iFake Date
"And now apple sauce!" Carly announced up in the studio. She tipped the contents of the apple sauce into a bowl full of different food and creams.
"And that's how you make…." Sam started.
"Squisha Ma Gibblet!" they said together. Sam clicked the applause button.
"Now tune in next week when we interview the Chicken man!"
"Not to be confused with the Rooster boy down in 7 G, he just likes flaps his arms for no reason." They both began to flap their arms around while clucking.
"We're clear!" Freddie put his camera down, "Good show ladies."
"Thanks," they said.
"Duh da da da duh da da da duh!" came Spencer's loud voice. He burst into the studio and was doing a dance similar to the Firecracker.
"What's up with you?" Carly chuckled.
"I was just down at Sprinkler's Spawn-"
"The place that sells pinecones?" asked Freddie.
"Yeah that one…and you know the check out girl Chrissy?"
"Crippled Chrissy fron 6 H?" Sam said.
"No Kissy Chrissy she just asked me out on a date!"
"Why'd she say yes to you she's hot?" Sam asked bewildered.
"I have no idea!" Spencer waved his hands up as he said it. "Anyway no time to chat I need to scrub my ears, bake a pie, and get a purple tie!" The three kids just looked at one another grinning.
"Come on go out with me!" a tall bulky boy was saying to Sam the next day in the hallway.
"I said no so leave me alone unless you want a black eye!" she said frustrated.
"I love when you get fiesty."
"Fiesty? FIESTY?" she said dumbstruck.
"Just one date!" he pleaded. "It's not like your seeing anyone."
"I-I am," she said matter of factly.
"I think your lying."
"I'm not he's right…there!" she proclaimed seeing Freddie coming down the stairs.
"Yeah right he's definitely not your type."
"Oh and you are?"
"Yeah."
"Hey!" Sam greeted going over to Freddie.
"Hey." he said absentmindedly checking his pearpod.
"Aren't you going to give me a hug?" she said sweetly.
"What?" he sai blankly almost dropping his phone.
"Do it he's watching us," she said out of the corner of her mouth.
"Who?"
"Toby."
"But why's Toby"
"Just do it!" she whispered urgently interupting him.
"Right um…." He awkwardly out his hands around her. It had to be the weirdest embrace in history. Toby rolled his eyes and walked away.
"That was close you almost ruined it," Sam sighed relieved.
"Ruined what?"
"I may have told him you're my boyfriend." Looking away quickly.
"You what? Are you nuts we'll never pull that off?"
"We have to the kid won't stop asking me out!"
"Well-Well-Well whatever!" he stuttered. "I guess I'll fake date you."
"Good," she sighed.
Later on that evening Carly came through the door looking glum.
"Hey Spence." She said putting her bag down.
"What's wrong with you?"
"I went down to Build-A-Bra to see if they were hiring and they said I need to go push a plug."
"Wait why do you need a job?"
"So I can start saving up for a car."
"Okay and what does pushing a plug mean?"
"You know I don't know?" she said confused.
"Oh I have to tell you how my date went!"
"Oh yeah how'd it go?"
"The best date in the world! There's nothing she can't do!"
"Even ride a horse sideways?"
"ANYTHING!"
Carly laughed as the door opened once more. Sam and Freddie came in looking livid.
"That was horrible!" Freddie exclaimed.
"I know!" Sam whined.
"Hey what happened to you guys I waited?"
They both burst into the story immediately and by the time they finished Carly looked awestruck and Spencer was trying not to smile.
"Wait so you two are fake dating?" Carly asked as if she hadn't registered any of it.
"Yep." Sam said simply.
"Pretty much." Freddie said making some juice in the kitchen.
Carly started to snicker, which turned into a laughing fit.
"Stop laughin!" Freddie shouted.
"I'm sorry it's just…you two?"
"It's not funny!"
"Yeah it is!" Spencer spoke up now smiling hugely. "It's actually pretty cute!"
Sam and Freddie exchanged looks of outrage. That night in the Shay's kitchen Spencer and Chrissy sat eating what appeared to be lamb chops.
"You know it's so nice to get some real food," Chrissy admired.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I mean my husband has never cooked anything this good."
"Your-your-your-your husband?" he whispered unbelievingly.
"Mhmmm."
"You're married?" he said smally.
"Yeah and I'm so glad I have you to lean on," she touched his nose.
"I'm not sure this'll work!" he said suddenly jumping from his chair.
"What do you-?" she was stopped by the hammering of the door. Spencer went to open it, but before he could the door smashed to the floor.
"Chrissy get your pompous home right now!" said a large beefy man with a deep voice.
"No Monty I'm with Spencer now!" she grabbed Spancer's arm.
"No no no no no," he said trying to shake her off.
"Oh so you're the problem!" he growled pointing to Spencer.
"No you see she didn't tell me-"he was cut short by the mans hard fist crushing against his face.
"Monty how could you?"
"Come on baby come back home where you belong. I miss you honey bunch."
"Oh Monty!" hugging him dramatically.
"Have a great night!" Spencer cried in pain clutching his cheek. Monty picked up Chrissy and left.
"Quick put your arm around me!" Sam told Freddie the next morning. Freddie put his arm around her waist.
"Not there!" she swung his arm over her shoulder instead. Toby glowered at them as he passed. Sam sighed deeply and put her head on the lockers.
"How long do we have to do this?" also sighing.
"Just until he quits spooking around." The bell rang after she said this.
"Hey," Toby called bfore they could head to class. "Rumor has it you two can't stand each other."
"Well that's the thing about rumors there just rumors."
"Oh really? How long have you been dating?"
"Three months and two days." Freddie said smartly.
"What's her favorite color?"
"Brown."
"What's her favorite book?"
"The Penny Treasure."
"Oh yeah well if you two are dating then…kiss." He said smugly.
"Huh?" they both said blankly.
"You heard me kiss."
Sam and Freddie just looked at one another.
"I knew it you're just faking!"
"Fine we'll kiss!" Sam forced.
"What?" Freddie and Toby both asked shocked.
"Just kiss me, sweetie," she added with no conviction.
"Ugh right kiss you…Here I go." He still hadn't moved though. After a few seconds they moved closer. Just as they could feel the others hot breath Sam tugged at Freddie's collar and pulled him to her. They kissed and Sam daringly wrapped her arms around hisneck.
"Okay I get it I won't bother you anymore!" Toby screamed disgusted.
His booming outburst brought them back to reality. They broke apart.
"W-We did it." Freddie informed quietly. He was gazing down at her as she did the same.
"Did what?" she asked still in a trance.
"I said we did it he's gone."
"Oh…Thank god! I didn't hink he'd ever leave!" She said turning into her old self. They knuckle touched.
"You know for a moment it actually seemed like you wanted to kiss me."
"Yeah, right."
"The way you pulled me forward at the last second."
"Well we had to make it look convincing."
"Right mhmm." They just stood there for a minute nodding.
"You wanna try again?" Sam questioned casually.
"Please?" Freddie asid and they ran forward and started to kiss once more. They didn't pull away until they heard the bell ring against their eardrums.
Later on that day Carly went to open her apartment door, but noticed the empty doorway and walked in strangely as if an invisible door was going to be there.
"Uh, watcha been doin?" Carly asked. Spencer didn't respond as he layed on the couch.
"You want to tell me what happened to our door? She gestured.
"It fell down."
"Fell down?"
"Yeah it was just standing there and…." He made a clicking sound with his fingers. Carly went over to him and gasped in horror when she seen his left cheek.
"Spencer what happen?"
"Oh nothing I was just babysitting baby Chang." He lied.
"Baby Chang and his parents moved six years ago! Spencer I'm serious what happened?"
"Alright! You know Chrissy?"
"Yeah."
"We were having dinner and her husband rudely interupted us."
"Her what?"
"I had the same reaction. Her husband broke down the door, squared me in the face, and took Chrissy home."
"Ah sorry, but there had to be something wrong with her amyway. I mean who rides a horse sideways?"
"Yeah I guess. So how's the fake dating go?"
"I don't know I haven't seen them all day I'll text Sam."
Back in the hallway on the floor below Sam's phone started to buzz. She ignored this completely and continued to kiss Freddie as he did the same.
"Hmm that's weird. Oh well they can'thave gotten to far." Carly shrugged.
Back in the hallway Gibby was turning a corner and screamed as he witnessed Sam and Freddie in a moment. Sam put her hand over his mouth and Freddie held his arms back.
"If you tell anyone what you just seen you are so dead!"
"Especially Carly she'd freak!" Freddie added. Gibby tried to speak, but his sounds were muffled. Sam pulled her hand away.
"What are you guys doing?" he whispered in shock. "You hate each other what was that-"He starts making kissy faces. "About?"
"Just don't say anything promise?"
"Okay I promise." He starts walking away and turns his head back. "And I thought I was the weird one."