusion to senior year. I didn't want it to be over. I wanted one more chance.
We sat in front of the school. I was just talking with friends, we were waiting for them or something silly along those lines. But I saw him sitting there, waiting alone and I gravitated towards him. Did you call me to you? I sat next to him, hoping he wouldn't shun me, hoping that we could for once have a quiet conversation I could remember. One that wasn't online, one that wasn't awkward, one that wasn't arguing religion and getting into a fight, I just wanted one to really remember.
We sat there, staring out into the surrounding parking lot and the circular road that wound around a grassy little island with trees, the flag pole, picnic tables, and the bike rack that remained despairingly empty.
The strange thing was, I couldn't remember the conversation as I thought over the memory in the limo on the way to prom. I could only remember feeling like I had to have this moment. I thanked God for this moment, and I couldn't bear for it to end. But like all things, it did, and it ended when his girlfriend pulled up in his car.
We pulled up to the red carpet of our prom. Rich kids get treated like rich kids. My town is in Southern California, and it's one of those towns where the student parking lot has a ridiculous number of luxury brand cars and completely outshines the teachers'. That wasn't to say our teachers were poor, they were paid pretty damn well working for our school district. The janitors in my high school were paid more than the actual teachers in city schools. We had a lot of janitors.
We walked down the red carpet, but I didn't really focus on my task. I didn't focus on my partner next to me either. My dressed floated and I pushed my hair out of my face. When was he going to get here?
I watched as he and his girlfriend pulled away. When I got up and turned to look to where my friends had been sitting by the doorway, I wondered how long they'd been there and what exactly my interaction with him had looked like. Could they see the sadness behind my eyes?
So many people describe emotions and feelings that people can see in other's eyes, but I never could tell, so I wondered if it was just a beautiful play on words and reality, or if I just never looked deeply into people's eyes. I always thought that maybe I was just not observational enough, so I always tried to scream out with my eyes incase someone would notice.
I looked at Tomoyo. We linked arms and went apart from our other friends. I muttered a quick "thanks". I looked at her with as much appreciation I could muster up into my eyes. "You know how much that meant to me, right? Thanks so much for letting me talk with him. Thanks so much for keeping them waiting." She nodded. She understood what I felt. Did that moment mean anything to you?
I waited for him. And when he did come, I felt nervous and relaxed at the same time. We had big screens where you could watch other people walk down the carpet. My limo was relatively early. I watched him when he got out of his limo, his girlfriend at his side, and all I could think about was how good we'd have looked together. Throughout the night, I danced, I followed my friends around, chattered, gambled, but always my eyes searched for him. I always made a reason to go closer, but I never could approach him.