(A/N) Another new story. This one is going to be a lot of separate drabbles. I'm thinking of going up to 50, but if I can't manage that, then I'll stick with whatever number I think is best. I have NO beta. Please excuse mistakes. I DO NOT own Harry Potter or the songs I use. The title is from an Ingrid Michaelson song: A Bird's Song. Listen to it, it's excellent!
This first drabble is Severus/Lily (one-sided), but I am very willing to take requests. I will write basically anything: slash, het, femslash, etc. I'm going to take pairings, and put a song to them, as a little inspiration.
I recommend listening to all the songs I use, because they're all awesome.
As Much As You Lead - Lex Land
Love was a strange thing. Severus didn't think he liked it very much. It was painful. He had seen what it had done to his mother and father. He had seen how it had torn apart his mother, and how it turned his father into a raging drunk. Drinking because he beat his wife, beating his wife because he drank. Severus had seen the bruises on her face.
Once, Severus had asked his mother why she stayed, when his father was so cruel. He remembered it well. He had been four. She was baking an apple pie, humming merrily, and wearing a red chequered apron. He noticed how she was favouring her left foot, and had recalled that the night before, Father had pushed her down.
He had yanked on her apron and asked her the question. She had looked down at him, smiling tiredly, and said, "I love him." He had not understood how she could love such a hateful man, and she wouldn't say anything more on the subject.
He understood now. He knew that no matter what, he could never leave Lily. He would never give her up. She could try to kill him, and he would still love her. He would walk the end of the earth and back for her. He would do anything to make her happy. But she didn't want him. They were friends, and that was all. It hurt. He wanted her to realise he was everything she wanted. He would worship her, and love her until he died. Lily was his whole world.
He knew that he was too young to be so certain, but he also knew that this was no passing fancy. Severus had loved Lily since the day she had flown out of that swing, and made a flower open and close. He loved her then, even though he didn't recognise the emotion.
He would always follow her, hoping, waiting, wishing that one day she would return his affections. He knew, deep in his heart, he didn't have a chance. She had said on more then one occasion that she considered him her brother. He had smiled at her and said that he felt the same.
Severus sat in the library, brooding over his pathetic love life. He wondered if he would be able to make her jealous by dating Helen Zabini. He was making a pros and cons list when Lily came over and sat next to him. It was the weekend, so she was wearing a maroon muggle dress. She looked beautiful.
"What's that?" she enquired, nodding toward the sheet. Severus looked up, feigning nonchalance, but covering it slightly with his hand.
"Just a short outline for an essay in Divination; we have to discuss the pros and cons of using herbal candles while Tarot reading." He said it easily: she didn't take Divination. Lily nodded, accepting the answer. He put away the list before she could read any of it.
"Sev?" she asked, hesitantly. He looked at her. It was unlike Lily to be timid. Her green eyes were looking at him, searchingly. She seemed concerned, and a little worried.
"Yeah?" He watched her. Were his dreams finally coming true? Was she going to tell him what he'd always wanted to hear?
"Why don't you have a girlfriend? We're in our sixth year, and you've never had a girlfriend. You should get one, Sev. It would be good for you to have another female presence around, besides me." He stared at her, agape. Out of all the things she could have asked him, she went with...this.
"Why do you suddenly care?" Severus said, rather snappily. She had never talked about this before. Once she had asked him if he liked anyone, but he had told her no, and that had been that. Lily looked uncomfortable, twisting her hands in her lap.
"The thing is," she began, pausing for a moment before taking a breath and continuing, "the thing is, Sev, Gideon Prewett asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him, and... I said yes." He looked at her. She wasn't smiling, so she was serious. He needed to get away.
"That's great, Lily. I'm happy for you," he said, emotionlessly, "I've got to go do something in my common room now. Goodbye." Severus picked up his bag and left the library without a backward glance.
He didn't make it to the common room. Instead, he just closed the door to an empty classroom and broke down. He could never be better than Gideon Prewett. Gideon was handsome, funny, caring, and most importantly, a Gryffindor. Severus had no chance.
That was when Severus gave up entirely. Lily would never love him the way he loved her. But he would love her forever. Until the day he died.
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