Sand in my shoes

Author's note: Hey my lovely readers! I know I'm better known as the drama queen, but I thought that maybe there should be a nice and lovely and fluff/romantic story out there written by xredSunburstx… so here we go =)

Like some of you know, I spent my holiday in Italy, exploring a whole new world and who has been to Italy knows that. I haven't been long, but I think I can tell a few things and when I flew back to Germany I listened to this song from "Dido – Sand in my shoes" and I thought: Hey… what would be more perfect than Callie/Arizona and Italy? I don't know where exactly this fic is going, but if I have you with me, there's nothing else to care about.

I know I have a few other stories not finished yet like 'You're the one I'm dreaming of', but I need some time apart from that. I find out that it was hard for me to write right now and I'll hope this story will help me to get this ability back.

I don't forget my other work, but I hope this will put a smile on your face, makes you thoughtful or maybe even falling in love with Rome like I did. But most of all I just hope you enjoy reading it.

You know I love your comments and I look to them forward like you to next Chapters :)

Have fun with this and of course…

All my best wishes for you :)

Sun

Prologue

I was 18 years old when my feet first guided me to Italy. But I was young and I didn't know what to expect there.

I never thought about visiting Italy, spending my vacation in a different country when I had my friends all over my place.

Maybe I felt like that because my family moved so often, I had seen so many places already, and America is such a large country with beautiful sights and areas I never had itchy feet, until my brother sang a far away blues and I could never forget it. His girlfriend Emilia had her grandparents in Italy and asked my brother to come with her, visiting her family and one of the most beautiful cities in the world, Rome.

He sang this blues so loudly and often that I couldn't resist, and one month later I sat in a 10 hour long flight to the Eternal City.

Once we landed there I felt this strange ache in my heart, telling me that I was where I wanted to be.

I found a place where I felt this remarkable felicitousness.

It was so strange for me, because I couldn't name it back then, but remembering it now, I know it was a simple feeling, it was ecstasy.

This ecstasy is for example described in the life of Ferdinand Gregorovius, an 1821 in East Prussian born historian, who came to Roma in the age of 30 to live there over 20 years, writing books about the city. Rome was for Gregorovius a never ending study.

And there was of course the amazing Goethe who came to Rome and left his heart there.

And now, 16 years later, it was my heart, guiding me to Italy, again.

If you enter the Eternal City you realize what a blue sky means. I have never seen such a blue sky, no single cloud gracing the sky.

When I looked up everything was pure and the sun was never thwarted. Everywhere I looked was the blue blue sky and green trees, bushes or flowers. Wherever I looked, if it was the sideway, the mountains and hills or simple houses… wherever you went in Rome, the nature is always a part of your way. It feels like you are stuck in a fairytale.

I found myself captured by the beauty of the city, by the warmth of the sun and the warmth of the people. I was in a state, a state I couldn't free myself out.

It was magical, how I walked through the streets with my mouth gaped open and my eyes open wide, walking around like I was born again, like I have never seen streets, houses, people or trees before. Like I've never seen the sky or never tasted food. I guess when you come here, everything is different.

With entering the Eternal City there's an before and afterwards, a time of preparation and expectation. The pictures, the fantasies and dreams, finally became real, they suddenly enliven. With this in mind Rome was the scenery of a second birth, it is your personal renaissance, a new life.

And that was what I needed the most when I left my home again, but this time I did it out of different reasons. Reasons I didn't want to think about, but I could also never forget no matter how hard I tried.

All I wanted to think about was the beauty that was still the same after all those years.

I was walking through the streets of Rome without knowing where I wanted to go. All I needed was distraction; all I needed was some time to find my love in life again.

But nothing helped me, so I stayed at home, sleeping through the days without wanting to stand up. I'd only spent 4 months here and already 1 weeks was gone in which I fathomed the walls of this room, where I got lost in my sorrow and my reeling thoughts, instead of fighting to go on, instead of living and living the memory of long lost years, I hid myself so desperately that it didn't even matter if I was in Rome or back in Chicago… My thoughts and my pain were all the same.

I am so lost in my thoughts right now I don't even get it when the door opens and she steps in, closing the door behind herself before saying my name.

"Arizona…" She walks around in the room, opening the shutters and lightning a few candles before she takes the finally steps to the bed I'm laying on for days now, almost not moving a bit. She sits down stroking my hair gently as I sigh, closing my eyes as tears are forming in my eyes.

"We are going to eat in a few minutes, Ari… don't you want to come?" She asked softly, still stroking my hair. It was a comfort I desperately needed. But I didn't answer I simply shook my head.

"When did you eat the last time?"

I opened my eyes, looking into her green ones, recognizing her furiously curled blond brown hair and her light brown skin, as I tried to speak up.

"I don't remember." My mouth was dry and so it was hard to even say those 3 words.

And what was worse… I really didn't remember anymore.

She nods understanding before she sighs.

"You need to stand up someday, you know that don't you?"

This time I look away from her, my glance fixated on the opposite wall.

I know that I have to stand up, pretty soon.

I know that I came here to find my strength and power again.

I know that I came here to forget, or at least to be able to live with and in the memory without feeling pain.

I came to Rome and to her to feel alive again.

But instead I feel like I'm already dead, in and outside. I know I should, but I can't.

The first day was so easy, I was filled with hope. I really thought Rome would give birth to me and give me a new life.

But how could I expect that a city would heal me?

"Arizona… please… talk to me…" She says after we sat in silence for minutes, but what should I say what she doesn't know? And so I lay there, no word leaving my mouth.

"God, Ari… I know… I know you decided to come here after he… after he…"

The whole time she seemed like his death wasn't affecting her in any way, but now, when she wasn't able to even say what was obvious, I realized it was hard for her, too, and so I took her hand in mine.

"After… Danny died… you called me… you called me and told me you needed to get out of Chicago, far away from everything, far away from your life. And I… I offered you my place to stay, because I thought it might help you. I thought that it would be easier to distract your mind with Francy, Ella and myself around you. I offered you my help, because you needed me and because I loved Danny once and a part of me still loves him and I… I wish I could have prevented what happened. I wish I could have told him not to leave and instead come with me to start a life in Italy… but we both had our dreams and we clung to that… I couldn't take away his and I also couldn't give up mine, knowing he might never come back. And I feel so… guilty... like I could have done more…" Single tears are leaving her eyes and now I free myself of my state, because I can't watch her crying, because of something she could have never prevented.

"Don't… don't punish yourself…" I say in a whisper, but with strength and force so words would reach her ears.

"Why then, Arizona, you punish yourself for what happened? Why then you lay down in this…" She looks around, laughing dryly, but the tears are also clearly presented through her voice. "… ugly room, when Rome, the capital city of the whole world, lays in front of you? You said you needed distraction, you said you needed to get out… You said you wanted, after everything that happened, to finally taste life again… and now you have the chance to, but you won't leave this bed…"

"I can't… Emilia… I can't and you know that." I whisper and sigh desperately. How can I enjoy my life and start to live again when I see his face in front of me every second I breathe?

"You can, Ari… and you know that Danny would want you to go on. Deep down in your heart you know it."

Her hand finds its way to my cheek, stroking it softly and drying my tears before she kisses the place where her hand has been a second before.

It's something she has always done since the first day I met her; it was her way to greet and now it is her way to comfort me and I take it willingly. She has always been a great friend to me; when she still lived in America and she almost lived with us, being one with my brother, when they split up and she moved to her family, and now when I hope to find my place of peace and freedom in this household, in this place with her near me, she seems to be my sanity again. My friend, my sister.

"I… I'm fine…" I whisper out in a hush and close my eyes for the last tears to leave them.

"Ja, Süße, someday you will be…" She stroke me cheek firmly. "But now you have to stand up. You don't want to miss dinner."

I looked away again, my eyes still closed. The only sound in the room was my stomach growling. "What you're having for dinner?" I mumble and she starts to giggle sweetly.

"Ella cooked tonight… we are having Porchetta – pigling with roman sauce." She said smiling my way one last time before she steps out and leaves me alone with my own devils, my own ghosts.

I lay there for another 5 minutes before I'm able to even stand up, move my feet for the first time in what felt like ages.

And then I stumble, because my feet tingle after all the hours spending in my bed. I always hated that feeling, but now it makes me feel alive. I know I'm still there, I'm alive and I can feel something else than the sorrow I was filled with the last weeks. I feel my own body again. I stumble to the window sill and I open the shutters to let the sunshine finally sneak in.

I stood there and for the first time I spent in Rome I looked over the Tiber – which is floating broadly based and glimmering yellow-green in the sunlight, embed in real river countryside with wild proliferating trees and reed on the shore, where you can find people sitting there at night, drinking and laughing and singing.

I looked over Rome and I inhaled deeply and finally I felt like I could be saved right here.

I inhaled and I tasted Rome on my lips and on my tongue and it felt like someday, very soon I'd be saved. I just needed to give life a chance, because once I was a girl with sunshine in my eyes and a wide smile gracing my face. I was happy, filled with perkiness and love and with life… and Danny would want me to go on for sure.

Because of that I came here, because I wanted to know how it feels to feel alive again; not to forget what has happened, but to accept it and start to enjoy myself again.

I was like a frame, standing in a dark room, hit by the light, a light which hits this lonely and trim figure like a revelation or an annunciation.

And this figure stood there still, only dipping the head outside as it wanted to taste the pulsating life outside, replying to the light.

And this figure was me, hearing his soft whisper as I closed my eyes, simply breathing.

"Go outside. Leave this room, Ari. Live."

With that I pushed myself away from the window and followed the delicious smell coming from the dining room.

And when I stepped outside I was greeted with laughter, with three amazing women grinning and talking.

It's when I hear their voices calling out my name, that's when I realize that the time of grieving is over, because after weeks hiding myself, it's eventually time to go on. I will never forget him, but I will learn to live with his memory.

And when I look at Francy, Ella and Emilia in front of me I smile, revealing my dimples for the first time in ages.

"Hey sleepy head." Ella, the red haired beauty says with a smile plastered on her face.

"Welcome to Rome, babe." Francy smiles my way, tapping on the stool besides and when I sit down, looking around, seeing the food and the people I am blessed to live with the next 4 months until I have to go back again, I feel like I finally arrived in the Eternal City.

Author's Note: So… this was the first Chapter of my new fanfiction. I know it was short and a little bit sad, but it described the sorrow and also a new beginning, the need to go on like everyone of us know it… after someone we loved died or after a long time of desperation and after depression we have to go on someday... So I thought even if it is a little bit sad, the feeling needed to be described.

Though I hope you liked it and I look forward to your comments. :)