Another drabble to put of starting this assignment. Enjoy my lovelies!
"She's doing it again Prongs," Sirius whispers quietly, slouching down in his chair and pretending to listen to Flitwick tweet on about the Patronus Charm.
"I don't care Pads."
"Well you used to," he mumbles unhappily. "Bet not even a fucking Cheering Charm would cheer you up you depressing sod."
Sirius only frowns further when I offer him no reaction and instead starts to glare at the table behind us, at which I have no doubt sits the person I've been trying to avoid since the end of sixth year. Lily Evans. But before I can begin to dwell on her hair and her eyes and her fucking legs I notice Flitwick peering over his stack of books at Sirius next to me.
"Fuck me," he cusses quietly when I elbow him in the gut. I grin quietly when he stabs his quill into my leg.
"Flitwick was looking!" I chuckle quietly.
"Bull shit," Sirius mumbles. "Bloody abusive wanker."
"Well it looks like that's the end of class," Flitwick begins, and Sirius and I are shoving books and quills and ink into our bags before Flitwick can even begin to assign us homework. "Remember, Professor Jones will be covering the applications of Defence Against the Dark Arts next lesson, and I will need a three foot essay on its applications to the field of Charms by next Monday's class!"
"That's three feet for Charms, four for Potions and five and a half for Arithmacy! And it's not even fucking lunch yet!" Sirius protests loudly, much to the amusement of the younger students around us as we begin the trek up to the Defence classroom.
"Stop your swearing you wanker," Remus laughs as he joins us on the way up.
"I'm just saying, why are we still in school anyway? It's not like we'll be working when we finish! We all know we're heading straight for the Order-"
"Shhhh!" Remus and I say at once, noticing Avery and Mulciber approaching from above.
"Well, well, well… What have we got here? Some blood-traitors and a half-breed, up to no good perhaps? Dirtying their blood with mudblood filth."
My wand is at Avery's throat before he can start to insult us individually. I barely notice the crowd gathering on the staircase, or Sirius adopting the same stance in front of Mulciber before Avery starts whispering darkly.
"The only thing those mudblood bitches are worth is a good shag. A'int that right Potter? I'd love to look down and see red hair draped across my-"
"Shut the fuck up Avery," I barely even recognise my own voice its gone so low, and I know that the younger students around us are straining to hear what we're saying. "Now why don't you wander on down to your dirty filthy Common Room before and spells start getting thrown. After all, three-on-two aren't very good odds for trainee Death Eaters. You only like it when the odds are in you favour don't you?"
"James, stop!"
I know straight away it's her voice. But I don't even turn around, I only raise my eyebrows once towards Avery and give him a light shove in the right direction. He mumbles as he walks off and calls to Mulciber, amidst the disappointed groans of the fifth years who were hoping for another duel in the corridor. I know she'll be catching up soon so I grab my bag from Remus and walk swiftly up the stairs and duck quickly behind a tapestry and out of sight.
"Sirius I know you know where he is, just tell me!" I plead quietly, aware of the still dispersing crowd, trying to listen in.
"Fuck you Evans," he says darkly, his grey eyes almost black with anger.
"Can you at least tell me what the hell all that was back there?"
"And why would I want to do that?" Sirius demands, the dark glint still in his eyes. "Oh!" a look of recognition passes across his face before he starts to laugh.
Remus grabs his arm and tries to tug him away, looking purposely at him. "Padfoot lets just go, we've got Defence now."
"No Moony, Evans thinks that little show back there was for her," Sirius laughs.
"I do not," I insist, but the blush across my cheeks gives me away and Sirius laughs again.
"Remus I'll see you in Defence," Sirius says, his gaze not leaving my face, ignoring the pleading look that his friend was giving him. "Go Moony, find James."
Remus leaves almost reluctantly, and I suddenly realise how empty the fourth floor corridor has become.
"Now listen here Evans…" Sirius begins. "You need to stop. Stop watching Prongs during class, stop chasing him after class, stop organising rounds together, stop talking to him. He's over you for fucks sake. He's finally over you. You know how he felt about you and you paid him out for it. You broke his heart Evans. And I know you don't think he has one or that none of it was real, but it was. You don't matter to him anymore Evans, grow the fuck up."
And then he's gone. And I break.
Sirius slides into the seat next to me five minutes after Jones starts writing notes on the board, unnoticed by the aging Professor.
"Where the fuck were you?" I whisper.
"Dealing with some business," he replies quietly, charming his quill to copy Jones' notes. I let it go, but then Lily bursts loudly into the room, startling Professor Jones so much that he drops his chalk and the whole class goes quiet. It's not hard to see her blotchy eyes and red face and all of a sudden I'm trying to stop the urge to jump up and hug her. Jones takes one look at her face and nods to her usual seat next to Marlene McKinnon and turns back to the board.
"Padfoot, what the fuck did you do?" Remus hisses and Sirius straightens in his seat.
"So the bitch does show emotion," he chuckles, watching Lily's friends try to comfort her.
"Stop it Sirius, what did you say to her?"
"That was you? What the fuck did you say Padfoot?" I hiss, turning in my seat to fully face him. I don't notice how tight I'm gripping my quill until it breaks in my grip.
"Chill Prongs, I just made some friendly suggestions to the Head Girl. I thought you didn't care anymore?" he taunts.
"Wanker."
"Alright class, once you've got those notes down pack up and move all the desks to the side of the room. Wands out," Jones says, interrupting our quiet argument. The class quickly scrambles to pack up, ignoring the notes still on the board. "Professor Flitwick informs me that you've all learnt the theory for the Patronus Charm in his class and has kindly allowed me to teach you miserable lot the practical part."
The Marauders grin at each other and even Pete starts to look confident about the lesson. We've done this a million times during the summer holidays at the request of my Auror father.
"Now I want you to imagine the happiest memory you can, keep it in your mind. And make sure you pronounce it properly!"
"Do you want to do the honours Padfoot?" I laugh. Sirius grins and quickly closes his eyes, and it's not long before a silvery version of his Animagus form bursts out of his wand and knocks Remus over on his arse.
"Your turn Moony," I laugh.
"You go Prongs, I think I reopened a scar from last night, just give me a sec," Remus laughs, wincing as he gets up from the floor, the full moon's injuries obviously causing him trouble.
I laugh and close my eyes, digging up the memory that I would never be able to tell Sirius I used.
It's nearly exam time at the end of sixth year and I'm down in the Common Room late one night. I hear a noise from the girl's stairs and turn quickly to see Lily walking quietly down them, still in her pyjamas and oblivious to the fact that I'm even in the room.
"Couldn't sleep?" I call, and she looks up and smiles. She just smiles and walks over.
"Not really, you either?"
I shake my head and she curls up on the couch next to me.
"I can't believe we're nearly finished here," she sighs.
"We'll be back soon, and you'll have a shiny new badge," I point out and she laughs loudly. My favourite sound.
We talk for a while and she's smiling and laughing and acting friendly. And it's amazing. And I've never been happier.
And that's all I need for the silvery stag to burst out of my wand. It stands proud and tall and starts to walk around the room, my concentration doesn't waver until my patronus walks up to a doe in the middle of the classroom. I don't even try to hide my shock as I look up into those familiar green eyes.
"You don't matter to him anymore Evans."
"Grow the fuck up."
I do all I can to stop the tears from coming but I can't, and they're almost uncontrollable when I realise how late I am to Defence. I try and enter the classroom quietly but that all goes to shit when I trip over the door frame, catching myself just before I hit the ground. I can't imagine my face could look attractive at all and I can feel the tear streaks on my cheeks. I make eye contact with Professor Jones and he looks at me with pity, silently nodding towards my seat. I deliberately avoid looking at the back corner of the classroom and slide in next to Marlene.
"What did Potter do now?" Marlene demands.
"It wasn't James."
"Then who the fuck – oh, right. It was Black wasn't it?" Marlene doesn't even need to see my nod before she's hugging me from the side and I'm crying again. "Do you want me to kill him?" she asks, and I know she's actually serious.
"No, it's okay," I sniffle. "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure? Because I'll happily walk over there right now and kick him in the family jewels. You won't deny me that will you Lils?" I laugh and I'm saved from responding by Professor Jones' instructions for the practical part of the lesson. I pack away my belongings obediently and Marlene uses her wand to push our desks against the side wall.
I watch as Sirius quickly casts the Patronus Charm perfectly, his dog even knocking Remus Lupin over. The four boys laugh loudly and I'm so distracted I don't even notice Mary coming up behind me.
"Give it a go Lils, show us that Charms magnificence," she laughs.
I grip my wand tightly and all I have to do to feel the smile on my face is look at James' smiling face. I drink in his profile and drag my eyes all over his face, and then I close my eyes and croak the incantation.
"Expecto Patronum," I say quietly, and a doe jumps from the end of my wand and meets the silvery stag standing in front of James. I don't notice anything, not Mary and Marlene cheering at my successful charm first-go, not the shocked look on the face of Sirius, Remus, Peter and Professor Jones. I don't notice anything but the hazel eyes locked on mine and if possible, my doe grows brighter and the two patronuses are nuzzling each other, causing warmth to spread through my body.
All of a sudden the stag disappears and my eye contact with James is broken. I look down at my feet in embarrassment, not caring about the praise I'm receiving from the Professor and when I look up again James is gone.
I look up in question at Sirius, Remus and Peter and get a nod of approval from Sirius before Remus nods towards the door. I don't even stop to pick up my bag or apologise to the Professor before running out of the room.
A doe. A fucking doe. The moment I looked up into her eyes I knew I was a goner again. There's no way I can hide my feelings – hell, there's no way I can hide anything from her anymore. I know what it means. Matching patronuses.
Fuck.
I've grown up hearing about how my parents met during Auror training when their patronuses matched. I can't ignore this.
"Aargh!" I'm yelling and I'm screaming from pure frustration. I punch the brick wall next to an old painting, and its occupants are yelling back at me.
I keep punching until I'm crying and my knuckles are numb. And then I feel it.
Eyes.
Her eyes.
On me.
Right behind me.
"James?" her voice is quiet, but I turn around anyway and I know she can see the tears on my cheeks. "Shit, James! What did you do?"
I chuckle darkly and she rushes towards me. I close my eyes so I don't get trapped in hers again and feel her soft fingers on my cheeks.
"James look at me. Look at me please."
"Why should I? Because our patronuses match? Because my hopes are up again? Why should I? We both know it won't end well."
"For fuck's sake James stop being a martyr. Open your eyes and look at me!" I'm startled and oddly turned on just by her saying 'fuck'. What the hell is wrong with me? "Can you just look at me please?" I open my eyes to see hers shining with tears.
"Merlin we're a pair aren't we? Crying like little girls over nothing."
"It's not nothing. Don't play this off like you always do."
"Like I always do?"
"Don't start fighting me James, I know you want to fight, you've been fighting since your parents died."
"Don't tell me what I've been doing Evans," I say angrily, trying to look away from her but her hands are locked and not moving any time soon.
"It's Lily," she growls.
"Don't tell me what I've been doing Lily."
"Oh real mature James. Stop pushing me away, I'm not going anywhere. I love you and I'm not going anywhere."
Love. I certainly wasn't expecting that.
"You what?"
"Don't pretend you didn't hear it. And I'm not taking it back. I love you James Potter. I love you so much."
"Merlin you've got no idea how long I've waited to hear that," I breathe. She lets go of my face for a moment, only to wrap her arms around my waist. And we fit like a puzzle. She's my missing puzzle piece. "I've loved you for so long Lily Evans. So, so long."
"Good," she mutters into my robes and I laugh properly for the first time since Mum passed away over summer break. "Isn't there something you have to ask me right now?"
I pretend to think for a minute. I know what she's talking about.
"Can I kiss you now?"
She throws back her head and laughs with me, and she's so damn beautiful.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Go out with me Evans?" For once, I'm almost completely sure of her answer. Almost.
"Yes," she answers, and I breathe a sigh of relief. "Wait, you didn't think I'd say no did you?"
"Well you never know with you redheads," I tease.
"Shut up and kiss me Potter."