Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 10 or Squaresoft, and all that other
legal jazz.
Random Insanity!
Act 1: FF 10 meets the computer
By Midnight
Note: This is my first fanfiction so no flames please. I'm not really expecting everyone to think its good though. But whatever it's first try. This is just the first act of a very long story about me and my peeps hanging with the FF 10 crew. This story may not make sense at all in some parts and the cast may be out of character, but hey it's supposed to be off the wall.
Chapter 1: Machina Blues
The cast of Final Fantasy 10 awoke in a dark room. There were computers everywhere, about 24 to be exact. But to them, they were just some item they didn't know how to use.
"Ohhh, m head." Said Yuna waking up from her drowsy state.
"Damn, that was weirder than going inside sin." Said Tidus.
"Where are we?" asked Auron.
Every one took notice of everything around them.
"AHHHHHHH! MACHINA!" exclaimed Wakka while jumping up and trying to run out the room.
"Stop your whining! You rode a damn airship around Spira, you weak religious freak!" hissed Rikku.
"Yeah, but its just too much and I.I cant stand machina! It's evil EVIL, ya. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!"
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN I'M GONNA TAKE THAT BLITZBALL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, YOU TWO BIT FLAMING HOMO!!!" shouted Lulu.
Wakka then curled up in the fetal position and quickly shut up.
"Thank you." Said Rikku.
Suddenly, the door opened. Three people walked in. One was a dark skinned, brown eyed, short-haired male who wore all black clothes. He had a suitcase with him. The other was a blonde-haired, white male wearing normal clothes and he too had a suitcase. Finally, the last person was a black-haired female wearing Goth clothes, with a piercing in her nose, belly button, and several in her left ear. She too had a suitcase.
"Whoa.what the hell?! ," The other young man said. "Man.I guess the experiment DID work."
"Yeah, and trashed the den while you were at it." Another man said.
"Wow, you actually built something that works.I guess you were paying attention in Engineering." The female said obviously surprised.
"Yeah right, you probably smoked some.Ow!(receives nudge to ribs by white guy)" the other guy said.
"I never expected to see them in the real.but since they're here we might as well proceed with the plan."
"What plan!? We never a plan you dumbass cuz we thought it wasn't gonna work!"
"So why did they materialize here though?"
"Who cares? They're here right. I mean it's not every day cool fantasy people pop out of thin air."
"So.lets have some fun with them."
They started laughing in a somewhat evil, but calculating manner.
"Who are you people?" asked Tidus.
"Us?" the woman started. " Well if you really want to know. This is Midnight, and this is my boyfriend Colin. I am Rachel. It is a pleasure to meet you."
"Yeah," Tidus began, "But what's with all the rings and everything? And those CLOTHES?! What the hell are you all wearing? It looks like you guys went shopping at the ugly clothes store in Spira."
"What?!!!" all three yelled.
Yuna nudged him in the arm.
"I think he means to ask you where are we?" she asked.
Midnight stepped up.
"Aight. We gonna break it down for you. We brought you here by mistake...but since you're here we might as well be hospitable. After we get through with you yall, you're never gonna want to go back that dumb-ass world you call Spira. Well, lets get started. The machines, or machina, (Wakka starts crying) as you call it in front of you is called a computer-"
"Wait a damn minute! How'd you bring us here?" Tidus said while getting up.
"I'm the author damn it! I can do whatever I want bitch so sit yo girly ass down!" said Midnight.
Tidus sat down.
"ANYWAY!" Colin started, "Lets get started. Trust me you are going to enjoy this. That is if you can understand it."
"It's always been a dream of ours to meet you guys. So, Colin built this crazy-ass device to divide-lets see if I can get this right- 'the space- time.(oh fuck it) thingie to bring you guys here." Said Rachel.
"Continuum! The word is Continuum! Jeez.you people need to pay attention in astrophysics.
"A pot head astrophysicist! That's just what the world needs right now." said Midnight sarcastically to Rachel.
"Well, I'm very flattered but I'm still a little confused." said Yuna,
"Don't ask. It's a VERY long story." Colin said.
"Very long my ass! You took smoked some weed and somehow made it out of a car battery, a baked potato, my ps2(grits his teeth while saying it) , some wire, a remote control and some Chloroform!" Midnight said.
"Shut up! Exnay on the weed-nay" he said quietly. "Whatever.So since we wanted to hang with you guys," said Midnight, "we wanted to 'civilize' you in our customs. So, let's begin."
To that end, the trio began to explain all of Earth's customs, ways of life, and history. Which took all of 15 minutes.
"That was short.Do you not keep up with your history?" asked Lulu.
"Yeah.we just didn't want it to take 2 hours.besides, most of it is shit anyway." Replied Rachel.
"Okay, now that you know the basics. It's time to learn how to use the most important thing on this planet, other than the bathroom and TV remote, the computer." Said Midnight.
This unfortunately, did not take 15 minutes, more like 4 hours. Here is a little of the chaos that occurred.
7 minutes into explanation.
"For the last time Wakka, MACHINA IS OKAY HERE! CATHOLICISM IS DEAD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A RELIGIOUS NUT ANYMORE!" shouted Colin.
"I can't handle it!" Wakka said.
"You can do it! Turn the computer on!" Said Rachel
"I can't!"
"You can't touch a simple button?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"Uhh.What does button mean again?"
"AHHHHHH!!!!! YOU DUMB FUCK!" She yelled in exasperation.
Rachel stormed out of the room.
What did you mean by Catholicism is dead.and what the hell does that have to do with machina?" said Midnight.
"Dude, do you watch South Park at all?" Colin replied.
20 minutes into explanation.
"You mean to tell me I have to touch a diseased animal to use this machina?!" shouted Yuna.
"Yuna, when I say mouse, it's not a real fucking mouse! It's just a computer tool used to drag a 'cursor' to the 'file' and select an 'function'." Said Colin.
She played around with the mouse, then hit shut down by mistake.
"You shut it off.ok, fine. All we have to do is just."
"SEND IT!" Yuna said.
"Oh hell no!" said Midnight.
Yuna performed the dance of the sending.
"You dumb broad! Its not alive!" yelled Midnight.
"Oh, But you said something about artificial intelligence."
"It's still not living! Computers can appear to have intelligence! If it didn't it wouldn't be artificial.but I will give you credit for pronouncing it right." Colin said.
"I did?"
"Well, that's now only three people we need to get Hooked on Phonics for." Midnight said.
1 hour into explanation.
"Okay, the topic at hand is the Internet." Said Midnight.
"Think of it as one big-ass library on the 'network' " said Colin.
"Okay, lets do it right this time."
5 minutes later.
Auron tried to get to a porn site(after hearing a comment by Colin about the subject) when the server went down.
"What? It won't work! I must get my Asian porn now!"
He tried frantically to get to the site, but to no avail. Angry, he attempted to destroy the rogue machine.
"SHOOTING STAR!!!"
"What the hell are you doing!!!"
Auron froze.
"Uh.I'm doing some.maintenance on this thing."
"Maintenance my ass! Do you have any idea how much these cost!?"
"No. Why would I? I just use them."
"Use them? You can't even turn the fucking computer on!" Midnight yelled.
"And?" Auron said.
"Oh my god." said Midnight annoyed.
"Why are you complaining? You're the one with the big-ass trust fund!" Colin snapped.
"If you bring that up one more time, I will kick your ass so hard, the sentient lifeforms in the Andromeda galaxy will hear it!" Midnight said in retort.
"Okay, Okay."
Hour and ½ into the explanation.
"Lulu, no offense, but you really do not need to look for clothes on Abercrombie.com for clothes sista." Said Rachel.
"Goth.com?"
Lulu was amazed at the fashion choices here.
"I am never going back to Spira." Said Yuna.
"I knew you'd like it."
"If Chappu saw me in that number, he would have fuc-"
"OKAY! Too much information, ya!" yelled Wakka.
Lulu proceeded to flip him off.
Unbeknownst to them, Yuna was already ordering some clothes from that very site.
2 hours into explanation.
"Wow!" said Midnight, "Rikku has successfully de-fragged her computer and installed an anti-virus program. Kick ass!"
"Thanks."
"Showoff!" Tidus yelled.
"Shut up, you fruit!" retorted Rikku.
"I AM NOT GAY!"
"Yes, you are." She said.
"Okay I am, but so what!" yelled Tidus.
"What?! You're gay! But.what about." Yuna stammered overhearing the conversation.
"Well.of course I'm gay! It took you that long to figure it out! If you were any dumber you'd need a helment! You should have figured that me Seymour did on the table in Macalania." (notices everyone is listening)
Yuna was stunned. She started twitching uncontrollably. Then she clutched her stomach. "I'm going to be sick."
"Umm. I don't think this was the time to come out the closet." said Lulu shaking her head.
"Ugh.you slept with that Guado trash?!" Rikku said shuttering and turning pale.
Auron got up. "I KNEW IT! Ha ha! Okay ante up Lulu." He said excited.
Lulu handed him 500 gil.
"You had a pool running on him? Damn, I wanted in!" said Colin.
Yuna couldn't take it anymore. She started gasping and then twitching again. She then ran for the garbage can and threw up in that very can.
"Thank god she was smart enough to find the garbage can." Said Rachel.
She then walked back to her computer, and threw up along the way.all over Tidus.
"Ew! Ew! Ew! I just bought these shoes!"
"From where? Payless?" Midnight said.
The three started snickering. The others didn't get it.
"Well at least I don't shop at the Negro Shack." He retorted.
"Oh no, the hell you didn't. You racist motherfucker!!" Midnight lunged at Tidus. He ran away screaming and crying. Everyone laughed, including Yuna before she had the urge to vomit again and none more so than Lulu, who was on the ground rolling around on the ground. The others tried to hold Midnight back.
"You lucky bitch. Well next time you say something like that, I'm going to put my foot so far up your ass the roof of your mouth is gonna say NIKE!" he said.
"Dear god.Where do you get these people Squaresoft?!" Rachel thought to herself.
Finally after a brutal 4 hours of discussion (and not suprisingly none from Kimarhi), the gang finally got the hang of it.
"That.was the most disgusting, moronic, and utterly ridiculous 4 hours of my life that.I WILL NEVER HAVE BACK!!!!!" yelled Midnight, "But, you pulled through, and now it is time to have a little fun."
"Ah yeah!" said Rachel.
"COUNTER-STRIKE!!!!!!" shouted Colin.
"OOOKAY.I'm sure the people in Iceland wanted to know that dude." Said Midnight.
"What is this Counter.Strike?" asked Auron.
All three laughed evilly.
Random Insanity!
Act 1: FF 10 meets the computer
By Midnight
Note: This is my first fanfiction so no flames please. I'm not really expecting everyone to think its good though. But whatever it's first try. This is just the first act of a very long story about me and my peeps hanging with the FF 10 crew. This story may not make sense at all in some parts and the cast may be out of character, but hey it's supposed to be off the wall.
Chapter 1: Machina Blues
The cast of Final Fantasy 10 awoke in a dark room. There were computers everywhere, about 24 to be exact. But to them, they were just some item they didn't know how to use.
"Ohhh, m head." Said Yuna waking up from her drowsy state.
"Damn, that was weirder than going inside sin." Said Tidus.
"Where are we?" asked Auron.
Every one took notice of everything around them.
"AHHHHHHH! MACHINA!" exclaimed Wakka while jumping up and trying to run out the room.
"Stop your whining! You rode a damn airship around Spira, you weak religious freak!" hissed Rikku.
"Yeah, but its just too much and I.I cant stand machina! It's evil EVIL, ya. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!"
"IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN I'M GONNA TAKE THAT BLITZBALL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, YOU TWO BIT FLAMING HOMO!!!" shouted Lulu.
Wakka then curled up in the fetal position and quickly shut up.
"Thank you." Said Rikku.
Suddenly, the door opened. Three people walked in. One was a dark skinned, brown eyed, short-haired male who wore all black clothes. He had a suitcase with him. The other was a blonde-haired, white male wearing normal clothes and he too had a suitcase. Finally, the last person was a black-haired female wearing Goth clothes, with a piercing in her nose, belly button, and several in her left ear. She too had a suitcase.
"Whoa.what the hell?! ," The other young man said. "Man.I guess the experiment DID work."
"Yeah, and trashed the den while you were at it." Another man said.
"Wow, you actually built something that works.I guess you were paying attention in Engineering." The female said obviously surprised.
"Yeah right, you probably smoked some.Ow!(receives nudge to ribs by white guy)" the other guy said.
"I never expected to see them in the real.but since they're here we might as well proceed with the plan."
"What plan!? We never a plan you dumbass cuz we thought it wasn't gonna work!"
"So why did they materialize here though?"
"Who cares? They're here right. I mean it's not every day cool fantasy people pop out of thin air."
"So.lets have some fun with them."
They started laughing in a somewhat evil, but calculating manner.
"Who are you people?" asked Tidus.
"Us?" the woman started. " Well if you really want to know. This is Midnight, and this is my boyfriend Colin. I am Rachel. It is a pleasure to meet you."
"Yeah," Tidus began, "But what's with all the rings and everything? And those CLOTHES?! What the hell are you all wearing? It looks like you guys went shopping at the ugly clothes store in Spira."
"What?!!!" all three yelled.
Yuna nudged him in the arm.
"I think he means to ask you where are we?" she asked.
Midnight stepped up.
"Aight. We gonna break it down for you. We brought you here by mistake...but since you're here we might as well be hospitable. After we get through with you yall, you're never gonna want to go back that dumb-ass world you call Spira. Well, lets get started. The machines, or machina, (Wakka starts crying) as you call it in front of you is called a computer-"
"Wait a damn minute! How'd you bring us here?" Tidus said while getting up.
"I'm the author damn it! I can do whatever I want bitch so sit yo girly ass down!" said Midnight.
Tidus sat down.
"ANYWAY!" Colin started, "Lets get started. Trust me you are going to enjoy this. That is if you can understand it."
"It's always been a dream of ours to meet you guys. So, Colin built this crazy-ass device to divide-lets see if I can get this right- 'the space- time.(oh fuck it) thingie to bring you guys here." Said Rachel.
"Continuum! The word is Continuum! Jeez.you people need to pay attention in astrophysics.
"A pot head astrophysicist! That's just what the world needs right now." said Midnight sarcastically to Rachel.
"Well, I'm very flattered but I'm still a little confused." said Yuna,
"Don't ask. It's a VERY long story." Colin said.
"Very long my ass! You took smoked some weed and somehow made it out of a car battery, a baked potato, my ps2(grits his teeth while saying it) , some wire, a remote control and some Chloroform!" Midnight said.
"Shut up! Exnay on the weed-nay" he said quietly. "Whatever.So since we wanted to hang with you guys," said Midnight, "we wanted to 'civilize' you in our customs. So, let's begin."
To that end, the trio began to explain all of Earth's customs, ways of life, and history. Which took all of 15 minutes.
"That was short.Do you not keep up with your history?" asked Lulu.
"Yeah.we just didn't want it to take 2 hours.besides, most of it is shit anyway." Replied Rachel.
"Okay, now that you know the basics. It's time to learn how to use the most important thing on this planet, other than the bathroom and TV remote, the computer." Said Midnight.
This unfortunately, did not take 15 minutes, more like 4 hours. Here is a little of the chaos that occurred.
7 minutes into explanation.
"For the last time Wakka, MACHINA IS OKAY HERE! CATHOLICISM IS DEAD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A RELIGIOUS NUT ANYMORE!" shouted Colin.
"I can't handle it!" Wakka said.
"You can do it! Turn the computer on!" Said Rachel
"I can't!"
"You can't touch a simple button?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"Uhh.What does button mean again?"
"AHHHHHH!!!!! YOU DUMB FUCK!" She yelled in exasperation.
Rachel stormed out of the room.
What did you mean by Catholicism is dead.and what the hell does that have to do with machina?" said Midnight.
"Dude, do you watch South Park at all?" Colin replied.
20 minutes into explanation.
"You mean to tell me I have to touch a diseased animal to use this machina?!" shouted Yuna.
"Yuna, when I say mouse, it's not a real fucking mouse! It's just a computer tool used to drag a 'cursor' to the 'file' and select an 'function'." Said Colin.
She played around with the mouse, then hit shut down by mistake.
"You shut it off.ok, fine. All we have to do is just."
"SEND IT!" Yuna said.
"Oh hell no!" said Midnight.
Yuna performed the dance of the sending.
"You dumb broad! Its not alive!" yelled Midnight.
"Oh, But you said something about artificial intelligence."
"It's still not living! Computers can appear to have intelligence! If it didn't it wouldn't be artificial.but I will give you credit for pronouncing it right." Colin said.
"I did?"
"Well, that's now only three people we need to get Hooked on Phonics for." Midnight said.
1 hour into explanation.
"Okay, the topic at hand is the Internet." Said Midnight.
"Think of it as one big-ass library on the 'network' " said Colin.
"Okay, lets do it right this time."
5 minutes later.
Auron tried to get to a porn site(after hearing a comment by Colin about the subject) when the server went down.
"What? It won't work! I must get my Asian porn now!"
He tried frantically to get to the site, but to no avail. Angry, he attempted to destroy the rogue machine.
"SHOOTING STAR!!!"
"What the hell are you doing!!!"
Auron froze.
"Uh.I'm doing some.maintenance on this thing."
"Maintenance my ass! Do you have any idea how much these cost!?"
"No. Why would I? I just use them."
"Use them? You can't even turn the fucking computer on!" Midnight yelled.
"And?" Auron said.
"Oh my god." said Midnight annoyed.
"Why are you complaining? You're the one with the big-ass trust fund!" Colin snapped.
"If you bring that up one more time, I will kick your ass so hard, the sentient lifeforms in the Andromeda galaxy will hear it!" Midnight said in retort.
"Okay, Okay."
Hour and ½ into the explanation.
"Lulu, no offense, but you really do not need to look for clothes on Abercrombie.com for clothes sista." Said Rachel.
"Goth.com?"
Lulu was amazed at the fashion choices here.
"I am never going back to Spira." Said Yuna.
"I knew you'd like it."
"If Chappu saw me in that number, he would have fuc-"
"OKAY! Too much information, ya!" yelled Wakka.
Lulu proceeded to flip him off.
Unbeknownst to them, Yuna was already ordering some clothes from that very site.
2 hours into explanation.
"Wow!" said Midnight, "Rikku has successfully de-fragged her computer and installed an anti-virus program. Kick ass!"
"Thanks."
"Showoff!" Tidus yelled.
"Shut up, you fruit!" retorted Rikku.
"I AM NOT GAY!"
"Yes, you are." She said.
"Okay I am, but so what!" yelled Tidus.
"What?! You're gay! But.what about." Yuna stammered overhearing the conversation.
"Well.of course I'm gay! It took you that long to figure it out! If you were any dumber you'd need a helment! You should have figured that me Seymour did on the table in Macalania." (notices everyone is listening)
Yuna was stunned. She started twitching uncontrollably. Then she clutched her stomach. "I'm going to be sick."
"Umm. I don't think this was the time to come out the closet." said Lulu shaking her head.
"Ugh.you slept with that Guado trash?!" Rikku said shuttering and turning pale.
Auron got up. "I KNEW IT! Ha ha! Okay ante up Lulu." He said excited.
Lulu handed him 500 gil.
"You had a pool running on him? Damn, I wanted in!" said Colin.
Yuna couldn't take it anymore. She started gasping and then twitching again. She then ran for the garbage can and threw up in that very can.
"Thank god she was smart enough to find the garbage can." Said Rachel.
She then walked back to her computer, and threw up along the way.all over Tidus.
"Ew! Ew! Ew! I just bought these shoes!"
"From where? Payless?" Midnight said.
The three started snickering. The others didn't get it.
"Well at least I don't shop at the Negro Shack." He retorted.
"Oh no, the hell you didn't. You racist motherfucker!!" Midnight lunged at Tidus. He ran away screaming and crying. Everyone laughed, including Yuna before she had the urge to vomit again and none more so than Lulu, who was on the ground rolling around on the ground. The others tried to hold Midnight back.
"You lucky bitch. Well next time you say something like that, I'm going to put my foot so far up your ass the roof of your mouth is gonna say NIKE!" he said.
"Dear god.Where do you get these people Squaresoft?!" Rachel thought to herself.
Finally after a brutal 4 hours of discussion (and not suprisingly none from Kimarhi), the gang finally got the hang of it.
"That.was the most disgusting, moronic, and utterly ridiculous 4 hours of my life that.I WILL NEVER HAVE BACK!!!!!" yelled Midnight, "But, you pulled through, and now it is time to have a little fun."
"Ah yeah!" said Rachel.
"COUNTER-STRIKE!!!!!!" shouted Colin.
"OOOKAY.I'm sure the people in Iceland wanted to know that dude." Said Midnight.
"What is this Counter.Strike?" asked Auron.
All three laughed evilly.