Through glass
A songfic inspired by the song Through Glass by Stone sour. Jisbon implied oneshot, hurt/comfort angsty yumminess.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine
After three years, he returns.
Three years after that fateful night, after the moonless, cloudless showdown where his sadistic nemesis fell dead from Teresa Lisbon's bullet, he returns. It stung driving down the familiar streets. As he drove past the CBI headquarters, he felt an uncomfortable squirm as an unwanted memory returned – his screaming match with the aforementioned lady cop minutes after she pulled a terrible, terrible scheme on him and took the murder of the wanted serial killer from him.
He said terrible things to her.
Terrible cruel things.
Things that made tears well up in those gorgeous blue-green eyes of hers; he didn't even flinch then, just continued to spout out obscenities while she stubbornly fought away the tears. He was flinching now...
He stopped down the street from the bar where they sometimes used to get a beer and greasy bar food after closing a case. He knew they'd be there now; it was after quitting time and he saw on the TV that they just closed a high profile case. She looked good on television; aging gracefully, now in her forties, but still with the petite body and passionate attitude of a twenty-something. He could tell, even from just five minutes on the local news, she was still as ferocious and pungent in her presence as ever. And as unexpectedly captivating...
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, God, it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
He sees her through the large window in the bar; her and he team, sitting companionably together in a booth. Laughing, drinking beer, eating greasy chips. Like old times.
Rigsby and Van Pelt sat on opposite sides of the table, now apparently much more comfortable in each other's presence. But not together. No, not together.
A glint coming from Cho's left hand catches his eye – he got married.
Why should he be surprised? A lot can happen in three years.
Reluctant non-couples can become friends again; co-workers can finally settle down and pop the question to long-time girlfriends.
A stared at her for a few moments. She was right there, sitting at the end of the booth, taking a long sip from her beer.
She was always much prettier in person. And she was damn beautiful right now.
He spent the first year still mad at her from taking his revenge from him. And then, somewhere along the line, his dreams started being inhabited by a green-eyed little pixie, whose eyes lit up angrily when she yelled at him, and whose cheeks flushed pink prettily when she was embarrassed.
He had missed her.
How do you feel? That is the question
But I don't forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks
So while you're at the outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're looking at is me
He wondered what she'd say when she saw him? He wondered how she'd feel?
When he left her alone and cold and tear-stained in the parking lot that night three years ago, she was broken. He'd never seen his little firecracker of a boss lady so defeated.
He was ashamed that he did that to her.
He knew very well that he messed up. That he took all of the bad, broken darkness in him that she said she loved him in spite of and let it overwhelm the good in him. She said he didn't mean the things he said... That he didn't really hate her.
He said again and again that she was an idiot. That she was wrong. That she didn't know him if she thought he was ever going to forgive her.
Apparently she knew him better than he knew himself.
But he left her there alone anyway.
Would she ever be able to forgive him? Would she ever be able to accept him back into her life?
How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of mannequins, contaminating everything
We thought came from the heart
But never did right from the start
Just little to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember that it's just different from what you've seen
When the dreams of her started and the loneliness started, he was angry. He threw himself into the lifestyle he knew as a young man.
The glitz, the glamour, the easy money and the easier women.
It only lasted a few months before he realized he was kidding himself. He was far from the man he was then.
So he pulled out – much to the dismay of his new, rich "friends" who found him and his analyzing ways so charming – and he spend some time in some small, obscure town. But the life of a hermit wasn't for him either. He realized that the happiest he's been since his family's death was not in the spotlight, nor in the shadows. It was in the presence of the tiny little lady who stole his heart right from under his nose.
And after a fair deal of internal back-and-forth and inner turmoil, he finally bought the ticket to Sacramento.
I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
He started towards the door; his footsteps hesitant, his hands quivering and clammy at his sides.
"Oh, sorry." A man beat him to the door, offering a wide, charming smile as apology.
"No problem. After you." Jane said, allowing the man to walk through.
But something told him to stop there. After the man walked through, he stepped back from the door and back to the window.
His heart fell to his shoes.
He watched the man walk towards the booth he's been watching for the last few minutes, greet its occupants fondly, and give the woman he's been staring at a searing kiss on the lips. She stood up a moment later and waved goodbye to the team, stepping close to the mystery man so that his arm and wrap romantically around her waist. They walked out of the bar together, laughing together like couples in a new but established relationship often do.
He quickly slipped into an alleyway and hid himself behind the wall of the building while he watched them walk to her car. In the dim lighting of the bar's wall-lights, he caught a glimpse of a glistening silver ring on her left-hand finger.
She's engaged.
He's too late.
And it's the stars, the stars that smile at you
And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you
As they crossed the street to her SUV, he saw as her eye caught his light blue Citroen parked down the road.
For a moment he felt hope spark in him once again as the smile on her face fell. But when he saw the hurt that shone in her eyes and didn't fade, he resisted the urge to approach her.
He watched as she reached out for her mystery fiancé – obviously disturbed and hurt by the memory the blue car brought to her – and kiss him tenderly, finding obvious comfort in his embrace.
Watching the soft smile reappear on her face, he felt a stirring inside of him, despite of the heartache he felt for himself.
Despite the loss he felt watching her smile and laugh and be happy with another man, he was happy that she found this finally. Even if he couldn't be the man to give it to her.
He watched the car pull out of the parking space and drive in the opposite direction of her old apartment, he saw her looking out of the passenger window, up at the night sky.
And it's the stars, the stars that smile at you
And it's the stars, the stars that lie to you
She's changed.
She belongs to another now.
She's no longer there for him to overlook and underappreciate.
Now that he knows what he's been missing all along, she on the other side of the window. With someone else.
What did you think? I'm not all that confident in my songfics, so I'd love some feedback!
Much love, Zanny