Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Rating: K+
Pairings: Slight NaruTen, ShikaTen, and NejiTen. Not a main one though.
Rant: I've been writing this one-shot for about two - three weeks. It's rather sad, I think.
She was watching herself die. Pathetic, was the first thing that hit her, but in the end she couldn't have done anything. Her eyes were the only thing she could control; the rest of the body was out of her reach. A simple line like, "Could you give me some water?" was unspeakable, and no one had an idea if she needed something. She closed her eyes – the control was something she enjoyed – and wanted to dream her way out of the mess and till a place were she wasn't paralysed, when she could talk and didn't need anyone's help. She couldn't catch the memories, the moments, the small pieces of living she still had inside, but they were there, and that was all that counted.
People visited her. Of course it was kind of them to talk to a girl who'd never say anything back, but the pitying looks were starting to make her feel more nauseous than she already did. Words coming out of other people's mouths weren't good enough – she wanted to be one of them. She'd stopped being happy for the fact that it only had happened to her, that no one else was wounded; now she loathed them. Hated them for marrying each other, she hated them for being happy without her.
A blonde haired girl waked inside, clutching the hand of a man that looked oddly serious – she couldn't really recall why it looked so weird to her. Something told her that maybe, maybe he wasn't himself when he saw her.
Now everyone had assembled, it seemed like, because they talked and laughed, told her stories, tried to make her feel happy. Didn't they know she'd stopped feeling happy long ago? She wanted her heart to stop beating. A girl like her wanted to be free, didn't they understand that?
She wanted to pause the moment when they all raised their glasses, because she just knew they raised them for her. As she tried to imprint the moment in her brain, the people in the little room started leaving, and her eyes felt oddly wet. One woman stayed behind, and looked at her with white depressed eyes. Black hair with a few grey strands was covering her eyes for the moment, but she knew she had just seen tears in those lonely eyes. The woman approached the bed, and brushed the hair patiently away.
"S-sorry, goodbye. And I-I love you." Her white dress swayed as she left the room, but not before she'd cried at the bottom of the hospital bed for awhile.
Each and one of the faces she'd seen a little while ago walked inside of her room, said their goodbyes, and left. She wanted to cry out the sorrow she felt – they were practically telling her she'd die any minute now. What do you do then? Oh, she forgot, she couldn't do anything. Busy with dying was her excuse.
A blond haired man stumbled inside of the room, and sat down on the wooden chair beside her. He grabbed her hand and the feeling of love streamed through her. He looked up, blue eyes twinkling, and with a slight smile he said: "You didn't want to die like this, did you?"
The gray tones in his hair shined at her, and she wanted to touch it. The question he had asked her wasn't bothering her; she knew he knew her well. Not how he learnt to know her, though. And that hurt.
He looked like he was at loss for words, but cleared his throat, and continued.
"I'm sorry it ended up like this. I love you. Goodbye." He kissed her cheek before leaving, and her heart beat wildly in her chest, like it wanted to break free, and run after him.
It was painful to see their tear streaked faces, as they told her how sorry they were, and that they were so sad over the fact that they couldn't help her. She wanted to know what they meant. What could they have done? They were just human, and humanity couldn't help her. It had destroyed her instead. She looked at another woman, with bubblegum hair and emerald eyes as she sat down next to her and cried endlessly. Sobbing, the woman hugged her tightly, and she felt that this woman was feeling guiltier then the rest.
"I'm sorry I messed up. I feel so guilty, if I could have then…" Then what? She wanted to know. Why couldn't they let her know?
The woman looked down at her knees for a second, before continuing with one last word. "Goodbye." She sobbed for awhile. "Love you."
She stood up and left. In her place a man with too long hair that should have been cut shorter by now came in, and his cold white eyes seemed to warm up as he sat down next to her. He just sat there for half an hour, before he left with a quick goodbye, and with a last squeeze on her hand, he said I love you. Her heart felt like it was on fire as he kissed her with a little hesitation on the mouth. It was quick, but to her it meant so much. She just didn't understand why it did.
"I'll miss you." A large man said with a forced smile, looking like he was about to fall apart. "I think you don't need to see more tears, so I'll cry later instead. I love you and goodbye."
A woman replaced him, her long blonde hair shining. It struck her that long ago; her hair had shined that way too. The woman dropped down beside her, eyes watery.
"Want me to wash your hair?" The blonde succeeded in saying.
The wash itself was very nice, and now she could at least die with pretty hair. Small things really did mean everything. The woman left with a simple "I'll miss you, love you and goodbye."
She closed her eyes as another man came in, but then opened her eyes again as she found it impolite to not look at her visitor. He had sunglasses even though it was raining – a thing the blonde woman had told her during her wash.
His hands were buried deep inside of his pockets, and as he approached her bed, he didn't cry, smile, or tried to look natural. He was just empty. Did he feel like her? Did he have anything to live for? He seemed to have. As he looked down on her, she knew she hadn't known him well. But he seemed to care about her.
"I do not know what to say to you." He stated. She blinked two times, trying to make him continue. He cleared his throat. "But I will not miss the person you are now. I will miss the one who was filled with life."
She wanted to tell him that she agreed, because honestly, she was just a shell of her former self. The doctors had many times whispered things like that when they thought she wasn't listening.
"I love the real you." The man ended his speech.
She started to search her memory after the old her, and the man in front of her. Not much came up, but a few moments floated by. A glimpse of her laughing and him without the capuche that now covered his hair. Another little memory, a mission with the blonde girl and a boy with a dog, surfaced. They were fishing and talking, all looking content.
She missed those days.
The man left her room quietly, and she didn't notice he was gone until the door opened and the boy – no, he was a man now – entered the room, his now large dog running after him.
"Hey!" He said and sat down next to her, a fake smile on his face. "I'm not going to tell you lots of shit, cause then I'm going to start crying and frankly, I'm not feeling like crying in front of you."
Well. He was full of himself, to say the least.
"So, I love you, and I hope you'll reborn as someone with a happier fate."
He was out in a flash, and she almost didn't catch his last words or his watery eyes. She guessed he didn't know that she was good at analysing things, because then he would have been a bit more gathered. Not that she blamed him, how could she, anyway? She was just like him. She hadn't been gathered for a long, long time.
Many minutes passed before a man with strange hair entered the room, sighing. He dropped down on the chair next to her, and she realised that he looked very tired. Was he more tired than she was? No, he couldn't be.
"I saw a cloud that looked like you yesterday." He stated and leaned back in the chair.
This man visited her more often than most of them, and he'd sit next to her for hours. Sometimes he would talk, other times he would just sit there, spacing out. She liked his company. It was never forced and every move he made seemed so natural – so full of life.
"I got to admit, it was very weird, and after I blinked, it wasn't there anymore. Do you think I'm starting to hallucinate?" He chuckled. "You used to hallucinate."
Another thing she liked about him was that he always told her the truth. It was through him she learned about her past, since no one else had the courage to really speak to her about it. They were afraid she'd die out of grief.
Well. Apparently, she'd die anyway.
"Ino tells me all the time that I should stop wasting my time looking at clouds. She thinks it's not healthy… I guess it isn't. Sometimes I'm sitting on the roof for weeks. I just can't go home."
She wanted to nod, to show him she understood, and that she was still an intellectual being.
"However, even though I agree with her, I can't stop. Ever since Asuma-sensei died, it has become my life." He sighed again, and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not going to bother you with this anymore, it's pointless. Anyway, I'll miss talking to you."
He was the only one who understood what she meant when she blinked.
"It's nice to know you'll miss it too." He smiled, and then stood up. "I love you."
She wanted to ask him if he loved the new her too, but found she couldn't blink anymore. Some questions maybe shouldn't be answered, she realised, as he left her to lay there, all alone.
Instead of him, a man with so much energy it was nearly unbelievable, jumped in, a big grin on his face.
"Hello, my dear teammate!" He greeted and, proceeded to stand on the chair. He then made a pose, consisting of a thumbs up, wink, and a large grin with blinding teeth. She recalled he had always been like this.
"I will now declare my undying friendship to you!" He then exclaimed.
She tried desperately to smile, but her face didn't react. But she knew he'd know anyway, because that's how he was.
"Do not fret my friend! I understand this is a hard phase in your life!" He dropped down on the chair, suddenly looking depressed. "I will miss you, my lovely teammate."
She blinked two times.
"I love you." He said, and for awhile, he just sat there, holding her hand in a firm grip.
"Well, I'll bid my goodbye now, my dear friend!" He left the room in a blur.
No one replaced him.
She proceeded to just lay there, on her deathbed, and waited for Death to come and get her.