A/N: I hope you all enjoy this...I really hope you do.
"KILLUA, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" yelled Gon, waking up the whole apartment.
"What the hell is going on in here, we are going to get noise complaint again?" Leario said, walking in the room without knocking. He sees Killua and what he saw on the screen. "Killua...is that, fuck, what's that show called?"
"One Punch Man?"
"Yea, that's it! I just started watching it like a day ago."
"Nice, where are you at?"
"It's when the Sea King fucks everyone up haha,"
"How many episodes have you seen with the Sea King in it,"
"Just one, after Puri Puri Prisoner fights him and OPM gets the call,"
"Ah, so you saw his Angel Rush move?"
"Angel Rush?"
"You know," Killua said, pulling up an image to spark Leorio's memory.
"Ahhhh, oh my god, what the hell is he?"
"The sexiest class S hero in the entire show,"
"What are you, fucking gay?"
"Fuck you Leorio, just because I could appreciate someone's sexual attractiveness, that doesn't mean that I'm sexually attracted to it,"
"I'm just messing with you, little child," Leorio laughed, rubbing Killua's hair. "Anyway, what was all of the rucous, we are going to get noise complaints if you two keep it up,"
"Killua was looking up some fucked shit Leario, and he was um," Gon started, trying to explain what he just saw.
"You mean this," Killua said pulling up two girls and one cup.
"...Gon, everyone I know seen this, even Kurapika. How the hell does this scare you, pussy,"
"Ewwww, why?! This is even worse! I'm gonna be si-,"
Gon vomited all over the floor like that ipecac drinking contest scene from Family Guy for the last piece of pie and they all vomited and everyone's like vomiting and shit and everyone's freaking the fuck out and shit and Louis walks in like "who wants chowda" and everyone's like "BWWWAAAHHHH!"
"Killua...I-I, have trouble seeing," Gon said, wobbling around like if he was high smoking a shit ton of weed with Ziggy Marley and Bernie Sanders
"What's going on with you Gon?" Killua said, as Leorio checks Gon's condition.
"I'm going to get my first aid kit! Killua, look at Gon for me,"
"Right!"
"What is all this noise?" Kurapika asked.
"My senses, they're changing, I'm seein tings nd stuffnss n wu, wu..."
"...wait, I seen this before," Kurpaika said, as Gon's aura started going up constantly to unprecedented levels.
"What's happening to Gon?" Killua asked, as Kurapika walked to the other side of the room to stare at the wall.
Just staring at the wall, idk, his parents are dead, what did you expect?
"It's Gon, he's starting to go back to his ultimate form, one that transcends all sense of humanity. It's a supernatural phenomenon that will be revealed to all of the new comers of his following, a niche following, but a following that follows the divine being that will appear before your very eyes." Kurapika said, making his words one with all of the Kurta prophets that lived and died before him.
Killua started seeing colors beyond the spectrum at the result of Gon's unnatural power spike.
"I see it now, these colors, I never seen them before. I don't know what is going on, but something is happening," Killua whispered, as his body started to shake in anticipation.
Everyone's aura in the room combined into one entity, as the ball of energy started to consume many items in its site. It was like a mini black hole, becoming every powerful and seemed like it would blow up and spiral out of control.
Small, slithery stripes of Nen started to leak out of the orb of every color imaginable and unimaginable by mankind. The scene was perplexing, anyone who feasted their eyes on the site would have mixed feelings of chilling excitement and disturbing joy co-existing in each of their minds. This phenomenon before their very eyes transcended the wonder and grand proportion of anything that anyone in that room ever seen in their lives up to this point. Spiraling violently, the orb then started to crash all over the walls for a few, intense seconds, before choosing the vessel in which it chose to be in.
With that, it started to gravitate to Gon, to be taken in by Gon, and to become one with Gon.
As Gon was becoming the one divine being, Kurapika and Killua started to lose control of their bodies and started doing a tribal dance; one with very strange movements that would make any sane person shake their heads in confusion at the site.
Leorio walked into the room, and wondered the hell was going on in here. Also, why the hell was Eric Andre in the back of the room dry humping a rubber chicken with Hisoka's face on it.
Weird.
"Leorio...those medicines look poisonousing, they look dangerous to the eco comedy, is that what they is up in these streets of Compton nigga?" Kurapika mumbled, eating a bunch of Cheetos he found on the floor.
"Ayo Busta, behind ya ass!" Killua (now at his alter ego, "q-tip") yelled at Kurpaika (who is now Busta Rhymes for this line of dialogue) dodging a bunch of nen bullets
"Thanks man, you the realist nigga i fucking know,"
"Hell yeah bitch!" Tip responded, as Bustrapika Rye-Kurta responded with a prayer that his Kutra and African American brethren used to recite at ceremonial gatherings..
"My rhymes create life like the birds and the bees
Make Funk-Master Flex say yo I'm feeling these
Flows make you shit in your drawers
Change your dungarees
Smoking trees, getting cottonmouth, wild munches
Bowed down the block eating food at Luigi's
Constipated, too much extra cheese
Well anyway, while I was cooling down at Luigi's
I met some Siamese twins from overseas, Lebanese
Let's begin with the friends from New Orleans
(improv) And let's hear it from the mother fucking ill vibe, tip, ya check it
(16 beat instrumental break)
I caught that I'll vibe Tip (word Bust?) yo yo word
That I'll vibe Tip (word Bust?) yo yo word
Cause when I'm in the place you know my shit be absurd
(I caught that I'll vibe Bust) Word Tip? (yo yo word)
FUCKING ILL VIBE TIP!"
Kuarpika finished his prayer, throwing a gang sign, and started to twerk like a really bad, rachet hoe for no fucking reason. Killua wanted his ass, but instead of twerking on dick, Kurapika started twerking on the wall because, you know, dead parents and all.
And then a bunch of snakes started to creep up on Kurapika, dangerously approaching him.
"Watch out Kurap, those are snakes. These snakes have poison in them, like me..." Gon said, approaching Leorio menacingly.
"You guys, did you all become retarded while I was gon-,"
"I'm Gon! But now, I'm a snake," Gon said, transforming into his final form.
"Snake-Gon!" Kurapika exclaimed, moving towards Leorio as well.
"Snake...Gon?" Leorio asked, as the three pinned him down on the floor to start the ritual.
"Snake-Gon! Gon has transformed before our very eyes. Achieving new levels of power never before seen, amazing," Kurapika said, witnessing the power of Snake Gon before his very eyes.
Then Killua and Kurapika started a "Snake-Gon" chant as they went on with the ceremony.
"...my bite is the sting of death...my trail has singled your demise...I flap my scaly wings heaven-bound... ," Gon started, as his disciples started to un-zip Leorio's pants.
"Wait, the fuck?!"
"We are preparing you for circumcision, so we could add you to our cult, you silly goose," Killua swooned, all of a sudden becoming flamboyantly gay.
"Once we finished this procedure, you will become one of us, and you will become a disciple of the Snake!" Kurpika proclaimed.
"I doubt neither of you are circumcised, why am I getting circumcised?"
"As a Kurta, it is tradition that every newborn becomes circumcised,"
"I got circumcised by Illumi when I was 10 as part of my training...so hot,"
"What about Gon?! He isn't circumcised, I bet he doesn't even know what circumcision is!"
"Silly Leorio, it wouldn't matter. He's the leader, he doesn't even need to follow his own bitch-ass rules. And by the way, he isn't circumcised, I know that for sure," Killua said, taking Leorio's switched blade from his coat pocket and handing it to Gon.
"...Is this necessary, seriously, what the fu-AAHH," Leorio yelled, as he felt the knife slightly pierce his dick and the "Snake-Gon" chant returned.
Gon was only testing the sharpness of the blade, as he started to wind up his arm to cut deeper and perform the procedure, the "Snake-Gon" chat returning louder than ever.
"THE SNAKES, THEY CALL TO ME, THEY NEED MY GUIDENCE, A NEW MASTER, AS THE HEAD OF THIS NEWLY ESTABLISHED, BLESSED CULT, I HEAD THIER CALLL!" Gon yelled, as he was swinging the knife downwards towards Leorio's crotch.
But he stopped a little over half way, as the chanting was halted.
"Babe, why did you stop?"
"Because...he doesn't deserve it, he's too clean," Gon said, as Kurapika went on all-fours.
"Oh great one, is there anything that we could do for you?"
"No! You two have done great, it's just that Leorio's too clean for this initiation. Looking back at his deeds, I claim him worthy based on his deeds alone. But, if this ceremony doesn't happen in the next five minutes, my power will be depleted,"
"Great one, is there anything that we could do for you? Is my life exchangeable for your power?" Kurapika offered, taking out one of his katanas and holding it to his throat.
"That won't be necessary, we shall summon someone who is un-clean enough to deserve this treatment, and I know who to summon,"
"But Gon, if you release the orb from you, your powers will be gone temporality. Will you be okay?"
"Yes, Kurapika, I've set a condition that the orb will only be out for five seconds. That is enough time to summon one person of my choosing. Afterwards, the orb will return inside of me and I will have all of my power back. For the person I shall summon, he isn't anything that you two can't handle," Gon smiled, as he stood up strait and started preparing himself to summon the orb.
"When you see him come out of the orb, circumcise him immediately, so he doesn't case a racket. You may not like who I have chosen, but we need him for our cult to prosper. We should learn to put aside this person's past transgressions, and convert him to be one of good will instead of one who commits acts of evil without regret. It is necessary to convert those who are weak in heart, for it is those, who are the most stubborn and lost," Gon said, as he put his hands to his chest to summon the orb.
"I'm counting on you two, don't disappoint me," Gon said, pulling out the orb. Once the orb was out, it started to spin violently. The colors that were present were even more diverse and vibrant than before. The great presence of the orb sent shivers down everyone's spine as something resembling a person started to ooze out of the orb. The shape started to become more structured, and then the person was fully identifiable as they gaped at who it was.
It was Tonpa. Fucking, Tonpa.
"It is I, Tonpa, I come bearing exposition. I come in peace, and would like to-AHHHHHHHH!" Tonpa yelled, as Killua cut his dick off with his sharp nails.
"You idiot, you were supposed to circumcise him, not cut his dick off!"
"Sorry, I guess I got carried away. Besides, he didn't say anything about cutting anyone's dick off,"
"True, but still,"
"It's okay Kurapika, I didn't say anything about cutting anyone's dick off. Besides, just because it's off, that doesn't mean it can't be circumcised,"
"So, you want us to circumcise his cut-off dick?"
"Yes Kurapika, precisely,"
"Well, here goes no-,"
"No! I wanna do it!" Killua yelled, charging towards Tonpa's dick.
"...truly, I am defeated," Tonpa moaned, before passing out from pain.
"Is this good boo-bear?" Killua asked, holding Tonpa's now circumcised dick.
"Perfect, now I could retain my powers, and we have a new member. Welcome aboard, Tonpa," Gon said, patting Tonpa's head. "Killua, contact the black market for a loose penis for a replacement, asap. Leorio, try to limit the bleeding as much as possible,"
"Yeah, but I have to stitch it up, or else he's gonna loose too much blood,"
"Don't worry, I could get a dick from one of my brothers in less than ten minutes. Besides, Illumi has a lot of weird shit in his room and he'll do anything for money,"
Killua said, he made arrangements and got a loose dick in less than ten minutes.
Tonpa got his dick back, but he never felt sexual pleasure ever again but became Killua's sex slave anyway.
A year later, he committed suicide by taking lethal doses of heroin, crystal meth, cocaine, cough syrup, and Viagra pills.
Moral of the story, fuck Tonpa.
Disclaimer: HxH isn't mine and neither is "Snake Gon", it's Earl of Bassington's.
Check out his abridged series on YouTube, it's much more dignifying than this shit...