Title: Valentine's Day
Rating: PG? I don't know. There is one bad word though these days, I hardly think anyone is offended by this word anymore.
Genre: mostly humor, a teensy bit dramatic in one or two places
Disclaimer: I don't own PB and I'm not making any money off this. I'm just a poor law student.

Summary: It's Valentine's Day at Fox River and the inmates have valentines. What messages will Michael receive from his so-called loved ones? (Like my last fic, this is just something that's supposed to be funny and in a couple of places, kind of sad. I get that it's way past February and no prison would let its inmates give each other cards with flowers and hearts. That's not the point of this piece; it's just something that's supposed to be mostly silly). Feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated.

Additional note: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my knitting fic. I even got a request for a sequel! I did write one but honestly, I don't like it so instead of posting that, I'd rather write this first. Maybe I'll edit and post the sequel some other time.

Valentine's Day

Michael had never liked Valentine's Day, or as he called it, "Let's make single people feel miserable day." Unfortunately, Warden Pope didn't feel the same way (and what else would one expect from the builder of the schmaltzy Popsicle Palace?) He actually had the ridiculous idea of letting the prisoners exchange and get valentine cards from the outside world. Gag. What would the Warden think of next, an inmate prom? Michael rolled his eyes over the thought of the Trannie campaigning for prom queen.

"Scofield!" snarled Bellick's familiar growl. "You got valentines." Bellick dropped a small sack in front of Michael's bunk and left.

Michael blinked. He had gotten valentines? He dumped the sack of valentines onto his bunk and rifled through the cards. All the cards proclaimed "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!" in bright fuschia letters; underneath, each card had a personal message from the sender. Some of them were from prisoners he'd never even heard of. But there were some messages from familiar faces:

"Happy Valentine's Day, cellie! Hey, do you think once we break out you could give Maricruz away at our wedding? I'd ask her mama but I think she's still mad at me for the whole getting- her-daughter-pregnant thing.
BFF,
Sucre"

"Contrary to what you may have heard in junior high, Pretty, playing hard to get ain't gonna get you nothing, know what I'm sayin'? So quit it 'cause I know you want me.
Love and kisses,
T-Bag"

"Dear college boy,
If this plan of yours don't work, I'm gonna bitch-slap you back to Harvard. Happy Valentine's Day.
C-Note"

"Dear Michael,
I just wanted to thank you for giving me the chance to see my daughter. I don't know if I'll make it to her before she dies so there's something I want you to know. I've hidden the money in a safe-deposit box at a location I'll disclose to you later when we're alone. If something should happen to me, I want you to have the money.
Sincerely,
Westmoreland"

"Hey hotshot,
I'm only writing this 'cause Pope is making me give cards to you criminals in A-wing. I swear if you tell ANYONE I gave you a valentine, you'll not only have a toe deficit but also a finger one.
Bellick
PS: If you're still alive after your sentence is up, you think you could help me build my Lego Hogwarts Castle? I've tried the damn thing 5 times and it still won't come out right!"

"Dear Michael,
THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN CENSORED IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PRISONER HANDBOOK CODE 404 SECTION (1)(D)(2) DUE TO HEAVILY SUGGESTIVE LANGUAGE. PRISONER MAY NOT READ, SEE OR HEAR THE REMOVED TEXT, EXCEPT FOR THE TEXT FOUND INOFFENSIVE TO THIS CODE:
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOO
Dr. Tancredi, I mean Sara...Mike+Sara 4-ever!"

"Dear Michael,
Thank you for helping me rebuild the Taj Mahal. I'm sure my wife will love it. I really don't understand why you're in Fox River, son, but please know that this is a sign that you can redeem yourself. Don't ever forget that.
Warden Pope"

"Dear Michael,
I don't wanna get too mushy so, um, thanks for the whole getting thrown in here to save me thing. I appreciate it. By the way, if we ever make it out of here though, you are SO grounded!
Your big brother,
Linc a.k.a. the Sink
PS: Isn't my nickname cool?  :)"

"Dear Michael,
I'm still working on getting the conspiracy revealed so it's going to be a while. LJ is fine if you don't count the whole getting-caught-trying-to-kill-that-jerk-and-getting-arrested-for- murder-and-attempted-murder-thing. I'll be in touch.
Veronica
PS: So does Lincoln ever talk about me?"

"Yo fish,
Enclosed please find a bill for $19.95 deducted from my PI account for the burnt guard's shirt. I accept cash, checks or money orders but please, no CODs.
Manche"

"Dear dead meat,
Just because we're sworn enemies and trying to get your brother killed for a crime he didn't commit doesn't mean we don't wish you a Happy Valentine's Day! By the way, you and your entire family are still dead meat.
Love,
Paul Kellerman, I mean, Owen Kravecki and
Caroline Reynolds, I mean, The Evil VP

PS: Please RSVP by using the enclosed card if you'd like to come to our engagement party. Gifts are appreciated. We're registered at Pottery Barn and Pier One."