15 Things to Remember While Dating a human
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
Authors Note: This is the list that Edward has in his wallet.
Edward
Make sure to use this list if you ever end up going out with that Bella chick you keep mooning over!!
With low expectations
Emmet
1. NEVER SUCK HER BLOOD
2. Don't let her French kiss you
3. Don't go out to dinner before she knows you're a vampire (or else she might think you're anorexic)
4. Please never wear those stupid Transylvanian collars
5. Don't tell the parents your dirty little secret (wink wink)
6. Don't squeeze her too hard when you hug her
7. Make sure that if you are getting dirty tell your brother Emmet EVERYTHING
8. If its sunny wear a turtle neck, a ski mask, and like long pants or something retarded like that
9. Remember to hide her away from the rest of our family if you want to stay with her
10. If you ARE going to change her don't say 'I vant to suck your blood' or anything cheesy like that
11. Don't grow your hair really long... just trust me on that one.
12. If you don't want her to find out your vampy little secret eat garlic in front of her and wear a cross, I'm sure that would work!
13. Please don't bring her to the cemetery as a joke (CORNY)
14. Don't surprise her at night while wearing plastic fangs
15. Finally, it would be a good idea to make sure she knows we don't sleep in coffins...
Well I hope this list helps but remember if your little girlfriend is more impressed by me than you, you can't blame the list, it's just natural.
Once again with low expectations
Emmet
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