TITLE: This Too Shall Pass
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing pout Ain't life tough? The love triangle of betrayal has already occurred, so I guess this is featured somewhere in the fantasy land of Season 2. Got to keep writing whilst the awesome muses allow. Enjoy!
SUMMARY: TORN BETWEEN BROOKE AND PEYTON, LUCAS DECIDES TO END IT ALL
Lucas Scott turns the thought over and over in hands, beckoning to him dangerously as the jagged object glimmers coldly in the pale moonlight. The final distraction preventing him from committing to a judgement there would be no coming back from.
What is the point of living in a house with no windows or doors?
Lucas contemplates the answer to this question every time he is with Brooke Davis. Her smile along could slice him to pieces, a full-mouth tightly concealing betrayed innocence. Brooke has no boundaries, unbound by the moral restraints of responsibility and duty and Lucas always finds himself guiltily caught in the tangled web of her tousled hair and dirty lies, incredibly horny and ashamed of taking advantage of such spirit. The comforting promise of her open arms in endlessly dark nights speaks of a safety he has yearned for since he was a child. Even returning on the emptiest of days, Lucas has never slept so soundly than he does when he can wake to the knowledge of her presence in his life every day. The dim reflections of her bright smile and laughter, free as the wind, flicker in and out of his subconscious. Sometimes Lucas lapses into day dream, and deliriously believes he has found the constant love and stability he has always desired right here.
But reality always finds him, and the foundations beneath them are weak, making him stumble in his faith. Brooke's eyes dance with fire. The brave facade concealing hidden flickers of bitter pain makes him ache, like cigarette burns charring his flesh. She knows what it feels like to be burnt, and her dangerous words and actions are directed without regret. Lucas narrowly avoids falling in her presence, tripping over his own words and attempting to stroke the enduring wounds he has reopened despite her attempts to distance herself. Lucas guards words beyond value, the only stable thing in his life to accompany his eternal guilt and the incredible rush of love he feels for her. To her words mean nothing, yet her threats are not without considerable weight should he ever attempt to defy her again. The prospective danger and unpredictability scares Lucas on a daily basis, but one gently touch or suggestive flutter of the eyes and he is as desperate for her as a dog on heat. But after the passionate trysts and parting sighs, he lies wide-awake beside her broken form and knows in his heart that there will be no one there to catch him when he falls.
The house is empty, saturated in darkness that has crept up to consume him, leaving him no place to hide. The note had been left, innocently placed on the table in conspicuous view. His mother wasn't due back for hours, leaving him endless time to do the deed. Lucas' hands shake harder as he thinks of her, of how no punishment in the world could reprimand him for what he is about to do.
With a bitter smile, Lucas tries to remember back to a time when things were that simple. Now a grown man, it's Peyton who tucks him in at night, who soothes his fears when he runs from his lack of courage and indecisiveness, and from the possibility he could hurt Brooke again. He can't help but indulge in his own selfishness when he sees her, wide-eyed and willing. It takes all his will-power and desperation not to take advantage of her vulnerability and his own by seeking comfort in too-familiar arms. He cannot make her the burden he is unwilling to carry, fighting against her solemn eyes and golden curls that speak of an innocence she has long since lost. Every time he sees her he tempts fate, but it is the past that always comes between in their closest moments of weakness, preventing them from finishing what they once began so long ago. Lucas waits nervously with his eyes raised skyward, waiting for Peyton's glass walls to come shattering down around him, drowning him in the flooding downpour and debris that their past has created as they drown each other's self-inflicted wounds.
Lucas wonders why he does it, stuck in the vicious cycle that is causing them all so much pain with the best of intentions and worst history. His only reasoning is a connection can't be shared without sorrow. Pleasure can't be earned without suffering the consequences of pain.
Why live in a beautifully decorated place that is hollow inside or a glass house threatening to break when the first stone is thrown? The excuse that Brooke and Peyton felt like home used to be enough.
Nathan constantly reminds him of the realities, that the only one he is hurting is himself by staying wedged between the fallen angel and the Devil's little helper. Easy for him to say, in his perfectly faultless marriage where all possible trials and tribulations have been faced and both partners have come out the other side smiling, if more than a little worse for wear.
Nathan had already found the one who he would dedicate his life to, pursue against all odds and defend against the any injustice. For Lucas, the luxury is a desperate dream, torn between two women who would have him completely or not at all.
So his resolution has come to this: to end it.
Strengthening his resolve, he banishes Hayley's voice of reason to the depths of his subconscious. Lucas can hear her calm reasoning turn to desperate pleading as he realises that no one can change his mind. He stopped believing in miracles long ago.
Jagged edges draw softly across his palms, entrancing faint lines drawn across his knuckles as Lucas remains deep in thought. For the fleetest moment, he contemplates whether or not anyone would miss him. In the lost seconds it takes him to lose concentration, he is confronted with his greatest fear. Startled by his own strength, Lucas embraces the terrifying reality that he was completely alone. He realises just like all things, the feeling will soon pass.
Mustering the shreds of the sensitive, kind, good person he once was within him, and taking a deep breath, Lucas lets go.
The sequence happened faster than he could believe, allowing his reasoning to shut down and his mind to take over. The lines drawn across his knuckles and palms have morphed into gashes,
weeping blood. Firming his grip, Lucas drives the keys into the front door of the house. Stepping onto the threshold and releasing a strangled breath, Lucas strides with new purpose to his car.
Packed duffle bag in the passenger seat, and the future ahead of him, Lucas Scott ends the pain by doing what he has always done best.
Running for his life.