Hello there :) So, I published the first few chapters of this fic a while ago Under another name before I deleted. Just so you know, it was a one time thing, I was in a bad place in real life and while I love ff . net, it was time-consuming. I really needed to distance myself from it. And well, when I do something, I tend to do it in a very extreme way, thus the removal. Now I'm working to feel better, and writing is just a too big part of my life so after thinking, I'm going to continue this fic and put it back here. I've changed my writer name, though, so it's a new start :)

Disclaimer: I only put it now for the whole fic, but The Vampire Diaries is definitely not mine and I don't win any money on it. But I can dream, right?

Enjoy! :)

It was cold and dark. And quiet, too, for she couldn't hear anything besides Sebastian's struggling breathing and her own painful sobs. Everything was hurting. The car was sinking. Water had already reached her chest. They couldn't move. They were stuck in the death trap which was Sebastian's car. They would die. If only she had not begged him to go with her at that stupid party. If only she had not gone behind her parents' back. If only…

She was so cold and terrified. There was a grinding noise coming from the car as it sank and sank, and sank.

A hand, cold but comforting, grasped hers. Water reached her chin. She turned her head and her watery blue eyes met the green eyes of Sebastian. She loved his eyes. They were always full of mirth and love and peace. Now they were sad and broken. Full of despair. It hurt. It hurt so much.

"It's…going to be o-okay love," he said in a tearful voice. " You're going to be okay."

She shook her head and cried, "It's not Seb. It's my fault. I'm so sorry."

He squeezed her hand. "Don't be," he smiled sorrowfully. "I love you."

She wanted to answer, to tell him she loved him too, to tell him she hoped they'll meet again in their next life. She wanted to tell him how wonderful a person he was. There were so many thing still unsaid. So many things that will never be said. But she couldn't, for water had reached her lips and it was a question of seconds before it reached her nose.

His eyes looked beyond her and widened. He squeezed one last time and let her hand go. He would never grasp it again.

Her lungs burned and burned and burned. Sebastians'eyes were glassy. They would never shine with life again. She wanted to let go, too. But she couldn't. She had always been good at swimming and holding her breath. But it still burned. And then it didn't anymore.

There were voices, though. They were saying things she couldn't understand. It was cold and dark.

"She's not breathing."

"Her heart stops. Bring me defibrillator!"

"And the boy?"

"Dead."

The voices faded. The cold and the darkness too. There was a green grassy plain in front of her, cut in half by a river which water was shining under a bright blue sky. A simple wooden bridge without any barriers crossed over it and helped to reach the other side. She put her foot on it, feeling warm and peaceful. She walked. It was longer than she had first thought. She could already see the beautiful scenery waiting for her. Her gran was there too, smiling warmly at her, although it was a bid sad. She grinned and waved at her.

Once at the half of the bridge, she stopped. Something was tugging on her whole body and she couldn't move forward anymore. Looking back, a red rope encircled her and tugged once more, as if to beg her to walk backward.

She fell on the river. Her whole body tingled. No, more than that. She felt… electrified. Whole. Too whole. Her mind wasn't only her own anymore.

"It's been five minutes. She's dead."

"Time of death, 3:38 a.m."

"Poor children, they were probably at a party. Their parents should be waiting for them."

"Any clues of who they are?"

"Yeah, we found their papers on the boy. Sebastian Lockwood and Madeline Gilbert."

"Founding families huh?"

"Yes. Liz is calling them now."

"To think I've a girl just one year younger."

"They were drunk."

She was disappearing. Becoming someone - or something?- else. The red rope tugged harshly and she was out of water, on the side of the plain her granny wasn't. It hurt. It was cold. It wasn't a green plain anymore. It was dark. And so, so painful. The red cord had disappeared. The bridge too. She was alone. Alone with the voices.

"Her heart restarts!"

"What? That's impossible! It's been thirty minutes!"

"There is no chance she wakes up ever again."

"Hey, is it Madeline Gilbert?"

"Poor girl."

"Not so pretty anymore looking like that."

"Where is Sebastian?! Where is he?"

"No, Maddie! Maddie! Please, not Maddie!"

"Madeline, it's mum. Please, come back to me sweetheart. Please God, give her back to me."

"And the boy who was with her?"

"My god, her brain is not dead. How is it even possible?"

"I'm sorry sir. It's already been a week. The scans say her brain has not suffer any damage. It's already a miracle. However, her heart stopped for thirty minutes, at the very least. She drowned and… It would need a second miracle for her to awaken."

"Maddie, it's Elena. I-I miss you. I miss you so much."

"Hey big girl, it's Jeremy. The nurses say you may hear me so… I miss you like crazy. It's not the same without you… Please, wake up."

"Why did something like that happen to you sweetie?. Please wake up."

"Good morning darling. Time for a little wash."

"Damn I hate having to wash someone."

"Good afternoon Maddie. It's still me, Elena. We still miss you. I've read your diaries. No, I'm lying. Of course I'm lying. I just read the first entrance. Did you really thought Bonnie had a crush on me? I bet you wrote that just in case I read it. You caught me. Please, wake up sister."

"So, Elena seems to have decided that since you weren't there to have a fit at home, she would do it. Can you imagine she shouted at mum yesterday just because she couldn't go to a sleepover at Bonnie's? She's crazy. Like really crazy. And she just got rid of all her doll, except the one you bought her. Wanna bet she throw it away when you wake up? Anyway, I've got to go. Love you sis'"

"Matt kissed me. Oh my god he kissed me and I want to shout it at everyone. Caroline is not happy with me though. She's so jealous. Sigh…To think Bonnie punched that older guy who said Maddie killed Sebastian. I wanted to but I wasn't brave enough."

"A beautiful bouquet of flowers for a beautiful girl. Happy birthday sweetie. Seventeen… Time goes by so fast."

"Hello sis, it's Jeremy. Again. Wake up please."

"Maybe it would have been better if she had died that day. At least she wouldn't be stuck on that bed forever. My beautiful daughter… Is it so wrong of me to want to see your eyes opened?"

"Tyler Lockwood asked Elena about you yesterday. She probably realized she hadn't come to see you in like… a month? I think she will come tomorrow. I love you sis, so much, so please, wake up soon."

"I wonder what Miranda will cook this evening. Maybe I should take her out for once."

"I'm a cheerleader now, like you! I've seen a picture of you with the team in the hall. You were so pretty Maddie! Like really pretty! Caroline and Bonnie are in the team too, and Matt took me on a date. It was so romantic!... It's weird, isn't it? How life continues even without you. I can still laugh and smile and people forget I've a sister. They don't ask about you anymore, only Bonnie, Caroline and Tyler Lockwood. Sometimes… I want to hate you for not being there. It's only for a few seconds, 'cause I love you too much. But… doctors… they don't think you will wake up one day. It's been a year and… I don't want to come anymore. It's too hard, to see you like that. I love you, and when I think of you, I want to remember your smile. Not… this. Goodbye Maddie."

"Mum and Dad think it's better if I don't come anymore. Elena agrees with them! I hate them. They don't understand. I miss you Maddie and they all act like it's normal if you aren't at home. Please, I need you. I really need you sis."

Madeline Gilbert woke up in a cold sweat, damp dark hair stuck on her forehead, remembering the hopelessness of being stuck in the dark, in her body, and not being able to do anything. And the voices. Always, the voices. It wasn't enough to hear them every days, to never have a quiet moment and to always have a headache, she had to dream of them too. It wasn't always the case though. For several months now, new nightmares had included the faces of her now deceased parents. It was funny, in a very sad and very bitter way, how the same place which put her in a coma and took the life of her boyfriend three years ago, also took the life of her parents. At least Elena survived the accident. God knew what she would have done if she had lost not only her hum and her dad, but also her little sister.

With a sigh, she sat on her bed. The purple quilt shifted with her, slipping off her chest to her thighs. A shiver ran through her body, the large tee-shirt she wore not enough to protect her against the morning chill. Still, she had to get out of her bed, no matter how much tired and cold she was. But then again, she was always tired and cold.

*Dear diary, today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say 'I'm fine, thank you.' 'Yes, I feel much better.' I will no longer be the sad little girl who…*

Madeline frowned as she heard the thoughts of Elena, the soft sad voice of her sister echoing in her mind at the same time as Jeremy's voice wondered about taking drugs at school to feel better. Downstairs, Jenna was freaking out as she realized how awkward it was for her to take care of three teenagers, one of those being… well, Madeline, while she still had a thesis to write for college. Inwardly, Maddie could only agree with her, but it didn't change anything. Their life was messed-up, that was it. Nothing more to say. And plenty of things to hear, sadly. Hearing the thoughts of people was one of the worst things that had happened to Maddie since her accident three years ago. Especially as it came with a friend: headache.

She stood in front of her wardrobe, only casting a brief glance to her old, more colorful and attractive clothes, and took a large dark green sweater with a hood big enough to completely hide her face. Once, she had been popular, and the star of all parties. Now, at nineteen years old, she was stuck in the same year as her sister after her coma and the re-education had made her miss two years of school. People had whispered about her, when she first came back looking tired and distressed. Some were worried about her, most thought she had kind of fallen. Now, they ignored her, although she could still hear people calling her 'Mad Maddie' or thinking she had killed her boyfriend. She hated it.

She went to her bathroom and took a long, hot shower. The water ran along her body, caressing it as the hand of an imaginary lover. For a second, she imagined Sebastian, his green eyes and his large hands, the last pieces of her dream haunting her, before she winced and left the shower stall. She put on her clothes and headed downstairs. There, she looked at her siblings and Jenna, trying very hard to ignore their thoughts. Her aunt was still freaking out, and Elena was the same about Jeremy. It was only a matter of minutes before she asked him how he felt, and Maddie wondered if he would lash out or not. The last years had been difficult for her baby brother. Of course, other people suffered too, and it wasn't an excuse for taking drugs but… Well, with the amount of pills for headache she secretly took, she didn't feel like she had the right to argue with him. It would be highly hypocritical. Maybe Elena was the best for speaking with him about that.

"You okay?" the brunette asked him once Jenna had left.

Jeremy barely cast a glance at her. "Don't start," he replied curtly before turning his head towards Madeline. "Hey sis, you want a toast?" *She doesn't look very good, must have been a difficult night.*

A flicker of a smile chased across her lips as she heard Jeremy's worried voice. Her baby brother was kind of cute when he looked after her as if he was the older sibling. Elena smiled at her awkwardly but didn't say anything, and Maddie's smile disappeared. She couldn't hate Elena for being like that. The girl was still grieving, and having a weird sister so different than what she had been years ago hadn't been easy for Elena. Hopefully, one day, they would be able to be the sisters they had been before… everything.

"It's okay Jeremy, I'm not hungry," she murmured softly, ignoring the way her voice echoed in Jeremy's mind. "Mind if I come along with you for school?"

"As if you need to ask. You should know better."

"Right."

She took her bags, pushed the hood of her sweater on her head and grabbed her headphones. She waited until Jeremy and Elena had left the kitchen to swallow two pills. Today… was going to be a difficult day. Like always.

The sky was still a dark blue when she left school in the late afternoon, her head full of questions – some were hers, some were others' – and thoughts. As expected, the day had been exhausting. Between Tanner and his witty remarks – although, if she had to be honest, it was her favorite class – and the people staring and thinking, she had had the fucking headache from Hell. If it wasn't enough, she had to put up with Elena and the new guy – mister I'm seventeen but my thoughts say I'm old as dust – making out with their eyes. Seriously, what was up with the guy and his obsession towards her sister? And who was Katherine who looked just like Elena? And, if she had heard right – and damn she had – the guy had observed her sister all summer? Urgh, Stefan Salvatore was such a weirdo – and for her to say that, it had to be a new level of weirdness. Seriously, the guy thought about sniffing her sister! More accurately, about sniffing the blood of her sister! That so wasn't kinky. More like psychotic. A bit like her parents when they had those weird thoughts about vampires. After all, vampires weren't real… right?

A gust of wind made her shiver. A drop of water from her wet hair ran along her neck and got inside her sweater. She had used the school's swimming pool after class in order to have a quiet moment for herself. Despite having drowned, swimming was the only way for stopping the voices in her mind. When she was in the water, she couldn't hear other people, only her own voice, her own thoughts. It was peaceful, even if at first she had been completely scared.

She put her headphones over her ears and pulled her hood up before leaving the school yard. She walked slowly, looking at the ground. Jenna was probably already home, Jeremy at the Mystic Grill pining after Vicki Donovan, and Elena had plans for the evening with Caroline and Bonnie. It was days like this when she missed her former friends – all at college now, far away from the quaint little town Mystic Fall was. Though she guessed Tyler Lockwood could be considered as her friend, and with him came Matt Donovan. Well, for the latter, she wasn't sure anymore as Elena had dumped him. It would be quite awkward to say the least. Besides, they weren't close friends. First, they were two years younger and two, the two boys were just the only guys at school who defended her when people were calling her Mad Maddie, besides Jeremy of course. Besides, she was pretty sure Tyler only felt responsible for her only in memory of Sebastian.

An old woman overtook her on the sidewalk, her large shopping bag with yellow floral print bumping into her. The woman didn't look back and continued her way, her thoughts screaming about misbehaving teenagers walking slower than her old cat Grumpy. Madeline chuckled silently but didn't walk faster. It was late without being too late, and the street was nearly empty. She could still hear the people in the same street and the ones living in the houses she passed, but it was more peaceful than it would have been if she had come home earlier. Her head was slightly pounding, but hopefully the pill she had taken before leaving school would soon take effect.

*Oh my… is it Madeline Gilbert? Probably hiding her face…*

The thought had her lowering her face a bit and moving her hair in front of her right cheek self-consciously but she was kind of proud for not feeling more hurt than she was already. The scar running on her cheek from the corner of her right eyes to her chin wasn't big unlike the one on her leg, but it was still visible enough for people to look at it. Even with her hood. Clearly, Mystic Fall's folk were a big bunch of judgy bastards.

She arrived at her home when Elena and weirdo Stefan left. She raised an eyebrow when she saw her sister walking away with the guy who was still thinking how good her sister was smelling. And let's not forget the how beautiful she was. And how nice she seemed to be. And how he should stay away from her because he was a vampire and was too dangerous. He had killed people.

Madeline stopped, her eyes wide opened. The guy had killed people and was going with her sister to the Grill as if nothing was wrong in the world. Oh god, what was she supposed to do? Call the police? And then what? 'Yes, I think there's a psychotic murderer in town. He thinks he's a vampire and loves smelling my sister. How do I know that? Well, I can read mind.' Right, that would go so well. She would finish in an hospital as a mental health patient, in a cushioned room or worse, on a table for experimentation on her brain. The headache would sure be worse than Hell. Like seven Hell gathered. Was there several levels in Hell?

"Madeline?"

The kind voice of her aunt Jenna got her out of her thoughts and she raised her head, meeting her hazel eyes. "You're alright?"

Madeline nodded and murmured, "yeah, don't worry aunt Jenna." She looked in the direction her sister and psycho pseudo-vampire had taken. They were far enough that she didn't have to hear their thoughts. "I'm just… puzzled." And worried for Elena went unsaid. What if vampires were real? What could she do to protect her sister? Nothing. Except to forbid her for meeting with that Salvatore guy but she seriously doubted a conversation like that would go well. "Have you met him?"

"Who?"

"Stefan Salvatore, the guy Elena left with."

Jenna furrowed her brow, thinking how cute Maddie was for acting like a protective sister. "Can't say I have but he seems to be like a nice guy. I mean, he did bring Elena's diary back."

Madeline pursed her lips. If she hadn't hear the guy thinking, she would have think the same as Jenna. Now, on the contrary… It was scaring. But Elena… Her beautiful sister… God, it would be so awkward. Damn Elena and the weirdo! "I'm going to the Grill."

Jenna gaped. "Oh my god, do I need to call the hospital? Do you feel sick? You don't have a fever, right?" She put her hand on her forehead to check her temperature and Madeline had to clench her jaw as pictures of herself from Jenna's perspective invaded her mind. Damn, she hated when people touched her. "It seems normal…"

"I'm fine Aunt Jenna, really," she said, a slightly strained smile on her face. "Thanks for caring."

"It's my job, right?"

"Still, thank you."

Jenna grinned and removed her hand. The images disappeared, letting Madeline a bit disoriented. But better. So much fucking better. "So, I'm going then."

"No change of clothes?"

"Nah I'm good," she said, not caring the slightest about her still damp hair and her oversized sweater. She was a woman on a mission: looking after her sister. Not someone wanting to hook up.

"Ok, ok. Be careful, don't stay out all night, and don't get drunk. Damn, I'm beginning to get it right."

Madeline snickered and shook her head with a small grin. "See you later," she said before turning and heading to the Grill. She still had her school bag but well, she could act as if she came to read, or something like that. Act completely innocuously and listen drunk thoughts, weird wish and, oh, people day-dreaming about having sex.

It was going to be awful.

And it was. Awful, and noisy. Like really, really, noisy. Elena acted as if she hadn't seen her – ouch – Bonnie widened her eyes when she did see her, Caroline came to hug her – urg, but the girl had always been kind of cute anyway. Jeremy came to drink with her after Vicki had made it clear she didn't want to speak with him – her loss – and she spoke a few words with Tyler – and an awkward greeting with Matt who redefined the concept of puppy eyes. Besides that, she didn't learn anything except for the name of the brother of the weirdo – apparently vampire could have brother even if she had no idea how the hell a vampire could reproduce – and that there was a party the next day. That Salvatore guy sure was into that whole broody vampire thing. And into sniffing her sister. A little more and she would really believe into vampires.

"Didn't she say to Matt she needed time?" Jeremy suddenly asked.

Madeline stopped glaring at her drink and tried to focus on her brother despite all the thoughts she could hear and the pain behind her eyes. It had been a mistake to come. Some people was staring at her, at her face. Some was calling her Mad Maddie in their mind. And comparing her to Elena. It hurt. "What?" she asked, even if she could already hear his question in her mind.

"Elena," Jeremy pointed her discreetly with his finger, "she did say to Matt she needed time, no?"

Weirdo was listening to them, even if he already was speaking with the girls. She could hear Jeremy's words echoing in his mind despite all the noise. He wasn't the only one listening to them as Matt and Tyler weren't far from their table. "Well," Madeline said, "it's not like she's making out with the guy." Only in their thoughts. Urgh.

"Please, I'm not twelve anymore," Jeremy deadpanned. "She's probably thinking about having sex on the floor with him."

Okay, he wasn't that far from the truth, but it was still disturbing. "That's… disgusting." Especially with a guy like Salvatore. "I truly hope she realizes she's not ready for any relationship with him."

"You don't like him?" Aw, her cute brother knew her so well. Even if she wasn't the same as three years ago, he accepted her completely and wasn't ashamed of her. He didn't know her secret but still knew her well enough for not thinking – like the girl from behind – that she was jealous.

"He's a bit weird, don't you think?" From the corner of her eyes, she saw Weirdo frowning at them. How the hell could he hear them so correctly anyway?

He shrugged, "A bit too pretty maybe?"

"Well, there is that, but that's not what I meant."

"Then what?"

"I don't know, he just seems like a guy with really weird wet dreams. I don't want Elena being his object of fantasy."

One thing was sure, he was good at masking his emotions because he didn't seem to have any reaction outwardly. His thoughts, on the other hand… They were… interesting. She would have been worried if vampires were real.

Jeremy grimaced, his face turning green, "and that's not disgusting?"

She tilted her head, "Maybe a bit?"

"More than that, believe me. I don't want to know about the wet dream of another guy or… I really don't want to have that kind of conversation with you."

"But with Vicki it's okay?" she snickered.

"Wh-How? W-What are you…" he sighed. "How do you know?"

"I'm your big sister, I'm supposed to know that kind of things."

"It doesn't work like that. You told Elena?" He had barely said the words that he already realized his question was a bit stupid. "Sorry, of course you hadn't."

Maybe the time was right for a little discussion concerning his recent behavior.

"Look Jer, you know I love you and all?" she began while nibbling her lower lip.

He frowned. "Yes?" he replied, suspicious.

"That's not the place for this, common sense says to be at home for that, and Elena is really better for lecturing someone, but I lost common sense a while ago and Elena is making eyes with the possible serial killer with a weird kink so… Be careful?"

"… About?" he tried to look innocent.

At that she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Look, you can try that with Jenna but that doesn't work with me. And before you tried, neither does lashing out."

His face fell and they stayed silent for a while, his mind working fast about what he should say. Lying, acting as if everything was right, confessing, speaking of Vicki, joking, etc. Finally, he decided to be honest, "I just miss them."

"… Me too Jeremy," she whispered, her voice barely a murmur. Yet he heard her.

"You… don't look like you do…"

It hit her hard and she tried to process the shock. Did he really think she didn't care about her parents' deaths? She just couldn't cry. She had no tears to spare anymore. No energy to cry too. She was just… tired and cold. Always and forever. The after-life hadn't wanted her and she was now cursed in that life until she died. And then what? Would she be rejected again? She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It hurt. So, so much. "You really think so?"

"I…" he stammered guiltily. "It's just… I know you weren't close anymore with them… Because they wanted you to be the same as… before… And -"

"Does Elena think that too?" she cut him off.

"I don't know."

She breathed out. "Jeremy, just because we had some disagreement, it doesn't mean I hated them. I loved them. I still do, and believe me, every day hurts. But… if there is one thing I'm sure, it's that they found peace, wherever they went. Living…it's harder than dying."

Jeremy's eyes were tearful. He caught her hand and she stared at it, lost in a memory of another guy she loved catching her hand with eyes full of tears. At least, this time, she had spoken. She had said what she thought. Did… reading mind was her punishment for not having told him she loved him?

She removed her hand and stood up. "I'm a bit tired. Look after Elena for me?"

He stared at her with pity, probably guessing she had been lost into painful memories. "Always."

That's it for chapter 1 :) I love reviews just like any writers here so don't hesitate to write one if you want (they do make me smile like crazy) but if not, it's okay of course ;) If you have a particular pairing you want to see, or one you absolutely don't want to see, well let me know too. I'm kind of unsure about the others character relationship. Beside Elijah with Maddie, and Klaroline (I'm not completely sure about this one… I love it though, so let's just say there is a 85 percent chance it's happening).

Oh, and I'm on wattpad, and will probably put it there if you prefer to read it there (there are a bit of everything on wattpad, from worse to very good, but the media are an obvious plus)

See you next time ! (soon, as I'm just editing the next chapter)