Author's Note: More procrastination! Huzzah! Procrastination on my other stories, on homework, on chores, on getting out of bed. This is the love child of my procrastination and my fangirldom. I hope you're happy.

I don't own Fairy Tail, yadda yadda. Hiro Mashima does.

Chapter One

After dinner, they usually went back to Bixlow's place.

He and Fried roomed together in a small house on the outskirts of Magnolia, about a mile away from the guild and two miles from the Strauss siblings' home. It was a modest house, a two-bedroom, one-bath bachelor pad with an open entertainment room and a tiny cluttered kitchen. The only decor was miscellaneous paraphernalia from the house's inhabitants: elegant rapiers and blades hung on the wall, spare tiki dolls were piled in the corners, books written in ancient runes balanced haphazardly beside the couches, and visors in various states of disrepair gleamed from the tabletops, souvenirs of what Bixlow dubbed, "exceptional experiences."

Although the third member of the Rajinshuu owned her own apartment in Fairy Hills, Evergreen's presence was clear in subtle ways, like the ornate floral fan on the table or the forgotten green slippers next to the door. There was also a soft white blanket and mint green pillow folded neatly beside the rune books, for the many occasions that she slept on the couch after an extensive mission and was too tired to walk all the way to Fairy Hills.

Bixlow unlocked the door to the tiny cottage and swung it open in a grand gesture, giving Lisanna an exaggerated, formal bow. "After you, m'lady."

"Thank you, kind sir," Lisanna replied, dipping into a curtsey. She swept into the house with the swagger of a queen, pinching the hem of her short dress stiffly between her thumb and forefinger in a royal fashion. It uncovered a lot of gorgeous, creamy leg. Bixlow grinned after her wolfishly and followed her inside, closing the door behind him.

Peppe, Poppo, Pappa, Puppu, and Pippi were resting in a neat stack on the table next to Evergreen's fan. They usually didn't come on dates with Bixlow. He discovered that most women found them annoying after a while, although Lisanna didn't seem to mind them at all. It probably had to do with the fact that his babies actually liked her and respected her, unlike most of Bixlow's past hook-ups.

"Is Fried not home?" Lisanna inquired. Sometimes the rune mage could be found reading a book on the couch, or polishing his rapiers, in which case Lisanna and Bixlow had to migrate upstairs for some privacy.

"Nah, he decided to take a solo mission across town. Promised he wouldn't be back 'til tomorrow mornin'," Bixlow replied.

Lisanna raised her eyebrows. "Promised?"

"Mhmm," Bixlow confirmed, grinning. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close, nuzzling her neck. "Got the whole place to ourselves."

Lisanna squeaked when the cold metal of Bixlow's visor pressed against her throat. She wrapped her arms around his neck and unclasped it, tossing it on the couch behind her so it wouldn't get in the way. Bixlow smiled against the sensitive skin of her neck. He made his way up until he reached her mouth, where he wasted no time with pleasantries. He nipped Lisanna's bottom lip and made a noise in the back of his throat when she tilted her head back in response, deepening the kiss and allowing his tongue to do some exploring.

Lisanna started walking backward, guiding him by his shirt. They fell on the couch next to the visor. Bixlow blindly pushed it to the floor and stretched across the cushions, carefully keeping the majority of his weight off of Lisanna. He was a big guy composed mostly of muscle; compared to him, Lisanna was itty-bitty. He didn't want to crush her or something.

It seemed as though she had something entirely different in mind. Smiling against his lips, Lisanna grabbed the collar of his shirt and upset his balance, pulling him completely down on top of her. She laughed at his bewildered expression, a mischievous, sultry sound that was ridiculously sexy.

"I'm not made of china, Bixlow," she murmured against his skin, gripping tuffs of his blue hair in her fingers as though to emphasize her point. Bixlow felt a shiver go down his spine when she said his name with that voice, that deliciously husky voice filled with amusement and longing. He smirked. Well, he couldn't let her have all the fun, could he?

"Duly noted," he said. He tipped her chin back and kissed her with more urgency, pressing the full weight of his body against hers. Lisanna made another pleased purr in the back of her throat and wrapped her arms around his neck to give her some leverage. She arched herself up and maneuvered her leg around his waist. Bixlow brushed his fingers along the smooth skin of her thigh, slowly pushing the flimsy fabric of her dress away until he found the elastic strap of her underwear.

Oh, god. It was lacy.

"Come on, you two! I sleep on that couch!"

Lisanna opened her eyes and jerked away from Bixlow with a shout of surprise. Bixlow didn't even have to move to know that Evergreen stood at the threshold of his house, probably managing to look disgusted and smug at the same time. He pulled himself up and turned around to glare at her while Lisanna quickly covered herself up again.

"What do you want, Evergreen? I'm kinda busy."

"I can see that," Evergreen snorted. Lisanna blushed, mortified, while Bixlow just continued to scowl in his teammate's direction. He narrowed his eyes when she stepped out of the doorway and into the den.

"Still didn't answer my question."

"I'm looking for Fried. Is he here?"

"No," Bixlow grumbled. Damn, even when he was gone Fried was still a pain in his horny ass. "He took a job at the library. He won't be back 'til tomorrow."

Evergreen raised an eyebrow. "A job at the library is going to take all night?"

"It is if I say so," Bixlow growled. "Now scram, Fried ain't here."

"And leave you unsupervised so you can prey on this poor child? I don't think so. Besides, like I said, I sleep on that couch. I don't want your fluids all over it."

"Evergreen," Bixlow said dangerously. "Get the fuck out."

The woman blinked and held her hands up in surrender. "Fine, fine, I will. But I do ask that if you continue this fornication, you do it upstairs in your own bed." With that she turned on her heel and made her exit, tossing a humored smirk at Bixlow's direction on her way out.

"Sorry 'bout that," he told Lisanna. "We're still teaching her manners, which includes knockin' on doors before she enters."

"S'okay," Lisanna giggled, her face pink. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe that she just walked in on us. I'm so embarrassed."

Bixlow shrugged. "Why? S'not like we're doin' anything wrong. We're two grown-ass adults spending an evening together, and the activities happen to involve makin' out on the couch."

"No, I guess not," Lisanna sighed. She suddenly gasped. "Oh no, Bixlow! You don't think she'll tell Elf-nii, do you? He's still in that protective older brother stage. If he hears about this, he'll never let me out of his sight again!"

"Nah, don't worry 'bout it," Bixlow dismissed. "Believe it or not, Evergreen can be cool about stuff when she wants to be. She won't tell anyone 'til she talks to me first. 'Cept maybe Fried, but you ain't gotta worry about him blabbing either. Gossip is against his moral values."

"He's dating Mira," Lisanna pointed out.

"Hey, he won't spread gossip, but that don't mean he doesn't like listening to it," Bixlow said. Lisanna still looked unconvinced, so he smirked and gently traced the nape of her neck with his fingers until she looked up at him. "I'll talk to her later, 'kay? Don't sweat it, babe."

Lisanna's face morphed into a reassured smile. "Okay. Thanks."

There was an awkward moment of silence. Bixlow mentally called Evergreen every foul name in the book, because there was no way that Lisanna was going to want to continue on the couch after their interruption, and he wasn't entirely sure how to guide her into the bedroom. His window of opportunity was closing. The organ in his pants gave a dismayed throb.

Custom dictated that he give her a smooch on the cheek and a beverage, both of which she accepted. Bixlow made his way kitchen with a sour expression. Looked like he wasn't getting lucky today.

When he came back with two tall glasses of iced lemonade, befitting the warm summer evening, Lisanna was examining a dented visor on the mantle. She thanked him when he handed her the lemonade and continued to inspect it as she took a precarious sip. "Bixlow," she finally said. "How on Earthland did you manage to do that to your poor visor?"

Bixlow crunched the ice in his teeth before he answered. "I was battling an ogre with a giant club. What do you expect?"

"How did it turn into that weird green color?"

"It was an enchanted club. As it turned out, I wasn't fighting an ogre at all, but a man who turned into an ogre when he picked up the club. Felt really bad about whooping his ass 'til I got the hospital bill. Damn ingrate."

"Makes sense," Lisanna said, taking another drink of lemonade. "This is really good. D'you make it?"

"Yup. Secret recipe."

Lisanna quirked an eyebrow. "How secret?"

Bixlow gave her his trademark grin. Perhaps the window of opportunity wasn't closing as rapidly as he thought. "Pretty secret. Why, you interested in my recipe?"

"Maybe," Lisanna said, placing the lemonade on the mantle. "What would it take for you to give it to me?"

"Persuade me," Bixlow murmured as Lisanna stepped closer, "and I might just let you have it for free."

Lisanna smirked and reached up on her toes to kiss him. She tasted like lemonade and her lips were cold from the ice. Bixlow smiled and quickly licked her ear. She squeaked and swatted at him, grinning. "Bixlow! Your tongue is cold!"

"Warm it up?"

"I'm not sure I want to anymore," Lisanna sniffed, feigning discontent.

"I'll give you my lemonade recipe..." tempted Bixlow.

Lisanna pretended to consider. "It was pretty good lemonade."

Without warning, Bixlow grabbed her wrist and kissed her fiercely, eagerly, without any more gentle affection. Lisanna responded in kind after a brief moment of shock, throwing her arms around his neck and clawing at the thin fabric of his shirt. He released her and pulled it off in about half a second flat, barely getting it over his head before pressing their mouths together again. Lisanna finished the job for him, tugging it from his arms and dropping it at their feet. She dragged her fingers along the huge round muscles of his arms as they circled her again and drove her back into the wall. A noise of surprise, pleasure, and a little bit of pain as her back slammed against the wall escaped from Lisanna's mouth. The metal knickknacks on the mantle clinked with the force of the impact, and the lemonade that Bixlow had hastily placed up there wobbled and shattered on the ground.

"Bixlow," Lisanna gasped.

"I'll get it later," Bixlow said. He was not about to stop what was happening here to clean up some freaking lemonade. Lisanna didn't seem to mind his decision over much. Her fingers trailed down his spine, around the length of his back, and traced the pattern of his abs, fingernails lightly scraping the naked skin. They stopped at his waistband, where they did something that made Bixlow freeze in his tracks.

Quite deliberately, Lisanna's beautiful pale fingers undid the button of his pants.

At first she thought she'd done something wrong, since Bixlow became still as stone. Before she could even ask, though, he had swept her up in his arms and was carrying her to the bedroom. Screw subtlety. If he had to wait any longer he might just go crazy.

Lisanna laughed and resumed kissing him. Bixlow put her down in front of the door and didn't bother to break their kiss as his hands frantically fumbled for the knob. The door swung open and the two of them tumbled into his bedroom, tripping over each other's feet as they meandered their way to the bed in the corner.

Lisanna fell on to the mass of blankets bundled in the center. She felt something move under her and craned her head to peek at it as Bixlow's tongue trailed down her neck.

Suddenly, a human hand erupted from under the blankets.

Lisanna screamed and beat the hand away, scrambling from the bed at the same time. Bixlow leapt off of her and pulled her off of the bed when he saw the body part that didn't belong. The person in the blankets cried out as well, clawing his way out in alarm.

Bixlow squinted at the person in his bed, holding Lisanna as she recovered herself. He didn't quite know what to make of it. The person stared back, his sleepy blue eyes disoriented, his shock of yellow hair sticking up in all directions.

Finally, Bixlow spoke.

"Laxus," he huffed, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Sleeping," Laxus answered in the midst of a large yawn.

"...In my bed?"

"Yes."

"...Why?"

"Because Fried told me I could stay here while my place is being fumigated," said Laxus. "He said I could use your room and that you would crash on the couch."

"Wha...when did he say this? And why the fuck didn't I hear about it?"

Laxus shrugged. "Told me a couple of days ago when I was complaining about bunking with the old man. I just got back from a mission and needed to get some shut-eye." Laxus stopped talking and peered at Lisanna curiously. When he took in their crumpled clothing and, in Bixlow's case, lack of clothing, he grinned. "But enough about me and my boring story. I think the better question here is, what are you doing?"

"I was just leaving," Lisanna interjected, straightening the skirt of her dress self-consciously. She turned to Bixlow, who looked shocked and a bit heartbroken at her words. "Thanks for a lovely evening, but I think it's time for me to go home."

With that she turned and walked out of the room. Bixlow stared after her, agape. Then he pulled at his hair and let out a tremendous groan of frustration, slamming his head against the wall.

"That bites, man," Laxus said. "Sorry about that. Hey, maybe you still got a chance. Go put on a shirt and walk her home."

Bixlow swept his gaze to the man in his bed, irritated. "Just shut up," he sighed, but he took Laxus's advice and went to retrieve his discarded clothing from downstairs anyway, buttoning his pants as he did so.

Lisanna had all of her things packed up and was smoothing her hair down in a mirror when he joined her in the den. Bixlow stood behind her and leaned against the arm of the couch, watching her carefully expressionless reflection in the glass.

"You don't gotta leave, you know," he said. "I mean, I rented a movie and stuff..."

"I probably should," said Lisanna, turning around to face him. She smiled. "As much as I want to stay, I should probably go."

Bixlow shrugged and pulled on his shirt and his visor. "I'll walk you home then. Startin' to get pretty dark out there."

"Okay, thanks," Lisanna said, amused. They both knew she could handle herself in the dark, but she wasn't going to deny the company.

"Hey, Lisanna..." Bixlow began as they walked the stretch of cobblestone streets to the Strauss siblings' house. "I'm, uh, sorry about...them."

"You don't have to apologize for them," Lisanna chuckled. "They didn't do anything wrong. Sure, I'm kind of embarrassed, but mostly I think that if I've been cockblocked twice in a row I should probably call it a night."

Bixlow tipped back his head and let out a giant, booming laugh. "Yeah, the Rajinshuu are definitely masters at cockblocking. Got it down to a science, damn bastards."

There was a lengthy pause, and then Lisanna burst into a random bout of giggles. Bixlow raised his eyebrows at her, curious and concerned, until he realized that she wouldn't be able to tell. "What're you laughin' at?"

"Laxus," Lisanna wheezed. "I can't...believe...Laxus was in your bed."

"I know! Goddamn Fried, I'm gonna have to have a serious talk with him. Pimpin' out my room without my permission!"

"Did you...see his face? He was so...surprised! And...he screamed!"

Bixlow grinned, tongue lolling out of his mouth. "So did you, hot-shot!"

"B-but...he's Laxus!"

"True," Bixlow admitted. They laughed at Laxus's expense all the way to Lisanna's house, a medium-sized abode with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a dining room, and a living area. As they walked up the gravel driveway, Lisanna frowned.

"Huh. Looks like nobody's home. Wonder where they could have went."

Bixlow froze in the middle of the driveway, watching Lisanna walk on in that tantalizing short dress of hers. He looked up at the sky, the glory of the full white moon, and glared. "You've got to stop doing this to me."

"Did you say something, Bixlow?"

"Nuh-uh. You must be hearin' voices." He grinned at her and followed her to her door. She didn't open it yet. Instead she turned to him and smiled. Bixlow forced himself to smile back, disappointed once again. If she was stopping here, she obviously expected a goodnight kiss. Which meant that she didn't have plans to invite him inside.

"I'll see you later," Lisanna said, blinking up at him with those big baby blues of hers. She stood up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Her lips were impossibly soft and warm. When she pulled away, Lisanna noticed his pout and smiled. "Don't forget, you owe me a lemonade recipe."

"I don't think you've earned it," Bixlow remarked crossly.

"You sure do drive a hard bargain," said Lisanna, amusement coloring her words.

Bixlow couldn't help himself. "That's not the only thing I drive hard."

Lisanna snorted and unlocked her door. She poked her head in. "Mira! Elf-nii! Are you home?" When she got no response, she shrugged and turned back to Bixlow. "I guess they're not home like I thought. Want to come in?"

Yes, Bixlow thought. Yes, yes, yes, I want to come in more than anything else in the world right now. But he had a feeling that the question was an innocent one, so he swallowed down all the yeses and said, "No, I should get back."

"Are you sure?" Lisanna purred, smiling promiscuously. "Don't we have some negotiations to discuss?"

Bixlow narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What happened to, 'once I get cockblocked twice in a row, I'm calling it a night'?"

"Third time's the charm," Lisanna said. She looked around. "Besides, it's not like there's anyone here to do the blocking."

Bixlow grinned so wide his face hurt. "Have I ever told you how incredibly sexy you are?"

"Come over here and tell me."

Bixlow strode across the porch in two giant steps and swept Lisanna into his arms, letting her yank him inside her house and shut the door. Their hormones were already frazzled from the earlier events of the night, so it didn't take long for them to get in a clothes-ripping frenzy. Bixlow pressed her against the wall and hoisted her up, pushing the annoying fabric of her dress out of his way. Lisanna wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing their bodies closer together. She gasped when his hands crawled under her dress and up her stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and probed with his tongue, smirking when he felt Lisanna's body go liquid.

"My room," she breathed. Bixlow made a sound of affirmation and journeyed to Lisanna's room, which he was pretty sure was the second door on the right. The door was open already. Bixlow nudged it aside and brought Lisanna over to the bed, dumping her on the orange and blue striped blanket.

"You want me to check for monsters?" he inquired, crawling into the bed like a predator, Lisanna caught under him. She smirked and brushed her fingers along his shirt.

"No, there's only one strange man in my bed tonight." Suddenly she gripped his shirt and pulled him next to her, climbing on top of him and straddling his waist in one fluid movement. Bixlow blinked in astonishment and grinned, flashing his guild tattoo. Lisanna pulled off his visor and tossed it on the floor, then did the same with his shirt with sensuous slowness. She leaned down and brushed her lips along his jaw line, smiling to herself when the flutter of his pulse reverberated under her touch.

"You know, you keep stripping me," he pointed out. His voice came out a few octaves higher than it usually did. That was certainly attractive. "I think it's only fair that I return the favor."

Lisanna's smile grew smirkier. Her lips trailed up Bixlow's jaw to his ear, where her tongue peeked out and teased his earlobe. "You can try," she challenged, nipping the skin.

Bixlow let out a carnal laugh and used his weight to roll over on top of her. Lisanna pushed back, but Bixlow grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed with one hand. The blue fabric of the dress slid away from her legs of its own accord and fanned out over the bed, revealing irresistable hips and lacy black underwear. Bixlow tugged at it with his other hand, raising an eyebrow. "Black, huh?"

"I showed you mine," Lisanna said. "Now you show me yours."

"I don't think so, babe. You gotta earn it."

Bixlow released her hands as he bent down to kiss her again, relishing the moan he extracted as a result. Lisanna raked her nails down his back, sending shivers down Bixlow's spine. She unbuttoned his pants again; Bixlow didn't put up a fight.

"Mm, looks like I'm not the only one wearing black tonight," Lisanna purred between kisses. "Tell me, Bixlow: boxers or briefs?"

"Why don't you reach your pretty little hand down there and find out for yourself?"

Lisanna tugged at his pants and chuckled. "And I had you pegged for a briefs kind of guy."

"Disappointed? You can take 'em off if you want."

"I don't know, boxers with penguins on them are pretty hot."

"They're all the rage." Bixlow found the zipper on the back of her dress and smirked. "Oh? What does this do?"

"Why don't you pull on it and find out for yourself?"

The dress was off in a record-breaking five seconds, and landed top of the visor on the floor. Lisanna's bra matched her panties, lacy and dark against the creamy pallor of her skin. Her flesh was warm and soft under Bixlow's touch, and she moved beneath him with delicate feminine grace. Her fingers brushed against the sensitive area above the elastic of his boxers, and then hesitantly fingered the hem. If that wasn't a sign, he didn't know what else -

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Bixlow and Lisanna jerked violently apart, turning their heads toward the two forms in the threshold of Lisanna's room. One was Elfman, looking absolutely livid. The other was Mirajane, whose eyes were the size of saucers and whose dainty hands were covering her mouth.

Elfman spoke again, storming across the room in great thunderous strides. His appearance was shuddering, slowly evolving into a bestial form. "BASTARD! GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SISTER!"

Bixlow struggled to untangle himself from Lisanna as Elfman grew nearer. He barely managed to pull his pants up when the white-haired man grabbed him by the throat and hoisted him into the air, his eyes glowing with rage. "HOW DARE YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF LISANNA?!"

"Elf-nii!" Lisanna yelled. "Stop it! Put Bixlow down right now!"

Elfman blinked, his gaze flicking to Lisanna as Bixlow's face steadily became purple. "But...Lisanna...you were...he was..."

"Elf-nii," Lisanna repeated, this time with quiet tenderness. "I am eighteen, and Bixlow is my boyfriend. I've dated him for several months now, and we really, really like each other. This is what people do when they're dating and they like each other as much as we do. Now, will you please put him down before he suffocates."

"But, Lisanna," Elfman sniffed. "You're my baby sister."

"And I'll always be your baby sister," Lisanna said. "That's never going to change, no matter who I date."

"Elfman, put Bixlow down," Mirajane ordered.

Finally, Elfman huffed and dropped Bixlow, who took a dramatic breath and hacked and coughed. Elfman narrowed his eyes and pointed one meaty finger at him. "You...you better be a real man, you hear me, Rajinshuu?"

"I am," Bixlow gasped. "I promise...I didn't mean any harm."

Elfman nodded and marched out of the room, fighting tears the whole time. They could hear him sobbing in the other room. Mirajane sighed and turned her knowing blue eyes to the couple, who were scrambling to retrieve their clothing.

Bixlow whistled awkwardly as he slipped on his shirt and placed the visor back over his head. "I should, uh...I should probably get back."

"That would be a good idea," Lisanna agreed. "I'll, um, see you tomorrow."

"Definitely," Bixlow said. He gave her a quick peck on forehead and tried to leave, but Mirajane refused to step out of his path. Her blue eyes bore into him with uncanny intensity, scarier than any shouting a giant beast-man.

"Look here, Bixlow," she said. "I like you, and I completely support my little sister in every decision she makes, but if you are taking advantage of her or if you break her heart, I will hunt you down and make you wish that you had never been born. Do I make myself clear?"

Bixlow, terrified to his very core, mutely nodded.

"And next time, will you please practice a little more discretion?"

Again, a nod.

Mirajane smile sweetly. "Also, tell Fried that I said hi."

Nod.

"Now go." Mirajane stepped aside and Bixlow practically sprinted out the door. He could feel her eyes on the back of his neck the entire way home, as though they continued to drill into his soul.

Author's Note: Stay tuned for more cockblocking!