A/N: Spoilers and AU ahead, so be wary! Also, I planned this to be a one-shot - but since the plot Darkspawns started to appear, I guess this will be a longer than I thought...
Disclaimer: I own nothing, only this fan fiction and all the mistakes contained in it are all my fault. Daaaamn!
1. Duty First
Officium primoris. Duty first.
That's what always has been written on Cousland's coat-of-arms. And it was also one of the last things my father has told me before Duncan had to drag me and my nephew Oren out of the castle, otherwise Howe's men would kill us together with the rest of our family. "We love you, darling. Good bye." I cursed the letters written on the family shield I carried with me. It just made me lose my family.
Duty first.
Only because of that I bowed to Morrigan's suggestion to stop trying to look for Fergus or Oren when we found ourselves in Lothering, after that fateful battle at Ostagar. Because my duty wasn't to look for my family - but to end the Blight and to bring Howe to justice for his crimes against Couslands. But this time, I had even more reasons to follow my duty. I've lost Oren and my Mabari, Lord, in Ostagar. While I was carried away from the battle by Flemeth, Oren and Lord were there and in all probability both of them were dead. My duty was to stop those Darkspawns, so they won't kill even more innocent children and their animal of human protectors. But was it not my duty to keep my nephew safe in the first place?
Duty first.
I found Oren in the place where I would expect it the least. In the Circle Tower. When we entered the barricaded part of the main floor, I was greeted by happy barking and boyish voice exclaiming "Auntie!"I couldn't believe my very eyes, my very ears - my nephew! Alive! I think Wynne tried to say something - but all my attention was turned towards the little boy who run to me to throw himself into my open arms. Both of us crying, both of us laughing with a barking Mabari who was jumping around us. I could hear Morrigan snort and Sten mumble something about weak women but I couldn't care less. What was left of my family was once again with me, and although I had to leave Oren safely with Kinnon and Petra, I felt my heart beating with joy.
Duty first.
Only because it was my duty I kept on searching through the Fade, where Sloth demon imprisoned us all. I walked through the majestic halls of Weisshaupt, killed Duncan made by the demon and kept on searching for the others. Every time I found someone and freed them, they disappeared and I was left alone again. I understood what Niall meant by "this place will suck every though of happiness out of you, leaving only despair". I was more successful than he was in exploring this part of Fade - but the despair started to claw into my sanity as well. But with gritted teeth I repeated tenet of my house - Duty first - while adding "despair later" to it.
Duty first.
That kept me hacking my sword against every undead creature I've found in the Redcliff castle even if my arms went numb with all the strain. 'The people down in the village and Bann Teagan are counting on you, girl. So move your butt and get to the source of this madness!' We found the source soon enough. The sight which greeted us made me twist my lips into an disgusted sneer. Bann Teagan was jumping like a fool in front of a clapping boy, who couldn't be much older than Oren. 'Maker - how can you let this man to be so humiliated?' I thought. But then, my duty was to stop this. The boy forced the guards and Teagan to attack us, leaving us to either kill them or just do something else to free them from being possessed - luckily all it took was to stun them, which we swiftly did, although I almost couldn't bring myself to hit Teagan's head with the pommel of my sword. And afterward - I couldn't just kill the possessed child. My thoughts always slipped to Oren, who was waiting for me in Redcliff's Chantry. So I left the others in Redcliff and together with Lord we rode to Circle Tower to ask for assistance with matter of a possessed child. We rode the whole way there and back in one try - and when we returned, I almost fell from the horse, only Teagan's quick assistance saving me from falling on the ground.
Duty first.
Duty led me to the very ends of civilization between the peaks of Frostback Mountains. Haven, they called it. More of a Hell to me. The duty led not only me here - we've found several bodies of knights from Redcliff. Their search for Brother Genitivi was fatal for them - just like the search for the Urn itself almost proved fatal for us as well. The Guarding asked: "Do you feel guilty about leaving your parents, even if you knew you were leaving them to the death?" An icy hand gripped my heart. "Yes. I should have never left them. I should fight to the death for them. But then... my duty was to take care of Oren. I couldn't let him be killed..." I swear I saw the Guardian smile a bit. I haven't listened to the questions he posed to my companions, my whole attention concentrated on 'pass through the trials, get the sacred ashes and bring them to Redlicff.' And then, my heart almost stopped again. Behind the previously locked door stood my father.
Duty first.
Duty made me leave little Oren in Redcliff. I asked Bann Teagan and Arlessa Isolde to take care of him. When I left crying Oren in his room - Maker, I was crying, too! - I went to say my farewells to Teagan. "My lady?" he asked after I entered his room, raising from his seat by the fireplace when he saw my cheeks still wet with tears. I took his hand and pressed it to my cheek, surprising us both. "Teagan," I started, "I'm leaving my everything here in Redcliff. Please, take care of him. He's the only family I've left." He looked my straight in the eyes and caressed my cheek with his thumb. "You do not need to ask, Amélie." How pleasant was to hear him saying my name. But duty commanded me to leave for our Dalish allies. But how, oh how I haven't wanted to leave this place!
But duty first.
It was duty which led me to Orzammar and to the Deep Roads themselves in the end. Not only to the Deep Roads - but to the feared Dead Trenches for Paragon Branka and famed Anvil of the Void. It was compassion which made me to side with Paragon Caridin in one last battle, not duty. After hearing his pained voice, when he told us how the golems were made... I couldn't do otherwise. Duty, no matter how unpleasant for some of my companions, had bring me back to crown the new King of Orzammar - Bhelen Aeduncan. In him I've seen personification of "End justifying the means". He didn't choose the most ethic means in his way for power - but I felt he will be able to bring Orzammar to better times. And in future I was proved correct.
Duty first.
Duty made me to swallow my pride and offer my services to Alistair, newly crowned King of Ferelden. King, who betrayed me and everything we ever had. "She can do that, because I won't rule alone - Anora shall be my Queen!" Only the lessons of iron self-control I had to undertake under urging of my mother kept me from making a weak fool out of myself. No, they will never see me cry, never see me broken. Instead, they will see an Chancellor who chose Ice as her second name, after the Archdemon is slain. I was supposed to die - Riordan said so. I wanted to die while fulfilling my duty to Ferelden and to the Grey Wardens, so I refused Morrigan's offer almost as soon as she said she knows how to survive through the final battle. But I didn't die as I wanted. The only thing I ever desired more than everything - and I failed while trying to achieve it.
Duty first.
I rebuilt the Grey Wardens. I helped my brother to rebuilt Highever. I've helped to strengthen Ferelden as her Chancellor. But my heart was slowly dying in my bosom, my soul crying in the empty cell I've put her in.
Duty first.
I know I have to be strong. That time heals. But how can I be healed when I'm forced by duty to see the one who gave me the wound every day?
A/N: That's all for now - although the plot Darkspawn Brood Mother are working on next plot Darkspawns, so the next part will be coming soon... Hopefully. :o) Please, if you spot any grammar mistake or anything else, let me know, so I can correct it.